I assumed Kaito was some secret clue to where I could find you, or someone who would help me get to you, so imagine my disappointment when I found a stoic grey-haired man in a beret (a fucking beret) who also knew as much about you as I do.

Which, incidentally, is about jack shit.

"So, we're two useless fucking peas in a pod, then," I had said at the time and he laughed.

"So it seems," he had replied, in that mysterious lilt that he thinks makes him sound cooler (which I, multiple times, have pointed out that it does not).

I ended up staying with Kaito for two years, as it didn't seem I had anywhere else to go and he was looking for you, too. In hindsight, that was probably for the best because I imagine I would have been absolutely annihilated in the upcoming Hunter exams if I did not have the silver-haired hippie's training up my sleeve.

Kaito taught me the basics of Nen. Or at least, attempted to. It turns out I'm not a very good warrior, but considering how much you used to pick on me for this I doubt it's a surprise to you.

It was on a cool summer night that Kaito announced he'd be leaving me (the men in my life had a tendency to do that, I noticed) - though he claimed he didn't want to, he'd be entering areas only available to hunters soon and this is when he casually mentioned that, "It takes a hunter to chase a hunter," in what I still consider was a cheap shot at the time and a less than subtle way of telling me to take the exams.

It was something we'd discussed before but never something I'd seriously considered.

Becoming a Hunter was near impossible for most but in the end, I decided the need for me to strangle you burned deeper than my aversion to hard work.

Kaito had laughed at this, too, and we lit a campfire and talked a lot on that final night together.

I have a lot of memories with Kaito, but this might be the one I recall most vividly.

He'd been laying down on the ground, his sunken dark eyes staring at me intensely as I poked our fire with a stick I'd found.

He had tilted his head at me and then hummed before asking, "What do you really think of Ging?" in what I might've said was completely out of the blue if I didn't know that you were on both our minds that night already, anyways.

I poked the fire for a few more moments, thinking. "He pisses me off a lot," I had decided on. Of course, Kaito already knew this as I had ranted about you at great lengths to him and began all my training sessions by shouting "FUCK YOU, GING FREECS" to the top of my lungs in the morning under a rushing waterful. A mantra of sorts, if you will.

Kaito then did that thing where he puffs air through his nose and does that not-quite-a-laugh kind of amused response.

"Surely you don't really mean that," he'd replied, the curiosity in his eyes having been easily illuminated by the dancing fire in front of us.

I scoffed and refused to meet his gaze. "I do," I had replied resolutely. "He's irresponsible and lacks any ounce of empathy."

"That may be true," began Kaito again. "But no one truly hates Ging Freecs."

I hadn't bothered hiding the bitterness in my tone when I responded, "Not even his fatherless son?" because that was something I had also been recently clued in about at the time.

Kaito hadn't even hesitated to debunk my rebuttal. "I think Gon might love him the most," he had replied.

Which was a good guess. But no, it wasn't Gon who loved him the most.

It was me. It was always me.

Coincidently, I think I might be the one who hates him the most, too.

"Regardless, he's still a dick. He leaves everyone behind. Pulls them in and then rips them away. He did it to Gon's mother, he did it to you and he did it to me. Ging Freecs is an asshole."

There was a long pause after I said this, and Kaito had let out a noncommittal hum before replying, "I think I'm going to miss having you around."

I remember feeling so warm at that moment, warmer than any heat produced by a simple fire. "I'll miss you too," I had said softly back to him.

And then Kaito had given me one of his mysterious smiles before rolling over and going to sleep.

I haven't seen Kaito since then, but I really hope he's kicking your ass right now, Ging.