Ram had returned to the room with Beatrice and Emilia after finishing the task assigned to her by Beatrice, the objectives of said task having been placed on the table in front of her.
"Ram has retrieved the two items you wanted from their carriage Beatrice-sama, is there anything else you require?"
"Could you keep Petra occupied for the next while I suppose. Betty will not have the strength to stop her interference once we begin."
"Yes Beatrice-sama"
And with that the uncharacteristically diligent Ram headed off to safeguard Beatrice's grand plan from being utterly destroyed by Petra. Now it was just Emilia and Beatrice alone once again with the two items that Ram had brought, a mug and tracksuit that should have been eerily familiar from the stories that they'd heard from the trio.
"Are you sure this will work Beatrice? I'm realllly nervous, I've never done anything like this and I'm over 100 years old! Are you realllllly sure we should do this, what if Subaru gets mad and ends up hating me…"
Emilia nervously started off with her face burning up but as she got more and more of her thoughts out it seemed that her embarrassment was replaced by sadness and a slight bit of self loathing more than anything.
However this doubt in a plan that was made partially for Emilia's benefit seemed to slightly tick Beatrice off, sending her into a fit of loli-rage which caused her to raiser he voice and swing her arms around as she went into a little rant about just how done she was with the half-elf.
"You're insufferable I suppose! Betty masterminded this plan because YOU wanted to know if Betty's contractor was gay, and now that we get to the point of action you're having doubts, in fact! If you're afraid than I guess give up now, but you'll never know if Subaru is gay, I suppose."
With her rant over Beatrice "hmphed" while crossing her arms at Emilia while she waited for her to answer.
Beatrice's rant seemed to help Emilia, she raised her hands beside her face and slapped both of her cheeks. The red of her embarrassment left her face to be replaced by the slight redness left by her hands impact, showing that she was both resolved to carry out Beatrice's plan as well as her mastery at red bending, the art of manipulating the redness of one's body.
"I have steeled my resolve and determination, I'm ready for whatever comes!" Emilia proudly declared with her normal archaic vocabulary.
Beatrice than raised the mug that held the remainder of Subaru's wasabi and offered it to Emilia after taking out half of it for herself.
"Here goes nothing, I suppose"
Subaru sat on the edge of his bed in a state of abject melancholy, he had lost his last reminder of Japan, his tracksuit.
After Petra had brought him to his room she had waited outside as he changed into his butler attire, but as he changed he heard Ram come by to steal Petra away to help her with some task related to the legal battle on Roswaal's ban on being near schools or venues frequented by young children.
As a result Subaru sat alone in his room lamenting on all the mistakes that occurred the previous day that have lead to his current predicament of both not having his tracksuit and seemingly angering Emilia, leading to her giving him a motherly lecture on his behaviour.
But Subaru's melancholy was soon interrupted by a knocking sound on his door.
Swimming through the ocean.
In the wide-open sea
With the schools of fishes we go
Right upon the the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
Beatrice was singing out loud as she swam through a wide blue sea, with every stroke forward she stared in amazement at the wide variety of fish with their vivid colours that swam all around her.
The only thing more amazing was the vivid coral tunnel she was swimming through, if only her vision wasn't so hazy, she'd be able to soak in the details in even greater fidelity.
The haze itself wasn't too severe though so Beatrice wasn't too bothered by it. It was like the colours around the edges of her vision were blurred together, creating a visceral soup that made any object within it indistinguishable from one another. Slightly more concerning however was how every so often her vision went all went slightly blurry but than went back to normal after a few seconds, like you were in online class and than Roswaal turned on his "adult content" and shouted "SUBAAAARASAAAAAHIIIIII" as your lecture switched to 140p resolution.
But this didn't bother Beatrice in the slightest as she happily swam around the coral tunnel looking at all the colourful fish.
"Uhhhhhh I can't just sit here being depressed for the rest of the evening, I atleast gotta try and apologize to Emilia-tan."
With that Subaru stood up and walked towards the door of his bedroom and started to turn the knob to open it when suddenly the door flew open like it was holding back a massive amount of water. However instead of water coming through the door, a drill loli flew in and launched Subaru across the room with the force of the impact.
"BEAKO WHAT'RE YOU D…"
Subaru started to raise his voice towards the great spirit in objection to being headbutted across the room but than he stopped when he saw her face, she looked like she was about to burst into tears.
"YOU KILLED ALL THE FISHIES, I SUPPOSE"
"Whaaa?"
"YOU LET THE WATER OUT AND KILLED ALL THE FISHIES!"
"Beako what water?"
"I WAS SWIMMING THROUGHT THE SEA AND LOOKING AT ALL THE PRETTY CORAL AND FISHIES BEFORE YOU KILLED THEM, IN FACT"
"Wait… Beatrice, you didn't eat the leftover wasabi I made, did you?"
Once she heard those words all the sadness faded from her face, and like a little kid who realised that they might get in trouble, she decided she needed to escape.
*Bonk*
Beatrice bonked Subaru right on the nose before running out of the room as fast as her little legs could carry her. As she did this she had her arms raised in the air above her head and rhymed "Tee he, got your nose, I suppose" and cackled like a madman as she escaped before her contractor could stop her.
"I guess Beatrice reverted into a little kid after taking it, I truly hope Emilia-tan didn't have any or ….Roswaal…."
Subaru shuddered a bit at the thought of Roswaal being even more screwed up than normal, it was definitely something he never wanted to see.
But than at the mention of his name the clown in the flesh walked right into the room with Petra and Ram in tow behind him.
"Subaru-kuuuuuuuuuuun, you've been a very baaaaaaad boy, I feel that as property of miiiiiiine I must punish the naughtiness from yooooooooou"
Roswaal started to walk menacingly towards Subaru as Subaru scurried backwards away from him, backing himself into a corner. As Roswaal closed in on Subaru his hands drifted down towards the clasp on his pants as the perverted clown prepared to show his true colours.
"No Roswaal-sama you must resist your urges, although Barusu is trash he is still underage. We cannot allow such human filth such as him to sink your legal battle, if they increase the distance you must stay from children anymore we will have to move the whole mansion."
Using all her strength Ram slowly pulled Roswaal by the cape as the perverted clown continued to try and march towards Subaru with a cold yet perverted look in his eyes. Even though Roswaal was really leaning into his steps and trying with all his might to reach Subaru with outstretched hands he was no match for Ram, who managed to save Subaru's innocence from the perv clown.
As Ram prevented a crime from being committed Petra ran up to Subaru.
"Subaru-sama for your own safety please stay in your room until morning with your door locked. Ram-onee-sama and I will restrain Roswaal from harming you or angry tiger boy until Roswaals urge passes."
And with a dumbfounded looked on his face Subaru watched Petra leave and chase after Ram.
"Honestly I don't even know what's going on anymore….."
Emilia stood in front of the mirror smooshing her own face as she made funny faces at herself, which than resulted in her laughing like a maniac. If she wasn't a half-elf with amethyst eyes than her eyes would have been bloodshot enough that people would of thought that she had entered a Roswaal phase of obscene cosmetic use.
But than it was like she vaguely remembered the purpose of stoning herself into oblivion and put on a serious face.
"Hmmmph, I can't let myself get distracted. I have to go find Subaru right now, Beatrice said she'd make sure he didn't leave his room while I got ready, and I think I'm ready now"
Emilia looked down and gave a once over at the tracksuit jacket she was wearing before looking over at the pile of the clothes she had worn up to know lying on the floor in a heap.
"I hope this is what Beatrice meant when she said to put on the tracksuit" Emilia questioned to herself.
However, her thoughts were soon broken by the sound of mad laughing off in another part of the mansion.
"That must be the signal!"
And with that Emilia set off directly towards the source of the sound, except not exactly directly. The affect of the drug used to make up the wasabi was still ramping up, and until now Emilia could stand mostly fine, but now not so much. As she tried to walk towards the door she promptly tripped over her own feet and fell in a heap on the floor, which for some reason was incredibly funny to her.
She got back up but this time stuck both her arms straight out like she was walking on a tightrope. She left her room making ginger, careful steps that made her somewhat resemble a newborn deer, except when she lost her balance and veered right off into a wall.
Although EMT was definitely not her normal graceful self she was determined to get a look at the source of her knight's heart, based off of Beatrice's observations of when she got really drunk around Subaru.
After about 10 minutes of tripping and stumbling down the hallway Emilia had reached the door of Natsuki Subaru's bedroom and promptly slammed right into it when she tried to reach for the doorknob.
*THUNK*
"What now…."
Subaru said as he got off his bed to investigate the loud thunk that came from right outside his door.
He had been laying on his bed for about the past 10 minutes since he nearly experienced Roswaal's 'urges'.
Subaru was more or less mentally fried by this point, both from the past events and from his experiences with a high Beatrice and pervy Roswaal. He was afraid to open the door to his room in case he had to experience a horror like Petra on meth or Ram on roids, but as a butler of the mansion, and given the many attacks on the Emilia camp since he entered this world he couldn't let a potential danger to his wasted friends go uninvestigated.
He pushed the image of Petra's meth mouth and a Ram made of 900 lbs of muscle out of his mind as he got up to see what made the noise outside his door, and what he found certainly surprised him.
"E-Emilia-tan why are you dressed like that?! Please tell me you're wearing something underneath it"
"Its soooooooooo comfortable thoughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" Said Emilia as she giggled manically as if literally existing was just the funniest thing ever.
Before Subaru stood an Emilia who seemed to have just gotten up off the floor, but this Emilia was not his normal EMT. Instead she was EBM, Emilia Baked out of her Mind. Emilia was wearing Subaru's beloved tracksuit that until now was believed to have been left in Daggga. Although the tracksuit was covering everything that needed to be covered, it didn't cover much besides that, making Subaru hope that Emilia hadn't discarded all her clothing when she put it on.
As Emilia stood in front of the door swaying dangerously from side to side, the massive happy smile that had been plastered across her face slowly drooped into a frown as tears formed in the corners of her eyes. She than dipped her head towards the ground as the tears started to leave her eyes and plop onto the carpeted floor of the hallway.
"Wait, Wait, Emilia-tan whats wrong?! Why are you crying?"
Subaru rushed forward and grabbed onto both of Emilia's arms, to both comfort her and because he thought she might fall over with how far she was swaying side to side at this point.
Emilia than looked up right into Subaru's eyes with her own teary amethyst ones, she than started to slur out a response.
"S-SsS-Subaru, areeeeee you gay, it seeeeemed like you trieed to impregnate Ottooo. I finalllyyy decideddd thaaaat ifffff I wasss to lovee anyoneee it would be you Suuubaru buuuut nowww I'mmm realllllllllllly afraid I wasssss too slowwwww"
Subaru's eyes shot open in amazement, all the worry in his face was replaced with a look of pure happiness and joy as he received this confession from his very own EMT.
Subaru than took his hands-off Emilia's arms and stepped back, making Emilia's heart sink as she thought this was his way of leaving her, abandoning her physically as he had already emotionally. But none the less she decided to watch as her knight Natsuki Subaru struck a pose and spoke in a voice filled with confidence and determination.
"E-Emilia-tan I'm definitely not gay, in fact I am completely captivated by Emilia-tan's angelic beauty. I, Natsuki Subaru have eyes for nobody other than EMT!"
Hearing her knight's affirmation of love for her Emilia felt incredibly happy. She beamed her knight with a massive smile that stretched ear to ear, she leaned in towards Subaru and gave him a very slurred "Thank you Subaru."
She took no notice at how Subaru was completely burning up with embarrassment at this point.
However maybe leaning forward wasn't the best thing for Emilia seeing as she was baked out of her mind and could barely stand. Emilia fell forward with her arms straight out to the side, making no attempt to catch herself, merely shouting "weeeee" as she fell.
Thankfully for her, instead of falling flat on her face she hit her knight on the way down. He tried to catch her but ended up falling backwards as well, ending with them both landing on the floor of Subaru's room. While Subaru landed flat on his back, Emilia landed face first on his chest.
While Subaru was completely frozen in some combination of shock, embarrassment, and amazement at how he now had EMT laying on his chest, that same EMT reacted to the situation quite differently.
Emilia lifted her head seemingly sleepily from Subaru chest. She looked around at where she lay before squirming around a bit to find a comfortable place, closing her eyes and putting her head back down onto her knight's chest.
"Suuubaruuuu I'm getting sleeeeepy but I'm realllllly happy that I know youuuuu love me too now, buuuut I'd appreciate it if you'dddd stop poking me so I could sleep nowwww"
"W-Wait Emilia-tan, you can't sleep like this, you gotta go back to your room, and what's poking you because I definitely am not."
"Sssillly Subaru, if you're nottt poking meee than whaaats this"
Emilia than reached under where her midsection was laying and grabbed a hard object that was poking her through Subaru's pants.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH E-E-E-E-E-EMILIA-TAN, DON'T TOUCH THAT, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS, BUT PLEASE GET OFFFF!"
"SUUUUBARUUUUUU-KUUUUUUUUUUN ARE YOU HAVING FUN WITHOUT ME?!"
This loud booming voice came from the hallway and it was followed by the sound very heavy footsteps followed by the sound of heels being dragged across the floor.
"STUPID BARUSU, YOU'RE ACTIONS HAVE SENT ROSWAAL-SAMA INTO HEAT AGAIN. ROSWAAL-SAMA PLEASE STOP, WE CAN'T AFFORD TO MOVE THE WHOLE MANSION!"
The image of a determined pervy clown slowly trotting his way towards Subaru's room with Ram and Petra being dragged behind him struck pure fear into Subaru's heart.
"Emilia-tan you have to get off, I'm about to be killed by a sexually aroused clown!"
Then realizing that the only way he'd get through to this drugged out half-elf would be to use language so archaic that nobody but her would ever say it in this day and age.
"Emilia-tan, I beseech you to wield thy strength to aid thy knight in the time of one's greatest peril. Please seal the sacred gate that shall shield this one from sin."
Then as if hearing a commandment from the bible the stoned half-elf looked straight into Subaru's eye's with a look of determination.
She than began to press herself up from Subaru's chest a sound echoed through the room.
Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip
The zipper seemed to have gotten caught in the hole for one of the buttons on Subaru's butler uniform, causing it to come unzipped when Emilia stood up.
"Emilia-tan your clothes! You weren't wearing anything underneath!"
Subaru wanted to look away from the now mostly declothed half-elf before him but he just couldn't bring himself to.
Emilia first had a very confused look on her face but than she looked down with a very confused expression on her face before realizing what had happened and coming to her senses. She let out a shrill scream as he hastily grabbed the track suit and pulled it closed, while this happened her face turned a shade of red that was so red, it must have been the true colour of red in the universe, truly a display of her skills.
"EMILIA-SAMA, SUBARUUU-KUUUUN, WAIT FOR MEEEEEEE!"
The voice of the pervy clown was getting closer, and seemingly more aggressive as he fell deeper and deeper into heat.
"FILTHY BARUSU GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS OFF EMILIA-SAMA, BUT CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR. RAM CAN'T DELAY ROSWAAL-SAMA MUCH LONGER"
Subaru than jumped to his feet and than slammed the door shut, locking it while pressing his back into it in an effort to help hold it closed.
With an extremely embarrassed, stoned and barely clothed half-elf in the room with him and a perverted clown in heat on the other side of the door Subaru could do nothing but let out a scream that carried though the night sky in lamentation at what his life in another world had become.
As the scream carried through the night sky the world was quiet, the only thing out of the ordinary was a certain drill loli who had escaped out of an open window; swimming through the night sky in search of more colourful fishies.
Fin
Author's Note
Thank you all for reading this until the end. This was my first time righting anything fiction related and I'm certain that at the very least some of the time the writing was quite poor and insufficiently descriptive. However I do want to keep trying to write Re:Zero stories and to keep working on my writing ability, one day I would like to come back to this story and at least clean up the writing.
So once again thank you for sticking with me to the end and I hope I can continue making stories that you all will enjoy.