Chapter 6: Confession

A/N: Writing angst and drama is lots of fun, but its also very stressful. I'm looking forward to eventually getting to write comfort and cute stuff ,haha. Anyways I hope y'all enjoy the update, this chapter starts to reveal some things about our boy Ben.

*Song: No song for this chapter, sorry!

Ben watched Paul from the corner of his eye as the man dropped the last of the few boxes on the little kitchen table, anxiety still creeping through him even after the pleasant morning he'd spent with the wolf and Lee. Paul had stayed for breakfast, and Ben had offered him his own 2-go box due to lack of appetite from the morning's many stressful events. The man had hesitated but after some insisting he'd happily scarfed the french toast and fruit down with an animal like ferocity.

Ben had always been impressed with the speed all the wolves ate, not to mention the amount of food they could squeeze into those human bodies. He thought of the many times he'd watched Jacob eat after finding out about the wolves, and the way his face had looked every time he'd brought him some of his own home cooked meals to have all to himself. He also remembered all of the specially made cookies he'd hidden in his room on the nights he knew Jacob would be coming through that window in his room. He wondered if he'd brought Jake a plate of those cookies now what the man's face would look like. He sniffed a laugh at himself, everything was so messed up.

"Hey, you want me to put these in the bedroom instead?" Paul's question snapped him back to the present and he quickly tried to cover the sadness with a casual smile. "If you don't mind, that would be very helpful." The man looked him over, staring straight through him like he was transparent. He didn't press him though and instead just turned quickly from the small kitchen. "It's no problem at all."

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, he was both incredibly comfortable and incredibly nervous around that man and both feelings unnerved him. Running a hand through his messy curls for about the millionth time that day, he went back to unwrapping several of his favorite mugs.

Once they'd finished up eating this morning Paul had offered to help them move Ben into his new little rental in the woods. The man had joked that he'd been ordered to stalk him anyways and since the "wolf" was out of the bag, he figured it was more constructive than just peering at them from the shrubs outside. Ben had agreed he'd definitely prefer the first choice.

The cottage was nestled in a nice spot, not too far out in the forest but far enough that he didn't have to worry about prying neighbors(besides the wolves, apparently). The building itself was a two story A-frame with big windows, balcony, and a porch that overlooked an old fire pit. He'd lucked out with the place really, the owner who usually used the place as a bnb had been looking for a trustworthy house sitter to watch the place for the next year while him and his husband traveled around the country and of course who was more trustworthy than the local sheriff's (also queer) son? Charlie knew the men himself and had put a good word in for him, and they'd quickly got back to him. They only required that he pay for utilities and wifi himself, and keep the place in good shape while they were gone. Ben's bank account couldn't be happier.

He'd also been lucky that the place came fully furnished, or else the cottage wouldn't have been filled with much more than a mattress, desk, easel, and his many books and trinkets. He hadn't collected a lot of furniture in the time he'd been living with Lee, he'd just never seen the point.

Sighing a heavy breath, he left one mug out of the cupboard. The few hours of sleep he got last night were catching up with him and he decided it was about time for a cup of liquid caffeine. Moving to the coffee machine in the corner or the kitchen, he poured some of the freshly brewed drink into his mug and then added a generous spoonful of sugar.

Closing his eyes he brought the warm cup to his lips and listened to the sound of rain patter against the little home's roof. He savored the moment of peace, allowing his shoulders to finally relax.

"Ben." The sudden call of his name jolted him from his moment, he opened his eyes and found Paul watching him from the other side of the counter. They silently watched one another for a moment, and Ben could tell the wolf had a million questions swimming through his head. He'd had that look all morning, and he knew that he'd be seeing that look a lot from a lot of people for a while. The mug in his hand found its way to the counter, "Paul?"

The man stood up a little taller, "I have to run out for a bit and let the others know where I am, it's almost time for shift change."

He rubbed his face, he wasn't sure how he felt about having constant wolf babysitters watching him and his new home. Lost for what to say he simply nodded his head. Ben knew it wasn't their faults, Jacob was the alpha and could he really blame him for not trusting him. He'd run off with leeches before, who's to say he wouldn't also bring them back? Who would even believe him if he told them his biggest fear was that they would find him again. He tried to stop it, but an involuntary shiver ran down his spine and he had to brace himself on the counters ledge. Blood red eyes flashed violently through his mind, sharp nails dragging their way through his soul. God, the scars were still so fresh. Even just thinking about them sent his heart and mind spiraling.

A sudden hand came to rest on his back and he nearly jumped from his skin, a small shriek escaping his lips as he practically dove away from the touch. His side slammed painfully against the wall, hands coming up in a defensive position. Fight or Flight instinct kicking in full force. Paul stared at him with big surprised eyes, hand still hovering in the air, "I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"BEE?" Leah's alarmed call cut him off mid-sentence and the man turned to see her striding into view. Ben was still reeling, heart thudding painfully in his chest as panic lapped at his insides. "Step back, Lahote." She pulled on his arm and both retreated back, allowing him room to breathe. Lee went to her knees on the other side of the kitchen, "Bee, you're safe. They aren't here, they can't hurt you again baby." His head snapped to where she kneeled and found her eyes, he shook in full body tremors.

"I'm s-sorry." The words fell out of his mouth in a trembling whisper that only supernatural ears could hear. She shook her head and opened her arms to him, patient as usual. He whimpered and then lunged towards the safety of her embrace, terror chasing him the whole way. Lee wrapped him up in her strong body, allowing him to burrow into her like a cub. Head resting on her shoulder he could see Paul from the corner of his eye, the wolf's body was tense and he was staring with a look Ben couldn't quite place. Confusion? Disbelief? Worry?

"Paul, go tell the others where you are. I heard you say shift change is soon. Tell them to send Seth, if they can." The wolf paused for a moment and then gave her a curt nod before disappearing from the room. He silently thanked her for getting him to leave, he hadn't wanted anyone but her to see him like this. He tried to not think about how once Paul phased the entire pack would see the memory, including Jacob. Damn that shared mind.

"Hey, are you ok?" Lee spoke calmly and ran a large slender hand over his back. The question hung in the quiet room for a moment, weighing on him like a hundred pounds of dead weight. He sucked in a breath and then pulled back from where he'd buried his head in her neck. Searching eyes found that familiar chestnut color, she always looked so concerned for him. Silently, he cursed himself for being so weak. "I'm just wound up after today, I'll be ok. I always am." He allowed a smile to cross his face for her, but he knew she didn't buy it. She never bought it.

He pulled himself from her arms and stood, sucking in a breath. Leaning forward and grabbing his earlier abandoned mug he took a long sip of the now lukewarm coffee, "I'm gonna go have a pick-me-up." He could feel her eyes on him as he made his way out of the little nook, but she knew he needed a moment to gather all the pieces in private. Pulling the back door open he was immediately hit by the smell of earth and rain, it calmed him immensely. After grabbing a porch chair and hauling it closer to the railing, he plopped down and tossed his boots up on the low wood rails.

He fished his cigarettes out of his jacket pocket and then ferried one to his mouth. Lighting the end, he pulled in a comforting drag of smoke and tilted his head back. The smoke danced around his face and he watched the clouds in an attempt to clear his head. Rain was still steadily falling, and he turned his head so he could watch it sprinkle around the forest from the dry safety under the awning. At least his new home was cozy.

Tipping his coffee to his mouth he took another long sip, the room temperature liquid doing very little to warm his cold insides. He set the mug back down and then tapped out the butt of his cigarette in the old coffee can he'd set out here for himself. Reaching behind himself he pulled his backpack from the chair he'd left it on earlier and poked around in it for his sketchbook. The old thing was worn on the corners, pieces of different colored papers sticking out here and there. He was rough on his sketchbooks, but also loved them dearly. They helped him process everything, friends who could keep his secrets and handle his breakdowns without complaint.

Flipping to a page, he pressed his black pen to the page and allowed his hand to lead the dance across the paper. Two sets of eyes appeared side by side, both angry and vicious but in different ways. One set looked hungry and violent, the eyes of a killer ready to strike. The second pair looked hurt and heartbroken, the eyes of someone who has been stretched to thin and has lost everything. They had been pushed too far to keep up appearances. His hand worked quickly, dropping the black pen and picking up three markers. He colored the first pair a bloody red, the color of his nightmares. Then he moved on to the second pair, taking his time to color the left eye a beautiful gold and the right eyes a onyx black. He stared down at the finished drawing, and let out a sigh. Then something Jake had said in his dream crossed his mind, and he only found it fitting to include, "Even my dreams can't let me rest." He set the sketchbook on the little table next to him and dragged his legs up to his chest. Both sets of eyes would always haunt him, but for different reasons. His head felt a thousand pounds as he dropped his forehead against his knees, slow tears falling down his pale cheeks.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there like that but the sound of angry voices behind him quickly tore him from his addled mind. He picked his head up just as the back door was pulled open. He stiffened, pulling his legs as close to him as possible as a whimper escaped him. Jacob stood in the doorway, black eyes watching him from the shadows of his frowning brow. His body took up the entire entryway as he stepped out of the house, neck bending to make it through.

"Black, I swear to god." Lee's voice followed behind him but he didn't dare break his eyes away from the wolf stalking him across the deck. He knew he was a small guy, but at that moment he felt minuscule. He didn't even dare to breathe, too nervous to make even the slightest movement. He wanted to run from that place, but that would be a mistake. Never turn your back on a hunting wolf, they will give chase.

Finally, the man turned his eyes away and he allowed his burning lungs to pull in air. He relaxed a little, turning his head to see Leah, and several other men still standing inside. He gulped, apparently Jacob had brought backup. Paul caught his eyes, and for a moment he thought he saw worry flash across his face. He studied the two other faces and immediately recognized Seth Clearwater and Sam Uley, great.

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed movement and immediately snapped his head to the alpha of it all. Jacob was staring down at the little table where his sketchbook laid open for all to see. A searing hot blush raced across Ben's skin, and he quickly reached forward to snatch the book from prying eyes. Jake met his eyes for a single moment, and the look he gave him tore at Ben's insides. The mask the man wore had wavered for a single second and he saw all the way down to that soul on fire. Then it was gone, sealed shut once again.

Ben closed the sketchbook, stuffing it between his thighs and chest. Everyone's eyes were on him, and it only helped deepen the blush on his face. Jacob didn't move a muscle.

"Can this wait?" Leah's voice broke the deafening silence once again and he peered up to see her watching the wolf.

"No, the council requires answers." His voice was cold steel and spoken like a command. She wasn't fazed, "Answers to what exactly?" Leah moved towards where Ben sat, trying to put her body between him and Jake. A low growl reverberated from the man's chest, every muscle in his huge bare upper body tensing. She stilled immediately, instinct obviously taking over as her head cocked subtly to the side to bare her neck to her alpha. She might not phase these days, but Jacob still made the calls for the wolf in her.

The man stalked forward, passing by Lee's stiff body and coming to rest against the railing in front of his chair. He was so close that he could feel the heat rolling off his body in waves and for a moment he longed to bury himself in it, the distance between him only emphasizing how cold his own body was. The moment died though as Jacob spoke again, "What happened between you and the Cullen's? You told Paul they aren't coming back, why?"

His stomach flipped, this wasn't a conversation he was ready to have. He wasn't ready to lay himself bare for everyone to see. He pulled his lip into his mouth and as he tried to think of something to say, "They're just not, why does it matter what happened?" The sentence was mumbled, and spoken to the floor. His scars ached under his jacket at the mention of their name and he rubbed a hand over one in a feeble attempt to stop the throbbing.

"Did you break off the marriage?" The question was curt and he could tell Jacob was looking for blood. "Yes, we're not married." His heart raced through his chest and he feared for a moment that he'd have a heart attack. He'd never get that lucky though.

"You don't think he'll come back for you?" That made him sniff a humorless laugh and then finally lift his head. Big onyx eyes bore into him unforgivably, but he stared them down anyways. The trembling in his body stilled, and he stood. "No." He wasn't sure how long they stood there like that could have been seconds or hours, but eventually he turned away from the wolf and headed for the safety of his new home.

Big fingers encircled one of his wrists, and it forced a hiss from his teeth. For one glorious moment his entire body was lit with a warmth that chased the frost from his insides, he drank it in happily. It was ripped away just as quickly though, "WHY?" The man's voice was angry but firm, it made his own temper spark. Embers of fear and frustrating igniting a small fire that was quickly making its way up his being.

"Why does it matter, Jacob?" His voice was deadpan as he spoke, he didn't want to show any more weakness today. "Just answer the question!" His voice boomed and echoed in that small porch, but it only fueled the rage building inside of Ben's bones. He turned on his heels, dropping his sketchbook to the ground as he crossed the few steps between them. The wolf dwarfed him in size, but it barely fazed him. Finding his dark eyes from under that scowl he faced down the predator, "You want to know why he's not coming back, Jake? Huh?" The man scoffed but it only drove Ben on, "It's because he thinks I'm fucking dead."

His words hung heavy around all of them, all but Leah caught off guard by his confession. His spike of fueling anger was fading fast and he quickly snatched the sketchbook off the ground and ran for his room. Squeezing through big bodies he didn't bother to turn and see if Jacob was following him. He didn't stop running until he slammed the door closed and had it locked. Deep down he knew the lock would do nothing against supernatural werewolves, but he silently prayed that they would give him this private moment.

Things were so fucking complicated.