My name is Brian Gill. I'd just finished the 6 weeks' induction at Monster Hunter International, out in the wilds of Alabama. What's an Irish lad doing in Alabama, you ask? Well, let's just say I make some of my best friends while drinking.

Rick Price was a Monster Hunter on holiday (though I was clueless at the time, and wouldn't have believed him anyway), and later in that evening when I accidentally helped him nail a vampire, he invited me to come visit him in the States. Long story short, I ended up moving to Alabama, after he told the bosses about how I helped him. I'm not needed around the farm anymore anyway, y'know, now Dad's retired, so I had to think of something, and working on building sites in England isn't what it used to be. They're talking about transferring me home eventually, but this seems to be where it's all at, y'know, so I'll hang around for a while, I'm thinkin'.

So, we're in the first week of waiting for a call to come through, when these newbies pitch up. Four guys and four gals, built like freakin' Greek statues. I mean, the guys were smooth feckers, but the girls! I fell madly in lust with one of 'em at first sight, yummy little auburn-haired lass. We didn't see much of 'em the first day, an' it was just as well, all the guys stopped what they were doin' to stare. The girls got some starin' in as well, they were just more discreet about it, heh.

So, these Newbs joined the next intake. It was really small, just the eight of them, and a handful of the usual types. They stayed in the trainee accommodation, and I wasn't around for the whole first week, our team got to take part in an epic zombie clearout out in Arizona, and we got our first sight of a ghoul. So, when we get back, Earl Harbinger, he's the head honcho, he wasn't answerin' any questions about them for the week we were away, according to the back-office peeps. Then he ups and says, one night in the canteen, 'I suppose you're wanting to know about the Newbs. Now we're mostly all here, I'll tell you myself, I don't want things getting garbled.'

So, we're all waiting to hear, and he says, 'The new people are Elves.'

Some of the staff laugh, others look around. Someone pipes up, says, 'Don't tell the Goblins!' Harbinger grins, says, 'Believe it or not, they've met, and things are cool between them.'

'For now,' adds Pitt, the shooting instructor. He's freakin' huge.

'And we're going to keep it that way,' Harbinger takes it back up again. 'These are not like the trailer-park trash we already know. I haven't told them about those guys, I haven't had the heart.' He stopped, shook his head and chuckled.

'These have come from Valinor, believe it or not, specifically because our troubles with the Old Ones drew the attention of the Powers that be. I didn't understand it any more than you do now, but I'm pleased with their progress. Each one of them volunteered to come to our world, to learn our weaponry and combat, because our world is not the only one! I'm told that there are other worlds that attract the attention of the Old Ones, and the Powers hate those blimps. They've got a war on their hands, and it's way beyond us. For now, anyway!' he grinned like a dog.

'So, they're here to learn, and they've done all right so far, and when they join us on operations, I'm told they can help us in very useful ways. One thing about them, right out of the gate, is that they have the same magical regeneration powers as high-level undead and werewolves!'

Now, that was an eye-opener! We all looked at each other. This was a game-changer.

'Not only that,' Harbinger continued, 'but they have miraculous healing gifts, which could save a great many Hunters' lives! Some are better at it than others, though, and the best are, shall we say, not expected to do well in a combat situation. I told them that I didn't care how delicate a girl was, she had to learn to handle firearms, and they've risen to the occasion. I'm not expecting any of them to wash out of training, which is a first! So, they'll be assigned teams, and I expect you to treat them just the same as anyone else. And guys, I realise the ladies are eye-candy, but trust me, you don't have a chance! You're just going to have to get past that.'

So that was that. I wondered. They were superhumanly beautiful, and they probably found us about as attractive as chimps.

The next month we were busy. I got mauled by a werewolf, but it didn't bite me at least. I worried enough about it until the full moon came. I had to have stitches and I was in hospital for a week. I got back, and the Elves were in action. Business was booming just then, but I got left behind because the rest of my team were out. I was looking for a cup of tea, no-one in America seems to like the stuff, and I was really missing a pot of Barry's. I went through the canteen into the kitchen, and there she was: the auburn lady. She was pottering around, sprinkling something into a saucepan while she hummed this low tune. There was no-one else there, it was halfway between breakfast and lunch, and she was brewing something. While I watched, she stirred whatever it was she'd been working on with a long, thin spoon, and in a smooth, high voice, she sang. She made Enya sound like a toddler! She only sang a few lines, but when she finished, the whole room, which normally didn't smell all that great, suddenly lit up with this… feeling! It was like a sunny Sunday morning when you're a kid, and you know there's no school, and all you have to do all day is play, and the whole day is ahead of you. You know the feeling?

So, then she looked up at me, and I swear she looked like an absolute goddess! I almost wanted to go down on me knees! She just glowed. Then she smiled and said, 'I'm glad there was someone here to share that with. It always lifts me up.' Her accent was almost divine, it was as posh as Queen's English, but as lilting as an Irish song.

I stood there like a bollocks in me flip-flops, as that feeling slowly ebbed away. She started to look less like a goddess, and more like a movie-star, or a queen. She was beyond hot.

'I am Teleriel, by the way.'

'Brian is my name,' I blurted out.

'Oh yes,' she said, 'the guy who broke a werewolf's arm! That was impressive.'

I felt like a million bucks, but I knew how the story ended. 'Well, I paid for it. I could only break the one arm, the other pummelled me ribcage. Broke me armour and slashed me before I could blast its head.'

She sighed. 'Well, thank God you're still around to tell the tale. Could I see the scar?'

Well, I almost fell over meself, wanting to show her my war wound. I raised my T-shirt, showing where the stitches had been. I realised I'd forgotten to put the Vitamin E cream on it, it felt tender and inflexible.

She looked me over like a professional medic, and said, 'Would you like some of the restorative I've just brewed? That's only barely healed, it looks uncomfortable.'

'I've been forgetting to put the vitamin E cream on it,' I explained. 'I won't say no to whatever it is you've got.'

'It's still a bit hot,' she said, turning about and scooping up whatever was in that saucepan. 'I'll just put some in a saucer, to cool it down.' She swept off to a cupboard, she knew where she was going.

I suddenly realised, she was wearing a dress! You never see women at MHI wearing dresses. It left her arms bare from the shoulders but covered her down to her ankles. It was very light, and I couldn't stop meself staring: but I wasn't ogling. She was too pure for that. What I was doing was fanboying! Every movement was magical.

She came back and scooped the brew, just a little bit, onto the saucer. 'This won't be the most effective,' she explained, 'because it's freshly made. It'll be at its most potent once it's solidified into an ointment; but you don't need a complete restoration, because some natural healing has taken place already. Human medicine has its weaknesses, but you mostly know what you're doing.' She blew on the saucer, and I got a whiff of that lovely Sunday-morning feeling. '… these days. So, let's see…'

I turned around to show her my scar and she very, very gently massaged a hot, oily liquid onto it. Her fingers were ridiculously thin. I wondered how on earth she ever pulled a trigger or racked a round. It stung a bit at first, but then the ointment seemed to soak into the skin, as if walking into a house, shaking your hand, and waving all your troubles away. I loosened something in meself I didn't know was tense.

'There we go, now,' she said, and it struck me that she sounded so much like me old Granny Garvey. 'These things work best when they're not watched, but I think it's doing its job.' She pulled down my shirt.

So, I managed to find some tea, and she had some too, and we had a good ol' chit-chat. She told me that she had only just passed the weapons training, and because she was a trained Healer, she was going to spend most of the time at the base, patching up the wounded. The Boss said it would help a lot, not to have injured operatives always at the hospital. It attracted a lot of attention, and if she could patch people up quickly and discreetly, there would be less recovery time needed, the staff would be happier, it was win-win all round.

'So, how do you get to be a Healer?' I asked. 'Does anyone ever get injured in Valinor?'

She laughed, a pure, silvery sound. I could listen to that for days.

'You'd be surprised,' she said, 'But I undertook the instruction when I volunteered. I knew there would be a need for my talents.'

'You must be hoping for a lot,' I probed, 'that they only sent eight of ye.'

'We were the only ones who volunteered,' she replied, 'but we hope that once they hear how we're doing, more will come.'

'You were the only ones?'

She sighed. 'Those of us who knew the Yonderlands would not go. Their memories of the Unnumbered Tears are still strong, even after two thousand years at the feet of the Powers. Of the younger generation, we were the only ones who had accepted… who had taken the challenge.'

'Why did you accept it?'

'I'm not allowed to say, at this time,' she said, looking at me intently.

'Why on Earth not?'

'Let's just say, it would alienate some people, and make others a bit cocky. We could ruin the unity of your group. We want to be friends with everybody, and to prove ourselves such. The truth will probably come out eventually.'

'Your explanation, isn't, really,' I said.

'But, it's all I can offer you, I'm afraid,' she said, with a wistful smile.

I realised I hadn't seen her ears. 'Do you have those elf ears?' I blurted out.

She laughed again and put her hair back over her right ear – and there it was. An adorable little leaf-shaped ear, nothing like those huge, pointed, sticky-out things they have on those cosplay videos. I thought out loud, 'I haven't seen them on any of ye before.'

'Well, we girls have long hair because – of various reasons,' she was evading already, 'and you'll notice the guys have unfashionable mullets.' She grinned, it was obviously really funny for some reason. 'Just so our ears didn't draw any attention.'

'Someone like you can't not draw attention!' I declared.

'Thank you,' she said, gravely. And she got up and went back to work – just like that. I felt like a kid who'd just been dismissed. It was a real downer.

I finished my tea, then put the mug over the dishwasher, it was running. She was pouring her brew into strange wooden cups. The Sunday Morning feeling raised my mood, but she wasn't interested in any more interaction with me.

Suddenly, the alarm went off. There were four short siren whoops, which meant everyone was supposed to be available for a medical emergency.

Teleriel was suddenly all business. 'Brian!' she called, and I was there immediately, like a sucker. 'Can you take one of these,' she gave me one of the wooden cups of her brew, it was already almost too thick to flow, 'and one of these,' she gave me a big briefcase, it was like an old-style doctor's bag, 'and this,' she dumped a fat glass jar of something red and sparkly in the crook of my arm, 'and take them to the Infirmary? I'll meet you there.' She nodded out of the narrow canteen window to the new medical bay, just finished.

Well, I thought, I've got to do something, so I started out of the canteen. I turned about to see what else she was doing, but she was gone! Not a trace!

'Bloody Elves,' I muttered – not for the last time.

I moved around the side of the main building, towards the new bay. There was a van there, it was one of the vehicles used by a team. There were guys with stretchers taking people in. I got in, and she was already there! Teleriel had passed me somehow, and she was already examining people. I had no idea what was going on. She looked at me, said, 'Thanks, Brian!' and took the stuff from me. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hang around or what, so I looked around for something else to do.

The casualties were pretty bad. There was blood everywhere! I looked at the last stretcher. I was shocked to see Courtney, one of the local girls. She was in my team. My first thought was, she's not gonna make it, and it's just as well! Her helmet was still mostly on her head, but the bottom of it and the gorgelet attachment that protected the neck had been ripped off by brute force. Her jawbone – it was awful – was hanging all lopsided, her left cheek had been torn open, you could see all her teeth. Thank God she was unconscious. I stood, dumbstruck at the carnage. The first thought that came after the shock was, She was a girl! This wasn't supposed to happen to young, nice-looking girls! They were supposed to be away from combat. Then I remembered she used to brag about being such a badass woman. Would she still have been so cocky, if she'd known what was waiting for her out there? Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what a mess!

'Brian, give us a hand here!' someone called. It was Rick, my team lead. 'You take that end, we'll move her onto the table.' We moved Courtney onto a hospital trolley. Her jaw wobbled horribly. It looked like it was completely detached! I couldn't take it. I saw Rick looking at me. 'Keep it down, Hunter – get yourself out of here.' He looked like he wasn't too great himself. Suddenly, Teleriel was there. She dumped a roll of cloth on my left arm, said, 'Hold that!' She looked down at Courtney, said something that could've been a swearword in her own language. She held her hands on either side of Courtney's jawbone. I'm not exaggeratin' or anything, her hands glowed! She was murmuring under her breath. She held her hands around the woman's face like she was a baby. Her hands glowed golden, and I felt like everything was going to burst out crying for joy. When she took her hands away, Courtney's jaw was in one piece, and not hanging loose anymore! It was a miracle! She turned to me, said, 'Brian, hold her face. The upper part, there.'

I did as I was told, like what else was I going to do? Teleriel took the rest of her cheek, it was hanging loose, like material or something. I had to stop thinking about it, just follow instructions. Teleriel looked tired, already. She seemed to be sweating, but then it was Alabama. She held the girl's cheek and did her singy-hummy thing. There was a golden glow all over again, we took our hands away, and voila! There was no trace of the injury ever having happened! Not only was her cheek back together again, there wasn't even a scar! I just stood with me jaw hangin' open, like I'd been bashed in the face meself. Well, I had, but psychologically! Teleriel took the roll of cloth from me, cut off a swatch, then bound up Courtney's face with it. It smelled like some kind of smelly-plant stuff, OK in small doses. She just tied it off, then took the roll from me, and said, 'Thanks, Brian – you can go, now.'

So, I left. I couldn't believe what I'd just seen.

'Brian!' it was Rick, again. 'If you're not helping the medic anymore, we could do with a hand. Are you good to go?'

I brought myself back down to earth, shook my head and said, 'Umm, yeah, I'm great!'

'Epic! Get kitted up, we need an extra team member back at the site. Can you do it in 5?'

'I don't have any ammo.'

'I'll get it, what do you need?'

I had to think for a bit. 'Uh, Vektor clips, and a mag or two for my Glock.'

'I'll get you four. Silver shot and bayonets, we've got a master vampire.'

I ran for my stuff. This was it! I ended up taking more than 5 minutes, I didn't want to be in a battle with me bladder as well. We piled back into the van, started out along the access road to MHI, and I saw one of the Elves up in front with Rick. I asked, 'So, boss, what's the story?'

'Master Vampire, down in Louisiana. We've already dealt with its minions, this is a Boss Fight. I just hope it's not all over by the time we get there.'

'Wait a minute,' I said, 'Louisiana? That's another state! How will we get there on time? How did you get back to base?'

Rick just got this smile on his face, like he knew something hilarious, and looked at the elf next to him, saying, 'You wanna tell him, Tholas?'

Tholas turned and looked back at me. 'I have a means of speeding up our movement.'

Rick started chuckling. 'Understatement of the millennium!'

It was all clear as mud. We got to the main road, turned onto the highway, and Rick went, 'Here we go!'

Suddenly the van was surrounded by this silvery light. Everything seemed to slow down, but outside the van, everything sped up, you know like those time-lapse movies where plants are sprouting out of the ground? Or in a travel video, where they speed up a bit to get to the interesting part. It was like that. The road went from an A-shape going into the distance, to a weird, flat thing. It made me a bit green around the gizzard. Then it stopped, and we were at the top of a long, low rise. We moved over the rise, got sight of another length of road, and we were off again. We travelled like that for about 15, 20 minutes, jump, stop, drive, jump, stop. Then we were at a ruin of a place, it looked like the remains of a really huge house, all surrounded by these creepy-arse trees with old man's beard hangin' off o' them. We pulled up and piled out.

'Smokey, this is Rick. Report.'

Silence.

'Smokey?'

Smokey's voice came up in our ears. 'We're stuck in a cellar, the bastard got behind us and locked us in. You're going to have to handle him yourselves, unless you can get down here and move a lot of old furniture. He had some new vampires with him, as flunkies. You might have to get past them first.'

'How many?'

'We only saw three.'

'All right, we'll deal with that. Hunters!' he raised his voice, 'we've got a welcome committee.' Everyone locked and loaded, I love that sound. 'Brian, you're on my left, Tholas on my right, point and flank. Mark my tracers, unless you're engaged directly.'

Tholas had this wicked bayonet, like a freakin' carving knife; but it was folded under the barrel, like a flick-knife, and was almost as long as the barrel of his rifle, a subgun variant. I was looking forward to seeing it deployed. Doing the urban gangsta thing didn't seem his style, but then he was a foreigner.

Vampires don't do sunlight, so we had to go into their environment. We all switched on our headlights and rifle lights. There was no hiding; no way to surprise anyone; no way to entice them out. Rick started the show by lobbing a holy water grenade into the hallway. This is a grenade just like they use in hardcore Paintball – only instead of being loaded with pellets of paint, it had pellets of holy water. The screams were fun. I like it when I hear vampires screaming. As soon as it popped, we were in there like Terminators. Now these bastards were fast, and tough. But it's hard to rend a Hunter's armour when you've acid burns on you. You can't dodge much when you're trying to slash someone open. So, we emptied a mag into each of 'em, and it took me a while to get all me hearing back. Rick's tracers went all to waste on that first room, we each had a separate target. Eventually, while they were starting to regenerate, we dragged them out into the afternoon sunlight. It would've been nice to watch 'em burn, but we had colleagues to rescue. They had only just started smoking when we left.

Inside the ruin, we proceeded with caution. The windows had long been bricked up, it was pitch dark, and smelly and humid like the devil's jockstrap. 'Smokey, do you copy?' Rick said quietly.

'Rick,' came Smokey's voice, 'we're working our way out. I think he may be on his way out to you.'

Tholas disappeared. The next I saw him, he was three metres up on the wall, hanging down. The vampire had him by his Kevlar armour. He threw him down viciously from that height, right on his head. My mind just reeled. There was no way anyone was going to survive that. Rick and I opened up. The master vampire was just too fast. Before I knew what was happening, it was coming for me! I sprayed it with hot silvered shot in its face, but after only a few shots, my gun clicked dry. Before I could even think of changing mags, that face was right in front of me. The vampire grabbed the neck part of my armour and tore it open. The vampire's face self-healed itself incredibly fast, pushing out the rounds I'd pumped into it. It grabbed me by the head and jumped!

Now, what followed is pretty grim, but worth repeating. I remember feeling this agonising wrench in my neck, and everything went blank. I could feel nothing but its claws on my head. I fell some distance, but didn't feel a thing, except when my face hit the floor. I was like a disembodied brain - Brian the brain. For a while, I wondered with horror if my head had been pulled off, but I wasn't rolling around, so that wasn't it. I could hear Rick struggling with the vampire, out of view. I could see Tholas from where I was. He'd been dropped on his head, but now he was moving! With growing horror, I realised he was regenerating like a vampire or a werewolf! I thought we were toast. Then I saw Rick. He was grappling with the vamp. I realised I couldn't breathe! I wanted to warn Rick that Tholas was a vampire, too, but I couldn't even form the words. The fight continued out of sight, but then there was a shocking grate of steel on bone. There came an inhuman whine of pain, and I saw the vampire with Tholas' bayonet stuck through the back of his head. Rick managed to stab it in the heart with his own. The monster collapsed, paralysed. The world went red, then faded to black. I was dying. Though my sight had gone, I could still hear. I heard Tholas saying, 'Let me look at him.'

Someone moved me. I could feel the floor underneath the back of my head. There was this low humming, a melody like Teleriel's, only in a man's voice. It seemed to carry on for a long time. Then there was a flash of golden light, and I was back! My whole nervous system switched back on again, as the nerves connecting my brain to the rest of my body were miraculously restored. I gasped, gulping down air. Even the funky atmosphere of that ruin tasted so sweet! Aches and pains I didn't know I had flared up, but I was still alive! I'd never felt so good. My sight flooded back, and I looked up at Tholas. He was exhausted, sweating like a horse, and looked like he'd aged.

'You did it!' Rick shouted in amazement. 'His neck was broken, and you just fixed it!'

'There's no "just" about it, Rick,' Tholas panted. 'It takes a lot out of you. Only Teleriel could do this in a snap, she's the purest. I can't do any more.' And he slumped away from me, leaning heavily on his hands.

Suddenly there was a rush of booted feet, and the rest of the team appeared from down the stairs. 'Whoa, nice going!' called Smokey. The team relaxed when they saw the decapitated vampire corpse. 'How did you do this? You're lucky to still be alive!'

'We have a member of the Elder Race here,' said Rick. 'He regenerates like a werewolf. Fast as one, too. He got up after being dropped on his head, spitted the vamp with his bayonet, and we managed to stake it. The rest is standard procedure. But Brian here –' he pointed at me '– was a paraplegic. Tholas did his thing, and here we are.'

There was silence, broken only by heavy breathing from me and Tholas.

'Well, what are we waiting for?' shouted Rick. 'Let's get samples of the remains for the bounty, and let's clear out of here!' He said quietly to Tholas, 'I don't suppose you're in any shape to speed us back to Alabama again?'

Tholas gave him a look fit to curdle lava. Rick just laughed. 'Guess not.'