Maya's POV
I never want to let people see me broken. I try my hardest to always keep my composure. I know there are certain people who can see through the cracks, but even so, I keep my feelings bottled inside. It's easier that way, it hurts less. At least that's what I try to convince myself.
After leaving Lucas' room, I returned to my own, cleaned my face, and set out to face what I knew was coming next-Lucas' confession to Riley. I didn't want to watch it happen, but I knew if I didn't see him say those words to her, the same words he said to me just this morning, I would've never truly let him go. That's why I'm sitting on the couches in front of the bay window where Riley still sits, waiting for Lucas to come down those stairs and give Riley her jelly bean-and his heart.
I told her after I came back down that Lucas made his decision and that she'll be happy with it, that it was only a matter of time before they were together. She tried to feel sorry for me, but I could tell her happiness was outweighing any of the guilt or sadness she felt for me. I wonder how that would feel. To be happy for yourself. To not have the ghosts of guilt and insecurities haunt you.
Farkle and Smackle join me in the ski lodge living room, cozying up to each other as they sit down. Zay takes a seat next to me, I think he knows. He gives me a sad smile of acknowledgement and puts an arm around me in comfort. I lean in, letting my disappointment show just a bit, but still keep a soft smile on my face. I look over to see Farkle meet my eyes, somehow he knows too. These are the people that can see through my cracks, I wish they couldn't, but I'm glad they do.
We sit in silence for a short while, with Farkle and Smackle engaging in some nerd conversation and Zay gently brushing his fingers against my shoulder. All of a sudden we hear a set of boots coming down the lodge stairs, I think we all know who it is and I look over at Riley and give her a smile of encouragement.
Lucas makes his way down the steps and locks eyes with me. My eyes avert his gaze and find their way to my lap. When he takes a seat next to Riley at the bay window, that's when I force myself to look up again.
Zay turns his head to face me, "Maybe we should go on a walk?" I shake my head, "I need to hear this Zay, I need this to be over." He nods in understanding and my eyes find my bestfriend and the boy I love once again.
"My favorite thing in this world is when you talk to me." Lucas starts. I can feel my heart crack as the conversation between them goes on.
"Yes?" Riley questions.
"It's okay for you to talk to whoever you want Riley. You know why? Cause I am a secure Western hero."
"Yes, yes you are." Riley responds. "But the important talks, the ones that we're gonna think about and always remember, can those just be between you and me?"
I can't look at them anymore and I bury my face in Zay's chest to avoid the sight. I hang onto every word though.
Riley continues the conversation, "Well I don't know Lucas, how can that happen?"
"Well I was thinking that if we were together a little more, that you would only talk to other people a little bit, and you would talk to me a lot." He chuckles out.
"That's what you were thinking?" I can hear Riley's sweet voice fill with excitement as Lucas continues with his sentiments, "Yeah, I think about it all the time."
My emotions get the best of me and I decide I can't hear the rest. I can't hear him say the three words that he said to me, and I can't watch him give her that damn jelly bean. I stand up from Zay's embrace and catch Lucas' attention in the middle of his grand confession. I turn on my heels, and walk out of the lodge door.
Congratulations to the happy new couple.