A/N: Hello all. I'm so so SO sorry it took so long to update this story. There were things happening in my personal life which I won't go into but it ended up interfering with my passion for most things I was enjoying so I had no motivation to write, unfortunately. But I'm back and currently working on chapter 4 while I upload this.

IT GETS BETTER FOR THEM! I know that they're going through it a bit and it does get worse in chapter 4 but this is a darvey story, I'm a darvey shipper, and sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better. I'm writing what comes naturally and what I want to write, knowing full well this won't be for everyone and I understand that completely. But if you can, do hang in there!

Massive thank you to Luisa for her beta magic, as always.

(Also, EVERMORE! thank you Taylor for providing me with a new soundtrack to write this to)

The Waiting Game

Chapter 3

The wedding took place on a Saturday.

After the engagement party, Donna had thrown herself into wedding planning. She called it excitement, though if she was honest it was probably a combination of confusion and nerves that fuelled the planning frenzy.

She'd managed to pull strings and work her Donna magic to find a venue she was utterly in love with and book a date for about 4 months after their engagement. Rachel had helped as much as she could over facetime and Donna's mother, Clara, had been heavily involved. She'd had a needy Louis asking how he could help every other day and Gretchen had helped to pull a few strings despite her reservations about the marriage.

She wasn't the only one who felt unsure about it, even though she was happy for Donna.

Clara felt the same. She'd been happy to see her daughter excited, and she really liked Thomas, but she was worried that things were moving too quickly. There was also the pertinent matter of Thomas Kessler not being Harvey Specter and, while Clara rooted for Donna's happiness the most, she had been somewhat rooting for Harvey as well.

Her husband didn't like him but she'd always been fond of the cocky lawyer. She'd enjoyed his company at the (godawful) dinner party he'd helped Donna to hold for Clara's boyfriend at the time. She'd watched the pair laugh and banter and was pleased when Donna announced he'd helped to cook the meal. Her daughter had many skills and talents but cooking wasn't exactly one of them.

There was the time he'd let Clara and Jim stay in his condo, moving himself to a hotel simply to keep Donna happy. There were multiple stories she'd heard over the years where Harvey put Donna over himself and she couldn't help but hope for that to work out.

Yet there she was, helping Donna get ready to marry someone else. She didn't say anything. She nearly did, mind, nearly asked Donna if she was sure but she held back. She didn't want to rock the boat or come across too strongly, so she left it, letting the wedding go ahead without question.

Harvey decided to sit alone during the ceremony. Mike spotted him and beckoned him over and, for a moment, Harvey considered it. It would be nice to sit with him and Louis but ultimately, he shook his head with a small smile and sat further back.

He felt his throat constrict when the music began to play. It was a piano instrumental of Your Song by Elton John and god, it was really happening.

He'd been able to detach himself from it, denying it was happening even that morning when he was getting ready. Even when he was on his way to the venue, none of it felt real and he didn't feel like he was on his way to watch Donna marry another man.

He forgot to breathe when he saw her.

Her dress was white and strapless with lace embellishments. A mermaid cut with a V-neck that was backless. Backless. Harvey was kicking himself as he watched her walk by. It didn't matter that he wasn't close, he was certain he could see every freckle that painted her back and he wished he could trace over them as he did all those years ago.

There was something about Donna wearing a backless dress that just got to him. He remembered the evening he interrupted her date with Stephen and the dress she was wearing then. He was jealous and that made him even angrier with the guy, and he could feel the jealousy simmering once again as he watched her walk towards the altar on the arm of her father.

Part of him wanted to interrupt it somehow, cause a delay to give Donna the chance to back out. But he knew he couldn't do anything to jeopardise that day, not unless he wanted her to leave for good because he was so sure she would. She had dealt with so much of his bullshit over the years, his inability to communicate with her being a major issue between them, and now wasn't the time for him to put himself first. If she was happy then he wouldn't be the one to crush it.

He wondered whether she'd look for him at some point, held his breath in case she cast her gaze across the room until their eyes locked, but she didn't. He took that as his sign; she was happy, this was her day, this was the man she wanted.

Truthfully, though, Donna didn't dare look for him. She couldn't, she was sure it would throw her off entirely because he'd shoot her some subconscious look of hurt and longing. It didn't matter if he didn't want more, he'd look at her like he did and derail the whole day. If that happened, she wasn't sure how she could resist. He had always had that hold over her.

She almost let out a sigh of relief when the nuptials were over. Something about the ceremony had felt cursed, as if it couldn't possibly go as planned, but she was married.

But she was still Donna Paulsen. That was something she'd said from the start of all the wedding planning. She wasn't prepared to give her name up; whether that was to Thomas or at all she wasn't exactly sure, but she knew she wanted to remain Donna Paulsen and he respected that.

The reception was loud and fun, Harvey actually half enjoyed it. He compartmentalised the event and it made the party side far more bearable. He was laughing and joking with his friends. Then, during the first dance, he found the waves of misery and pain wash over him. However, afterwards, he went back to trying to party, trying his best to ignore the pain and push it to the back of his head while he took advantage of the open bar and live music.

They were only alone briefly. They'd spoken and seen each other around their friends, of course, but only once outside of that.

"Are you happy?" he asked, swirling the champagne inside its glass and looking nervously into it. He wouldn't have asked if it wasn't for the concoction of alcohol in his system, he was sure.

"I am," she replied and he looked up at her with a grin. Somewhat forced, somewhat natural.

"Good," he said with a nod and he meant it.

She nodded back, "Thanks, Harvey."

Then Louis was beside them to tell them about how great the croquembouche was and the moment was over.

.

Donna could safely and proudly say she was glowing. Their honeymoon was the first holiday she'd taken since moving to Harvey's desk in the DA's office. She'd convinced herself she didn't need one and didn't care for one but, boy, was she wrong.

Being able to kick back and relax, do practically nothing for a whole ten days, was bliss. She had so much annual leave stacked up, not to mention Thomas was his own boss, that they could've gone for longer, but they agreed not to because the idea of leaving their business unattended made them nervous. However, having done it, they realised that leaving work behind wasn't as big of a deal as they'd anticipated. There were other people who kept on top of things and, for the first time in a long time, Donna realised the firm could stay afloat just fine without her.

She sauntered into the kitchen, pink dress swaying around her knees, where she found Gretchen. The secretary was pouring coffee into a mug and turned around to see Donna after hearing the clicking of heels.

"Red!" she beamed.

"Hey, Gretchen."

"How was St Lucia?" she asked eagerly.

"Amazing," Donna said. "It was the first holiday I've had for 15 years and it did not disappoint," she gushed. The pair sat down and Donna told Gretchen about the hotel and its spa, the beaches they sunned on, the boat trip they took around the island. The food, the culture, the scenery. She tried to keep it short, they both had work to get back to, but she couldn't help bubble over the amazing time she'd had.

"So, what have I missed around here?" Donna asked after she quickly tried to wrap up her enthusiasm.

"Truth be told, Red, not a lot," Gretchen said with a sigh and the redhead's face contorted in confusion.

"Really?" she asked in surprise and Gretchen shook her head. "Not even for Jennifer in contracts?"

"Nothing," Gretchen said with another shake of her head. "Imagine how boring it's been here for me for the last week and a half?" she scoffed. "Oh, and he's alright."

"What?" Donna said; she swore that woman was some kind of psychic.

"Harvey," she replied. "I know you're wondering but don't want to ask, but he's good. Busy but good."

Donna nodded with a smile that was tinged with a sadness she wasn't sure she could pinpoint.

"Anyway, I have to get back to work before Louis gets himself in a flap," Gretchen said. "It's nice to have you back."

Donna pondered going to see Harvey that day but time slipped away from her amidst her busy schedule. It seemed to have been doing that a lot. Not just time, him, and she didn't know how to tighten her grasp and reel her old life back in.

.

A few weeks later, the firm's management was invited to a charity gala. It was the first time Donna would take her husband, Thomas Kessler, as her date and introduce him as such.

And Harvey was miserable.

He'd been doing really well, actually. He hadn't had a panic attack in months and had been seeing Lipschitz somewhat regularly to keep on top of his feelings and prevent any sudden emotional outbursts. However, there was something about this event that got under his skin.

It was the first one both he and Donna would go to since she'd gotten involved with Thomas, let alone since she married him. He knew she'd take him. After all the years they'd spent together, all the events they'd gone to, neither of them had ever gone with a date. They often kept each other company, winding up at the bar or in a corner because he was tired of the small talk and Donna was the only person in a room full of people who he cared to talk to.

This time, he was at the bar alone, sat there hunched over his fourth Macallan. He tried to avoid looking at her but he just couldn't help himself and found himself glancing over at her over and over again. He saw her smiling with Thomas, laughing with Thomas, dancing with Thomas. He watched Thomas place his hand on the small of her back. He was blinded by the reflection of the light in their rings, their goddamn rings. The perfect reminder of all he'd lost, the dream he held so dearly but had fallen completely out of reach.

"Hey, stranger," he heard from the left of him and he looked up to see his old flame. Dressed in a deep red dress with a plunging neckline, ravishing as always, dark curled hair longer than the last time he saw her.

"Scottie, hi," he said, taken aback. "I didn't know you'd be here," he said as he sat up straighter.

"A nice surprise, I hope," she said playfully.

"Always," he smiled back because it was. Not in the way it used to be, though. He wasn't interested in slinking off to a room of the hotel the venue was housed in, or the bathroom or any corridor, for that matter. He gave it a shot with Scottie, they tried to make it work but it couldn't. Harvey was accepting of that, finally. He knew that he couldn't be there for her when his heart was tied to somebody else by the invisible string that he thought might always hold them together. The only downside was he realised this far too late.

"This seat taken?" she asked and he shook his head, gestured to it with an open palm. She ordered a drink for herself before she continued. "So, what's the great Harvey Specter doing hiding in the corner?"

"I'm not hiding," he mumbled sulkily as he brought his drink to his lips for a sip.

"Could've fooled me," she scoffed. She watched his brow furrow as he stared into his glass. "You didn't tell her, did you?" she said, more accusatory than questioning and Harvey snapped his head towards her.

"I couldn't," he replied.

"Harvey, don't start with-"

"No, you don't understand," he said as he cut her off. "I was going to, or at least I was trying to, and he turned up to pick her up for a date," he explained and he watched Scottie's expression soften. "The next day, she was in my office telling me how happy he makes her and I couldn't do it. I couldn't take that away from her."

"Harvey, I'm sorry," she said softly. She noted the pain in his voice, the regret, the disappointment. She realised she'd misjudged the situation entirely. When she'd found out about the wedding, she'd blamed Harvey and noted him as stubborn and scared. Perhaps she should've blamed time.

"Don't be," Harvey said with a shake of his head. "She's happy, that's what's important."

Scottie hesitated for a moment, unsure whether she should say what was rattling around in her mind.

"I never could've imagined this," she said, which caught his attention. "Donna married to someone else, someone who isn't you… it just seems wrong."

"Scottie," Harvey sighed.

"I'm serious," she replied. "I really thought you two would end up together. I tried to convince myself years ago that you could fall in love with me, even that you had at some points, but deep down, beneath the hurting version of myself, I knew you would only ever be in love with one woman and that woman wasn't me."

"Therapy worked well for you then," he smiled and she expelled a nasal breath, playfully rolling her eyes.

"Maybe I was naïve," she began, "but I really thought she'd wait forever."

Her words caught Harvey off-guard and he swallowed hard. His mouth was suddenly dried out and he tipped the remains of his whiskey back.

"She didn't need to wait forever; we just needed a little more time."

There was a moment's silence between the pair that was filled with a heavy sadness. Scottie knew she couldn't help, not really, but she wanted to try. And she knew Harvey well enough to know he wasn't going to respond to her soft-touch approach.

"Harvey, she's gone," Scottie said, biting the bullet. It was harsh. She knew it was. However, he needed that from her. "She's married to Thomas now and no matter how much you drown your sins, that's not going to bring her back to you. You can't wallow, you can't let it eat at you, destroy you from the inside out. From someone who almost lost themselves to that, I can tell you it's not the answer," she said and her honesty struck a chord with him.

He knew she'd found it hard after their relationship ended and she'd left the firm, she'd told him herself, but he didn't really realise the gravity of that.

"You have to learn to live with it. I'm not saying you need to stop loving her, I don't know that you'll ever be able to, but you need to learn to live without her."

Harvey wasn't sure he wanted to look at Scottie, too many drinks in to mask his emotions. He could feel tears prickling his eyes as he pursed his lips tightly.

But he did look at her, not least because she'd been honest and open with him in order to help him, the least he could do was be open back in a show of gratitude.

He nodded a silent thanks and Scottie knew it was a communication of his gratitude.

.

Only a week later, Donna was in Harvey's office giving him news that felt like a knife to the gut. He was grateful he'd seen Scottie and she'd been brutally honest with him because, although he had already been working on himself, it made him realise he had to accept the loss. And there was no greater loss than the one she hit him with.

She was leaving.

Donna was leaving the firm for a position in HR at an acting agency across the city.

Harvey was amazed he didn't drop to his knees when she told him. It took everything he had not to react negatively. He was mad and hurt and afraid, but he didn't let on. At least he didn't think he did, but she was Donna after all. He congratulated her with a smile and told her he was happy for her, which wasn't completely false. He was happy that she was happy. If this was what it took for her to find that happiness, he had to accept that.

Except Donna had never felt so unsure in her life. She didn't know what the right thing to do was or what would make her happy. She knew staying at the firm had been getting more difficult with every day that passed, and leaving was certainly the most obvious solution. So, why didn't it feel any better?

She needed to put more space between her and Harvey, it was too painful to be near him. It reminded her of dreams she'd had and a life she'd envisioned that she would never get. Not that she wasn't happy with Thomas because she was. She really was so happy, which made it even more frustrating that she had the constant feeling of missing something. As if a part of her was lagging behind, lost in a crowd of people and getting further away with every step forward she took.

The only solution she could come up with was to try and cut that part of her out.

But it hurt, and she was grateful Thomas had a meeting over dinner with a potential investor because she struggled to hold herself together on her way home from the office.

Her façade crumbled the minute she closed the door to her apartment. Her eyes welled with tears and her bottom lip began to tremble as she dragged herself through the hallway to the open living space. She tossed her bag on the couch and proceeded to pour herself a measure of his favourite drink.

The salty sting of the tears that pooled in her eyes forced her to blink, and the action led to their cascade down her cheeks. She didn't try to stop it, instead, she gave in, succumbing to the grief that racked her body.

She sipped the whiskey, her grasp on the glass tight as her hands trembled slightly. Its taste was conflicting; it provided pain and worsened that intangible feeling of loss that overwhelmed her, but there was a strange closure that it brought.

Donna felt ridiculous. She was married, and she was crying over another man. If it had been someone else in her position, she knew she'd be the first to comfort them. It's a loss and it will hurt. Her heart would no doubt ache for days, weeks, maybe even months. Perhaps that was what was the most frustrating thing; she could give others permission to grieve such a loss, but the thought of it plaguing her life for an unpredictable amount of time terrified her.

.

They mentioned going to dinner before her last day, threw the idea of Del Posto into the ring—after missing their last anniversary dinner, for which Donna felt the burden of guilt—but it didn't happen. Neither really wanted it to. It would've been too painful for both of them, making it more real. They stuck their heads in the sand instead.

Harvey didn't see Donna on her last day. He spent it out of the office.

She somewhat expected as much and she wasn't even mad at him for it. Part of her thought it was for the best that he avoided her because one look into those hurting eyes and she would lose all composure.

She didn't want to hurt him; it was the last thing she wanted to do. Both their pain was collateral damage in the only path Donna could see, the only way forward to find the contentment she'd been searching for. She had spent so many years waiting. So many years putting everyone over herself. She just needed to try and do something for her.