Chapter 3: Pieces

A/N: I've been pumping chapters out pretty quickly, but please don't get use to that lmao(I cant handle that kinda pressure). Anyways, I hope y'all have been enjoying my story so far! I'm still trying to piece the world together in my head, and I've also been trying to figure out the time line of everything that will be happening in the story over the course of how ever many damn chapters I'll be making this last, haha.

*Song: Flesh And Bone by Keaton Henson

"Just breathe, just breathe, just breathe.." Ben repeated to himself, he was holding on to the words like they would somehow keep him from drowning. His entire body was shaking violently but he wasn't sure if it was from the cold or the panic attack, probably a bit of both. He knew he needed to get up and go inside but he just couldn't get his legs to move from where they were pressed protectively against his chest. Ben flicked his cigarette before dragging it up to his mouth for another comforting pull. After watching Jacob disappear into the shadows, running from him like a bat out of hell, he'd needed the pick-me-up. Ok, maybe he'd needed a few.

Tears were still streaming steadily down his face and he brushed at them with the back of his sleeve in frustration. He hated how much he cried. He could only imagine how Jacob was feeling.

He leaned his head against his knees, trying to make himself as small as possible. Everything was so fucked up and Ben just wasn't sure how much more he could take. The years he'd been away from Forks had taken a toll on him, and he was trying so hard to heal. That's why he came back after all, he was looking for his lighthouse to guide him back to the shore. He wanted to feel the beach under his feet again.

"I'm so sorry Jacob." The words spilled over his chest with a sob, he felt so crushed for himself and for Jake. He'd felt the blissful heat when they'd touched, and seen the pain and betrayal in the man's eyes. The wolf had finally made his choice, and was dragging Jacob down with him. He'd only had one thing left, and Ben helped take that too. All he'd ever done was take from him.

'It would have been better if you were dead.' The phrase screamed through his mind on repeat, and he couldn't help but agree.

Shivers raced up Ben's back making his teeth chatter, the snow had melted but spring hadn't yet chased the painfully cold nights away. He'd never liked the cold or the wet, and sitting in that chilling darkness only made him crave warmth and sun. Why had he ever run so happily into those arms of icy marble? He couldn't remember now.

He'd only dreamed of one pair of arms for the past couple years though, and dreams would probably be the closest he'd ever get again.

Hesitantly, Ben began unfurling his legs from his chest. Charlie would be home soon and he didn't need him rounding up a search party. He let out a hollow laugh at the memory of that night so many years ago when Sam had found him practically comatose in the woods. He figured if Sam found him now, he'd probably just leave him to freeze.

Ben pushed himself off the ground and started towards the house. He felt unsteady on his feet and quickly reached out to stable himself on a nearby tree. He was still as clumsy as he'd ever been. He patted his cheeks in an attempt to gather himself together, he needed to pick the pieces back up before walking back into it all. He didn't want anyone to see just how weak he still felt.

Finally breaking away from the trees, Ben could see the illuminated back porch of his childhood home. It called to him with promises of comfort, warmth, and temporary protection from his racing thoughts.

He moved up the couple of steps on clumsy frozen feet and then pushed the door open with relief. The house smelled like firewood, spices, and his dad's cologne and it helped chase away the cold. He shrugged off his winter coat and boots, then made a B-line for the kitchen. Before heading outside for a smoke he'd been cooking dinner, that quick break had lasted much longer than he'd anticipated to say the least.

The large worn stock pot sat waiting for him on the stove, Ben hoped he'd remembered to put it on simmer. Pulling the lid off he smiled to himself, the stew he'd been making looked and smelled delicious. He'd always enjoyed cooking, and had missed cooking in this kitchen. The Cullen's hadn't exactly been interested in his food. He shrugged off the thought and picked up a wooden spoon, stirring the pot before bringing it to his mouth for a taste.

"Are you ok?" Ben jumped at the sudden voice, causing him to fling the content of the spoon all over his sweatshirt and the floor.

"Dammit Leah, you're gonna give me a heart attack one of these days!" He held his chest as he reached for a paper towel, this was his favorite sweater and he didn't want to take a chance of staining it. He quickly ran the towel under water, and then turned to face her before he began dabbing at the spill.

She stood at the far end of the kitchen, arms crossed over her chest as she stared him down with knowing eyes. Leah hadn't been a wolf for a long time, but she'd still retained a lot of their super natural senses; that included the ability to sneak up on him with ease, heightened smell, and amazing hearing.

He huffed out an annoyed breath, wondering just how much she knew of what had happened just 50 feet from where they stood now. Deep down he knew she'd heard it all, he just didn't want to acknowledge it. He didn't want her to know the truth.

"I knew he'd been stalking around the yard for a while but I didn't think he'd snatch you up like that." Ben's eyebrows shot up, he could feel his face turning red. She'd known he'd been here and she hadn't told him?

He'd tried to stay home as much as possible in an attempt to keep his arrival a secret. He wasn't ready for the gossip, the stares, and he certainly hadn't been ready to face Jacob. He figured that trying to stay hidden from supernatural eyes and ears was a futile endeavor from the start though.

"I certainly hadn't expected him to-"

Ben's hand shot up, "Please don't say it." He didn't want to hear the word, he was barely keeping it together as it was.

Leah stopped, and simply nodded in understanding. Instead of saying anything else, she pulled a rubber band from her wrist and started braiding her long raven hair into a tight braid. He'd always admired how beautiful her hair was, how all of her was. It was no surprise she'd found such a profitable career in modeling after getting off the rez. Ben watched her make her way to the counter and open a cupboard. She set two glasses down and then pulled the fridge open, retrieving a bottle of wine. After filling both to the brim she picked them up and carried them with ease to where Ben leaned against the sink.

"Want to watch Supernatural and get drunk before dad gets home?" She gave him her signature smile and held out the wine glass.

Ben eyed the offering and then accepted it gingerly as to not have another spill. Leah winked at him and then turned towards the living room. She'd been his closest friend for the last 4 years and knew exactly how to cheer him up. She'd been one of the main reasons he'd survived this long. He knew she'd never admit it, but he'd been her support system as well. They understood each other more than anyone else ever could.

Ben turned the stove off on his way out of the kitchen and then plopping down on the couch next to her. She gave him a once over before selecting an episode and resting her feet on the coffee table. He opened his mouth to ask, but she beat him to it. "Don't worry, no werewolves in this episode."

…

…

Jacob landed another brutal punch to the already mostly splintered tree trunk. The scent of copper was strong in the air from the blood littering the ground around him, his shredded knuckles spewing red mist with every hit. He couldn't even feel the pain and he knew that if he stopped they'd be healed in mere minutes. Sometimes he wished physical wounds wouldn't heal, at least then he'd have something to distract him from the mental ones. With a final blow the tree let out a struggling groan, and toppled to the forest floor in defeat. Jacob stepped back admiring his work as he wiped his raw hands on his cutoffs, and then he turned to the man in the shadows.

Sam stood stock still as he watched his alpha, not meeting his eyes. Sam knew better than to stare down an irritated wolf. Jacob let a numb mask fall over his face and then made the few strides so that he was standing in front of him.

"Tell Quil, Paul, and Seth that they're running doubles with you. Since He's back in town I want to make sure there aren't any damn leeches skulking around on our land." The words were spoken between gritted teeth, and they made Sam stiffen ever so slightly. Jacob knew that if he wasn't careful he'd end up taking his rage out on more than the trees. Sam simply nodded his head, careful not to give Jacob any reasons to go for his neck.

Jacob looked him over once more and then turned on his heels, heading for another tree with balled shaking fists. He raised his hand to strike, but then paused. Without looking back he spoke another command, "I want all of you keeping a constant rotation around the Swan house, so expand the perimeter to Charlie's property line." There was no reply, but he knew the man heard him.

He rubbed his hand over his face, and then let out a guttural roar. Why hadn't he smelled like leech stink? It took months to get that shit off skin and even longer to get out of clothes, so why had he smelled so damn good? Why was he back after all this time? Why hadn't he been wearing a fucking wedding ring? Jacob had seen his naked fingers when he'd grabbed his wrists. It only made the flames burn hotter.

He reared back and launched his fist clean through the trunk, prickling fire licking at his insides. He couldn't deal with this, but he also had duties as Alpha and falling apart was not a luxury he was allowed. So until sunrise he would beat his way through the trees and then he would gather the pieces of himself off the forest floor and step back into his role. Jacob took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He thought about Ben's face, his last words to him as he ran, and the imprint that now chained them both together. When Jacob opened his eyes again all he could see was red, and he let the destruction begin.