"How'd I get back to the mansion…."
Subaru was starting to sit up while clutching his head, but before he had a chance to look around the room a bell like voice assailed him with a barrage of words at high speed.
"Subaru, are you okay? How are you feeling? We were realllly worried you know. Also, Subaru its really bad for a kid like you to be drinking and doing drugs, I'm really disappointed to hear that you know, you're going to turn into a delinquent!"
At that Emilia stopped her rapid-fire mothering of Subaru as he looked down disappointed, whether this was due to his EMT's disappointment in him or due to how she called him a kid is unknown however. He didn't even have time to point out how nobody says delinquent anymore before Petra took her chance with the break in the conversation.
"Subaru-sama welcome back!" as she rushed at him to give him a hug, only to stop at the last moment and turn bright red, (Emilia might've developed a split personality if she had cared about her title as the reddest).
"What's wrong Petra" said Subaru as he was confused by her sudden display of embarrassment, but Petra wasn't the one to respond.
"You aren't wearing any clothes under the blanket, I suppose"
"BEAKO WHAT ?! Where'd my clothes go? What'd you guys do to me when I was out, this isn't going to help my reputation as a lolimancer yaknow?!" said Suabru as he tightly grasped the blanket around himself to ensure it wouldn't fall off.
"Betty was going to ask you that, in fact. Last thing we know is that you were wearing panties and a bra, attempting to impregnate Otto. If you could tell Betty what happened when you were alone that would be helpful, I suppose."
Subaru put his hand to his chin as he slightly smirked while he reminisced over his antics of the previous life as Natsumi Schwarz, but this ended up setting Emilia off.
As she saw that Subaru reacted positively, even seemed happy when he thought about what he did to Otto. Was Subaru actually gay? But he had told her that he loved her all the time, but than again he tried to make a baby with Otto. Although she wasn't sure what love was exactly, after the whole debacle with Regulus Emilia told herself that if she was to love someone than it would be Subaru. But now it seems that his interest may have shifted elsewhere, was it because she took too long….
"Stupid Barusu, Emilia-sama may have been so repulsed by your manhood that she smashed your head into the ground, but she deserves the rest of the story, so spill your guts, literally."
"Emilia-tan smashed my head into the ground because she was repulsed by my manhood? Wait, Emilia-tan saw my manhood?"
As Subaru sat there in utter shock and embarrassment over his manhood being possibly witnessed by an angel, that he didn't notice Emilia burning up. She was turning so red that Regulus would probably fear for his rights as an individual if he saw her.
"EMA?!" (According to google translate Aka = red)
"Focus stupid Barusu, Emilia-sama may be too embarrassed to focus but at least tell Ram what happened"
"Me too Subaru-sama!"
"Don't leave Betty out, I suppose"
"Okay, Okay alright, I'll start from where I left Garfiel than."
Subaru looked down proudly at his homemade mock-sabi. Using his pocketknife he had carefully cut down and than chopped the horseradish into incredibly fine bit, than using a shot glass and mug he had mashed the small bits into a paste. But there was something just a bit off about his creation, it just didn't smell or look exactly right compared to the normal mock wasabi he had eaten back in Japan.
"Here goes nothing I guess"
Subaru than took a tiny bit of the paste he had made and put it inside his mouth, expecting the normal heat that even fake wasabi gave off but that never came, instead a different feeling slowly came on.
"VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM"
"ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK"
"VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM"
Subaru sat on the edge of his bed in a race car drivers' position, hands on an invisible wheel and leaning into every turn while making sound effects.
"Excuse me sir, are you okay, do you need assistance?"
Subaru's driving simulator was rudely interrupted by a young girl with platinum hair who had just barged into his room, seemingly out of concern as an employee of the establishment.
"WATCH OUT LITTLE GIRL" Subaru screamed as him jumped at her, tackling her to the ground.
"DON'T WALK INTO THE ROAD, YOU'RE GOING TO GET HIT BY A CAR"
The shocked expression from being unexpectedly tackled quickly disappeared from the girls face however as she simply said, like an order "Calm down and let me up."
And than as if this command was magic the craziness completely left Subaru and he simply stood up to let the young girl get up.
The young girl began to monologue to Subaru, but with a slightly condescending tone, hinting that she may be completely obsessed with herself.
"Truth be told after seeing what you bought in the market, I expected that you'd be in a somewhat odd state. But forcing a young girl to the ground was definitely beyond even what I could predict, Natsuki Subaru you truly are the lolimancer, assailing my young maidenly body like that."
"HUAHHHHH? Lolimancer? Ahhh I see, you almost had me there Otto, almost fell for the prank but I see right through you"
And after realizing that he was being pranked by his bro Otto Subaru tried to pull off the wig that Otto must have been wearing to have his hair seem so much longer than normal, reaching as far as his waist in his current get up. But he ran into one problem.
It wasn't a wig
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, WHY ARE YOU PULLING MY HAIR, WHY DO YOU THINK IM THAT FILTHY MERCHANT, YOU TWO CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES"
And with that the wrath and anger that had been on her face was replaced with one of mischief.
"Oh, yeah. Literally go fuck Otto, but as Natsumi Schwarz and you can stop being calm."
And than as if by magic, Natsuki Subaru was transformed into Natsumi Schwarz. As well whatever drug he had ingested from his wasabi-that-definitely-wasn't-wasabi began to affect him once again as he walked out the door.
Everything was a mess for Natsumi, colours had their intensity turned to insanity, she thought there were people in her peripheral vision but when she turned to look, there was nothing there. This was honestly starting to freak her out, but she had a mission. She was being driven by what felt like an insatiable longing for Otto, and because of this longing she kept moving forward.
When she entered the bar where she knew Otto would be everything went quiet, it was like the whole room stopped to focus their undivided attention onto her, but her attention was focused solely on Otto. He just looked so cute to her when he was just sitting there talking to his friend, it was even cuter how he was completely panicking when he was trying to hold a conversation with her after his friend left. And than when he got really bashful her heart just wanted to explode, but another part of her wanted to push things forward just a tiny bit faster.
To do this she decided to get him just a little bit more trashed than he already was, some really strong alcohol could probably do it.
But as Natsumi walked towards the bar it became apparent to everyone who could see her that some substance was definitely screwing with her. Every little angle or bump in the floor felt massive, this made her oddly sway massively to one side or take a really odd gate as she tried to correct for the massive defects that she thought were in the floor, even though they were entirely in her mind. It was honestly amazing that she even got to and back from the bar without falling over.
What was even worse though is after she got back, Otto was acting extremely formal. He was using 'san' like they had just met or were coworkers or something, doesn't he know that all Natsumi wanted was to be with him, to be close to him?
But Natsumi wouldn't be stopped by the man who was her hearts desire going full virgin mode, she would turn him into the chad she desired, she would drop hints like The Little Boy. She put on her best pout as she corrected him on how he should've referred to her to try and telepathically transmit the idea of what she wanted.
"IT WAS HAPPENING!" Natsumi thought proudly. Through all her coercion and aggressiveness, she has started to awaken Otto's inner chad from the virgin shell it had been encased in. It may have been the result of mainly her efforts, but Otto seemed to be finally taking the chad route, he was finally starting to undo her dress.
But once she felt her dress fall away the atmosphere of the room suddenly changed, as the word 'trap' left Otto's lips it was like an immense magic was released from within her, and with that Natsumi Schwarz was no more, in her place was Natsuki Subaru.
Subaru was left in an incredibly awkward position that he had no memory of reaching. He was clad in woman's undergarments modified to give him the appearance of a woman's body, while straddling his brother with his thighs. Such a situation was extremely odd and awkward even by Alabama standards.
Subaru needed to somehow spin this situation into some kind of joke or Otto might think he was actually gay, and that would end his chances with Emilia, and lead to more disgusting nicknames like lolimancer or harem knight, or shudders bro-clapper.
That's when the realization hit him, he would spin this as though he was just so attractive that nobody could resist him, he wasn't the harem knight because he was after loli's, the loli's just couldn't resist him and he was going to show that by proving that his own brother was trying to clap his cheeks.
And so, he struck a pose and prepared to deliver a line so cool that it would end Otto as he felt a something hard smash into his face and everything went dark.
Subaru woke up just as the sun was starting to stream into the room, even though everything seemed hazy to him he decided to take a look around the room.
The window was strangely left open allowing a cool breeze to come in, but this breeze was making his chest and thighs feel strangely cold, too cold. And that's when he noticed his state of dress.
"Whaaaaa?! Why am I only wearing a bra and panties?" raced through Subaru's mind, then he saw the dress on the bed with the blankets in complete disarray, and realized he woke up on the floor.
Subaru than looked down at the pair of womens underwear he was currently wearing as a look of shock and horror crossed his face.
"Emilia-tan will never forgive me…."
Than suddenly grabbing his head and screaming he lamented his current situation.
"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah my heads still so fuzzy, I'll go back to my room and try to wake myself up than deal with this whole mess."
And with that Subaru left the room, realizing as he stood in the hall, he was only one over from his own room, which meant that he had spent the night on the floor of Otto's room.
Once within his own room Subaru tried splashing water on his face from the basin, but it didn't clear the fog from his head, and that's when he noticed the wasabi still it's the bowl on a side table.
"My knifes still there beside it and covered in residue so I must've made this yesterday, I wish I could remember last evening….."
And that's when an idea hit Subaru like a bag of bricks.
"Ha every Japanese youth does this at least once and always regrets it enough to never do it again, it definitely clears some parts of you up so hopefully this works."
Then with a slight hint of pain as he thought back about his childhood in Japan, Subaru put the half of the remaining wasabi in his mouth and swallowed.
But Subaru was met with no burn nor feeling of death that normally came with eating a wasabi ball, instead a new and even worse haze came upon him as everything slowly went black once again.
"Well that's the last thing I remember before I woke up here, so I was going to ask you what happened to my underwear but you seem just as lost as I am."
Subaru than sat there rubbing his head when a familiar blond hair boy stuck his head in.
"In regards t' that Cap'n, my amazin' self that them women's clothes were emasculatin' so I got rid of 'm. Also the rest of that stuff ya call wasabi is in the carriage."
"YOU STRIPPED ME?!" Shouted Subaru in disbelief
"Garf, Disgusting…" said Ram as she burned a a hole through him with her gaze
Deciding that his presence wasn't wanted Garfiel slinked away before he did something to cause Ram to actually kill him.
"Emilia-sama, Beatrice-sama, Ram believes that if Barusu is done telling his story than he should clean himself up. Ram isn't happy about the extent that Barusu's vile body has violated Roswaal-sama's floor."
"There's some stuff I would realllly like to ask Subaru abou…"
"Yes that is fine in fact, but come over here first, I suppose"
Emilia was hesitant at letting Subaru leave, but she was cut off rudely by Beatrice. Even more oddly though is how Ram went over to Beatrice who began whispering in her ear. Ram than looked towards Emilia with a "are you sure?" look plastered on her face, but Beatrice merely nodded.
Ram than turned towards Petra and began implementing Beatrice's plan.
"Can you aid Barusu to his room, he may be too pathetic to walk. As well be carful when you get there as Barusu may have only been pretending to be gay, he may try disgusting things if you drop your guard. Ram must do something for Beatrice-sama and than go attend to Roswaal-sama."
Then with a quick "Yes Ram-oneesama" Petra helped Subaru to his room while Ram headed towards where the carriage was left.
Then with just the two left in the room Emilia turned towards Beatrice with a slight pout on her face.
"I wanted to find out if Subaru was gay, why did you let him go? This is really bothering me, and I still had a lot of questions I wanted to ask..."
"Have you run out of red so you switched back to pouting I suppose? Didn't Betty tell you she had a plan, and now that he is gone Betty will explain your role in it, all will be ready once Ram returns, in fact."
And with that Beatrice began to explain the masterplan to determine if Subaru was gay or not to Emilia, Emilia only showed an expression of fear as her mouth opened and face turned red in embarrassment the more she heard.