A/N: I've done some research and I don't know if the terminology is okay, but please be nice! :)
The conversation between Stan and Donna… well… I wrote it from my own experience with therapy, so … try to be gentle as well.

7

Not Enough

"So, you're telling me you had a psychogenic blackout?"

Dr. Stan Lipschitz wasn't a man to show emotion easily, but that morning he did. It was quick and subtle, but Donna saw it. He was surprised. Donna nodded in confirmation. She had googled the medical term the same day it had happened, so it wasn't something new for her, but the name was still scary.

"I believe this is a symptom of PTSD," he continued. "I knew you were going to have nightmares or flashes of what had happened to you once your induced dissociative amnesia wore off. But I must admit I wasn't expecting it to escalate like this."

"Well... I might not have been dealing with everything that happened in the best way possible." Donna avoided his gaze. Shame running through her bloodstream and reaching her cheeks.

"Why is that?" The doctor asked, intrigued.

"I've been drinking," she blurted, like ripping off a band-aid. "Not too much, but enough to sleep without having nightmares."

Dr. Lipschitz knew that whenever a patient said they didn't drink too much, it was actually the opposite. Also, drinking to numb dreams wasn't the wisest course of action to fix her problem.

"Donna, if you keep avoiding your dreams and your feelings, you won't feel better."

"But the dreams... they're so vivid. I feel everything and when... when Harvey touched my shoulder... It was like I was dreaming again." A tear escaped her left eye, and she cleaned it away instantly with the back of her hand.

She had told the doctor what she had done to Harvey and how broken she had felt. It was like her body had betrayed her. She had lost not only most of her personal effects but also a friend and now her mind. The only thing she thought no one could steal from her, she was losing. Her heart was broken. Her body had been violated. She had lost her best friend, and now what? What else was left to lose?

"I want to leave, Stan. I don't want to face Harvey and his wife again. I want revenge for what those people did to me, and then I want to be anywhere but New York." Donna felt that without a reason to stay, she might as well just leave. She felt disconnected to her reality and her life. Therefore, a fresh beginning sounded more appealing than staying. "And seeing Harvey every day..." She gasped. "It breaks me he is happy with someone that isn't me. He moved on without me, but I'm stuck. While everybody went on with their lives, someone hit pause on mine. And I can't keep up! I need to move on, but Harvey is there, and I can't breathe with him orbiting around me."

"Answer me this, Donna. Do you want him to leave his wife for you?"

She stared at him. Her mouth agape. She never actually thought of it, because it was never on the table. It wasn't anything conceivable. But in that room, she could want everything. Right there, no one would judge her for wanting a married man.

"Not if he is happy. But yes, I want him to want me. I've wanted him to want me for as long as I've known him."

"This is progress, Donna. Facing your desires is good, but this week, I want you to think of a way to move on without him."

"How am I supposed to move on when he feels like my soulmate?"

"Is he yours? And equally relevant, are you his?"

"I don't know. But it doesn't matter. I'll find a way to move on either way."

"That's good to hear." A slight grin graced the face of the psychiatrist.

"Easier said than done."

"I guess we'll see," he said, standing up from his chair. "Before you go, I think you should take these for your PTSD," he said, showing her a prescription for some medicine, "but you can't take it with alcohol."

Donna also stood up and fixed her dress with both hands before picking up her handbag. She acknowledged the doctor's recommendations with a nod and waited for him to open the door.

He handed her the prescription for some pills, but before he could let her take the sheet of paper, he spoke.

"This will not numb you enough to prevent the dreams, but they will be less 'vivid' as you put it. Remember, they're just dreams. And don't run away from your feelings, embrace them as they come and then let them go."

Donna felt much lighter after talking to Stan. But she still needed to apologize to Harvey, and the thought of it left a lump in her throat. The thought of throwing him to the ground terrified her to the core. She has always been a calm person, one that would never act violently. Yet, she brought down a man almost twice her size with minimum effort. She did not understand how she managed to do that, albeit she was sure it had to do with her two-year black out. Plus, she was concerned about him, but knowing he liked to box, she was almost certain he didn't get physically hurt because of her. However, only talking to him she would relax because 'almost sure' wasn't good enough. She had to know he was okay.

I wanna mean something to somebody else

Feel a significance in the real world

It's not enough to live out a lucky life

(Immortal - Marina and the diamonds)

She got to the office later than usual, due to her early morning session with Dr. Lipschitz, and Harvey was already in her office waiting for her. He was sitting on her couch, a case file in hand, and two cups of coffee in front of him.

"If I had known you'd buy me coffee, I wouldn't have bought my own," she tried to ease into the conversation they were about to have.

"Donna..." He looked at her and couldn't help but notice her figure wrapped perfectly in a low-cut burgundy dress.

"It's fine, I can drink two coffees. I actually need two coffees."

"Don—"

"I'm sorry, Harvey," she cut him off, and looked him in the eye. She was embarrassed, but knew she wasn't the only one at fault.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have pushed you to tell me what has been going on with your life," he apologized too, closing the file and giving her all his attention.

"I shouldn't have thrown you across the hall for pushing me for answers, and that is unacceptable. I really am sorry. Are you okay? Does it hurt?"

"I'm fine, Donna. Don't worry. But I'm worried about you."

"I'm getting help," she admitted, "Dr. Lipschitz is an amazing doctor." Then, she allowed herself to really see him. He was wearing a three-piece Tom Ford suit. His tie was a pleasant shade of blue. Which she knew to be his vulnerable signature, and she craved for a vulnerable Harvey.

"I'm glad to hear."

There's an awkward silence between them, and Harvey clears his throat, getting up from the couch.

"I understand if you don't want to keep me in the loop of what's going on, but if you're going after the people who hurt you... Let me tell you that there's nothing I want more than seeing those people locked away for good."

"I am... going after them..." She looked at her shoes.

"Good."

"Good," she agrees.

He turned and tried to leave her office, but decided against it. Choosing to address what had been eating up at him and stopping her from going over to her desk.

"Why not me? Why did you ask Louis and even Samantha, whom you barely know, to help and not me?"

They looked into each other's glassy eyes.

"Because I figured that if you wanted to help, you would have found a way to. You know you were the only one of all our friends who didn't show up for me? You just gave me the news and left... like the other time."

She didn't have to say which other time; he knew she was talking about the night she had disappeared.

"So no, Harvey. I didn't, and still don't, feel comfortable asking you for help."

"I did go to see you."

She kept looking at him, but now questioning his sentence.

"In the hospital, I mean. But I went there only when you were asleep. Paula doesn't know about it. Only Mike does since he told me the time of your meds and all..."

When Donna passed out in front of Harvey when he told her she had been missing, he assisted her to the emergency room and remained there until Mike and Rachel showed up. They talked about her and how happy they were for her to be back. Of course, Harvey was too glad she was alive, but he felt guilty. Guilty for not going after her. For just accepting that she was dead, even after seeing her corpse in the morgue, he felt as if he should have fought harder. The guilt was eating him alive, so when she began to stir, he excused himself and went out of her hospital room. Rachel stayed in the room, but Mike went after his friend. Harvey explained he couldn't face Donna, not at the second. He also asked Mike to keep him posted about the time of her meds and how she was doing when she was awake. He would come back, he just couldn't look into the eyes of the woman that meant the world to him, but wasn't his wife. Mike understood and promised Harvey current updates.

So, when he explained what he had asked Mike, she saw the Harvey she once knew. Only that Harvey could pull off something like this. Anything to avoid a hard conversation. Although, he was there talking to her, which was unlike him. She guessed that two years could really change a person.

"Why? Why didn't you go when I was awake?" she asked, waiting for him to either avoid the question or just leave her without an answer.

"Because it hurt, Donna. It hurt not to have you by my side, that I wasn't the one to find you, and that I wasn't strong enough to face you in the hospital. And the day I told you you had been missing? It took a piece of me, but I was still your emergency contact and they called me, so... I did it. But it hurt and still does."

His sincerity made her eyes fill with more tears, for he mostly took her aback."I'm so sorry, Harvey. I thought... I thought you didn't care enough. I thought I didn't mean as much to you as you mean—"

"I'm sorry to intrude, Donna, but I have some news and I think we should talk." Samantha interrupted them, entering the office and looking at Donna.

Donna took in the blonde and Harvey. The redhead sighed and made a decision that was probably the wrong one.

"It's fine, Wheeler. If it's about my case, you can tell me in front of him." Harvey looked at Donna, and a surprised smirk graced his face. They were finally making progress.

"Well... Okay, then." Samantha cleared her throat and began. "So... I've got intel of where you were."

"Seriously?" Donna braced herself for what was about to come.

"Yeah. Turns out, that picture of you in the paper was taken on a farm close to Idaho. However, previous to that, you were in England."

"England?"

"That's where their headquarters were and it explains the snow, I guess."

"Okay, so what now? Can we sue their asses already?" Harvey asked, already feeling his heart rate increase.

"That's the good part... Some of your kidnapers are already in custody. I'll have all the proof next week, or the week after tops. And then we can move forward and once we get them all, we can come after every single one of them and watch them burn." Samantha explained with pride and excitement.

"That's good! That's good, right?" Harvey looked at Donna, searching for her affirmation, but he'd seen none. She was looking at Samantha with panic in her eyes.

She didn't know what to do. Ever since she 'came back to life', she had one purpose: go after those who had stolen two years of her life. But she hadn't thought about what to do after that. She guessed then, she would definitely have to move on. She doesn't know where or with whom, but she would have to. She just didn't think it would be so soon.

"Yes, yes. It's good." She swallowed a lump in her throat, avoided their gazes and moved to leave the office. "If you'll excuse me, I need to freshen up."

Samantha looked at Harvey puzzled, as Donna left. "That's what she wanted, right?" The blonde asked no one in particular. But being the only one present, Harvey answered.

"I'll go check on her," he told her, leaving the office.

"But she's in the lady's room..." She tried to warn him, but he was already far away to listen. "Nevermind," Samantha sighed and went to her own office.

…

"Donna?" Harvey entered the restroom and checked the stalls to see if there was anyone else besides the redhead facing the mirror with tears on her face.

"I'm fine, Harvey." She sniffed and wiped moisture with the back of her hand.

"Donna, please don't shut me out." He begged.

"I'm just scared," she confessed and sighed, averting her gaze.

He moved forward and wrapped her in his firm arms. It surprised her at first, which made her stiffen at the contact, but then she let his warmth soothe her anguish. She placed her arms around his waist and leaned closer in the crook of his neck. He buried his face in her hair, instantaneously feeling her intoxicating scent reach the obscure parts of his soul and drag them out to the light. She was all he ever needed, which was why he couldn't let what was happening between them carry on. He couldn't be like his mother, but god he wished he could touch her more than he was.

He let go of her then and placed his hands on her forearms, looking intensely at her eyes, and seeing that most of her tears were already dry.

"I need you to be okay, Donna."

"I will, Harvey." She said, not as a promise to him but to herself. She felt as if he had shared some of his strength with her. She needed to thrive, and if to do that she needed to move on from the only person who made her feel alive and strong, then she would. Because she was Donna, and she was a force to be reckoned with. She would find a way to be strong without him.

He saw it then, the determination and strength come back to her features. He saw the Donna from two years ago. He saw his can-opener Donna and I'll-take-a-bullet-for-you Donna. He saw his Donna. And he finally realized that he was indeed irrevocably and hopelessly in love with a woman that wasn't his wife. With Donna, it went beyond the physical or the exchanged glances. With her, he felt as if his life would burst with joy. With her he could be happy.

"Good," he said, instead of saying all the things that would break his marriage.

"Good," she mirrored his words and kissed his cheek. The contact was quicker than both wanted, but it was enough to mend some pieces of their broken hearts.

For him, it felt like a realization. For her, it felt like saying goodbye to the past.

…

Three days later, Donna was getting more and more eager to get all the proof Samantha said she would get. She would have a list of all the people that might want to join the class-action and a list of the people that had hurt her. And then, after seeing all those responsible locked away and the victims with some kind of consolation, she would move on. She decided she would leave the apartment she was getting really comfortable in, she would leave the firm and her job along with. She would start over. And that scared and excited her all at once.

Donna made a list of potential places she would like to live during a particularly calm day at the firm. Somewhere sunny, like Santa Monica. She was sure she had some friends from her old theater crew living there now. Maybe she could even go back to acting.

Normally, the uncertainty would leave her agitated and too nervous, but she felt a sense of renewal. The only thing nagging at her thrill was a certain lawyer. She knew she would hurt her friends, but she was sure they would understand in the end. Harvey, on the other hand, wouldn't understand, and that she was sure of. He might be married and they might not be as close as they once were, but if the last few days taught her anything, it was that Harvey still cared. Of course, she cared about him too, but she needed to live her life, and she wouldn't be able to do that with him around all the time. She had to put herself first.

Thinking about leaving the office earlier for the day, Donna was about to put some files away, when a knock on her door made the corners of her mouth lift slightly.

"I hope I'm not interrupting."

"Not at all, Thomas. Come in." She looked deep into the eyes of the tall and handsome man standing in front of her. His suit was tailored to fit him perfectly and his gentle expression told her he wasn't there for business.

"What can I do for you?" She tilted her head to the side in curiosity.

"I came by to give Alex some files and stopped by and say hello," he said, avoiding her stare and looking at his shoes.

"Oh, you didn't come here for that. You have people to do those things for you," she teased, giving him a full smirk. The truth was, she was hoping he'd admit why he was really there. She thought they had really hit it off at the firm event and was pretty disappointed when he hadn't called.

"You're right. I didn't come here just for that. I came to ask you to have dinner with me tonight." He looked at her then, with hope in his eyes and a sheepish smile.

He really was handsome. His green eyes and perfect jaw made her stomach flutter. His relaxed and laid back demeanor was a true contrast to her life. And she needed that. "Tonight?" Donna asked, confused by the sudden invite.

"Well. That is, if you don't have any plans." Is he blushing now? She thought. Boy, could he get any cuter.

"I was planning on calling last week, but work was pretty hectic, and when I finally got some free time, I thought about who I wanted to spend it with."

"Thomas..." She was the one blushing at this point. Maybe moving on would be easier than she thought

"What do you say?" He gave her sweet eyes, 'which surprised her by making her giggle, and she didn't know why, but the ordeal she'd been through was swept aside, and she felt like a teenager, again'.

"Let me grab my bag."

...

Thomas was funny, intelligent, witted, and a perfect gentleman. At first, Donna couldn't understand why he was single, but thinking about it, it made sense. They both had a very busy schedule, and their lives revolved around work. Of course, she had more going on besides work, but her class action wasn't something she would mention on a first date.

Thomas sensed she was hiding something when he asked about her past and how she got to be COO, but he only hoped she would open up, eventually. Donna was everything he wanted in a woman. She was smart, sexy, strong, and wasn't afraid to speak her mind. At first, Thomas couldn't understand why she wasn't spoken for but considered himself lucky to at least have a shot with her.

They talked about the food, their jobs, their families, and even about the future. He wanted to expand his business, and she admitted she wanted a change of scenery. He asked her why, which made her avert her gaze and face the wide window of the fancy Italian restaurant he had chosen.

"I think I just need to put myself first and do what's best for me," she answered. She didn't say she needed to put herself above Harvey, but it was implied in the back of her mind.

Thomas just figured it had to do with her position as COO and that's why she diverted his questions about the subject.

Their conversation flowed easily. She felt lighter and more relaxed, something she hadn't experienced in a long while. She could only think that the presence of the handsome man who kept brushing his pinky on her hand was the reason she couldn't stop flushing.

After paying for dinner, he asked if he could walk her home, and she happily accepted. They talked and laughed. Everything about this man seemed to be almost perfect.

"Well... this is me," she said when they reached her building. They had walked, almost hand in hand the few blocks to her apartment, dreading to have to say goodbye.

"I know," he turned to face her and saw a flash of yellow. He raised his hand to hail the approaching cab and sighed. He really wanted to kiss her.

"Wow. They never actually come that fast when I want them to," she told him, smiling and shaking her head. Boy, he was cute even at hailing cabs.

"What can I say? I've got a way with cabs," he shrugged off, as it wasn't a big deal, and it wasn't. But he still made her laugh.

"Thank you, for an amazing night," she said then, taking a slight step closer to him.

"I've just got to tell you sometimes you don't know what you've been missing until you have it," he explained, seemingly out of the blue. "So look, I don't want to wait three days to call you or whatever the rules are," he smiled at her and the look in his eyes spoke enough to tell her he wanted to.

"Can we just skip that? Can tomorrow be our three days?" He asked, more as a plea.

She weighed her options. She could say no and keep pining over someone that was already taken. She could say yes, go out with him again, and have another exceptional night. Or, she could make the best out of the night they were already having.

"What if we just say it's tonight? And you come on up," she suggested, thinking she had enough of missed opportunities.

…

Donna and Thomas spent the rest of the week in peaceful bliss. He could make her laugh and was a great kisser. He could almost make the rest of the world disappear, which was exactly what she needed. She felt happy and carefree. She still didn't know if this relationship was leading anywhere or if she could consider not moving to another state. All she knew was she was having fun with him and she would live in the moment.

Although in her mind it didn't seem like over two years have passed, her body was definitely different. With all the problems she had faced during the last three months, she didn't have time to pay attention to anything but her mind. But with Thomas, boy, it felt different. She couldn't quite explain even if she tried to. Thomas certainly hadn't experienced anything as amazing as he did with the redhead. Sure, he had high expectations, but she blew his mind with her stamina and eagerness.

In other words, she had been horny for a long time, and finally could release some of the built-up tension. Moreover, she didn't feel the need to bite her tongue from screaming Harvey's name, which could also be deemed as progress.

She was so content that she even started leaving work at a reasonable hour, something that Harvey noticed and did not could acknowledge the amazing work she has been doing, but her leaving earlier than usual bothered him as images of her past relationships flooding back to his memory. He recognized all the signs of someone new in her life. When she wouldn't arrive at the office before 7:30, or when she would wear a spring in her step. But what really told him she had someone new in her life was when she was at the elevator and didn't see him there. They could always sense when each other was close, but she was smiling at her phone and glowing and not noticing him and he just knew. She was moving on, and he had no right to be bothered. Yet he was.

The last straw for him was in a partner-meeting that didn't require much of her attention and she still insisted on participating. He was sitting by her side, and she was just taking some notes. They were about to announce Harvey was set to have his name back on the wall when her phone vibrated, and Thomas' name flashed on the screen. No one really paid attention to it, since Jessica kept on talking

"So I believe we can all agree that the firm will profit from..."

"I'm sorry, I just can't." Harvey snapped as he interrupted Jessica and looked at Donna. Everybody was staring at him, including Donna. "Donna, I believe it's only polite for you to put your phone away when you're in an important meeting."

"Harv—" Jessica started, but he cut her off one more time. Donna was looking bewildered and angry at him. What the fuck was wrong with him?

"No, I'm just saying, Jessica. If someone insists on attending a meeting, they should at least pay more attention."

"Harvey, my phone is just on the table like everyone else's and, I might add, on silent. So, what's the real issue here?" Donna's eyes were as wide as saucers. And everybody was looking at him. Jessica was the first to break the silence when he couldn't answer Donna's question.

"Well... I guess we should keep in mind the actual issue here, that it is Mr. Jokling's lawsuit against..." Jessica kept talking, averting the situation, but neither Harvey nor Donna could listen to her anymore. Donna was embarrassed and hurt, and Harvey was annoyed as hell.

As soon as the meeting was over, Donna stormed out of the conference room and went to her office. Harvey considered going after her, but Jessica's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Harvey, a word, please." She said in a calm and intimidating voice that sent a shiver down Harvey's spine. He knew he was in trouble, and he knew why.

When everyone was out of the room, he decided to tackle the subject before her.

"Jessica, I know—"

"Now you listen to me, boy," she said, turning from her files and facing him. There was a glint in her eyes that could only be described as annoyance. He felt his breath hitch in his throat.

"Never interrupt me during a meeting! Is that clear?" She spoke without raising her tone of voice and emanating power.

He swallowed dry sand and nodded. He felt like a child who had just badly behaved and was waiting for some kind of punishment.

"Now leave, before I set fire to your desk," she added playfully, but with an edge of seriousness. And apologize to the woman for Christ's sake, she doesn't deserve the way you just treated her." Jessica said, turning back to her documents and leaving no place for argumentation.

He had screwed up, and he knew it.

It was like every step he took to have a normal relationship with Donna, another two were taken back.

…

"Donna..." Harvey started as soon as he entered her office. She was facing the window with a glass of water in hand. She was clearly shaken, and when she turned to him, he saw tears in her eyes. God, he could be such a dick at times.

"You know what, Harvey? I don't wanna hear it." She shook her head and swallowed the content of her glass in one gulp. "Just leave me alone."

"I'm sorry," he apologized, without averting his gaze from her. He knew he was the one at fault and he couldn't let his feelings towards her screw their fragile relationship. She had all the right in the world to date whoever she wanted, and he needed to accept that. But it hurt more than he thought it would.

"What?" She gasped, taking him in. He looked pained and exhausted, she was surprised to see him apologizing so bluntly.

"I'm sorry. I was an asshole… I just…" he exhaled, "it just bothers me."

She gave him a tight smile and a nod. The way he spoke to her at the meeting still hurt her, but he was at least recognizing he had been an asshole, and that was a huge step for him. And if she couldn't recognize that too... well...

"I—" but she was cut off.

"Good! You're here! I just got the info on your case and I think you'll want to see this." Samantha said, storming into Donna's office, not acknowledging Harvey's presence. Closing the door behind her, she gave Donna a flash drive, and then looked at Harvey, not really knowing if she should have said anything in front of the lawyer.

A/N: Don't forget to let me know what you all think. Sorry (not) about the cliffhanger. xD

Cassie, you're a godsent! Thank you for being an amazing beta and friend!