A/N: Well, this chapter is late as fuck. Sorry for vanishing out of nowhere, but, shit happened. Specifically, I almost fucking died.
How? Well, believe it or not, it's winter right now. Which means snow, slush, and idiots who forget how to drive safely. Like myself. Roads were pretty bad, and I slid through a stop sign last Monday and got t-boned at sixty miles per hour. Thankfully, I got off lightly, which translates to a totaled car and a broken arm. Thank god the other guy is fine, or else I'd probably be in prison right now. Regardless of that, my shit's fucked. I'll barely be able to get my car fixed, even with insurance. I'm not going to have the money to make rent this month, and I can't exactly work with one arm, so... yeah. I'll probably be able to scrape by, but it's going to take me a long, long time to dig myself out of this hole.
So, I'm sorry for how short this is. I just... wanted to get something out there for you guys. I have a lot more time now, obviously, but typing is hard with one hand and I've just woken up from the pain-medication-induced haze I've been in for the last five days. Anyway, Exodus Yellow is back on track, at least for now. Things may change, depending on how the situation pans out.
Chapter Sixteen: Suicide by Port
"Uugh." The zombie groans, shuffling forward. Its shoes scuff against the carpet, as it sways and staggers down the hall.
"The mess is the other way, you know." I say offhandedly.
It pauses, confused. Slowly, it turns around, awkwardly lumbering back the way it came. "Snrf." It mutters as I brush past it.
I reach out and pat its arm sympathetically. "Class starts in half an hour. If you're late, I'll kill you. Again."
"I feel so loved. Thanks, boss." Jaune grumbles, before trudging away. Idiot. Good friends murder each other all the time. Well, Guardians do, anyway. And speaking of classes…
"Ghost, what's our itinerary?" I ask, looking at my HUD. A light flashes briefly, before a panel of text opens up and begins to scroll. "Grimm studies… history of Remnant… that sounds interesting, at least. Algebra… wait, algebra?" Don't humans learn that in primary school? "Hm, whatever. Next is combat class. Maybe I can get that rematch with Yang today."
A flicker of movement drags my eyes to my motion tracker. One neutral contact, behind me and closing fast. Spinning around, I brace myself for whatever morons decided to come waste my time.
"Oh, no." I whisper. It's Snowflake, along with the rest of her backup dancers. Ruby and… Pyrrha? Yes, that's it. Is it too late to pretend I didn't see her? "Quick, Ghost." I whisper furiously into the mic. "Bring the ship around so I can transmat –"
"Urs." Her frigid voice scrapes along my eardrums, like a thrall's claws against Titan plate. Annoying, and usually punished by a solid smack. Still, I suppose I have to behave myself.
"Weiss!" I say with fake cheer. "Just the woma- er, person, I was looking for." Her mouth twitches dangerously. "Just wanted to check up on you, see how you were doing. How are you healing?"
She arches an eyebrow. "I don't recall being injured yesterday." She sniffs. "Unlike somebody, who was squashed by a Nevermore."
"No, no," I say, shaking my head. "I meant the burns I gave you the night before."
Ruby giggles into her hand. But a sharp glare from Snowflake leaves her awkwardly coughing into her hand. "Um…" Ruby stutters. "I, uh, have a cold?"
Snowflake sighs, before drawing herself back to full height. Unfortunately, the effort's a bit wasted when that barely comes up to my upper chest. "Urs." She says. "Regardless of our… previous interactions, I'm not here to exchange barbed remarks and insults."
Oh? Is that… an apology? No, not even close, but it's a concession, and I'll take what I can get. "Fine." I sigh, "Say your piece."
She bristles at my obvious disrespect, before visibly calming herself down. "As an adjunct of team JSPR, you will be expected to maintain the highest standards of grades, performance, dress, and appearance. Our… esteemed leader and I –" Wow, she actually ground her teeth together on that one "– have decided on a few ground rules, and I'd like to ensure you cooperate."
"No."
"Excellent, so first – what!?" She screeches.
"First of all, your 'esteemed leader' is my subordinate." I begin. "Second, what rules? I don't share a dorm with you. We literally never have to speak or interact with each other outside the occasional group project. What's there to be done?"
"I –" She splutters. "Even as an unofficial member, your performance will reflect on our team! I won't have my academic standing tarnished by your, your… uncouth manner!"
"Eh." I shrug. "Sounds like a you problem. Besides, I should be the one saying that to you."
"At least remove that hideous helmet." She sighs. "Frankly, it looks ridiculous with the uniform."
"Don't care."
Her eyes narrow. "That is irrelevant. It's against the rules. Remove it."
"Eeehhh." I hum. Should I? Eh. I suppose it doesn't matter, in the end. Better than having Snowflake harassing me all day. "Fine," I mutter, releasing the seals and pulling it off. "You win. Now, go away."
"I'm shocked. You actually can be reasonable." Weiss says with faux surprise. A sudden beeping draws her attention, however, as a shrill alarm begins to ring. "That's my cue." She says frostily. "It was good to see you again, Urs, but I must be off. A Schnee is never late."
"…They arrive precisely when they mean to?" I query. Dammit, she's already walking away. "Wait, no, that's not how it goes. I fucked that one up." Whatever. Shrugging, I pull my helmet back on. After all, she never said I had to keep it off.
"It's alright, Izanagi." Ruby says. "I thought it was cool."
Uugh. Pity from Ruby of all people. Could this get any worse?
(Break)
(Break)
It's worse. So much worse. I need to fix this. There's only one way to do it, but that's fine. It's what I've been training for. Every battle, every choice I've made in my life, it's all led me to this moment. Nobody else can act, paralyzed by the monster's soporific influence. It's up to me to save us all.
"Urs, calm down. Put the gun away."
"Just a moment longer. One bullet. It won't even take a second. I need to – hey, give that back!"
"You do remember that we're supposed to be undercover, right? Openly assassinating a teacher isn't exactly stealthy."
"I doubt anyone would care. Actually, I take it back. The students would probably declare it a national holiday."
"Izanagi, no."
"Izanagi, yes."
"What are you two arguing about?" Ruby chirps, popping in between me and Jaune. Jaune recoils, shifting his textbook to the side in order to hide her from the abomination's wandering gaze.
"Well," I begin, "We're talking about how I'm going to kill –"
"Nobody!" Jaune hisses, slapping a hand over my speakers. "Izanagi was just complaining about how boring Port's lessons are."
"Oh." She says, deflating. "Yeah, he's pretty bad. I was super excited to learn more about Grimm and stuff, so why's he talking about this… stuff?"
"Because he needs to die." I state.
"Because he's old and senile." Jaune corrects. "And last I checked geronticide hasn't been a thing since humans stopped living in caves."
"Geronto-what?" Ruby whispers.
"Still doesn't change the facts." I insist.
Jaune pauses, brow quirked. "Okay, so, do you really want to kill him, or are you just doing this because you're bored?"
"Mostly the second." I admit.
"So, why don't you just find something else to do?" Ruby says.
"Like what?" I ask. "I don't have a scroll. I can't run around or work out inside a classroom."
"Why don't you just take a nap like Yang?" Jaune says, pointing to the sleeping blonde a row down.
I glance over at Ruby. She's listening closely, though thankfully not taking me seriously. "Not tired." I say pointedly.
"What? I – oh, right, I forgot." Jaune mumbles. "Um, what do you usually do when you're bored then?"
"Shoot things."
"Besides that."
"Punch things."
"Besides that, too."
"Explode things?"
"Does everything you do revolve around murder?" Jaune says exasperatedly. "Is this what I have to look forward to? A life of endless violence?"
"Yes." I nod. Finally, he gets it. "So, if you'll give me my gun back, I can end the lesson and we can move onto something exciting. Like combat class."
"Ohh!" Ruby says, eyes shining. "That's Mrs. Goodwitch's class! She's so awesome! I bet she's going to teach us all kinds of cool –"
I tune her out, muting my external mic and turning back to the 'lesson'. I'll admit, I was curious about these Grimm that infest this planet. I wasn't able to dig up much info online, so this was pretty much my last hope of finding anything meaningful. Sadly, life is rarely so easy. Perhaps the Cryptarchy could help me? If I can phrase the request right, they might be willing to help despite Dead Orbit's interference.
"Now, then!" The abomination shouts. "Which of you think you have what it takes to be a real Huntsman?" Wait, what? My mic is still off, how loud was that? Looking over at the rest of the class, I can see several of the formerly-sleeping students clasping their ears. Pretty loud, apparently. At least their shields will negate the hearing damage.
Still… is he challenging us? To a fight? With him? Traveler, yes! "I do!" I shout, cutting off the ice bitch as I snap to my feet.
"Ho-ho!" He crows. "Looks like we have a volunteer! Go and get ready, my boy, and we'll start the demonstration."
Standing up, I weave between a pair of students and slip out of the room. Hm. "Ghost," I whisper. "Disable any cameras that have sight on me. I'm going to transmat my gear in."
A moment passes before a green light blinks on my HUD. Opening my storage matrix, I quickly scroll through my options. Hmm… no, not Titan. That tub of lard doesn't seem very fast, so Hunter might be best. Yeah, we'll go with that. What could go wrong?
(Break)
(Break)
"You've gotta be kidding me." I state plainly.
"Not at all, my boy!" The abomination booms, meaty hands outstretched. "But a true Huntsman must know to stay strong in the face of fear! I have faith you will prevail!"
"No, wait. Surely, there's more than this –" I'm cut off, as it swings a massive… blunderbuss axe? A blaxe, it swings a blaxe into the door of a large cage. With a growl, the terror inside stalks out.
It's a fucking Grimm. Not even a strong or high-level one, barely a two according to my HUD. Just a low-tier trash ad, something even the newest of Kinderguardians would mow down with ease.
This… is insulting. Appalling. Fighting this, is considered impressive? Maybe for a fucking child, but at this stage in their training? Forget what I said about Yang earlier, Hunters here suck. Absolute garbage. Even a fat, untrained human could defeat something like this with nothing but a stick and box of rocks.
"Now then, my boy!" It shouts. "Are you ready –"
*BANG*
The Grimm slumps to the ground, missing a significant chunk of its misshapen snout. Slowly, it dissolves into black smoke, which fades away into thin air. Holstering my hand cannon, I look back to the abomination, still frozen mid-gesture, its droopy mustache quivering.
"Pathetic." I sneer, before walking away. If I stay a moment longer, I'm going to do something I won't regret. Begins with a 'k' and ends with 'l', four letters. Who? A fat, grey-haired braggart of a man whose semblance must be the ability to cause temporary brain damage to everyone in earshot. What a waste of my time.
Well, the other teachers can't be this bad, right?
(Break)
(Break)
"Jaune…" I groan. "You still have that gun from earlier?"
"Yes?" He says, confused. "I'm not letting you –"
"It's not that," I say. "I want to shoot myself this time."
He fixes me with a flat look. "Seriously?"
"Actually, yes." I say. Why's he looking at me like that? "What?" I say defensively. "It's not like it'll kill me. I'll take a bit of pain. It can't compare to listening to this guy babble." Seriously, how can a human speak this fast? He's going so fast; he's talking over himself. I didn't even know that was possible.
"Just… shut up and finish your notes. Why do I feel like I'm the one in charge here?" Jaune complains.
"Because I don't give two shits about the mission if this is what it's going to be like." I grumble. "I didn't sign up for this."
"I didn't sign up at all." Jaune says pointedly.
"Ugh." I sigh. Suddenly, the green-haired teacher is looming over my desk. So sudden is his passage, a bit of coffee slops out of his mug, splattering across the paper. There goes the last half-hour of work.
"Mr. Urs!" The teacher shouts. "Have something to share with the class?"
I raise an eyebrow. Wait, helmet. Instead, I settle for a shake of my head. "No." I say.
"Then perhaps you could tell me how General Lagune lost the battle of Fort Castle?" He asks.
"Ghost, help me."
"What was that?"
"Nothing." I say automatically. Shit. Nothing's happening, which means Ghost either doesn't know or won't help for some reason. Time to roll for bullshit and see what happens.