Follow up to Confessions.
This goes completely AU.
This will alternate between the viewpoints of Rafael and Olivia as they figure out what is happening and normal conversation.
I also added a couple of sentences of part one (to the first paragraph) to make what I have written here make sense as I hadn't intended to do a follow up.
Rafael was startled into consciousness when his phone started blaring out his wake up alarm. He knew it was his phone because he had set the loudest and most obnoxious sound he could find as his alarm. He inwardly winced as the sound made his head feel like it was about to explode. Something he wasn't too averse to at the moment, due to the excruciating pounding going on in his head. Turning it off was definitely a priority but even the thought of moving made him feel worse and wanted to add nausea to his ills.
The awful sound stopped and his relief was all encompassing. Until it occurred to him that if he hadn't turned it off...who had? He attempted to open his eyes but the first sliver of light caused searing pain. On top of the pounding that was still going on, despite the silence, it was just too much so he shut his eyes again.
He lay there wondering how much alcohol he had consumed the night before and vowing never to do it again. Suddenly a body sat next to him on the sofa and leaned heavily against him. Followed by a whispered, "Thank goodness we don't have to work today. I added three hours to the timer on the coffee maker. It's not turning on for another four hours, so go back to sleep."
He knew that voice. He also knew that, whoever it was, they weren't a threat. Because of that his brain gave up on figuring out who it was and decided sleep was the best course of action. He drifted off to sleep and just before his consciousness faded he felt the body next to him cuddle closer and arms go tightly around him.
Olivia slowly woke up to find herself practically lying on top of someone. It was definitely a man, because she couldn't miss the obvious morning evidence to that. Her brain helpfully added that she didn't know anyone that big. This set her senses into alert mode but she relaxed again when soft snoring registered. So whoever it was, he was still asleep and she could hopefully move away before he woke up.
She slowly opened her eyes and quickly closed them again. She was one of the lucky ones who barely got hangovers, but if she imbibed too much she would wake up sensitive to light. What had she done last night? Shielding her eyes she sat up, realised they were on a sofa and moved to the other end. It was dark enough that her eyes were slowly acclimating to the light level. Once she could open her eyes fully she looked at the other end of the sofa.
Oh my God! It was Rafa she had been sleeping on top of!...It was Rafa who had that big….She groaned inwardly, trying not to wake him. I'll ever be able to look
him in the eye ever again, she thought. This was awful, what on earth was she going to do. Her evil brain taunted, 'go on, have a closer look, peak underneath the sweatpants', but she wasn't going to acknowledge that enticing idea. No! That was not an enticing idea, no. The next idea her brain came up with was much better, she was going to hide in the bathroom until she figured out what happened last night. With that she carefully got up and tiptoed her way to Rafa's guest bathroom, she didn't want to have to face him if he needed the main one. It wasn't until she had shut the door that it registered to her that she had heard the coffee machine start up. She should have got some coffee, she definitely needed some.
Rafael slowly woke up again as his senses registered coffee in the air. The pounding in his head had faded to a bearable level, which was a big relief. He carefully opened his eyes and was relieved to find the light sensitivity had gone. He looked around and realised that the other person wasn't there. Had he imagined that? He didn't think so, but where had they gone? He decided that was something to find out after he had got some coffee. So he headed to the kitchen and the much needed caffeine.
He luxuriated in his first gulps of coffee. His usual need for coffee was strong but this morning it was even more essential. He could tell that he had drunk more than he should have last night but the memory of the whole night was annoyingly just out of reach. He must have had company, hence the person from earlier, as he only drank too much with company. Though who his company had been was was a mystery at the moment. Once the first mug was finished he poured another and headed to his bedroom to start his morning routine. The other person must have left as they didn't seem to be in the apartment and they wouldn't be hiding, would they? So he decided what to wear and laid the outfit on his bed and headed to the bathroom. He showered and shaved and then got dressed and downed his second coffee in one.
Olivia heard the shower go on in the other bathroom. She immediately decided that a quick trip to the kitchen for coffee was a good idea. She heard the shower go off just as she got back and settled on the floor with a coffee, in the largest mug she could find. That was close, she should have just gone with the first mug she came across. As the coffee started to kick in she realised that what she was doing was really odd. She was hiding in her best friends guest bathroom and trying to avoid him at all costs. She needed to get her act together.
She had worked with Cassidy after seeing him naked, so why couldn't she face Rafa. When she had only been pressed against him, both of them fully clothed. She knew that his morning erection was perfectly normal and there was no reason for her, or Rafa, to be embarrassed about it. It had nothing to do with her, just biology. It was just that she had spent so long refusing to think about Rafa as a man that it was a shock to get proof. All of a sudden her memory woke up. The whole night came back to her. Now she really had a good reason to be unable to face him. She told herself she wasn't a coward but continued to sit there going over and over what had happened the night before. Maybe he wouldn't remember her bombarding him with details of her love life, then she could claim she didn't remember either. As she sat there feeling mortified she went over what Rafa had said about his love life. She realised that he must trust her as much as she did him, she just hoped that last night didn't change things between them.
Rafael was still trying to remember what happened the night before and coming up blank. This was seriously annoying as he had a very good, almost photographic, memory. Why wasn't it working? He glanced at the coffee machine and thought that the level was lower than he had left it, but it couldn't be so carried on getting breakfast. He made some toast with peanut butter, poured another coffee and sat at the counter to eat. He was scrolling through his phone, as normal, but not really registering anything as he tried to remember last night.
Meanwhile Olivia was telling herself that she was being silly and that she should just go out there and let Rafa know she was still here. So after a little while and another pep talk she got up, washed her face, combed through her hair with her fingers and tried to look more put together than she actually was. Then she took a deep breath, or two, and opened the bathroom door. Picking up the empty mug she walked out into the hallway and into the living room. Rafa was at the counter eating breakfast and despite the phone in his hand seemed to be staring at the counter instead. He hadn't heard her so she said, "Morning, Rafa." Then had to work really hard not to laugh at the startled expression on his face at her greeting.
Rafael was shocked. It was Olivia, where had she come from? Then all of a sudden the events of the night before dropped into place, resulting in him being unable to form words or coherent sentences.
Olivia held up her mug and said, "I'll just put this in the sink and get out of your hair. From the look on your face I think that will be best." She siddled carefully past him and poured water in the mug and left it in the sink.
Seeing the mug he realised that Olivia was the coffee thief and that the coffee really was lower when he got back from his shower.
As she headed back to the living room he regained the ability to speak. "Where did you go to? I thought I was alone." He said, sounding bewildered. "Liv stop, you don't have to go. We should, maybe, talk about last night." He said putting his hand on her arm to keep her in the kitchen.
Olivia for her part still wanted to get out of dodge and process this morning's events, never mind last night's. "It was just a night of drunken conversation that got a little out of hand. Something we would be better off not remembering." She said avoiding looking at him, even though he tried to get her to.
"Why won't you look at me? Did I do something inappropriate? Did I ruin our friendship? Please tell me. I don't remember doing anything like that, what did I do?" He was so upset about what he must have done that he let his distress show unhindered.
Olivia immediately felt guilty that Rafa was assuming he was at fault when she was the one who should be apologising for acting weirdly. "Rafa, no you didn't do anything. I promise."
"I didn't? Then why?"
"Okay, I guess we do need to talk. But first, I'm starving, is there any chance of breakfast?"
"Of course! What is wrong with me, where are my manners? Mami would kill me if she knew. What do you fancy?"
Looking at the remains of his peanut butter on toast she said, "That looks great, and another coffee?"
Rafael felt a little relieved by the fact that she wasn't acting quite as weirdly now. Whatever it was it couldn't have been too bad. "Okay, coming right up. Sit down while I get it ready."
Olivia sat down and watched Rafa move around his kitchen looking more at home than she thought he would. Once he handed her breakfast and got a refill of coffee he sat down beside her and watched her eat. There was a definite feeling of awkwardness in the air. Olivia wouldn't look at anything but her food, so he tried to enjoy his coffee and waited. When she had finished they moved to the sofa, on either end, unconsciously mirroring the night before.
At first they just looked at each other trying to figure out how to start. Eventually Olivia decided that as she had made Rafa doubt himself and it was her that was causing the awkwardness this morning she should start. "Stop worrying, Rafa. You didn't do anything you shouldn't have, I'm the problem."
"What do you mean, you're the problem?" Rafael queried, totally confused.
"Maybe we should talk about last night first." Chicken, a voice in her head taunted. "Do you regret telling me what you did, Rafa? I know that I don't regret what I told you, I'm just a little embarrassed at the way I kinda forced it on you."
"Hey, don't worry we were both drunk and if I had really wanted to I could have shut you down. Actually I was a little overwhelmed that you would trust me that much. I don't regret telling you what I did. Also, just to be clear, I didn't tell you what I did because I felt I had to. Honestly, telling you was kind of cathartic. Plus it sounded like you really needed someone to prove to you that you weren't the only one with such bad luck in love."
"Cathartic, huh. It's good to know you didn't feel pressured to reciprocate, though. If I'm being honest, it did help to know that there are others just as hopeless at love as me. I just wish you weren't like me, I know how much it sucks."
"Doesn't it just…Okay, so last night we admitted that we found each other attractive. Because of the chaos it would cause with our jobs we haven't acted on it. We are happy just being best friends. We both have terrible luck in love. Does that summarise last night's discussion?"
"Yes, it does."
"Great that puts our drunken confessions to rest. Now, why on earth were you acting so squirrely earlier?" It occurred to him that whatever it was must have happened this morning. The look on her face at his question made him wonder if he should be more worried. She looked a combination of horrified and embarrassed. "How bad is this?"
By now Olivia had her face in her hands hoping for the ground to open up and swallow her. "This is so embarrassing!" She almost whined.
"Alright, if you don't tell me, which will probably kill me, will you be able to stop acting weird?"
Olivia groaned and curled up into a ball. "I don't think so...What's wrong with me? I've worked in SVU for decades, nothing should embarrass me." Was mumbled from underneath the cushion she was now using to hide her face.
"Would writing it down be easier?" Rafael asked, completely baffled by her reaction to his question.
There was a muffed "Nooo" followed by silence. Finally Olivia sat up, took a deep breath and looked at him with a confidence she hadn't had seconds ago. "Okay, I apologise for acting so weirdly. I just don't want to ruin things between us…Let me just say that you are my best friend and we work together better than anyone else I've known. I love being your friend and don't want to lose your friendship…"
"Now you really have me worried. I have no idea what this is about but I don't want to lose your friendship either. I'm starting to wonder now if I really want to know."
"I'm sure I am overreacting, I'm not at my best today. I want it on record that the alcohol is still in my system...So what got me so weirded out was something that happened this morning. Something that I really have no reason to have freaked out about. As I said, alcohol." Olivia chuckled, "I know, excuses, excuses"
"I didn't say a word." Rafel said, not even trying to stop the large grin on his face.
"Okay, Olivia just bite the bullet." She muttered to herself. "This is so silly and I've blown it out of all proportion...When I woke up this morning I was practically laid on top of you. I was figuring out where I was and who I was laying on when I realised I was lying on a man...due to the...uh...very obvious...uh evidence I was ...pressed up against. Which wasn't a problem when my brain commented on said evidence. It became a huge problem when after sitting up I discovered it was you. That comment kept going round my head and all I could think of was how I'd never be able to look you in the eye ever again."
"Very obvious evidence, huh." Rafael chuckled.
"Don't start, you." Olive said, giving him a grumpy look.
"What was the comment, then. I'm dying of curiosity here." He said unsuccessfully trying not to laugh."
"You don't want to know." She snapped.
"Ohh, but I really, really do." He said with that infuriating smirk of his.
Blushing like crazy Olivia hid her head in a cushion. "Your ego is big enough already, but here goes. My initial thought was I don't know anyone that big...Then my evil, curious brain thought that having a look underneath your sweats for a closer look would be a good idea. I didn't though, just having the thought was embarrassing enough that facing you was so difficult."
"You were going to peak!"
Rafael was amazed, he thought she didn't notice he was male. She was beautiful, courageous, brilliant and most definitely a woman. He couldn't help but notice and if a relationship wouldn't have caused professional suicide he would have acted on his attraction. Until last night he thought that all she saw was the ADA and not the man. He realised that she had been pushing the attraction aside and purposely only seeing the ADA.
"It crossed my mind, that was all. Don't make things worse than they are, like I just did." She pleaded.
"I always had the impression that you barely saw me as male. Is getting proof what freaked you out? Because it shouldn't be that much of a shock, I mean I've known you were female from the start." He said slightly exasperated. It hurt his male ego in ways he hadn't felt before.
"Oh, there's no need to come to the defence of your male ego. I've always known you were male, I just tried very hard to ignore it, getting involved with an ADA is not a very good idea."
"You thought about it? Wow. I came to the same conclusion about a relationship early on too.
"You did! You thought about acting on the attraction!"
"Who wouldn't? Was his reply, so relieved that she hadn't missed that he was male that he was admitting to things he probably shouldn't. "So let me just recap again. We both found each other attractive but didn't act on it because of our jobs. We both, despite our jobs, also ended up thinking about acting on the attraction. We both thought the other wasn't interested, so we gave up on it. Instead of having a romance we became best friends."
"That sounds about right. Slightly depressing but what we've done." Olivia said despondently.
"I wouldn't say depressing. Instead of a romantic relationship that might have crashed and burned by now, going by last night's revelations, we have a solid and wonderful friendship. Yes, romance is great but so is what we have now." Rafael countered.
"Trust it to be the grumpy lawyer who is the one looking on the bright side. I should tell the squad you have a softer side."
"No point, they'd never believe you." He said looking at her as if she was out of her mind. "Anyway, as we have hashed out the monumental goings on of last night and this morning. Surprise, surprise I think it's time for coffee. Mami brought over some pastelitos yesterday so we can have some of those as well." Olivia eagerly agreed and helped him by plating the pastelitos while he got the coffee.
They quickly demolished the pile of pastries and were enjoying their second round of coffee when Rafael looked over at Olivia and grinned. "Thank God you're acting normally now, I thought I was...going to...have to...get in touch...with your...shrink." He said laughing all the way through.
Olivia just gave him an evil look and threw a cushion at him. Nailing him in the face she burst out laughing at the shocked look on his face. "You asked for that, you idiot." She managed to get out as she laughed harder than she had for years.
He just joined in, laughing maniacally too. Both of them were just happy and relieved that everything was out in the open and their friendship was just the same.