A/N: This is more of a filler but an important one… So … The next chapter might come sooner than the others. I hope you like it. Thank you, Cassie (Yes, I will thank you on every single chapter), and again, you've got wings, baby!

4

Meu caminho

After a month of living with Rachel and Mike, Donna could rent her own place. It was close enough to the office, but not sufficient for her to be able to go on foot. She had passed by the place a few years back, and the odd structure had called her attention. She was definitely surprised when the real estate agent mentioned it.

At first, she thought the construction was old and didn't have a friendly aura to it. However, the structure inside it was remarkable, with freshly painted walls and renovated flooring. According to the real estate agent, the building was a historical landmark, so they could not restore the outside, but the plumbing and electric system were replaced recently. Inside the number 206, which ironically was the last apartment available, she saw a big window facing the NY skyline — the twentieth floor providing the perfect view.

The not so big kitchen and the cozy living room gave her a feeling of home. The warm colors and a fireplace that reminded her of a different time made her smile. The two-bedroom apartment was not so distant from the one she'd lost. Only the living room window and the bedrooms were different, which she found refreshing. The window was a reminder to see things from a fresh perspective, and her bedroom wouldn't be a remembrance of the other time anymore. Everything about the place was invigorating.

Ever since the whole nightmare started, she found herself almost drowning and just surviving, for she hadn't been living. Inside that apartment, she felt relatively whole. She felt she could finally breathe on her own. Therefore, she had to take only one look to turn to the real estate agent to say, "I'll take it," with a smile that hadn't reached her eyes in so long.

Eu vou seguir o meu caminho

E te esquecer

Pensar um pouco em mim, tentar viver

Seria o bastante

(Imortal - Sandy&Junior)

Donna was older than Rachel and Mike, but she felt like a teenager moving from her parent's house. Of course, she could have moved back to her mother's or father's house after her disappearance, but that did not seem right. Her mother has married again and her father has started a new business — she wanted distance from their drama, thus her best friend's house was the best option.

They had moved the few boxes of things she still possessed to her new place. Mostly dresses, shoes, and handbags. Rachel arranged for everything to be delivered at the redhead's new place, so both didn't need to go back to the storage unit. Donna looked at her best friend expectantly, sitting down and grabbing a bottle of water.

"Harvey's wife...What's she like?" The redhead asked suddenly. Rachel looked down uncomfortably, sighed, then sat down wiping sweat from her forehead and started,

"I'm not sure if you really want to hear this."

"When Harvey heard that you were dead? He dropped off the face of the earth. I mean, literally, Don, he… he was... out of the country for, like, six months. You need to know that he was not cavalier about moving on."

Donna was sad to hear what it was for him when she was gone. Even though she wanted to know all that happened, it still pained her to discover what people went through. Her friend didn't answer her question, but she didn't push.

"What happened to what you guys thought was my body?" Donna asked, unfazed by the strange query which made Rachel flinch more than if her friend had inquired with sorrow.

"We had a small gathering... at my father's boat. We scattered your ashes in the Pacific." Rachel told her, not going into details, for it would be too painful.

"It was very hard for all of us, you know?" Rachel kept telling her, now lost in thought looking out her window. "I would cry at work out of nowhere. Or would be leaving to the kitchen and then tears. It was depressing," she frowned.

"Once, Mike caught me crying in the bathroom... there was a new associate named Harriet, and that reminded me of you," she explained, now with a smirk.

Donna chuckled at the memory. She knew why the name would be a reminder. Those were convenient times, and her problems seemed so small compared to everything else. She needed to feel good about herself. She needed to feel something other than dread.

"You know, I'm tired of this! Let's do something fun?" She suggested suddenly with a mischievous look and a grin on her face, making the young lawyer glimpsed at her surprised. She wasn't expecting the sudden change of mood but wasn't opposed to it.

"What do you have in mind? You know I'm married, right?" Donna rolled her eyes and laughed at her friend. "If I weren't... I mean ... How can one say no to—"

"Shut up, Rach!" She cut her off, laughing and shaking her head. "I'm saying we should do something nice for a change. I don't know," she explained.

"Oh!" She added getting up and going through her bag, "I have an idea." She picked a small pack with some joints inside and showed it to the redhead. She was wearing a playful expression and a look that said 'I dare you!'.

"Pot? Really, Rachel? What are you? A college student? Oh! Wait! I forgot! You are a college student!" Donna said, still laughing and shaking her head. "Where did you get that, by the way?" The COO was now confused and very curious.

"It's Mike's. He usually does it when he needs to crack a very difficult case or when he is upset. But he got it from the coffee cart guy." The brunette explained matter-of-factly.

"Fine," Donna gave in, shaking her head at the absurdity of this, "but how do I do it?" She asked sincerely, which made Rachel laugh while fumbling through the plastic bag.

"Are you saying the almighty Donna Paulsen has never smoked before?" She mocked her friend, already waiting for the jab that would come.

"I've never needed it! My brain's always been too awesome to need help from Mary J."

…

The next morning, before going to the office, Donna attended her first therapy session. Anxious and a bit skeptical, she knocked on Doctor Lipschitz's door.

"Uh… Good morning? I have an appointment — "Donna started and was soon cut off.

"Ms. Paulsen? I must say, I wasn't sure if you would come. You canceled our last three sessions." The older man said, fixing his glasses and sitting up straighter.

"I know, but hm…" She tried to explain, not so confident about herself, which was unusual for her and quite unsettling.

"I get it. You weren't ready before," he motioned to the couch by the window, "why don't you take a seat and you can tell me why you decided to come today?"

She spent most of her time telling the doctor what had happened to her and how her conversation with Louis made her feel lighter. She told him about her new apartment and her friends. However, she decided to avoid all topics Harvey related. She still didn't know how to feel about Dr. Lipschitz to talk about the person who was a constant in her mind. Thus, she preferred to navigate through the inevitable — to what actually had made her be there in the first place.

At the end of her appointment, she promised him to make an effort to attend the sessions. She felt comfortable enough in his office to try to talk to the doctor about Harvey in the next week. For now, though, she had to think about what to say about him. Because at the end of the day he was no one. He wasn't her friend anymore; he was somebody else's husband and Mike's best friend. He was no one. Yet, he was everything.

He was someone who would light up her world with a single touch. He was able to infiltrate her dreams and desires with a simple 'good morning' at the office. He was the one who broke her heart several times before, only to settle for someone completely ordinary.

…

Arriving at the office, she was fuming with anger. Her meeting with doctor Lipschitz didn't help and only added fuel to the fire, for it caused her to think about Harvey and how unavoidable he was. Plus, that only made her case when she rounded the corner to her office and almost bumped into him. Dropping his files on the ground, she snaps at him for no good reason.

"Watch it! Jeez!" She said louder than intended, making him frown and kneel to grab his files. Some associates passing by turned their heads to the commotion and just ignored it, heading their way.

"Sorry," he replied sincerely, looking up at her. She was flushed but tried to pull herself together by breathing deeply.

"It's okay, I guess I should've looked before turning so abruptly," Donna apologized.

Harvey nodded and cleared his throat, trying to say something. "Erm… did you get the email about a meeting in five?" He asked, kicking himself for not coming up with a better way to engage in a conversation.

She had read the email Jessica had sent her and the partners on her way to the firm after her appointment. However, with everything going on in her mind, she hadn't really registered it.

"Yeah. Sure… I… I'll see you there." She answered with a flutter in her stomach. Why did he have to make me feel like a teenager?

Now on his feet, he could face her properly. He studied her light freckles that were probably being covered by makeup. He saw her eyes flicker while holding his gaze and how beautiful her lips looked in the morning.

Uncomfortably, she cleared her throat and started walking towards her office. He couldn't help but get her attention. Ever since she came back, he had been trying to talk to her, to go back to being at least friends with her.

Yet, he couldn't help if he found her outrageously gorgeous. He could never forget heror forgive himself for waiting to say he loved her. He misjudged his feelings, thinking he would be fine going back to the firm, for standing right there, looking at the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He assumed he could ignore her like he had done before all hell broke loose. But he was wrong. He underestimated the power she had over him. Yet again, he was married. And again, he wasn't able to stop himself, for the very thought of seeing her and not wanting her, in his life, was impossible.

She was back, but everything was so different. She was back, but she wasn't back in his life, and that hurt almost as much as if she hadn't come back at all.

"You know," he said, making her halt her step and turn to face him again, "we should grab a drink sometime… like the old times" He looked down, not wanting to see her expression that would probably lead to a refusal.

"I miss you," he added, barely above a whisper. He hoped she wouldn't hear his last words, but she did.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Harvey," she admitted, with pain written all over her face. He was hurting her more than he knew. "I don't think Paula would appreciate you having drinks with another woman," she gasped, and added, "even as friends."

He raised his head to look at her. How did she know his wife's name? She's Donna, and she knows everything, but for her to figure that out on her own was impossible.

Reading his puzzlement, Donna decided to explain.

"I met her the other day."

Sighing, she lifted the corners of her mouth slightly in an attempt to smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.

Of course, he had asked Paula to give Louis some files before they headed to their usual restaurant. She came by yesterday so they could have a date, and he just called for a favor so he could leave earlier to avoid the redhead that wouldn't leave his thoughts. They must have bumped into each other or something. He didn't expect them to meet, and that made him sick and pale. He didn't know why, though. It wasn't like he was cheating on his wife and hiding it.

"Right," he nodded, instead of voicing his feelings. "Uhm… we should go…" he said, fumbling with the files on his hands, "to the meeting, I mean."

"Right," Donna agreed, turning to her office again and releasing the breath she didn't know she was holding.

...

"As you all know," Jessica started, addressing the firm's partners and COO, "every year, when it's time to get our share of profits, we throw a cocktail party to honor those who actually pay our bills," she said making some people laugh.

"This year will not be different," Jessica added with emphasis. "You're all obligated to attend and Gretchen is already preparing a list of whose client's asses each of you will have to kiss." The named partner concluded playfully, and still with an air of seriousness that no one present would dare to contradict.

"And one more thing," Jessica said looking at no one in particular, but knowing the issue would present itself if not addressed, "this is a business event, not a casual party. I expect to see all of you working. You're dismissed." Jessica completed with a wave of a hand and turning to talk to Gretchen.

Normally, Donna would have been the one to make the list, however, she didn't have the chance to meet all the clients yet. And this occasion, in particular, was perfect for her to know all of them. She wasn't excited but determined to read them all. Since that would definitely improve her performance.

Harvey just rolled his eyes at Jessica. It wasn't like him to go to these events and talk to clients. The problem was that Jessica knew him enough, and that is why she emphasized the entire thing. He had to go.

…

He opened the door to their house, sighing and spotting her nursing a glass of wine sitting on their couch reading a novel. He had to talk to her about Donna without making a fuss about it. The last thing Harvey wanted was to fight with his wife, but he just had to know what had been spoken between the redhead and Paula.

"You're home! Earlier than I thought you'd come," she said, rising from her spot, closing the book, and going to him, "if I had known, I'd have prepared dinner." She wrapped her arms around his neck and gently pressed her lips on his. He couldn't help but notice her touch had never felt like Donna's. Donna's touch was fire, Paula's had never been that.

Despite his feelings, he returned the kiss and embraced her back, but soon disentangled from her and went to the kitchen. "Yeah…" he opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came.

She sensed his odd behavior and kept staring at him moving around going through the kitchen cabinets. "What are you looking for?"

"My tumbler," he responded without facing her. He needed a drink to ask her about Donna, though doing it sober would be a better idea.

"Top shelf, Harvey. You know that. Are you ok?" She said, frowning a little and studying him. Concern was written all over her features. The last time she had seen him that lost, was when he was still her patient and didn't want to engage in a conversation about what was really bothering him.

"Yeah… I'm fine," he answered her, finally returning her gaze and pouring himself two fingers of whiskey.

"You met Donna the other day, right?" He continued looking at her and sipping his drink. His elbow was on the kitchen counter as he tried to look relaxed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Paula tilted her head a little, trying to read him. She wasn't stupid, his apparent calm demeanor was not fooling her. She crossed her arms and answered his query unfazed.

"I didn't think it was worth mentioning. Why the question, honey?"

Her accent made him shiver. It never really bothered him, if he was honest it was kind of cute, but now it was not so appealing.

"Nothing…" he shrugged, "just curious, it's all."

"Right. Well…" she started, uncrossing her arms and going back to the living room to pick her book, dodging his gaze. "There's really not much to talk about. I know she was talking to Louis when I was looking for him. It seemed personal." She shrugged and continued folding a blanket that was tossed on the couch, still avoiding his gaze.

"What were they talking about?" Harvey asked. His curiosity spiking. What was Donna saying to Louis that was personal? He didn't like that one bit. Why didn't she come to him? They were friends. Though their last conversation didn't show that.

"I don't know, Harvey. Why don't you ask her yourself if it seems so important?" She snapped at him, raising her voice. She was not going to tell him what that bloody woman had said. I miss him and he should have fought harder to find me. As if she had any right to miss her husband. However, Paula was afraid to inquire why he didn't mention Donna was back. She just hoped he hadn't considered it relevant enough, even though his last question said otherwise.

Harvey sighed and straightened his back. "Paula, I don't want to fight. I just asked out of curiosity, that's all." He looked apologetically at her. He really didn't want to fight and if she had heard nothing out of the ordinary, then that's ok.

He crossed the open kitchen to the living room, stepping closer to her and putting his hands on her waist.

She peered down between them and sighed, letting her insecurities and doubts slide. She put her arms around his neck as he embraced her small frame. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. I just had a rough day." She lied so she wouldn't have to admit her jealousy to him.

"It's fine. Let's go to bed." He showed the direction of their bedroom with a tilt of his head and tugging at her. "I have a way to improve your day." He said smirking and raising his eyebrows suggestively.

She giggled at him and let herself be guided to what she knew would earn her a great night.

A/N: So, I watched a YT live of an old band from my country, got inspired, and added something of theirs. If you're wondering about what was said in that piece of their song, here's the translation:

I will follow my path

and forget about you

Thinking about me and trying to live my life

That would be enough

It's not perfect, but it's pretty close to what they meant. :)

If you're liking this story (or not), would you mind leaving me a review? It really makes my day reading what you guys have to say… Good or bad… It's always nice to know what you think. xD