A/N: Here we go… another chapter! An angsty one with a revelation in the end (Revelation for those who don't follow this on twitter). I hope you like it. Cassie (Follow-ur-Shadow) thank you for not calling my ideas crazy and encouraging me. xD

Also, I'm blown away by the reviews this fic is getting! Reading what you have to say bursts me with joy and I can't thank you enough!

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All the sanity in me

A week later, after Donna handed the newspaper to Samantha, the blonde called with some news, "Donna, hey! Are you coming to the firm? Because I found a few things that I think you would like to see."

The redhead's heart skipped a beat. She wanted to know so much what had happened during those two years that she couldn't think of anything else when she wasn't at work. "I'm on my way."

Donna arrived at the firm and went to Samantha's office, without stopping by anywhere for breakfast nor her office to drop her bag. Her heart was beating so fast that she hadn't noticed a few boxes scattered in an office close to hers. She was in such a hurry she didn't smell Harvey's cologne nor see his face when she passed by his new office and didn't notice him at the corner holding his painting.

"What you got for me, Wheeler?" Donna asked breathlessly, stepping into the blonde's office without knocking.

"One of my sources gave me footage from about a year and a half ago," the lawyer said, rounding her desk and firing up her computer. "You might wanna sit to see this," she motioned to her chair for Donna to sit.

"My source got this from a terrorist group they have been trying to shut down for a while now, so this is highly classified." Donna sat and put her purse on the glass desk. "You should know these people are kenned to kidnap people who have some kind of ability."

That made Donna frown. What kind of ability did she have to make them want her?

"They also make their victims do things they wouldn't do in normal circumstances," Samantha continued.

Donna kept staring at her with a clenched jaw and her heart hammering in her chest.

"That is why the government let you walk without pressing charges..."

That final word woke Donna from her trance. "What do you mean charges? What did I do?"

Samantha closed her eyes and sighed deeply. "Look. This is not your fault. The authorities know it. So... keep that in mind, ok?" Donna nodded and turned her gaze to the screen.

Doona saw a black and white picture of an interrogation room seen from the other side of a mirror. She saw the back of three people's heads, who were safe behind the glass. They were staring at a man who was chained to a chair inside the interrogation room. There was another chair facing the man, and when Samantha pressed space on her keyboard, the picture started moving.

The three people were talking but no sound came from the speakers. And seconds later, the room door the chained man was in was opened, and Donna saw herself entering and taking the seat in front of him. They talked a bit, but it was impossible to see what they were saying. A few moments later, the eyes of the man went wide while staring at her. She saw him shaking his head and reading his lips, she recognized the words, "How did you know that?"Then, she saw herself getting up, walking to the guy and stabbing him in the stomach with a pocket knife.

Donna gasped, covering her mouth with her right hand, while her left one tightly held the chair armrest.

Black-and-white Donna turned around and kept looking at the mirror that shielded the three people. She looked emotionless standing there as if she had been drugged. The man was shaking uncontrollably and the knife was the only thing preventing him from bleeding more. The three people got up nodding in approval, and one of them faced the camera before the video was cut.

The tears in Donna's eyes kept spilling, drenching her face. Samantha kneeled in front of the redhead, turning her chair so both were facing each other.

"Look, Donna. The guy in the video is OK. The feds were able to locate him, and one guy from the video is in custody."

Donna looked, mouth agape, at the blonde trying to grasp a reason to it all.

"Apparently, this group takes people and puts a kind of drug in their system. This drug, not only blacks out their memory, but puts them in the mercy of others."

Donna couldn't breathe, her tears wouldn't stop falling and she began sweating. She couldn't feel the tips of her fingers and toes. Shaking, the COO put her hand on her chest. Something was weighing on her, preventing her from getting oxygen.

Getting up, Samantha tried to urge Donna to breathe.

"Donna, look at me!" The blonde asked with a certain urgency in her voice. "Donna!"

She couldn't look at the lawyer, her tears were clouding her vision and the tingling of her hands were keeping her from understanding what was around her.

Hearing a commotion a few offices down his, Harvey went there to see what was going on so early in the firm. Spotting Donna seated at Samantha's chair, with frightened eyes and trying to breathe, he knew all too well what was happening to the woman. Samantha was hurrying to get her phone from her purse. "I'm calling 911".

Harvey kneeled in front of the redhead, grabbing both her hands and putting them on his chest. "Donna, look at me. Feel my heartbeat." He said with a calmness in his voice that surprised even himself.

You used to captivate me by your resonating light

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me

(My Immortal - Evanescence)

Samantha stopped on her tracks, looking at the couple.

Donna looked at his eyes and through heavy breaths, she began to calm herself. "She is having a panic attack, Samantha. It will pass. No need to call 911," he explained without taking his gaze from the redhead. Even with eyes puffy from crying, she was breathtaking, which he shouldn't have been thinking of given the circumstances.

A few minutes later, Samantha put her phone down and asked Donna if she was better, grabbing a glass of water from her decanter and handing it to Harvey, who was closer to the redhead.

Harvey took the glass and gently guided Donna's hand to hold it. Still shaking, she took a sip. "Thanks," she said, getting up.

Harvey also stood up holding her elbow for support. She looked at his hand on her arm and then at his eyes. His touch was like fire on her skin, a fire that burned through everything she was and ever will be. And it hurt. It hurt to know that fire would never light up her life. He immediately dropped his hand, cleared his throat, and stepped aside giving her room to walk out.

"Thank you, Samantha," Donna said, standing in front of the blonde and motioning to the chair, "and I'm sorry for that".

Samantha nodded, still not knowing what to do next.

"Oh, and please don't let it change anything you might find, I need to know everything," the COO said, stopping by the door and turning around without hesitation, only her shaking hand betraying her resolve.

With that, she went to the lady's room to fix herself.

The two lawyers stood there for a moment, looking at the door, even after Donna had disappeared.

"What did you say to trigger a panic attack on her, Samantha?" Harvey asked with closed fists on his side directing his attention to her. There was a tinge of rage in his tone that didn't go unnoticed by the other lawyer.

"That is none of your business, Harvey." She said unfazed by him, going to her computer and deleting the video.

"You must have said something to make her feel like that!" he said, raising his voice an octave and clenching his jaw. He knew, first hand, what it was like to have a panic attack. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel the same. He could handle that himself, but he couldn't handle seeing her like that. However, it wasn't his job to protect her. He had a wife who didn't drive him crazy. Who didn't make it impossible for him to feel normal. He had someone else to take care of. Nonetheless, he couldn't breathe knowing Donna was anyway hurt. He couldn't lose her again and she deserved to be happy and feel well. She deserved peace, for Christ's sake!

"Again, Harvey. None of your business. Now, get out of my office. I have more things to attend to that don't include you." She said, annoyed by his outburst, and already typing something on her computer.

"Goddamnit!" he said while turning on his heel and leaving her office with rage in his eyes. That was not the first day he had imagined. He just wanted to watch out for her. Be closer, even a little bit.

Donna was in the bathroom reapplying mascara when Rachel walked in. Concern was written on the brunette's face when she saw her best friend's red eyes.

"It's nothing," Donna answered, the unspoken question looking at the young lawyer through the reflection.

"Cut the bullshit, Donna. What happened?" Rachel reached to touch the redhead's arm, but Donna flinched. She was still not over Harvey's touch and couldn't stand people treating her like a fragile doll.

Seeing the pained expression on Rachel's face at her reaction she sighed and gave in.

"I had a panic attack."

Rachel's jaw dropped, more worry in her eyes, but she was cut off, "Harvey calmed me down."

Rachel's expression relaxed and turned into something else, but she could see the sorrow in her friend's eyes and, ignoring Donna's first reaction to her touch, she embraced the redhead.

It took all resolve Donna had left not to cry again. After everything, she still had Rachel by her side and somehow Harvey was there too. However, it was too painful to think of him as someone whom she would be able to count on.

Rachel looked in her eyes and fixed her hair. "There. Now you look perfect."

The brunette wouldn't push Donna to tell her what caused the panic attack. She knew the redhead too well to know when to push and when to wait.

"Thanks, Rach." Donna shared a shy grin with her friend and both left the restroom arm in arm.

...

Later that day, after going through some paperwork and setting a few meetings, Louis knocked on Donna's door with a face that said she wouldn't like to hear what he was going to say.

"Can I come in?" He asked coyly.

"Sure, Louis. What can I do for you?" She asked, dropping her four-color Bic pen and giving him all her attention.

"I don't know if you were made aware of this," he started, taking a seat in front of her, "but today, HR approved Harvey as a new senior partner at the firm," he finished hesitantly, looking for signs of understanding or hurt in his friend's eyes.

"I figured, Louis. He helped me with—" she stopped herself from saying what had really happened, "with a few things."

"I see," the balding man nodded in understanding, "but how have you been doing... with... everything? I mean..." he was nervous asking her about her life. He knew it couldn't have been easy and tried to give her space, but he was also worried about her.

"Not good." She surprised herself with the honesty and it felt liberating. She had missed all the appointments with her therapist and she was starting to regret her choice.

"You see, Louis. Harvey and I used to be like this," she said, intertwining both her hands, "and now I don't know anything about him."

Donna continued to say everything that was bothering her.

She told him about the video, not getting into details, but saying she had done something bad during her "death". She was ashamed of herself for not remembering and for somehow letting all of that happen to her, even though she had no power to prevent it from happening.

"I'm disgusted because I feel like I've been violated. Like someone stole a part of me. Like someone stripped me down and left me bare to die," she said through gasps, and looking into her friend's eyes, searching for acknowledgment. She saw tears on his face but continued talking. She needed to let it all out.

"They stole my free will. My mind. My choices. My time. My life. And I feel naked and dirty because they used my body and my mind without my consent."

She told him how she missed Harvey and how it all made it so much more difficult.

She spilled her emotions in front of Louis, which made the man reach to take her hand. He was crying for her. He was crying because he couldn't protect his dear friend. He was crying because he couldn't do anything but listen and nod.

"And on top of all that, I feel like Harvey was the one who should have found me, you know? And I miss him..." she continued laying her heart down, barely noticing the presence of a person at her door. "Harvey and I always had a complicated relationship but he was my compass." She was holding in tears for the umpteenth time that day.

"He should have fought harder to find me and I can't stop thinking about the fact that he didn't because he's now married to God knows —"

"Hi."

Donna was cut off by a short woman at her door. The redhead looked at her questioning the same time Louis's eyes almost jumped out of his face.

"Hey, how can I help you?" Donna asked politely, failing to notice Louis' discomfort.

"Actually I came by to give you this, Louis," she said, directing her gaze to the lawyer, stepping into the office and handing him a blue file. "I went by your office and you weren't there," she explained.

Donna noticed Louis gulp and take the file lowering his gaze. There was something about the woman's British accent that was unappealing to Donna.

The blonde directed her gaze to Donna.

"I don't believe we've met," the shorter woman said with a glint of challenge in her eyes.

"I believe we haven't. I'm Donna."

"I'm Paula Agard, Harvey's wife."

Donna's expression didn't change. She was too good of an actress to give the woman the upper hand. She actually trained herself during the countless nights she couldn't sleep, for when she got to meet this woman.

Of course, she didn't expect Paula to overhear her conversation with Louis.

Of course, she didn't expect for her insides to be lurching.

Moreover, she didn't expect this woman to be so ordinary. Harvey always had good taste in women, but this woman was just bland with her pastel-colored clothes. Donna could place what Harvey had seen in Scotty and Zoe, but again, this woman had nothing.

"Hi,'' Donna said instead of engaging further with the woman who got to have what she craved for.

A/N: Don't forget to let me know what you all think.