And that brings us to where I am today.

I think you'd be laughing at me if you were here.

After all, I think I am the only one in the room who is not a burly man with muscles bigger than my own head, and I think I am the only one writing 'dear diary' entries in the corner to my childhood love.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, but I am not a fighter.

I'm not a lover, either.

I'm just there.

An unimportant blob of human flesh, whimpering in the corner and occasionally planning a certain man's castration when it fancies me.

You know I'm not a fighter, either, Ging, considering how much you used to tease me about it.

And because I am most decidedly not a fighter, it is at the 287th Hunter Exams that I feel I am the most out of my depth.

As I write to you in this foul-smelling waiting area hunched over next to what I am almost certain is vomit, I wonder how you'd react if you saw me here.

You used to always goad me into trying to take the exams when we were younger, claiming I could be your sidekick in hunting of all things.

Would you be proud, I wonder, if I told you about I outsmarted forest animals and had them bring me here? Would you proud that I discovered the exam location all on my own?

Then again, I suppose we'll never know - considering that if you were here you'd be too busy being choked to offer any words of congratulations.

A shame, really.

.

.

.

They just announced the first phase and I kind of want to die.

Just a little bit.

But honestly, how else am I meant to react when possibly the palest man I've ever seen shows up (with a pink head of hair and the thinnest, most purposeless moustache I've ever laid eyes on, nonetheless), claims to be our examiner and then tells us the first part of the exam is literally. just. running.

RUNNING!

What kind of fuckery is this.

I really hope all those times I spent running from Kaito and his stupid nen scythe is going to pay off here.

.

.

.

The people here are weird and give me the creeps and I want to go home.

Why am I doing this again?

Ah, right, to enact revenge on a decade-old grudge to my childhood love.

Makes sense.

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.

.

There are no clocks around, and I'll probably cut off my own tongue before I engage any of the weirdos here that are supposed to be my fellow examinees, so there's no real way to tell the time, but I'm pretty sure I've been running nonstop for hours now. Perhaps even centuries.

I've forgotten what the sun feels like. All I know is the powerful legs of Satotz-san in front of me , and the darkness of the tunnel.

I'm not sure my legs are attached to my body anymore because I haven't been able to feel them for the past hour. I'm too afraid to look down and check.

And I keep getting bruises because I trip and fall whenever I try to write and run at the same time. Which, I'm decidedly blaming you for, Ging.

Thanks for that.

And to make matters worse there's a clown here. An honest to god, card throwing, red-haired, juggling clown. And he's staring at me, like, really fucking intensely, and it's reminding me too much of Kaito's Crazy Slots.

Can you get PTSD from a Nen conjured weapon?

Cause it sure as hell feels like it right now.

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.

.

There's a twelve-year-old boy here that looks like you and it pisses me off.

Well, I can't actually see his face because he's in front of me, but the back of his head looks so much like you that I almost snapped my neck with how fast I did a double-take when I saw him in the corner of my eye.

For a moment I thought that was you, before it abruptly occurred to me that though you may be one in mind, you no longer had the body of a 12-year-old.

Who could blame me though? If you took a picture of the back of this kid's head and told me it was you I'd believe it without a second thought.

He's got the same stupid spiked up haircut you had as a kid and a fishing pole, too.

Maybe it's a popular trend amongst youth nowadays, and the craze was fortunate enough to skip over our island.

There's another boy with him, as well as two teens(?) - some of the very few children I've seen here.

Honestly, who lets a child takes the Hunter exam? (And yes, that is 100% a dig at you, Ging)

Where are these children's parents?

Anywho, that's beside the point. The resemblance of the back of your head and his is uncanny. And annoying.

I really want to hit this kid now, but I kind of think if we were in a fight he'd win.

.

.

.

I knew who Gon was.

Kaito told me about how he met him on Whale Island.

So I knew that you had a kid.

But it never quite occurred to me until now that you had a kid.

The thought simply did not register in my mind until the child I was thinking about beating up suddenly turns around and all I think is oh shit Ging has a kid.

Of course, the haircut and fishing rod was a coincidence - but the face - the face, the expression, the eyes, the everything - looked so much like you that I wanted to punch myself in the mouth.

There was no denying. This boy was practically a carbon copy of you as a twelve-year-old, except he seemed a lot less bitter.

It occurs to me now, why Kaito made me take the exam this year and not last year or the one before.

I think I'm going to throw up.