AN: Getting to know Bellamy a bit more in this chapter, some more background on him, and more travel planning…

I don't own anything relating to The 100

Chapter title from "The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel

23

For a Pocketful of Mumbles Such Are Promises

Bellamy has Tuesday off, and asks Clarke over breakfast if she'll take a road trip with him. She's a little suspicious, since he won't tell her where they're going, but in the end, she agrees. She's fairly sure he's not going to bring her to some abandoned industrial lot and bury her in wet concrete at this point.

When they emerge from Holland Tunnel, he glances at her.

"I've been feeling a little nostalgic," he admits. "Going through my mom's old scrap book, thinking about what I want to do before… anyway, it got me thinking that I'd like to go back. Not home, Paterson hasn't felt like home for a long time, but I did mostly grow up there. So that's where we're going. I don't know why I didn't tell you right away, to be honest, it's not like I was trying to keep it a secret or surprise you or anything."

She reaches across the console to squeeze his hand.

"It's fine, don't worry about it. And I'd love to see where you grew up."

The drive doesn't take too long. There's barely any traffic, only a couple of areas with road work that slow them down a little. They get off Christopher Columbus Highway a little before noon, and a few minutes later, Bellamy pulls up at the curb on a tree lined street. Most houses have wooden siding, a lot of them reminding her of San Francisco, and look to be old family homes probably split up into smaller apartments at some point. On the other side of the street, there's a fenced off parking lot and what looks like a church. The house they're stopped by is white with brown trimmings.

Bellamy's looking past her at that house, making her assume that must be where he used to live.

"Do you want to get out, look around a little?" she asks. "Maybe an old neighbor still lives here?"

But he shakes his head. "No. The area wasn't great when we lived here and as far as I've heard, it hasn't gotten any better. Besides, the only neighbor I ever really liked was Mrs. Allen, and she died a couple of years before I moved into the city."

So they just sit there for a while, until Bellamy clears his throat and starts the engine again.

"OK, next stop."

He navigates through the back streets easily, still knowing them like the back of his hand, and soon, he pulls into a parking lot by a laundromat.

Clarke stares at the building for a moment. "Not much to do for the teenagers around here?" she finally asks, and he laughs.

"Well, no, but we didn't hang at the laundromat," he replies, taking the keys out of the ignition. "My old high school's across the street."

"Ah."

The school is surrounded by a high fence, but even though the spring term hasn't started yet, the gates are open. Bellamy comes to a stop just at the edge of a large parking area and Clarke stops next to him, sliding her hand into his.

"So this is where you went to high school, huh?" she asks, looking around. There's not much to see, to be honest, just the standard, brick building you might find at any high school in the US.

"This is it, yeah," he confirms.

"Bringing back memories?"

He chuckles. "Well, not a lot of great ones, but yeah."

She already knows that he was, in his own words, a nerd in high school, so she assumes he didn't have a great time.

"Want to show me around a little?"

He nods and tugs her along towards the building, guiding her around the side of it. When they round a corner to an area that's more secluded, due to a few buildings hiding it from the street and surrounding houses, they surprise a small group of teenagers who are leaning against the wall of the school, smoking. They hurry away when they spot the intruders, quickly disappearing from view.

"I guess some things never change," Bellamy notes.

"Is this where you used to hide out and smoke?" she asks.

"Well, not me, but the cool kids, yeah."

Clarke looks around. "You didn't have a football field with bleachers to hang out under?" She might not have gone to high school herself, but she has watched a lot of movies and she knows that bleachers are a popular hang-out, especially for football players and cheerleaders looking for a quiet make-out spot.

"Sure, down here," he replies, pulling her with him along the path until they reach the street. "I don't know why – maybe it was put in after the school was built and there just wasn't room for it – but it's a block over."

They cross the street and head down a side road until they reach some stairs leading to a fence with a gate that's already hanging open.

They climb the stairs and enter the track running around the field itself.

"Is this what you had in mind?" Bellamy asks, gesturing at the field ahead of them and the bleachers running along the opposite side.

"Exactly," she replies with a roll of the eye. "This is living up to the hype from all the high school movies I've seen."

"I figured."

They follow the track in a semicircle until they reach the other side of the field where he pulls her along behind the bleachers. There's a chain link fence running behind it, separating the bleachers from a walkway, and he releases her hand before leaning back against it.

"So this is it, the infamous make out spot for all teenager's graduating from Eastside," he tells her.

"Oh yeah?" Clarke stops in front of him and grips the chain link on either side of him. "Including you?"

He shrugs. "I did get my first kiss back here sophomore year," he says. "Roma Bragg, she was a junior. I found out later that she and her friend had some bet going on who could kiss the most guys during the homecoming game, but I still got kissed, so I didn't really care. It's not like I was in love with her or anything, so I wasn't heartbroken when I figured out she wasn't really into me."

She can't help but laugh at that before stepping closer. "Feel like a repeat?"

His mouth twist up into a soft smile and he leans down, meeting her halfway. She lets him set the pace for a moment, just a chaste slide of their lips, before using the fence to pull herself closer to him and deepening the kiss. He hums into her mouth, hands sliding around to slip into the back pockets of her jeans and press her against him.

A dog barking somewhere in the distance reminds her that they are still in a public place, and after a few minutes, she reluctantly pulls away.

"You know I would love to keep this going," she says with a sigh. "But contrary to what the teenagers at your old school believe, this place isn't actually very private. Or, you know, at all."

Bellamy chuckles as he pushes himself away from the fence. "You're right," he agrees. "Come on, let's get out of here."

They start heading back slowly, entering the school grounds again once they get there. They take a left, rounding the building on the opposite side to earlier, Bellamy pointing out different spots of importance – where he threw up after getting drunk for the first time during another homecoming game, where his first real girlfriend, Bree, broke up with him because the school quarterback had asked her out, where he and Mel, his second girlfriend, used to sneak off to make out during their free periods, where Miller and his boyfriend at the time, Bryan, got caught making out by the principal and expelled, which led to a huge protest by almost all kids at the school against the blatant discrimination of gay students.

"Where to next?" Clarke asks when they're back in the car.

"Just one more stop," he tells her. "But I thought we'd take a bit of a scenic route there, if you don't mind?"

"Of course not, give me the grand tour."

So he drives, turning here and there, taking her through most of the area where he grew up. They skirt the river for a while before turning down another residential street, passing a baseball field, where a few brave boys are defying the cold and seem to be practicing their batting, and a diner that looks almost like a railway cart. Bellamy shows her Miller's house, where his parents still live and where he spent Thanksgiving just over a month ago, the gas station where he changed his first tire ten minutes after taking his mom's car out for the first time after getting his license, and the bus station where he found Octavia when she was running away from home at age eight.

He talks the whole time, telling her about the street they're on or a building they pass, or one that has been torn down at some point over the years.

Eventually, he turns through a set of gates and into what Clarke quickly realizes is a cemetery. They park by a large building and she hesitates with her hand on the seat belt.

"Do you want me to wait here?" she asks, not wanting to impose if he wants some time alone.

But he shakes his head. "Not unless you want to."

"OK."

So she gets out of the car too, taking his hand when he reaches for her, and they start weaving through the tomb stones.

His grip on her hand tightens when he stops in front of one.

"Hey, Mom." He reaches out to brush some snow off the top of the stone.

Clarke's not sure if she's supposed to say hello as well, but Bellamy's focused on the stone and not her. She reads the text on it.

Aurora Blake
Beloved mother
1969-2006

"Your dad's not buried here?" she asks, voice hushed.

"No, Mom said his parents wanted to bury him back home, and she didn't really have anything to say about it since they weren't married."

She wonders how Aurora had felt about that. For some, a grave is a way to stay connected to a loved one they've lost. Had she felt robbed of that? Clarke remembers how hard it had been for Raven the first time she moved away from the area where Finn is buried, how she had felt almost like she betrayed him by leaving. On the other hand, a lot of people say they keep their loved ones with them and don't need a physical place to be able to remember them.

She wonders which type she will be.

Before she can linger on that thought, Bellamy's voice brings her back to the present.

"Remember the girl I told you about last time, Clarke? I brought her today."

"When was that?"

He glances at her. "Thanksgiving."

She can't help but smile at that. "You told your mom about me the day after our first official date?"

"Yeah." He shrugs. "I guess I had a… good feeling about you."

For some reason, his words have her blinking back tears, and she pulls her hand free so she can wrap her arms around him instead, leaning her head against his shoulder. He wraps an arm around her as well, leaning his chin against the top of her head, and starts telling his mom about their upcoming trip.

Clarke listens to his voice, which is so soothing she knows she would fall asleep if she wasn't standing up, as he talks about the places they're going and everything he hopes to see and do.

If she's ever doubted that she did the right thing by telling him everything and convincing him to let her do this for him, they definitely disappear now.

-100-

Clarke keeps herself busy over the next few days, finalizing the travel plans – booking hotels, buying tickets to different sights, googling cities and areas that she doesn't know well to find others, looking up tours and experiences. She books a rental car that they'll pick up at the airport in San Francisco, and after some thinking, decides to get a rental in Edinburgh as well. Originally, she had planned on them taking the train from Edinburgh to Glasgow and then on to London, but this way they can see some of the countryside as well. Once they're in London, they can use Wells' car, she knows Bellamy wants to check out Stonehenge and Bath, and there's this little fishing village on the Devon coast that she and Wells used to visit when they lived in London that she would just love to show Bellamy… stone and white-washed cottages lining winding streets and colorful fishing boats balancing on their hull down in the harbor at low tide.

She emails all the information Bellamy has about his dad to Anya, a Keeper she sort of knows through Emori and who's in Manila at the moment, and she promises to look into it and see what she can find.

Raven comes over on Saturday to help her go through the final itinerary and make sure she hasn't forgotten anything obvious. She lets out a whistle when she puts the now (hopefully) complete itinerary down.

"You're really pulling out all the stops, huh?"

Clarke gives her a look. "It is sort of the trip of a lifetime, you know."

Raven winces. "Of course, sorry. How are you doing with all of that, by the way? We haven't really had a chance to talk since you told Bellamy everything."

"I don't know," Clarke admits. "I've been staying busy with all the travel planning, trying to avoid thinking about… everything else too much, to be honest."

She's taken the advice she gave Bellamy and focused on their upcoming trip, fighting hard to not let her mind wander to what she knows is coming eventually.

"I don't know if that's so smart," Raven notes. "If you just push all the feelings in front of you, they'll end up hitting you all at once at some point."

Clarke sighs. "Well, hopefully I can keep pushing them away until after… you know. I'm pretty sure some extra emotional stress won't matter at that point."

"Right, that was probably a stupid thing to say."

She reaches out to squeeze Raven's hand. "I know you're just looking out for me."

"I am. But maybe I should have done that back in November…"

Clarke knows what she means, and part of her can agree, to a certain extent.

If she had never seen Bellamy again after their run-in at Central Park, she's pretty sure she would have been fine. She might have wondered about him from time to time, imagined what could have happened if they'd had a chance, but that would have been all. But, really, the moment he showed up at Raven's Halloween party, that had been it. She had denied it at the time, even to herself, but by the end of the night, she was already more than half in love with him. The shock of seeing his Number shook her enough that she thought she could ignore those feelings, but now, she's certain that if he hadn't showed up at the library when he did, she would have taken Raven's advice and contacted him within days. She had already been so close to breaking, she just hadn't wanted to see it.

"Don't say that. I'm glad I've had these last few weeks with him, and I know the next six months are going to be the most amazing of my life." She pauses before continuing. "So in the end, even though I know that I will be heartbroken and probably in more pain than I can even imagine right now, I think you were right. It will be worth it."

Raven gives her a long, scrutinizing look. "I hope so. But promise me you won't shut me out?"

"I promise."

"Good. Well, this looks great, I don't think there's anything you've missed, really." She taps a finger against the paper on the table. "I assume you've asked him about a bucket list? He doesn't want to go skydiving or mountain climbing or something else crazy like that?"

Clarke shakes her head. "No, I did ask. He said he's never been much of an adrenaline junkie, so he isn't interested in any of that. He was going to think about it, though, so I'll probably check in at some point, see if he's come up with anything."

"OK. Then I think you're all set. Honestly, it sounds absolutely amazing. I don't suppose you want another travel companion or two?"

"I'm going to have to say a big no to that," she says with a laugh. "And honestly, I don't think you want to go with us. I'm planning on joining the mile high club and having sex in…" she runs down the list of destinations quickly, "… twenty-four countries. Maybe more, if we can swing the Vatican or an airport during a layover."

"OK, yeah, I don't want to be there for that," Raven agrees. "But good for you! Though you might want to look into the laws in the Vatican, it might be a deadly sin to have sex there. Or at least a punishable offense."

"Only if you get caught… Feel free to steal the itinerary if you want, though. Or just some of the hotels, I guess, it's not like you have to do a six month trip, you can just do one or a couple of places at a time. You guys haven't had a proper holiday in a while."

"I might just do that… I mean, the place on Bora Bora? That's my idea of heaven right there."

Clarke has to agree. "I know. I booked a suite in one of the overwater bungalows, they're supposed to be pretty private. I'm thinking skinny dipping after dark…"

"Careful, though," Raven says. "Ocean sex has a tendency to lead to sand everywhere. And I mean everywhere."

"That's a risk I'm willing to take."

"And the Seychelles, is that a private island?" Raven asks, flicking through the papers until she finds the confirmation for the hotel with some pictures.

"No, there are ten villas on the island, so not completely private."

"And Bellamy's really OK with all of this, you paying I mean? You said you weren't even sure he'd agree to the trip, this seems like… a lot."

Clarke shrugs. "He did make it a condition that we fly economy – which we will – and don't stay in too flashy hotels, but I managed to get him to agree to a couple of those."

"I'd say… does he have any idea how much all of this costs?"

To be honest, Clarke doesn't even know the exact number herself… but she does know that there's still more money than she can ever spend in her accounts, so it really doesn't matter.

"God no, he would have a fit."

"So where else did you splurge?" Raven asks curiously.

"Paris and Vegas," Clarke tells her. "Shangri-La in Paris, remember the amazing view of the Eiffel tower you had from there? And, of course, Caesar's Palace in Vegas. They actually have rooms and suites called Augustus, I just couldn't pass on that."

"Why?"

"Bellamy's sister is called Octavia. His mom let him name her, and he was in an Ancient Rome phase at the time, obsessed with Emperor Augustus."

Raven chuckles. "OK, that's actually kind of adorable."

"Right?"

Bellamy knows that they're staying at Caesar's Palace – he actually laughed when she told him – but the only thing she's said about the room is that it overlooks The Strip and the fountains at The Bellagio, which he seems excited about.

-100-

Clarke manages to hold it together and focus on the practical details of the trip until two days before their departure.

They've both been completely free the last three days and have spent them mostly lounging around the apartment, but a while ago, Clarke panicked a little when she realized that she hasn't even started planning what to pack. Bellamy laughed it off, but now they're sitting on the couch, trying to make a list of what they'll need to bring. Six months is a long time to be traveling, no matter where you go, and add to that the fact that they'll be going from Iceland, which is bound to have temperatures below freezing, to Las Vegas in July. Major temperature differences, to say the least, so they have to pack for every type of weather, pretty much.

"I'm really considering just packing the basics and buying whatever we need along the way," she says, letting out a sigh. "Or sending stuff ahead somewhere, I mean, we have all the hotels booked, we could do that. Do a switch once we get to warmer climates."

Bellamy chuckles. "You just have to be practical. Everything you need in warmer places, you can use in the colder places too."

She raises an eyebrow at him. "Somehow, I doubt I'll get much use out of my favorite mini summer dress with spaghetti straps in Reykjavik."

"And here I was hoping you wouldn't wear anything but," he replies with a smirk.

"Oh, so you want me to freeze my ass off?"

"I would never let you freeze your ass off, Princess," he promises solemnly. "I would keep it warm, you have my word."

Clarke can't help but laugh at that. "That's very generous of you, but not going to happen. I plan on wearing thermal underwear, a thick sweater and some sort of winter jacket the whole time we're in Iceland."

"Really?" He gives her a pointed look. "The whole time?"

She punches him in the arm. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah, yeah. And it's probably easier for me – throw in a couple of pairs of jeans and shorts, a bunch of t-shirts, some sweaters and shoes and I'm all set."

"Don't forget swimming trunks," she reminds him. "I mean, I'm all for skinny dipping, but everyone might not agree. And socks and underwear."

"Those sort of go without saying."

She focuses on the list in front of them for a while – jeans, shorts, tops, sweaters, bikinis, underwear, socks, winter boots, sneakers. She adds dresses and sandals, since they'll probably be going out to dinner somewhere nice at some point.

"You should probably pack at least one nice shirt and some slacks," she tells Bellamy. "And a pair of dress shoes. Just in case."

"In case we're forced at gunpoint to attend a banquet or something?"

"No, just…" She looks up at him to find a smirk on his face and realizes he's just messing with her. "You could help me instead, you know."

"OK, give me the list."

Clarke hands it to him suspiciously and he looks it over before adding something at the bottom and giving it back.

"Blue lace Victoria's Secret set… seriously?" He just shrugs at her questioning look. "I'm not bringing fancy lingerie."

"Why not? It's not like it takes up a lot of space."

Well, he has a point. "Nope. Practicality over aesthetic appeal."

"I guess I do prefer you without lingerie, anyway," he muses. "But the process of getting you out of it can be fun."

She snorts. "Fine, I might pick up something for a special occasion."

"Oh yeah?" His eyes light up. "Like my birthday?"

"Sure." She frowns. "When is your birthday? And why don't I know that already?"

"I guess it's never come up. It's March fourteenth. I don't know your birthday either." He hesitates for a moment. "Do you have one? I mean, as far as you know, you weren't actually born and even if you were, you don't know when."

She can understand the confusion. "We usually say the day we become Soul Keepers are our birthdays," she explains. "So mine would be June sixth."

Bellamy grabs the basic itinerary with just their different stops from a folder on the table where Clarke has gathered everything relating to the trip. Yes, she can be a little over organized.

"We'll be in Rome on my birthday – nice – and in Bora Bora on yours."

"Then I know what we'll be doing on mine – hammock under swaying palm trees overlooking the crystal clear water." She can almost see it. "Ice cold drinks, exotic fruit for lunch, room service for dinner, skinny dip after dark…"

"Nice. Do we have anything booked on mine?"

She grabs the notepad where she has the more detailed itinerary written down, with all the sights they have already bought tickets for, the tours they've booked and a couple of shows.

"Nope, nothing. We'll just get in from Venice the night before, I thought we could both use a day to just chill and settle in. Everything we have booked in Rome is on Friday through Monday, and then we have two more days of nothing before we continue onto Pompeii. So whatever you want to do on your birthday."

"Maybe just a day on the town?" he suggests. "There are remnants of the Roman empire all over the city, ruins here and there, lots of places you don't have to buy tickets to or that even charge an entry fee."

"Yeah, that sounds good," Clarke agrees.

"And if we were to find a lingerie store, well…" he trails off, and she laughs.

"I promise I will pick up something very special for your birthday, OK?"

He pulls her in for a quick kiss. "It'll be the best birthday ever. And not just because I'll actually be in Rome."

"Good."

She goes back to her packing list and adds a few more items before she decides that she's done.

"I think the main problem is going to be the winter jacket," she announces, slumping back on the couch.

Bellamy frowns. "I figured we'd just wear those on the plane? I mean, it's probably colder in Iceland, but it's not like it's spring here or anything. Plus, you can roll it up and use it as a pillow."

"Well, yeah," she agrees. "But by March, we won't need them anymore. You know what, I'll just bring an old jacket I don't use anymore and dump it once we get somewhere warmer."

"Good plan."

"Do you have an old jacket you wouldn't mind losing along the way?" she asks. He doesn't answer for a while, and eventually she looks up at him to find him giving her an incredulous look. "What?"

"I don't really think it matters, it's not like I'll need it next winter anyway," he finally says.

And it just hits her. Out of the blue.

He really won't be here next winter. Or even next fall. He'll be gone.

Clarke can tell that she's starting to hyperventilate, can feel her hands shaking and her eyes tearing up, her vision going blurry.

"What's wrong?"

Bellamy's voice sounds like it's coming from far away, through the rushing sound that's filling her ears. She just shakes her head, unable to get anything out.

"Hey, hey, hey, shhhh."

His arms are suddenly around her and then he's pulling her into his lap. One warm hand starts rubbing soothing motions up and down her back, the other cupping her head and pulling her to him. She buries her face against his chest, letting the tears that have started streaming down her cheeks soak his shirt.

Clarke doesn't know how long they sit like that. He doesn't try to ask her what's wrong again, maybe because he understands, just keeps rubbing her back and making soothing noises in her hair.

Eventually, the tears dry up. She can barely breathe because her nose is so stuffy, but she drags in air through her mouth before lifting her head from Bellamy's chest. She tries to move out of his lap, but he holds her still.

"Feel better?"

She's not really sure, but she nods anyway.

"Sorry about that," she apologizes, wiping at the tear tracks on her cheeks. "Raven did warn me that just pushing everything away would come back to bite me in the ass eventually. I was kind of hoping it wouldn't be for a while."

He reaches out to tuck some hair behind her ear. "Don't apologize. Raven was right, it was probably just a matter of time. I'm sure I'll have a breakdown at some point too."

"And then I'll be there."

His mouth turns up a little at the corner. "I know you will."

Clarke takes another deep breath and leans her forehead against his. "I love you."

"And I love you."

"I just… it sort of feels like this is all my fault."

He pulls away to be able to look at her. "What? That's crazy, how could any of this be your fault? You're not the one who decides when people die."

"No, I know, but… if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have to deal with any of this."

To her complete surprise, Bellamy actually laughs at that.

"Are you serious?" he asks incredulously. "I mean, OK, I wouldn't have to think about everything I want to do before I die, but that would just be because I'd have no idea it was coming. Do you really think that would be better?"

She honestly doesn't know.

"And I also wouldn't get this," he continues when she doesn't answer. "I wouldn't get you, I wouldn't get to see the world with you, go to places I've only ever dreamed of… so never, ever think that I would rather not know, OK?"

Clarke nods. "OK."

"OK. Good." He lets out a sigh. "And just… I don't know what's coming. Yes, I'm bound to break eventually. Maybe I'll be angry, I have no idea. That's a step on the road to acceptance, right, anger? But not at you, never at you. So just know, no matter what happens, that I am so beyond grateful that you're giving me this opportunity. Even if I might not be good at showing it all the time."

She finally feels the niggling doubt ease up a little.

"Now, come on," he says, nudging her until she gets up. "How about if I help you pack now, you go with me back to Miller's place and help me pack tomorrow morning?"

She gives him a look through narrowed eyes. "Are you going to try to sneak unnecessary lingerie into my bag?"

Bellamy just shrugs innocently. "I make no promises."