Sam sat on the small twin bed Bobby had kept since they were kids, the springs squeaked as they protested against his weight. He had been working on unpacking the dirty clothes from his duffle to get washed up when his phone fell out, they had been using Dean as point of contact for so long Sam had forgotten to keep his phone on him, he powered it up and checked the inbox.

'one new message and one saved message' The mailbox beeped at him

"I wonder who this one is from" Lucifer sat next to Sam, the bed protested loudly as the devil seemed to hang over the phone like a teenage girl to drama.

'new message September 5th 8 PM'

'"Damn it Sam, you had one freaking job, you just had to stay put for a few freaking hours". -click'

Sam breathed out slowly, recognising the date as the one where he had been tricked by what he thought was his brother into going to the warehouse. It was at that point that Dean had stopped trusting it, and it was at that point that Sam could no longer blame him. Sam had been 100% certified organic crazy head.

'saved message November 15th 2009'

"What's this?" Lucifer churtled "isn't that the day we first met?" Sam felt a quiver run through him at the compacted statement. He had forgotten that he saved this, that even after his phone was destroyed countless times he recovered the message from the carrier

'Listen to me, you bloodsucking freak.' The memory washed over him as powerful as the first time he heard the words. His stomach clenched and his breathing labored. 'Dad always said I'd either have to save you or kill you. Well I'm giving you fair warning. I'm done trying to save you. You're a monster, Sam - a vampire. You're not you anymore, and there's no going back.'

oh

right

Just like when a painful memory can catch you off guard, Sam felt as though a typhoon had slammed into him, dragging him painfully under the water.

done trying to save you

right

how had he forgotten
He had been so stupid

"Sam?"

Startled, the phone fell to the floor with a loud 'thump', Dean stood in the doorway, brows furrowed. Crap he looked angry.

Dean stepped forward, then paused, recognizing the minor shaking in Sam's hands. Sam quickly clutched his hands together at the que.

"What was that?" Dean knelt slowly to pick up the flip-phone which lay open, the operator in her monotone voice "press 5 to replay message, 7 to delete or 9 to save message."

Sam's gut sank as Dean pressed a button and the message began again.

Sam closed his eyes, willing himself to disappear, to shrink, so just 'blood sucking freak' stop existing. God he wished he was anywhere but there in that bedroom with Dean.

The message played, with each word resigning in his head, echoing in a horrific repeat nightmare.

"Sam? What is this?" Dean's voice was thick with emotion he's angry

"I…" words were lost, Sam shook his head, defeated. Does it matter what I say?

"Not really?" Lucifer chuckled in the corner. "Your worst nightmare is coming true and I didn't even have to step in, lucky me.

"Sam." Dean's voice was firm and he grabbed his brother by the shoulders, forcing Sam to face him. "The hell is this recording? Where the fuck did you get this?"

can't breath

can't

He knows

Knows how pathetic I am

Can't even get over something like this

'slap'

The cruel pain forced Sam back into reality, his eyes quickly focusing on Dean's eyes. We really don't look much alike.

"Breath, Sammy you hear me?"

It was then Sam noticed he was on the floor. Had he fallen? He gave a quick nod, not trusting his voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" Dean sighed and Sam felt a sharp pain in his chest. "Look, that, that voicemail. I didn't say those things."

Was Dean saying he didn't mean them? Sam, unsure what reaction Dean was expecting, gave a simple nod.

"Look, I don't." Dean stood up, pacing. "How long?"

When there was no reply Dean ran a hand through his hair, pivoting to face Sam. "How long have you had that thing on your phone? Where did it come from?"

You don't remember? "Lillith" Sam's voice was scratchy. "That night, when we-I opened the cage."

Dean blinked, the memory flooding him. "I called you."

Sam nodded. He wasn't sure if he felt better or worse knowing Dean had forgotten one of the most significant moments in Sam's life.

"No, I mean, I called you and I left a message but, it wasn't that I would never- God Sam how could you think I would ever say anything like that?"

Sam looked down, shame and confusion flooding his face.

Dean knelt, placing a strong hand on his brother's shoulder. "I know you're going through a lot, you don't know what's real and what's just your brain fucking everything up, but listen to me man, that message, that isn't real, never was."

Sam didn't know if Dean was lying to make himself feel better, but the pure emotion in Dean's eyes forced Sam to give a small nod and smile. Even if Dean was lying, it was nice to pretend, just for a little bit, that everything was okay.

"I won't, I won't delete it, that's up to you." Dean helped Sam back up onto the bed, sitting next to him. "God I want to crush the thing into millions of tiny bits but, it's not my battle is it?"

When Sam made no reply, or move to delete the message Dean stood and made his way out of the room. Sometimes, Somedays, Sam went the whole time without speaking even once, a thin layer of ice seemed to form, so fragile that one wrong thing could shatter it.

"Dean."

Sam sat, the phone in his hands, his hands shaking slightly with tension. "Thank you." He breathed, and Dean heard the barely audible 'beep' as Sam pressed the button.

message deleted