Hello, all!
I know, I know, I kinda dropped off the face of the earth for a while there. But hopefully, I should be getting back into things soon!
Anyway. Here is a little blurb that I found in my documents earlier today. It's super short, I know, but I spruced it up a bit and found it suitably angsty, therefore I am sharing my self-inflicted pain with all of you!
You're welcome.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters.
SPOILERS: Season Seven Episode 6
Enjoy!
Ahsoka wasn't paying attention.
She was a little too occupied trying to coax the Silver Angel's navigation systems to cooperate with her—Trace was a great mechanic, but some of the finer details needed a slightly more professional touch.
So when Trace chose the military lane to rise through the atmosphere, she didn't notice until it was almost too late.
Then a voice straight out of her past came through the comm, just as strong and dependable as she remembered it.
"Have you lost your mind?! This is military airspace. Civilian transports are not authorized to be in this sector! I'll have your star pilot's license for this."
Ahsoka sat, frozen, as Trace and Rafa tried to bluff and lie their way past the cruiser.
"Who is this? What's your license number?" Admiral Yularen was about to lose his temper.
The sisters were still talking, but Ahsoka couldn't hear anything over her own heartbeat.
The Resolute.
The ship she'd called home for nearly four years.
Slowly, almost mechanically, she stepped forward, gently pushing Rafa out of the way. She reached out, hesitated, rested her fingers on the controls.
"Apologies, Admiral," she said, her voice so soft she could barely hear it over the rushing in her montrals. "Force of habit."
There was a long moment of stunned silence over the comms.
"Of course, Com—Ms. Tano," Yularen said, his voice just as soft as hers. "Understood."
Something thick rose in her throat. Admiral Yularen had been one of the first people to ever truly believe in her. He had always supported her, always had her back. She…she missed him.
"Thank you, Admiral," she said, swallowing hard.
"You are most welcome. And Ahsoka?"
"Yes?"
"We miss you."
Tears burned in her eyes, and she felt Rafa and Trace's shock as one escaped, running down her cheek.
She tried to speak, but her voice died. She closed her eyes and gripped the back of Trace's seat with white knuckles.
"I miss all of you, too," she managed, her voice thick.
"The General is on the bridge," Yularen continued. "Would you like me to call him over, ma'am?"
"No!" Ahsoka choked out, shaking her head and stumbling back.
"Understood," the Admiral said again, far too much understanding in his voice. "As you were then, Ms. Tano. I dearly hope to see you again."
"And I you," she said. "Thank you, Admiral Yularen."
"Safe travels. And Ahsoka?"
"Yes?"
"May the Force be with you."
Her mouth opened in a soundless cry, grief for all she had lost welling up in her heart with enough force to crack it wide open.
She closed her eyes and swallowed hard.
"And with you, Admiral Yularen. Safe travels."
She cut the comms with a trembling hand.
"You can go now," she said. "Admiral Yularen will let us through."
The Martez sisters both turned and stared at her.
"Who are you?!" Rafa demanded.
Ahsoka took a shaky step back and all but collapsed into a seat. "I'm nobody," she said.
"Uh, nobodies do not personally know Republic admirals!" Rafa shouted. "Nobodies are not instantly recognized by nothing more than their voice by Republic admirals!"
"You…you're important, aren't you?" Trace asked with wide eyes. "You're a somebody."
Anakin's blazing presence swept over her mind before she could answer and she physically shrank further back into her seat, drawing her shields in around herself as tight and as small and as little and as hidden as she could, because if she opened up, if she let that warm light in, she knew she would turn around and run right back to Anakin and Obi-Wan and—and that was no longer an option for her.
I can never go home.
Ahsoka stared out the viewport with tears burning in her eyes as they passed the Resolute. She refused to categorize the tearing, pulling, overwhelming feeling in her chest as longing.
"I used to be."
*sniff*
So, (SPOILERS AHEAD) in the episode when Ahsoka first hears the Admiral's voice, she kind of jerks back and one hand covers her mouth. Now, that could have been a genuine reaction of horror of the "We are so screwed" variety, but to me, it looked more like she'd just gotten hit with an emotional sledgehammer to the gut. Then when she leans forward and turns the comm off, I thought she was going to say something to the Admiral, and that was the little moment that this idea came to life.
So there's that! I hope you liked it.
Please, please, please drop a line or two to let me know what you thought of it!
Love you all, and I'll see you next time!