AN: I know, lots of feeling after the last chapter… and this one includes the meeting with Roan, so more coming up, I'm afraid! Hope you like it anyway
I don't own anything relating to The 100
Chapter title from "If I Lose Myself" by OneRepublic
See the end of the chapter for warnings
45
You Can Feel the Light Start to Tremble
They only have to wait for half an hour or so before their flight starts boarding, and when they ask all first and business class travelers to proceed to the gate, Clarke pulls Bellamy to his feet.
He gives her a questioning look. "We flying first class now?"
"No, but business," she replies with an innocent smile. "It was the only available seats this late, honest."
He just shakes his head and helps her get her backpack on, but there's an amused smile on his face. "Sure it was. I'm not complaining. I'm guessing they have better toilets up there too." He pauses, glancing around before leaning closer to whisper in her ear. "More space in there can't hurt, right?"
His words send shivers through her, even though she has to admit that their… tentative plans for this flight have completely slipped her mind. She honestly decided to go for the business seats because she knows the seats recline all the way and she's hoping they'll be able to get some sleep.
She doesn't let that on, though. "I wasn't sure if you'd be… in the mood for that after today," she admits, which would have been true if she had thought about it.
Bellamy doesn't respond for a moment, as they give the girl at the desk their boarding passes and passports. Once they're in the jet bridge, though, he shrugs. "It sucked, saying goodbye to them. Even more since I know I won't see them again, which they think, but… I'll be able to talk to them, at least, which is going to be really nice. Plus, we still have a lot of trip left, and I want to enjoy it. I'm not saying I won't get in a funk about it at some point, but I'm trying to put it behind me for now at least."
Clarke reaches out to take his hand and squeeze it. "Good, I want you to have a good time. And any time you feel a… funk coming on, you know I'm here."
She's still sort of waiting for a big breakdown, but she's starting to think it might not be coming. But a family related funk, that she can handle.
"I do know that."
They get their bags stowed away and then sit down as the plane slowly fills to about half. Bellamy gives her a look when the flight attendant starts the safety demonstration and only four other seats in their area are taken. They're in the first row, with the bathrooms just in front of them, and she's actually liking their chances of maybe getting away with this. The galley, where the cabin crew will probably be most of the time, is at the other end of the business class area, so as long as they're discreet, it should be fine.
As soon as they've reached cruising altitude, they're served dinner, and once the trays have been collected again, the lights dim and, as Clarke suspected, the cabin crew disappear to the galley behind them, pulling the drape closed.
There's nobody else in their row of seats, only a middle aged couple one row behind and on the other side of the plane, the middle seats between them, and two business men, by the looks of it, in the third row.
They've reclined their seats and are basically cuddling under both of their blankets, both wordlessly agreed to give it a little while, so the other passengers will have time to – hopefully – fall asleep. After half an hour or so, someone in the third row starts snoring, and when she pushes herself up a little to be able to look across the aisle, she can see that the couple are both wearing eye masks, so even if they're not asleep, they won't see anything. Which means at least three out of four.
Bellamy seems to have reached the same conclusion, and her heart rate immediately increase when he inches closer, one warm hand on her stomach.
"So…" he starts, voice low. "How do you want to do this?"
She turns onto her side, again grateful for the almost roomy seats, and he mirrors her position, so they're face to face. His hand moves slightly, one finger just dipping inside the waistband of her pants.
"I'm thinking maybe some… prep-work out here," she replies, just as quietly. "I honestly don't want to be in there for longer than absolutely necessary. But we can't be too obvious about it either."
He leans in for a kiss, innocent enough, and then pulls back before slipping his hand inside her pants and underwear.
"Sounds good," he agrees, voice already a little husky. "I don't think the cabin crew will come out unless someone pushes their call button, or they need to use the bathroom themselves, but we can't be sure about that. And everyone probably won't sleep, so… discretion is key."
"Exactly," Clarke manages to get out, still keeping her voice down, just before he slides one finger between her folds. She bites her lip to keep her face from making it obvious what they're up to, and then moves closer, tucking herself under his chin so she's more or less hidden from view. If someone were to pass them, it'll probably look like they're both asleep.
"Shit," he murmurs, teasing her clit briefly before pushing a finger inside her. "You've been thinking about this, huh? You're so wet."
"Mm-hm." She has been thinking about it, ever since he brought it up in the boarding line. Trying to shift the blankets as little as possible, she wraps her hand around him as well as she can, considering he's wearing khaki shorts, but she doesn't want to undo the button to get her hand inside. He's already half-hard and hisses a little at her touch. "Quiet," she reminds him, pressing a kiss to his chest through his t-shirt.
His reply is to add another finger, curling both slightly to hit the perfect spot, and she has to squeeze her lips together to keep quiet herself.
Considering the extenuating circumstances, they don't try to draw things out. Bellamy gets her off in maybe five minutes, her fingers digging into the seat beneath her as the waves crash over her, and then slides his hand out of her pants.
"Bathroom?" he whispers against her hair, and she releases him to pull back.
"I'll go first, wait a minute and then follow me," she says. "Knock once."
He just nods as she slips out from under the blanket and climbs over him.
Clarke's pretty sure nobody's passed their seats since the lights were dimmed, even if she was a little preoccupied for a while, but when she sees that all four lavatories are unoccupied, it's still a relief. She glances back at the cabin, confirming that the other business class passengers are indeed asleep, or at least have their seats reclined and their eyes closed, and making sure none of the cabin crew are in view, then slips inside the lavatory closest to their seats.
It might be the longest minute of her life, waiting in the cramped little bathroom. When the single, low knock finally comes at the door, she hurriedly slides it open to let Bellamy inside. He closes the door behind him and locks it again, turning the lights on.
"Nobody saw you?" she asks, reaching out to undo the button in his pants.
He shakes his head and takes over, getting his shorts undone and pushing them down along with his boxers. She steps closer, wrapping her hand around him fully and pulling him down for a kiss, feeling his hands go to her hips to push her pants and underwear down.
"Turn around?" he suggests when they break the kiss. "I don't really want to try to get you up onto that sink."
Clarke nods in agreement, turning so she's bracing herself against the wall behind the toilet. She closed the lid earlier, and makes sure to keep her hands as far from the flush button as she can, so they won't accidentally draw attention to themselves.
Her pants and underwear are around her knees, and she's not particularly keen on pushing them down further, so she spreads her legs as much as she can. She feels Bellamy move in behind her, his dick hard against her butt.
"Not the best position," he notes in her ear, sliding a finger inside her briefly, to make sure she's still ready for him, she assumes, though when he thinks she might have stopped being wet, she has no idea.
"Come on," she replies, pushing back against him, and he chuckles quietly.
"So bossy." But he does shift so he's positioned at her entrance and then pushes inside her, burying a groan against her neck. "Fuck."
"Yes, please," she breathes out.
He presses his mouth against her throat, his breath hot against her skin, and starts moving, short but hard thrusts that soon have her biting her own arm to keep from making any sound.
Clarke wasn't expecting to get off in here, honestly, and considering he made her come on his finger earlier, she's pretty sure Bellamy wasn't either. Still, when he comes apart inside her after only a few minutes, he finds her clit with one rough finger and pushes his other hand under her shirt and bra to twist her nipple, and she falls over the edge on the aftershocks of his orgasm.
They stay still for a moment, both catching their breath, and then he steps back and slips out of her. "OK, that was… yeah, fucking amazing."
She lets out a low chuckle at his words before pulling her underwear and pants up and turning around. "Ready to see if we got away with it?"
He pales a little at her words but nods anyway. "Not like we can stay in here for the next six hours."
There's nobody by the lavatories, though, and the only thing that's changed in the business class area is that the other business man has started snoring as well.
They get settled in their seats again, in basically the same position as before. Bellamy looks a little shell shocked, almost.
"I can't believe we actually did that," he mumbles.
"But in a good way, right?" Clarke asks, pulling the blanket up as far as it can go. It's almost ten, Manila time, which means midnight in Sydney, so if they're lucky, they can get five or six hours of sleep before they land.
"A great way," he replies, suppressing a yawn. "Sleep?"
"Mmm, yeah, good idea."
And they actually do manage to fall asleep, waking up to a flight attendant shaking Bellamy's shoulder.
"I'm sorry, we're about to land in Sydney," she says with a professional smile when they blink up at her. "I have to ask you to put your seats in the upright position for landing."
"OK, thank you," Bellamy replies, rubbing his eyes.
They do as they're asked and then doze until the plane actually touches down.
Their hotel is a short walk from the CBD, with views of the harbor and opera house, and once they've found a cab, it's only a twenty minute drive.
"Sleep some more or explore now and go to bed early?" Clarke asks when they're checked in.
Bellamy glances at his watch – ten to eight. "Maybe a couple of hours sleep? Assuming we're doing general sightseeing before the boat ride, it's not like many places will be open for another two hours anyway."
"Good thinking."
So she sets her alarm for ten thirty and pulls the curtains closed before crawling between the sheets. He joins her a moment later, sliding one arm around her waist to pull her closer until her back's pressed up against him.
"Did the blonde flight attendant give you a funny look when we were getting off the plane?" he asks.
"What? No."
He's quiet for a moment. "I thought maybe she knew what we were up to and wanted to, I don't know… let us know she knew."
She can't help a chuckle. "I think the more likely explanation is that she thought you were hot and was appreciating the view."
"Right…"
"Or she did hear us, but so what? It's not like we'll ever see her again."
"True."
She slides her hand over his and interlaces their fingers. "Now be quiet so I can sleep."
When her alarm goes off two hours or so later, Clarke's alone in the bed and the sound of the shower is coming from the bathroom. She turns the alarm off and goes to open the curtains and let some light into the room before flopping back onto the bed and waiting for her turn in the shower.
The bathroom door opens ten minutes later and Bellamy emerges, wearing a pair of sweatpants and toweling his hair dry. A smile spreads on his face when he sees that she's awake. "Morning. Sleep OK?"
"I did, yeah," she confirms. "Did you sleep at all?"
"Yeah, I just woke up, like, five minutes before the alarm was going to go off, so I figured I might as well get a head start in the shower."
He sits down next to her on the bed and she steals a kiss before getting to her feet. "Let me just take a quick shower too and then we can go in search of breakfast."
They leave the hotel twenty minutes later with recommendations for a coffee shop just across the street which turns out to have wonderful breakfast.
When they're both pleasantly full of eggs and pancakes, they set their sights on the CBD, through the park surrounding the art gallery and past St Mary's Cathedral with the Sydney Tower in the background. They stroll around the area around the harbor more or less aimlessly, taking a closer look at the opera house and the bridge in the distance.
"You don't regret not going for the bridge climb?" Clarke asks when they're sitting on a bench overlooking the water, taking a short break. "There might still be spots available while we're here."
Bellamy shrugs next to her. "You're the one who suggested it, it seemed unnecessary to spend that much money on something I'm not really interested in doing." He glances at her. "Unless you really want to."
"Nope, I'm good," she assures him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "It was just listed on most websites I found when I googled 'things you can't miss in Sydney', so I wanted to suggest it."
They return along the quay a few minutes later and continue their exploration, grabbing some coffee and a bagel around mid-afternoon. They're on their way to the harbor for their sunset dinner cruise some time later when Clarke pauses.
"Something wrong?" Bellamy asks, coming to a stop himself.
"No, just…" She glances at her watch. "We're not in a hurry, do you mind making a brief pit stop?"
He's still frowning at her. "Of course not…"
"Come on." She grabs his hand and pulls him along down the street they just crossed. As she thought, they find the building she expected half a block down. "Sydney's Soul Keeper building. Or one of them, I guess."
"OK… you know someone here you want to say hi to, or…"
She glances up at him. "Probably, but I figured we could see if anyone knows where Roan lives."
That makes Bellamy freeze – not that he was moving to begin with, but she knows him well enough by now that she can pick up on the minute change in his posture. "Roan, right, that's the guy who tried to…"
"Yeah," Clarke takes over when he trails off. "Raven hasn't been able get a hold off him so either he's not using his phone anymore, or he doesn't want to talk to people, and she couldn't find an address either, but he is stationed here, so someone has to know where he lives."
He nods thoughtfully. "To be honest, I had kind of forgotten about him."
"We don't have to…" She pauses, tries to find the right words. "Do you not want to talk to him? I mean, I sort of got the impression you were just humoring me when we talked about it, and we really don't have to, but I just… he's probably the person with the most knowledge about all of this, it seems like a waste to not at least talk to him."
Bellamy's quiet for so long she almost nudges him, just to make sure he hasn't fallen asleep standing or something. Finally, though, he lets out a long breath. "When we talked about it, I was… yeah, I was kind of just agreeing because I knew you wanted to do this, but… let's at least meet with him. Like you said, it'd be a waste to be here and not look him up."
She reaches out to squeeze his hand. "Thank you."
"So how do we do this? Does this place have a… reception or something?" He tries to see in through the frosted door to the building.
"No, it's basically just an apartment building," Clarke explains. "I just wanted to make sure I knew where it was, I figured we could see if someone's coming or going when we're in the area."
He gives her an amused look. "Great plan."
She elbows him in the ribs. "Shut up."
They can't really hang around too long, though, but to her relief – and surprise – the door opens just a minute or so later, and a woman who looks vaguely familiar emerges.
Clarke quickly puts on a smile and is rewarded with one in return, polite at first but then a little warmer when the woman probably realizes that she's another Keeper.
"Hi," Clarke greets. "My name's Clarke, I think we must have met at some point but I'm afraid I don't actually remember when…"
The woman lets out a short laugh. "Don't worry, I know the feeling – faces do sort of start bleeding together after a few decades. I'm Lorelei, it's nice to meet you."
Clarke joins in the laugh. "They do. Nice to meet you, Lorelei."
"Are you new in town, or…?"
She glances at Bellamy, who's stayed a little behind her during the conversation. "No, we're actually just visiting for a few days."
Her use of the plural pulls Lorelei's attention to Bellamy, and Clarke can see the moment she spots his Number – 68 today. She's been avoiding looking at it lately, because it hurts a little more each day.
"I see. I hope you have a nice stay then." She frowns. "Are you visiting someone in the building?"
"Not exactly. We're actually looking for Roan King."
Realization dawns on Lorelei's face. "Of course. He doesn't live here, but you should be able to find him… today is Monday, so he'll be at Balmoral Beach. He lives in a motorhome, moves around every day, but he has a schedule. He should be at Bondi tomorrow and… I don't actually know other than that, but I can check with a friend, he should have a better idea, they're closer than I am with Roan. He might even be able to get in touch with him, if you want."
"We're actually going to Bondi Beach tomorrow morning anyway, so we can check there first, and maybe get in touch with you if we don't find him?" Clarke suggests.
"Absolutely." Lorelei pulls a notepad from her bag and writes down her phone number on a page in it before ripping it out and handing it to Clarke. "You shouldn't have any trouble finding him, just look for the largest RV you can find. There are usually at least a couple of surfboards somewhere around, and he has a dog."
Clarke puts the phone number in her pocket and offers Lorelei a smile. "Thank you so much. I assume you were on your way somewhere, and we're actually heading down to the harbor to do a boat tour, so…"
"I do need to get going, yes," Lorelei agrees, glancing at Bellamy again, her eyes darting to his forehead. "I hope Roan can… I hope you find what you're looking for."
Clarke just nods, and Lorelei offers her another smile before turning away.
She watches the other Keeper walking away for a moment, before resolutely turning to Bellamy. They'll meet Roan tomorrow and he'll have an idea or he won't. She's not going to let worrying about it ruin the rest of their day. "Come on, we should get going."
Bellamy seems to have reached the same conclusion, because he quickly starts talking about the upcoming boat tour with an excitement that soon has her smiling again.
They find the dock and their boat without trouble, and by the time the sun dips below the horizon, painting the sky all different shades of pink and purple, they're in the middle of the harbor, enjoying a delicious three course meal.
Which feels like a good end to their first day in Sydney.
-100-
Their surf lesson the next day isn't until noon, so they don't have to get up early, but since they were both fast asleep by ten thirty, it's no wonder they're up and about by eight in the morning.
"Do you want to just grab breakfast and head over there?" Clarke asks when she's scrolled through her entire Facebook feed, Instagram and the news. And it's only nine o'clock.
"Yeah, why not?" Bellamy agrees. "We can check out the beach first, or see if we can find Roan."
So they pack one of their backpacks with towels and their swimming suits before going across the street for breakfast again, and then catch an Uber to Bondi Beach.
Which means they have about two hours to themselves before the actual surfing lesson.
The Uber drops them off at the start of the car park, and Clarke shields her eyes with her hand, trying to see if she can spot a huge RV with surfboards and dog stuff.
"Come on, let's just walk along the parking lot," Bellamy suggests, interlacing their fingers and pulling her along.
When they get to the boardwalk, though, they still haven't found the RV – there are a bunch of minivans and SUVs and jeeps with surfboards strapped to the roofs, the front, the back, and even a trailer that's seen better days, but no RV.
"Maybe he's not here yet," she says, not quite disappointed but… a little anxious. She was hoping to get it over with, whatever it ends up being.
"I think there's another parking lot up ahead," he replies, nodding in that direction.
So they continue along the beach until they reach the end of the boardwalk and, sure enough, there's the RV Lorelei told them about. She did say it was big, but Clarke's still not quite prepared for the monstrosity they find. Size wise, it's more bus than RV, taking up five parking spots and then some. On the side facing the lawn, there's a huge TV and what looks like built in speakers under an awning, along with one of those hammocks with stands.
"Do we, like… knock or something?" Bellamy asks, frowning.
"I guess," she agrees, ducking under the awning to approach the door to the RV. She knocks twice and waits.
"Maybe he's out surfing," Bellamy suggests when they haven't had a response in a minute. "Really, how long can it take to get from one end of that to the other? And I don't hear a dog either, so…"
"Maybe, yeah."
There are some surfers out in the water, catching what waves there are, so they cross the parking lot and head down the closest set of stairs to the beach and sit down on one of their towels a few feet away, so as not to miss him when he goes back to his RV.
Clarke looked Roan up after Raven mentioned him – he doesn't have any social media presence himself, but the local Soul Keeper organization has a Facebook page, and they had posted some photos of the local members where she found him – so she knows who to look for.
The dog finds them first, in the end, barreling out of the surf and barking happily before flopping down in the sand in front of them, spraying them with salty water.
"I apologize, he can be a little… enthusiastic."
The voice pulls Clarke's attention from the animal in question to the man standing over them, long hair in a ponytail, surfboard under one arm. His eyes widen slightly in recognition.
"Hi, Roan," she greets him with what feels like a weak smile.
He scrutinizes her for a moment, before smiling back. "Clarke, right?" When she nods, he continues. "We were in New York at the same time in the mid-nineties, weren't we?"
It's more than Clarke remembers, but if he says so, it's probably true. "I knew I recognized you from somewhere."
He nods thoughtfully. "Yes. I don't think we… ran in the same circles, but I do remember going to at least one of Raven's infamous parties."
"That must be it." Bellamy shifts next to her, petting the dog who's flopped onto his back, reminding her of why they're here. "Roan, this is my boyfriend, Bellamy. Bellamy, Roan King."
Bellamy looks up and Clarke watches as Roan freezes slightly. "Ah."
"Good thing we don't even need to say anything, huh?" Bellamy says, shooting Clarke a smirk.
"Really saves time, yeah."
Roan looks around them for a moment. It's not technically summer, so the beach's definitely not as crowded as it could be, but there's still a lot of people around.
"Why don't we go back to my place," he suggests. "Talk in private."
Clarke nods and lets him help her to her feet, grabbing Bellamy's hand when they follow Roan across the sand.
There's a completely new feeling inside her, like nothing she's ever experienced before. Part of her is anxious, eager to find out what Roan has to say, because maybe, just maybe, he can actually help. But a larger part doesn't want to be anywhere near here, wants to just turn on her heel and run until she can't run anymore. She has to physically stop herself from actually doing it, squeezing Bellamy's hand so hard she's probably cutting off his circulation. He doesn't say anything, but rubs the back of her hand with his thumb in what would normally be a soothing motion.
Roan unlocks the RV and holds the door open for them before following them inside.
She's sure the inside of the RV is just as luxurious as the outside, but all she really registers is the plush leather armchair Roan leads her to. Bellamy keeps hold of her hand and sits down next to her, and Roan claims another armchair across from them.
"So, no, I don't need to ask why you're here," he starts. "But I can't help you."
She had been expecting that, but actually hearing it still makes Clarke's ear buzz and she barely hears Bellamy when he speaks.
"Can you maybe talk us through your ideas, at least? The ones you ended up not trying to do something with."
"Of course. As I'm sure you already know, we decided that the best chance we had would be to cross the date line in such a way that we went directly from the date before my girlfriend's DOD to the date after it, theoretically skipping that particular date completely, which didn't work. We had a few other ideas that we disregarded along the way, one of which was trying to… reset her Number, I suppose, by stopping her heart and then starting it again."
Clarke looks up at him abruptly. "Could that work?"
He offers her a sympathetic smile. "I'm afraid someone did try that one a few years ago, with no luck. Best case scenario, you get the heart beating again and the person lives out the remainder of their days as if nothing happened, worst case… well, cardiac arrest and oxygen deprivation can cause serious brain damage quickly, especially if you don't know what you're doing."
She deflates again, slumping back in the chair.
"I thought you might be able to simply postpone it," Bellamy says. "I understand that you can, theoretically, avoid a specific time and cause of death, so I figured if you just kept doing that until midnight, maybe that would… reset it, like you said."
Roan considers that for a moment. "It's certainly a theory, one we did consider but ultimately decided against, since you can't affect the COD, and hers was heart failure. As far as I know, nobody's been able to postpone it enough to reach midnight. But perhaps if the original time of death is close to it, it might be possible."
"That's what I thought too."
"How many times has someone been able to postpone it?" Clarke pipes in, because she hasn't had a chance to look that up herself since Bellamy mentioned it.
"I think the most I've heard is three times," Roan replies. "After which, the person in question died from some sort of medical issue."
Bellamy nods, as if this confirms his theory. "That's the problem, that you can't affect medical causes."
"Exactly." Roan pauses, looking between them. "You want my opinion? Let this go. There's nothing you can do, don't waste time trying to find a solution that isn't out there. If I could go back… let's just say I wouldn't spend a year and a half trying to come up with ways to trick fate. I would try to make the most of the time we did have."
For some reason, his assumption that they're doing that ruffles Clarke. "We're not, actually," she almost snaps, feeling Bellamy squeeze her hand. "Raven was looking into it and suggested talking to you, but we're not on some… wild goose chase for the Holy Grail or something."
Roan holds up his hands in the universal sign of surrender. "My apologies. I just assumed, since you were here…"
"We're actually doing a round the world trip," Bellamy tells him. "Started in Iceland back in January, continuing to New Zealand on Friday and then… Bora Bora, South America and the classic American road trip. You just happened to be at one of our stops and we figured it couldn't hurt."
Roan's quiet for a long moment before he speaks again. "Then you're doing this the right way," he finally says, a sad smile on his face and a wistful tone to his voice. "And I hope you enjoy the rest of your time together."
"Don't worry," Clarke tells him. "We plan to."
They say their goodbyes and leave the RV. She can feel Roan's eyes on her as they cross the parking lot again and doesn't allow herself to slump down in the sand until she's sure they're out of his line of sight.
Bellamy sits down next to her and wraps an arm around her, pulling her close. "You OK?"
She lets out a watery laugh. "Me? You're the one who…" She trails off, not wanting to finish the sentence.
"But the thing is, I wasn't expecting this to lead to anything," he tells her, and she pulls back enough to be able to look at him.
He looks… calm. Not upset, not even resigned, which she might have expected, but simply calm.
"I honestly didn't think I was either," she admits. "But obviously…"
"It's only human," he says with a half-smile. "Honestly, in a way, it's a relief to have it over, because it feels like we can let it go now."
She immediately feels guilty, wondering if this has been hanging over his head since Raven told her about Roan.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to… I don't know, honestly, but whatever it's been doing, I'm sorry."
Bellamy actually laughs at that. "Don't worry, it's not like it's been taking up a big part of my mind or anything, but it has been… it's been there, you know? Like when there's something at your periphery that you can't quite see."
"Then I'm glad that's gone."
He leans in for a quick kiss. "Me too. Now let's go surfing."
Chapter warnings: explicit sexual content