yes, i am alive. i have nothing else to say but that.

i feel like i've been dragging the issue about kane and finn and their ineptness at being doctors for far too long, i thought it's time i deal with them.

and camping!

now, read, ponder, and enjoy!

There was no call. No email. Not even a courtesy message by the receptionist.

All she knew was that the morning after Lexa's visit, three men in suit and tie walked into the hospital and didn't even pause as they strode towards Marcus' office. Lexa had already left after a harrowing experience of Clarke putting her foot in her mouth and the former nearly having a panic attack in the on-call room, and the blonde had opted to get as much shuteye as possible before the next emergency called for her.

She certainly did not expect the emergency to come in the form of a pager by Marcus' assistant, saying that some people of the council were here, and they would like to speak with her alone. She didn't even need an extra thirty minutes to wake up, which was usually her habit.

Leaping to her feet from the cot immediately, she donned her coat, combed her fingers through her hair, and hurried out. It was probably psychology, but as she rushed down the hallways to the elevator bank, she felt like everyone was watching her, the spectators to a pending punishment – not that she was getting punished. If anything, she should be rewarded for her honesty.

Eventually, she found herself outside Marcus' office. Taking a few deep breaths, she braced herself, reminded herself that she wasn't the one in the wrong here, told herself that she was dating a princess and there was nothing more tasking than that, and rapped her fist thrice on the door.

And then she saw them – Marcus, the three strangers, and Finn, all of their expressions varying from curiosity to anger. There was no need to guess which expression belonged to whom.

They introduced themselves, though she couldn't quite hear them at all. All the while, the only thing she could think of was 'shit just got real'. It couldn't get realer than this – she had sent the email to report Marcus and Finn, the council had responded, they were here in this very room, and there were going to be real consequences from now on.

The council members brought her to the meeting room adjacent to Marcus' office and they spoke alone. They thanked her for the email, reassured her that they would look into it thoroughly, asked her to rehash everything she saw that night and her conversation with Marcus the day after, and told her they would reach out to her when they needed another statement.

And that was it. But as she walked out of the office and caught Marcus' eyes, she couldn't help the guilt from getting to her, even though she knew she had done the right thing.

Her mother was, as expected, livid about it. Not only had her daughter put the career of the man she was regularly sleeping with in jeopardy, her chances of ever getting Finn Collins as a son-in-law was totally ruined.

Honestly, Clarke was more exhausted of Abby's relentless harping on that than the fact that her mother refused to see that Marcus and Finn were so far from the Hippocratic Oath they had taken during the beginning of their careers they might have been on Mars.

"Why didn't you talk to me first?" Abby demanded after having summoned Clarke to the old house the moment she got the information – god only knew how, the woman had connections in the industry.

"Because you would react this way," Clarke said back, as calmly as possible even though she could feel her blood boiling.

Today was not a good day to get on her nerves, though her mother had never really cared about that.

"His career –"

"Patients, mom!" Clarke cut in aggressively, almost shaking in her core at her mother's audacity. "These are lives. People. Don't you care?"

"Marcus is extremely talented and he knows what he's doing in the OR. You just –"

"Oh yeah, he knows exactly what he's doing all right," Clarke interjected, sarcasm dripping intensely from her voice.

She threw her head back, one hand on her forehead and the other on her hip, as she felt a bout of headache coming in. Abby stood by the kitchen table, not hiding her glare as she wanted to show her daughter exactly how disappointed she was. Well, she wasn't the only one.

In this momentary silence, Clarke suddenly felt exhausted. She was not kidding when she said the last few days – hell, weeks – had been long and arduous. There were times when she walked into the hospital and wanted to walk right back out, salary be damned. Everything had been adding up, slowly, gradually, one by one – Finn Collins, the complaint she lodged, the fear that seemed to tail her everywhere since she sent the email, Lexa's mental state, her impending departure back to the warzone.

Yes, Clarke had promised that something like a panic attack wouldn't scare her off, and it didn't, truly. She had seen a fair number of panic attacks in her life since she shipped off to some godforsaken town with limited medical supplies. And on any other day, she would have just brushed it off, but with everything else, Clarke just needed a break.

And now there was this: her mother's incessant need to be right and inability to see the reasoning behind her actions. She had gotten all too used to it, she had expected this outburst, and yet, she just wanted to go to sleep.

She sighed and shook her head, dipping her chin so she could look down at her feet.

"I became a doctor because of you, you know," she said. "You were my hero when I was a kid. I never blamed you for the late-night calls and the birthday absences. Every time you walked out the door, I would think that my mom's a hero and she's saving lives with her bare hands and wow –" She lifted her eyes to meet Abby's "– I wanna be her someday. I wanna be a hero too." She licked her lips. "Who would have thought that the second I graduated med school, the second dad died, you would stop being a hero?"

Her mother had collapsed to a chair at the kitchen table, aghast at Clarke's revelation. The blonde didn't bother wiping away the tears trailing down her cheeks. She had never been so honest with Abby before; maybe that was because she had gotten tired of the woman's behavior or she had never been brave enough to confront her like that.

She had snapped today. Abby had seemed to lose all the integrity and dignity she used to carry before. Clarke couldn't take it.

"You used to be…the best mom when dad was around. You were the best. Sure, you always played the bad cop, but you were…awesome. What happened?"

For the first time in a long time, Abby Griffin was speechless. Her jaw had dropped and her eyes were misty, her hair a mess, but she couldn't utter a word.

Clarke breathed heavily and looked away from her mother. She strode towards the door and pulled on the coat she had hung in the closet, then she walked out without giving the woman another glance.

Sky had already turned dark by the time she had rounded the block that led to her apartment building. She wasn't in the mood to cook tonight and Raven and Octavia both had night shifts at the hospital, so she ended up picking up chips from the drugstore, figuring it to be her dinner.

The argument with her mother had echoed in her head the moment she walked out of the house and started walking back, not even bothering with a cab. A walk would do her some good, she figured. She couldn't help but think about her mother's face after she had poured everything out – for some reason, some sense of guilt started to grip at her every time she saw Abby's distraught expression.

She was only pulled out from her thoughts when her phone buzzed in her coat pocket. She got it out and instantly felt the heaviness dissipate a little when she saw the text. Then she looked up and saw the car.

And Lexa's words were like a miracle to her, letting her have exactly what she needed – a break and some time away. She wasn't even one for camping, having developed an aversion towards it after her father, the person who used to bring her to the woods all the time, had died, but she knew that she would go anywhere with the princess.

In the car was a cloud of silence lest for the music playing. Clarke would have asked, but she could see from Lexa's face – haggard, old, weary – that this was no time – the brunette would speak when the time came – so she settled for grabbing Lexa's hand and clasping it tightly on her lap. It wasn't like she didn't need this sense of quiet herself.

Thankfully enough, Lexa only glanced at her with a smile, and then tightened her grip on the blonde's hand, not taking it back.

Eventually, Clarke fell asleep, head lolling against the window, but hand still tightly gripping Lexa's.

Clarke sat on a log conveniently set by the campfire and watched as her girlfriend set up the tent a few feet away, hand in her palm and eyes nothing less than appreciative as they took in the brunette's muscles and fluidity. Clarke would have helped; she did try to help, but she ended up almost tearing the thing apart that Lexa had only gently led her to the fire and sat her down with an adoringly admonishing stare.

"Listen, I haven't been camping in like…a decade or something," she had only defended, "and my dad was always the one setting up the tent."

"Weren't you an army doctor, Dr Griffin?"

"In an army hospital, Commander Woods."

Lexa had only hummed from where she was, expertly figuring one end to another of the tent, hammering in the nails, spreading out the tent, propping up the structure – all the while sweating so profusely that Clarke had to wonder if there was any way to brighten up the fire. She swallowed when Lexa had bent down in an accidentally delectable position, letting her have a good look at the cleavage that she had spent many nights cuddled up on.

The night had barely started. They had only been here for less than an hour. Clarke had already decided that this was the best outdoors experience she could ever have.

"You're staring," Lexa pointed out as she knelt by corner of the tent and attached it to the firm nail.

"Oh, I know."

The princess' hands never stopped working as she lifted her gaze to meet blue ones, smirking as she did it. The blonde's breath hitched momentarily as she saw the blatant tease glinting in Lexa's eyes, emphasized only by the campfire crackling away before her.

Clarke narrowed her eyes, not looking away as the bottom half of her torso warmed up in an instance, unlike the gradual thawing out that had taken place a while ago. This was fast. Fiery. This was greed and lust and gluttony – three of the seven deadly sins coming together. Well, Clarke had never thought she would ever enjoy hell, but here she was.

Here they were.

The next fifteen minutes felt like hours, days, months, years, eternity. That one moment of eye contact had slowed time down to add pressure to the pleasurable torment that Clarke found herself in. She would very much like to stand up and grab on to Lexa to have her way with her, but she could also think of the many delicious and comfortable manners she could have Lexa to herself once the tent was set up.

But as the minutes grew longer and the seconds ticked almost loudly on her watch, she almost ran out of patience. She almost wanted to screw it all up and just go absolutely feral. And almost like she could read her girlfriend's mind, Lexa stood up from the final corner of the tent and gestured proudly at the erect structure that would house them for then next two days – maybe even more, who knew?

Regardless.

The blonde jumped to her feet, the last time she had been so singularly focused was when she literally dug a bag of meth from a 90-year-old woman's stomach, and stalked towards Lexa, not even allowing the woman to verbally respond as she clashed their bodies together and attached their lips in an unmistakable heated kiss.

Because she was an understanding human being with the biggest heart, Lexa took it all in stride, returning the kiss heatedly as her arms encircled the blonde's waist and a leg strategically slotted between Clarke's thighs. The blonde didn't fight the obnoxious moan that escaped her throat at the sensation; she didn't bother to pretend to be decent either as she grinded against the muscled appendage.

Somehow, in between the mess of their limbs and the heat of their longing for one another, the great multitasker that was Lexa Woods managed to open the flap of the tent so they could both ungracefully topple inside. Somehow, Lexa also managed to flip them around so she could land on top of Clarke on the massive sleeping bag that the brunette had spontaneously purchased.

They had a moment of respite as the brunette hovered over the blonde, arms propped on either side of Clarke's head, eyes still dark as ever and chest heaving. Even in the dimness of the tent, Clarke swore Lexa looked so unbelievably breathtaking. She reached up to brush a strand of hair behind the brunette's ear.

"The crickets are gonna have a show tonight," she teased.

Lexa smirked. "Maybe they could learn a thing or two."

And that was the sort of confidence that had gotten Clarke so deep into the being that made up Lexa Woods. And dear god, these were atoms that she couldn't get enough of even if she tried.

"Your sister sounds nice."

"She has her moments."

Clarke was tired as hell, having not gotten any sleep in over a day on top of the sex marathon that brought her six orgasms in three hours, but she would gladly reward herself with panda eyes just so she could have another moment of looking at Lexa, relaxed and sleepy and so wonderfully naked.

Plus, it wasn't often that they got to talk like this, Clarke had come to realize. Their time together was always either unfairly cut short or laden with uncertainties and problems that shouldn't be plaguing a new couple. Despite the instinctual fear of a bear gobbling them up or starving to death in this forest, Clarke was starting to appreciate Lexa showing up at her apartment and randomly inviting her on this night out.

It was also unlikely that they would starve to death, Clarke rationalized, given that this was an old camping ground kept up by the royal staff on a monthly basis and there was hot shower. They would probably just accidentally plant some rice or something just to make sure their employers did not accidentally hunger in nature.

"Are you gonna listen to her?" she asked, finding her fingers inadvertently tracing down Lexa's tattoos on her back.

It was just natural. Her body just naturally responded to Lexa's, almost Pavlovian. Honestly, she should be awarded for the time when they were still hovering over the line that would mark permanent change when crossed. She admired herself for the amount of self-control she had in not pouncing Lexa the second they met again at the park.

Then again, Gustus had been there, hovering, quietly watching, judging in disapproval. But as Clarke watched the goosebumps rise across the marred skin that had seen and came back from war, she realized it probably would have been worth it to have the burly bodyguard arrest her for indecency.

"It does sound tempting, doesn't it?" Lexa turned her head so she could face Clarke, though still on her stomach and arms still hugged tightly around the pillow.

Clarke had stopped herself from wondering where Lexa had gotten these supplies or how often the royal family came out here to warrant all this ready supply of stuff.

"Hanging out in the woods with your hot doctor girlfriend for five days or more? Sounds exciting," she responded, smiling in mirror of Lexa's lazy but delighted grin. "I have collected quite a number of days off, what with the always being on call and going back to work even when I should have been relaxing. I'm set, babe."

"The last time I was irresponsible, I signed up for the army."

Clarke blinked, fingers stopped their exploration. Then she had no choice but to chuckle, leaning down to capture the brunette's lips in a chaste and adoring kiss. "I think we need to talk about your definition of irresponsibility before you go and talk about it," she whispered.

Lexa hummed in pleasure and only deigned to get out of her lazy position to chase Clarke's retreating lips, so much so that she pushed Clarke on her back and hovered on top of her again – and despite the exhaustion eating away at the doctor's bones, she couldn't help the thrum that overtook her body in expectation of what was coming next.

"Why don't you teach me about irresponsibility but with less words?" Lexa murmured before she took the words right out of Clarke's mouth.

In the late hours of the morning, with noon threatening upon them, the princess led the doctor a few yards away, where they were confronted with a small cabin consisting of one small bedroom, one bathroom, one simple kitchen, and a small parlor.

Befittingly, Clarke was not too happy about the new discovery, especially when she had barely woken up and hadn't had her coffee yet.

"Are you telling me I spent almost an hour watching you pitch a tent when we could have been staying in this very comfortable cabin?" she complained, stomping up the patio and crossing the threshold into the cabin. "You're a cruel, cruel person."

"Admit it, you liked it," Lexa teased as she tailed after the blonde.

Clarke, for some reason even she herself didn't know, found herself successfully locating a kettle, two cups, two spoons, and fresh coffee grounds from the cabinets she randomly opened. She got the kettle running and pointed a finger at her girlfriend, pouting.

"Do not talk to me until I've had a warm shower. And I expect to see the coffee done when I come out."

"Are you ordering a princess around?"

For the first time since she woke up, Clarke threw the brunette a teasing smile. "Admit it, you like it," she echoed before closing the bathroom door behind her.

Sure enough, she stepped out of the shower with the sweet smell of warm and fresh coffee in a pot and eggs and bacon sizzling on the stove. Clarke decidedly told Lexa that they would be spending their nights in the cabin despite how much they had enjoyed their night in the tent and how much time Lexa had invested in setting it up, sparing no room for argument.

They packed up the stuff and carried all the necessities into the cabin after breakfast. Then they sat on the couch, and Clarke finally decided it was time to tell Lexa everything.

It was only fair after having the princess be so candid with her from the moment they met. And Clarke had been dying to tell someone about it, and she couldn't tell Raven and Octavia because they were hospital staff and there was a clause about that stuff. Plus, investigation was now underway, nothing Lexa could do about it with her position of power anymore.

"You what?"

Or maybe not.

"He what?"

Oh shit.

She stared, wide-eyed, at her girlfriend, a little uncertain about her next step or how to deal with a princess who seemed livid but was still enough on the couch to perhaps not warrant an outward reaction. Clarke was also certain that she had told the whole story, so there wasn't much exposition she could do to answer Lexa's questions.

Scratching her head, she tilted her head and waited with bated breath for Lexa's next move. The princess sat straight like a princess should, but her eyes were wild and her mouth was doing all kinds of gymnastics movements that Clarke, inappropriately, thought would work wonders in bed.

"You reported them."

"Yes."

"The council is investigating them."

"Yes."

"And you didn't think to tell me?" Lexa finally exclaimed, voice rising a few levels in volume.

Clarke forced herself to not growl back, understanding where her girlfriend was coming from. She tucked her fingers in her hair and tried to be as nonchalant as possible when she shrugged. "There was a lot going on with you."

Lexa swung around, gob-smacked, and there Clarke went again, running her mouth off with words she didn't mean. God, it must be something with the brunette that did these things to the doctor. She was usually a very rational person, thoughtful and clever.

"Okay, I didn't –" She stood up and put up two placating hands before running those hands through her hair. "You remember when Collins threatened me at the maze and you threatened him right back?" Lexa nodded, frowning in confusion. "You remember how you threatened him?"

The process of remembering took some time, but when it actually came, Clarke could see the understanding dawning upon the brunette's face – well, that was easy. Lexa covered her mouth with a hand as she thought about it, shaking her head at herself.

"Hey, it was hot, remember?" Clarke reminded her before she went down a spiral of self-flagellation again, like she was prone to do. Then she shrugged. "But this was a more…delicate situation, and I needed to deal with it more delicately. I couldn't just…risk some big powers coming in to interfere just because I'm dating a big power."

"You weren't dating me then."

Clarke threw Lexa an unimpressed look. "Don't pretend we weren't going somewhere this whole time. I'm protective over you. You are fucking soft towards me."

"I am not –"

"Hey, remember when you tied my shoelaces the second time we met, which was six months after the first time we met?"

The princess blinked, taken aback by the doctor's interruption. Then she pointed a finger in Clarke's direction, mouth shut and placated. She obediently shuffled over to the couch when Clarke motioned her over, sitting down and letting Clarke tangle the two of them together in ways that Lexa imagined would be complicated to unravel later, but that wasn't the point.

"You are wonderful. And I am lucky. But sometimes, I just have to do things on my own," she whispered.

Lexa nodded gingerly. "I can see how my interference could possibly risk your career too."

Clarke smiled and leaned in for an eskimo kiss, which Lexa happily accepted. "I knew you were a smart cookie."

Rolling her eyes, the brunette tilted her head at Clarke. "Anything else you're keeping from me?" she asked, voice void of all signs of displeasure, just anticipation and impatience.

"Not that I can think of. Anything else you're keeping from me?"

"Not that I can think of."

The next afternoon, after a hearty lunch and the rain had subsided, she and Lexa got dressed for the hike that Lexa had been so excited about the night before.

Clarke, on the other hand, couldn't see what was so great about climbing up an inclining hill that could easily kill her if she had any heart issues. And the more steps she took, the steeper the hill looked, the more she hated outdoor activities. How could she end up dating someone so goddamn active? Someone with a bum leg, no less.

"Fifteen minutes more."

"You said that fifteen minutes ago," Clarke panted.

"I'm being serious this time."

Clarke glanced up from where she was nearly dying and couldn't even find it in her exhausted system to appreciate the way Lexa's ass looked in those pants. She shook her head at the impossibility and yet reality of the woman who seemed unfazed at the climb, using the cane wisely.

"This is ridiculous," she said between heavy breaths, climbing the steps each at a time.

"What is?"

"You're fucking disabled!" she exclaimed.

Lexa released a breath of laughter. She stopped her climb, turned around, and waited for Clarke to reach her. It took the blonde some time, but she did it. When she was finally chest to chest with the brunette, she released a small whoop, waving her hand lethargically in the air.

"Hey," Lexa called for her attention, which Clarke naturally gave her. "I love you," the brunette declared after a long moment of looking at Clarke with that smile of hers, so softly that Clarke almost thought she had misheard the woman.

And then, without waiting for a proper response, Lexa turned back around and continued climbing, leaving Clarke gaping at her in the dust.

"Wait, what?" she said to herself. "Wait, Lexa! What? Lexa!"

i was very tempted to end it here, but i really should wrap up both their parental issues and maybe have lexa heal a little more from her ptsd before putting a period to this entire fic.