Chapter 4: Fear

A/N: I'm really quite flattered by the people who have been following my story, even if there's just a couple of y'all. I typed this chapter out pretty quickly and didn't nitpick it to all hell like I have a habit of doing so hopefully it's not full of errors. I really enjoy writing about Ben and Leah's friendship so be ready for a lot of that in the future.

*Song: Still by Daughter

Ben's eyes bobbed open slowly, taking his time to adjust to the sudden brightness. Moving his hands around himself he could feel warm wet earth and soft grass, a small sigh escaping his lips. He rolled over lazily and buried his face into the warmth trying to suck as much of it into his skin as possible. He'd been colder than usual lately, so any amount of heat was welcomed with open arms.

Reluctantly, Ben picked up his head and peered around at his surroundings. The sunlight splayed out all around him, coming through the canopy in broken beams of rainbow light. Everything looked like the saturation had been turned up, green foliage looking nearly fluorescent. He admired the colors for a moment, and then something in his periphery caught his interest. He reached out and gingerly plucked a dandelion from a patch of grass and examined it, a lazy smile spreading across his face.

Flipping back over Ben brought the dandelion close to his lips and whispered a wish like a prayer into the little ball of puff. Then he took in a breath of air through his nose, and blew it out.

The little white seeds fluttered into the air, dancing around Ben's vision and drifting above him. He watched in rapt attention as they fluttered higher and higher and then he noticed something. His head cocked to the side as the seeds suddenly began to circle themselves 10 feet above his head, their dance like nothing he'd ever seen. Without warning, they shot off towards a clearing in the trees he hadn't noticed before.

Ben stared after them with wide questioning eyes, and before he'd even realized his feet were moving he was stumbling down the path. His body felt heavy as he tried to keep up with the puffs. He didn't know why, but he knew he needed to follow them.

The moss and fallen leaves were soft underneath his bare feet as he padded down the sunny trail. Trees and bushes seemed to part way as he ran towards the unknown, but all his mind seemed to register was the sound of crashing waves in the distance.

The tufts of white swirled in the wind, moving through the light like twinkling stars. The smell of salt and pine hitting him hard as the ground under his feet changed to sand and shells. Ben stopped in his tracks, momentarily staring down at the new terrain. He dug his toe into the sand, grinning at the feeling and the many memories the beach held for him. He hadn't seen La Push in years, he'd missed it desperately.

He trotted down to the water and splashed along the shore. The waves licked at his ankles and reminded him of simpler times. Better times.

'Ben.'

He peered up searching for the voice, his heart suddenly lunging into full speed. He was alone on the beach, but he knew who the voice belonged to. He could feel it, feel him.

Ben tried to run but this world made it hard to move quickly. He knew where he'd be waiting for him though. The one place that was theirs, and only theirs.

His feet carried him across the shore towards the distant rocks but he couldn't get there fast enough for comfort. He didn't want to be late, not this time.

He rounded the rocks and slowed, searching the beach for the only person he wanted to see that moment. He tried to calm his racing heart, he knew he had to be there. He just had to be.

He moved further around the rocks and then finally that familiar sun bleached tree came into view. The sight of it sitting there alone made his eyes sting and he couldn't help but bring his arms around himself in an attempt to comfort his throbbing heart.

Ben hesitantly padded closer to the log, he eyed its stark white color and the barnacles that clung to its bottom. He swallowed the knot in his throat and reached a hand out, gliding his fingertips over the old wood. They'd spent so much time here together, he'd always loved that it had been like their secret hideout. He'd never even shared it with Edward.

Walking down the length of the tree Ben landed his sights on one of the remaining branches that jutted out of the trunk. There on the branch he could see the carving they had made all those years ago.

J+B, BEST FRIENDS TILL THE END

He ran his hand over it lovingly, remembering the night they'd both cut their initials out of the wood. It had been the first night he'd told Jacob he was his best friend, and the first night they'd told each other I love you.

He turned away, leaving the memory behind him as he moved back towards the water. He shuffled into the shallows, watching the grey-blue water rush over his feet. He didn't want to cry about this, didn't want to break down...not again. Ever since that meeting in the forest he'd found it harder and harder to keep it together everyday.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry… He chanted the words to himself silently, trying desperately to will the tears away.

The sudden sound of shifting rocks jogged Ben from his pity and he quickly turned on his heels to face towards the beach. He sucked in a gasp at the sight of huge golden eyes.

The huge russet colored wolf stood on top of the low rocks overlooking the water and the white tree, his eyes trained on where Ben stood. He watched the animal with enthralled attention, shocked at how big he'd got since the last time he'd seen him. He figured he shouldn't be surprised though, Jacob had looked like he'd grown at least another foot and gained about 50 more pounds of muscle since he'd left Forks.

Ben waved at the wolf with a timid hand, and then started back towards the tree. The animal watched him carefully, ears pushed down against his head and shoulders hunched. He moved carefully trying his best to not spook the wolf but as his feet came back to the dry sand he heard the animal shuffle back and let out agitated yips. Ben took several steps back into the water, hands stretched out in an offering.

"Jake, please." He tried to speak the words with a calm steady voice, but that wolf only seemed to grow more irritated and anxious.

He decided to try something else hoping it would make the animal more comfortable.

The water was oddly comfortable as he kneeled down in it and turned his eyes towards the sandy bottom. The water moved in odd patterns around his submerged legs, tickling his skin. He dug into the dark grains in search of shells or rocks to distract himself for the moment.

The yips and whines tapered off quickly, and soon all he could hear was the sound of the water drifting around him. The silence made his own anxiety spike but he didn't look up from where his eyes were fixed, he would force himself to be patient.

The sound of a soft chuff brought him back from his reeling mind and slowly he lifted his gaze. The wolf sat near the shore of the water a curious tilt to his head, unreadable golden eyes watching him.

Ben shifted slightly, moving from his knees so that he was sitting cross legged in the shallow water. For a moment they just stared at one another, the air growing heavy with tension and unsaid words. He sucked in a steadying breath and then tried giving the animal a warm smile.

"Hey Jake, do you remember when we used to come here and just sit and talk?" The wolf cocked his head further to the side, like he was trying to understand his words but they weren't quite getting through. Ben ran a wet hand through his hair, pulling the unruly curls away from his face before continuing. "You'd always bring me here when you knew I was having a bad day and we'd stay till the sun went down and sometimes even longer." His hand slid down to the bracelet around his wrist and fingered one of the charms gingerly. "I always loved when the clouds parted long enough for us to see the stars."

The wolf stood and started pacing up and down the waterline, low whines reverberating from his chest. Ben didn't know what else to do, so he just kept talking.

"We'd always try to spot the shooting stars and each time we did we'd take turns wishing on them, because you said your mom always told you that each star could only grant one wish." The wolf shook out his fur several times and only seemed to be growing more anxious. "You'd mess up keeping track of who's turn it was though and give me most of the wishes, and anytime I tried to argue you'd always play innocent and just tell me if i didn't hurry up neither of us would get it." Ben let out a weak laugh as his vision started to blur. "After I left I spent a lot of time wishing on stars, tossing coins into fountains, and blowing on dandelions." He closed his eyes and allowed the brimming tears to roll down his cheeks.

"Jacob, I don't know if you can understand me or if it's all just nonsense to your wolf ears but…" He caught the animals eyes with his own, and took a deep breath "I missed you."

The wolf halted its pacing and just stared at him for a moment with those huge eyes. Then the animal let of a harsh whine as it stumbled back, the muscles under his fur jumping and moving in different directions. Ben gasped, panic making his stomach flip as he watched the animal twitch. His hands flew to his mouth to conceal a scream as fur shredded like fabric and wolfish whines turned to human screams.

Jacob laid in a naked heap, momentarily dazed from the harsh shift. Ben wanted to go to his side, wanted to help, but when the man looked up his eyes solidified him to his spot. The man was on his feet in a single fluid motion, black eyes boring through him and making Ben curl further in on himself.

The world around him seemed to darken instantly, and in the distance he could hear thunder rumbling in. He wanted to swim further into the water and away from the huge wild man on the beach but he stayed put ,locked in those unforgiving black holes. Jacobs' lips peeled back to show off sharp canines and perfectly white teeth, and then he spoke.

"Don't you fucking dare say that to me, don't you dare MOCK me like this." His voice was like poison and it made Ben flinch like he'd been slapped across the face. "Even my dreams can't let me rest."

"I wished for you." Ben slapped his hand over his mouth, but it was too late.

Jacob's face turned into a dark twisted mask and it sent chills up his arms. He felt like prey being eyed by a predator. The man crouched into a position like an animal about to pounce, every muscle tensed for the attack.

"MOCK ME ONCE, BUT NEVER AGAIN. I DIED WHEN HE LEFT." Jacob lunged into the water, teeth bared as his claws reached for Ben's shaking body. He didn't understand what was happening, or why Jacob didn't seem to think he was himself. He moved back in the water, terror and instinct driving him back deeper in an attempt to get away. Pain raced up his arm as he was yanked back to face those bloodthirsty eyes, the sky above them now black with storm clouds. Then, he was screaming.

…

Ben fought against the hands on his arm as he continued to scream and thrash. He was disoriented and terrified by his surroundings, not completely understanding where he was.

"Ben, you're awake! You were having a nightmare! Open your eyes! It's me!" The voice broke through his fight and it washed a feeling of calm down his spine. Leah.

Slowly he stopped trying to get away and slumped back down to his mattress, completely and utterly exhausted. His eyes drifted open to find Leah sitting on the side of his bed, a worried expression painting her face. He sucked in a steadying breath, but found he couldn't hold back the wave of tears.

"Was it the usual nightmare?" Her voice was soft as she moved her hand in circles over his back. He shook his head and pulled the blanket up to his wet eyes. "No, this one had Jacob."

Her hand stopped moving and Ben peered up to find her staring at him with an unreadable expression. He tore his eyes away in embarrassment and peered around the room. They'd been back in Forks for about two weeks now, and it had been about a week since he'd seen Jacob. He'd been experiencing a lot since then. Leah had said the imprint causes changes, but Ben wasn't sure if these were the kind of changes he could handle. He already had constant nightmares about him, he didn't think he could take having nightmares about his best friend as well.

"Maybe coming back was a bad idea Bee." Her voice was soft and sure but he knew her. She was scared. He wiped at his face and then sat up so that they were face to face.

"Lee, I'm not going to run away again. I came back for a reason, and I'm not letting a nightmare scare me back to Seattle." They'd been living in Seattle for nearly two years, and until now he'd been too much of a coward to even visit Forks. Let alone move back.

Leah lifted a hand to his cheek and wiped at a stray tear, "He's not the person he was when you left, you've heard what Seth and dad have to say about him. I'm scared you're going to get hurt, especially since there's...higher stakes now." He knew what she was referring to, but they'd only talked about it in code since it had happened.

"Lee, LOOK at me. I'm not exactly the same person he remembers either. I just…" He paused, brushing his hair back with a shaky hand, "I need to at least try."

She looked him over and then nodded her head, "Ok, but i swear to god if he hurts you I'll rip his fucking throat out." Her face was serious, and he knew there was no humor in the statement. "You've been through enough as it is."

Ben laid his head against her shoulder and huffed out a tired breath, "I'll visit often, I promise. I just need to get a couple things sorted out here first. Plus, we can still have virtual midnight margaritas." Leah snorted a laugh and nuzzled his temple. "You better text me everyday, I'll need constant updates on how things are going with the Big Bad Wolf." That got a giggle out of Ben as well and he playfully slapped her thigh, "Big Bad Wolf?"

She shrugged at him and he rolled his eyes as he pulled away from the blankets and stood up. "Well i don't know about you but i am very awake now. Completely and utterly exhausted, but very awake." Padding to the dresser he picked up his phone and checked the time, 6:00am.

"So Lee, how do you feel about greasy breakfast food and hot chocolate?" Ben turned with a smile and found her already heading out of the room, "Read my mind bitch, now get that cute ass in a pair of jeans and lets go. Mama wants flapjacks."