In little moments, Lily catches herself.
Her eyes wander over her morning toast. Without anything in particular demanding her attention, it takes her a little too long to realize where they land.
She sees Jamie throw her head back, probably at a crack from one of her mates, black curls tumbling over her shoulders. She is seated at the table on the other end of the Great Hall, so Lily knows she can't actually hear Jamie's laughter, even though her mind insists that she can. Even without the reference, she can conjure the sound perfectly in her head.
While Jamie is captivating enough to steal her attention unintentionally, Lily catches another flash out of the corner of her eye. Sirius Black sees through the rows of students between them as easily as she does. His gray eyes meet hers, an all too knowing smirk hitching up the side of his mouth. He joins Jamie with a booming laugh of his own, but Lily suspects this one is at her expense.
With a start, Lily yanks her gaze away from the Gryffindor captain.
Without Jamie to focus on, Lily instead finds a splotch of raspberry jam on her robes. She lets out a mumbled curse, dropping her toast and scrubbing the offending spot with a cloth napkin. It does little more than spread the stain to the napkin too, but it's better than continuing to meet Sirius' knowing gaze.
"Morning," Severus says, sitting beside her on the bench. He doesn't turn toward the table, so she assumes he's already finished breakfast. "It's the last day to say if we're staying for the holidays. We're going back, aren't we?"
Neither of them have called Cokeworth home in a long time.
"Yeah," she answers. "I thought so."
Honestly, she hasn't given it any particular thought this year, but they have never stayed at school. Until Severus asked, she only sort of remembered that she has to pack at some point. Cokeworth isn't really home anymore, but she isn't quite ready to admit that these will probably be the last weeks she spends there.
While each day is filled to the brim with as much as the professors can give them, the weeks are whipping by like torn calendar pages. It's her last year at Hogwarts, and there's so much she wants to do. It's all falling away before she can catch it.
Lily throws down the napkin on her half-eaten plate. Her robes are dark - even if they're a little faded from being secondhand - so the worst of it should be hidden.
Severus gives her a small smile, and she swears that his whole posture relaxes. He sits a little straighter, correcting the slump that's progressed over the last few months. He puts an elbow on the table behind him, stretching his legs out in front of him. Lily pushes the butter dish out of the way just in time.
"Good," he says. "We hadn't talked about it, so I wanted to check. I didn't know if you…"
She doesn't interrupt, so the sentence trails without a resolution. It hangs for a few seconds before Lily says, "If I…?"
"Had other plans," Severus replies. He maintains his pose, but his eyes slip past her.
"Should I?"
"No," he says. "But I haven't seen as much of you."
She bristles, sitting up straighter and ready to go on the defense. They're always like this these days. One off remark and -
"Good morning, Evans. Good morning, Snape," Cornelia says.
She fits between Severus and Lily on the bench in a place that previously didn't exist. Her robe falls off her shoulder, and Cornelia shrugs to save it. In the second delay, Lily catches the flash of a dark spot on her otherwise porcelain neck. Cornelia covers it before she can confirm, but Lily's eyes widen at the realization.
Severus' eyes meet hers over Cornelia's head in mutual understanding. Lily nearly giggles. They're clearly thinking the same things that can't be said.
Perhaps a little time away from the castle and in a place that's theirs is exactly what they need.
"Morning, Burke," she says. Lily is proud of herself for keeping her voice mostly steady.
Severus raises his eyebrows at her, which suggests that some amount of mirth made its way into her tone. Cornelia, though, appears to be distracted enough by her morning tea. It makes Lily confident that she hasn't completely given them away.
"We should get to class," Severus says. For a second, they're eleven again. Times are simpler, things make sense, and they understand each other without saying everything out loud. "Evans and I have Transfiguration."
Cornelia nods and puts a hand over her mouth since she's chewing.
Lily knows an escape when she sees one, so she grabs her bag. She's out of the Great Hall and partway down the corridor with Severus on her heels before she lets out the laugh she's been holding.
"That's why she didn't come back to the dormitory last night," Lily says, laughing again. "I didn't know they were so serious. Was she in your dorm?"
"If she was, I didn't see her," Severus answers. He isn't outright laughing, but she can see the hint of his amusement in his eyes. "Though Avery was pretty quiet last night."
This starts another fit of giggles that is hard to control. Severus matches them with a smile of his own, even if it's slower than hers to begin.
The closed door of the Transfiguration room indicates that they are a little early for the start of class. Lily comes to a halt and leans back at the stone wall.
"Do you think there will be an engagement party over the break? We'll be in Cokeworth, so we can miss it, thankfully. Maybe she'll come back with a new ring on her finger to save her family the shame of a mark on her neck." She rolls her eyes to show him exactly what she thinks of those kinds of values.
Honestly, if Cornelia wants to snog Avery, even though he is a prick, she has every right.
"Maybe," he answers a little stiffly. "They both know what they're getting into, though. She can't be that surprised if her parents -"
"Tell her what to do with her life?" Lily interrupts with a note of disbelief. "She's seventeen, Sev. She shouldn't have her whole future planned for her because she let someone kiss her."
"She's not stupid. She knows what they expect and what they'll think if they find out."
"I guess," Lily says, "but that doesn't make it right. We're all teenagers. Isn't this the time we're supposed to do stuff like that? Make mistakes and figure out what we want?"
"We're not -" Severus is a little flushed when he stammers, "Are you…?"
"That's not what we're talking about," Lily answers, her cheeks also warming. She's conscious of the way more people have joined them in the corridor outside Professor McGonagall's classroom. "I think people should be able to choose for themselves. Let them have fun."
"I didn't think you would -"
The door opens. It's quite possible that she's never been so thankful for a class to begin in her life. Lily takes the chance to dart into the classroom and find her regular seat.
She sits toward the front of the class, opting for the second row. It's close enough that she doesn't get caught up in the distracting chatter from the back of the room - though that reduced as they moved to O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. levels - without thrusting her into the first row.
Severus sits beside her at the double table. The color is still high on his cheeks, but maybe he's also glad for an excuse to avoid the conversation. They've been friends for years, though Lily can't imagine gossiping with him or talking about crushes the way girls do in the muggle magazines that Petunia likes so much.
The rest of the class filters in with students chatting in pairs or small groups. By seventh year, the class sizes are smaller, but a fair number of their classmates have stuck with Professor McGonagall.
Lily busies herself by getting out her parchment, quill, and ink while Severus does the same beside her. The silence is heavy between them, but she doesn't know the right thing to snap it. Talking about kissing with him at all is fraught, and if she lets anything about her own activities slip and how they involve a certain Gryffindor...
"Evans," Sirius says, tapping her table as he passes, "we haven't seen you in awhile."
Instead of continuing as he usually does to his spot in the back row, Sirius turns in place and dumps his bag on the table behind her. Jamie, who comes in behind him, isn't expecting this either, judging by the way she nearly crashes into Sirius. Remus tugs her backward by the arm in time, and Jamie catches herself on the edge of the table.
"Padfoot, what are you -?"
"I can't see from the back, Prongs," Sirius says, falling into the chair directly behind Lily like he's meant to be there. "Besides, I have to remind Minnie what she'll be missing over break."
"I thought you said you didn't need to study," Remus says.
"Maybe this is for your own good, Moony," Sirius answers. Two jolts to her chair tell Lily that he has propped his feet on her seat to lean back in his. "But I didn't want to embarass you in front of Evans and Snivellus."
Severus' back goes rigid beside her, but she nudges his arm with her elbow. Getting a rise out of either of them - especially Severus - is exactly what Black wants. The two of them - her and Black - may be starting to get along, but she doesn't trust him with this quite yet.
"Shove it," Remus says, though he puts his own things at the table beside Sirius.
"Miss Potter," Professor McGonagall scolds, "please take your seat."
Since she's close enough, Lily can hear Jamie's soft exhale before she says, "Yes, Professor."
Jamie grips a chair behind Lily and drags it on the floor before she sits at the table with Sirius. She whispers something to Sirius, clearly annoyed, but it's too muffled for Lily to make out any of the words other than an insult.
Lily is highly aware of the way Jamie moves, even though she doesn't turn to see her. She keeps her eyes determinedly forward, sure that Severus can practically read her mind.
Stubbornly, she thinks of anything else.
She follows the wand movements that Professor McGonagall is demonstrating instead of thinking about the way Jamie's fingers pressed against her skin. She forces herself to take extensive notes with careful penmanship since she's positive that she won't remember any of this lesson without them.
Jamie has sat with her in class hundreds of times. They've even been in the same room since the night of the Gryffindor party. Still, she's never been quite so aware of her.
This is Sirius Black's fault.
Transfiguration has always been a little of a sticking point for Lily, but she's thankful for it today. It means that she can't chance a glance behind her when McGonagall gives them an assignment to practice. With her mind already wanting to scatter, it takes all of her attention to stay focused on the task.
She's supposed to be changing the color of the lizard given to her. The animal, however, keeps trying to make an escape. "Stay," she whispers, trying to block it from running off the table. "Please," Lily adds. She puts a finger on the lizard's tail to stop it from skittering across the tabletop.
Severus pokes his lizard with the end of his wand. Rather than trying to run away, it curls around the end like it thinks this is part of a new game. Severus pulls his wand away, and the lizard flops onto its side at the loss.
The task is a non-verbal transfiguration. Severus pauses, probably rehearsing the pronunciation in his head, before he flicks his wrist. Immediately, the lizard changes from dull green to a startling shade of red. It doesn't appear to be bothered, flicking its tail back and forth lazily.
"Well done," Lily says. She puts a palm on her lizard's tail to keep it in place. Lily's leg shakes under the table while she practices the spell hurriedly a few times under her breath before making her first attempt.
The lizard blinks.
From beside her, Severus tilts his head slightly. "I think it's a bit brighter," he says generously.
"It is not," she replies, a little testy.
She moves her wand again. This time, she only succeeds in poking the lizard. It rolls onto its side, clearly trying another tactic to get away from her. When its tail slips from her grasp, it takes the opportunity to escape, darting away and crawling down the leg of the table before she gets a chance to recapture it.
"Oh, bugger," she mumbles.
"What is it?" Severus asks, but Lily ducks under the table without an answer.
She surveys the floor for any sign of her assigned animal. This is another in the dozens of reasons why she dropped Care of Magical Creatures when she could. Lily looks under their table and especially around the legs. Right when she's about to give up, she manages to see movement out of the corner of her eye. She turns on her hands and knees to crawl after the runaway.
The lizard stops to size up a bag near another chair leg. Lily makes a grab for the lizard's tail, but it slips away before her fingers close around it.
She mutters another muffled curse when she bangs her knee against the floor.
Deciding that the bag might not make the best home, the lizard makes a dash across the stone floor. It shouldn't be able to move that quickly. Lily nearly dives after it.
Instead of catching the lizard, her hand closes on dark fabric. In an instant, she realizes that she's somehow caught another student's robes. "Sorry," Lily says. "My lizard ran off, and I…" She looks up to see Sirius, who is also crawling under the tables with her.
Hastily, Lily lets go of his robes.
"This one?" Sirius asks. He lifts his arm to reveal that he's holding a lizard by the tail between two fingers. "Prongs saw it running under my seat, so I tried to grab it. Thought someone might be missing one."
"Good reflexes."
A beat passes between them. "This is the part where you say 'thank you,' Evans," Sirius says, his mouth curving into the suggestion of a smirk.
"Thanks, Black," Lily says, clearing her throat. "I can take it." She puts out a hand for the lizard and moves to her knees.
The start of his grin falls. "Careful, Evans -"
Her head hits the table over them before she can mind his warning. With a sharp intake of breath, she puts her hand over the bump likely growing there. "I'm okay," she assures before actually taking stock of herself.
"Really?"
Other than her wounded pride and a probable bruise on her head, she is. "Yes. I'm fine." Lily holds out her hand for the still-green reptile. "Thanks again. I have to finish my assignment, obviously, and you have to get back to yours."
"I already transfigured it," Sirius says with a shrug.
Of course he has.
Sirius tilts his head to the side like he's appraising Lily. "You're really all right?"
"I'll be fine." Lily cups the lizard with both hands. Sirius gives it up and rises from the floor. This time, Lily is more careful about not hitting her head on anything.
When she returns to her seat, Severus' lizard is blue and Lily's cheeks are a faded pink. She places her lizard on the tabletop and flicks her wand before she can think about it too much.
Thankfully, the lizard turns a brilliant fuchsia.
"Excellent, Miss Evans and Mister Snape," Professor McGonagall says, sweeping both of their lizards into a box. "Read the next two chapters, practice your wand work, and enjoy your holiday."
"You too, Professor. Happy Christmas." Lily sweeps her things into her bag and puts the strap on her shoulder. Her next hour is a free one, so getting out of class a few minutes early is a gift.
The rest of the class follows her out of the room. Every session that is closer to their couple of weeks without classes makes everyone more restless.
Lily shrugs the bag more securely onto her shoulder. "Have you started packing?"
"No," Severus says, "but it shouldn't take long. I'll be ready for the train on Saturday."
She nods as they start following their usual path. They'll go to the staircase in the Entrance Hall for an easy way down to the dungeon and their house's common room. In the next hour, she might be able to finish her Charms essay that was assigned yesterday so it doesn't have to come back to Cokeworth with her.
Other students are chatting, possibly about their plans for the two free weeks. Someone laughs behind her, but Lily doesn't pay them any mind. She's attempting to turn the thoughts in her head into something she can say out loud.
Behind her, someone raises their voice enough for her to catch it.
"Speaking of," Sirius drawls. In a hurried scuffle of feet, Sirius steps in front of them. Lily stops to avoid running into him, and Severus scowls. Sirius puts his arms out in a wide gesture. "Evans! Just the person I wanted to see."
"What is it, Black?" Lily crosses her arms, but her tone isn't completely uninviting.
A vow has started within her. She isn't going to hide from Severus. If they're truly friends like they say they are, he can stand for her having her own friends. Maybe that's not what she and Sirius are yet, but she shouldn't have to prohibit it for Severus' sake. He's clearly not bothered by her disapproval of the company he keeps.
Black's loyalties are obvious. He's usually on the side of trouble, but he's always on the side of Jamie Potter. He has a plan, and Lily is determined to find what it is. The glint in his eyes is like the one from the party, so she knows she can't fully trust it.
Sirius shrugs easily. "Can we talk?"
Beside her, Severus is obviously tense. She can almost feel the energy radiating off him. "Back off, Black," he mutters. Severus' hand is shoved into his pocket, and Lily is sure that he's ready to come back with a curse.
Lily briefly puts a hand on his arm. "I'll take care of it," she says. Lily rolls her eyes for Severus' benefit. "See you back in the common room, Sev."
A few emotions war across his face before he forces his expression into cool indifference. "Fine. I'll see you later."
Sirius starts, but Lily puts her hand out to stop him. She waits until Severus goes around the corner before lowering it. "What was that about?" she says, turning on him. "Neither of you know when to stop."
"I didn't know Snivellus thought he could control who talks to you, Evans."
"He does not," she answers. "But you don't help."
"Eh." Sirius shrugs again. "Good riddance."
"What did you want, Sirius?"
He lights up like she's said something to make his entire day. "Haven't seen you much since the party. You mysteriously vanish up the stairs and never tell me what happened? Never come by to let me know if our friendship is stronger than firewhiskey? You hurt me, Evans."
Something tells her that he knows a decent amount about what happened on the staircase. Even though Severus and Lily aren't the kind of best friends who whisper about those things, she thinks that Potter and Black might be.
"I've been busy," she says. "Rounds and schoolwork and - Where is Potter, anyway?"
"Who said anything about Prongs?" Sirius' grin widens.
"She's always with you. We never see one without the other." Lily offers it as an excuse. "And we all came from the same class."
"I'm not good enough for you on my own?" Sirius puts a hand over his heart and makes a mournful face. It brightens quickly into his usual air of over-confidence. "I'll have to let Prongs know. She'll be thrilled."
"I had a good time at the party," Lily says. If she doesn't think about being embarrassed, maybe it won't show. "I'll find another time to hang around with you lot once we're back from holiday."
"But, Evans," Sirius answers, "there's still time."
She hasn't realized that they started walking the other way in the corridor until it's too late. With the creak of hinges and a well-timed nudge on her back, Lily nearly trips over her own feet.
Luckily, another set of hands catches her. The fingers wrap around her forearms to keep her steady as a door shuts behind her and the latch turns. In the limited light from the closing door, Lily catches the glare of lenses and tanned skin.
Quickly, Jamie lets go of her, moving past her to pound a fist on their side of the door.
"Padfoot! What are you -"
Sirius raps his knuckles on the door lightly in response. Lily hears him laugh. It fades down the corridor with him, letting them know that they're alone.
This, too, is Sirius Black's fault.
"Damn it. I can't -" Jamie lets out a frustrated huff and rattles the knob. "I swear I didn't put him up to this," Jamie says, turning away from the door. Her elbow knocks into Lily's shoulder as she tangles her fingers into her hair in frustration. "He took my wand, but if you have yours, maybe you can get us out. I didn't tell him to -"
Lily moves slowly to pull out her wand. It sounds like Jamie holds her breath before Lily quietly says, "Lumos."
The pale light reveals Jamie's stricken face. Based on a quick glance of the small space, their setting is a crowded cupboard. It's filled with brooms, mops, and turned over buckets. Lily doesn't have much room to move, judging by the rattle she hears almost every time she tries.
"I'm sorry," Jamie says. She leans back as much as she can in the contained space, her back pressed against the door. "Once Sirius gets an idea, he can't help himself."
"It's all right," Lily says, lowering her wand. The light casts new shadows across Jamie's face. She can see her chest rising and falling.
"Do you want to try the lock?" Jamie asks after a moment.
"No," Lily admits. The darkness and proximity make her bolder. "I've wanted to talk to you since… you know. I didn't know how, but now we're…" Her wand wavers a bit, making a shadow slant across Jamie's cheek. "If you want to leave, I can -"
"No," Jamie says with some force. "I don't want to leave."
Lily's responding laugh is breathy. "Me neither," she says, dropping her bag beside her with a dull thump. In an instant, the cupboard isn't quite as small as she thought. "We did say 'to be continued.'"
She isn't sure who reaches for the other first. Her glowing wand tip doesn't help when she lets it clatter to the floor. The light bounces across the wall, but the darkness doesn't stop them. Their lips find each other. They find each other. Like before, they know what to do without thinking.
Lily's palm curves over Jamie's cheek while Jamie's hand finds a place at her waist. Her hand is under Lily's robes and over her jumper, but Lily swears that sparks come from the spot. Their kisses are light at first. Jamie's lips move slowly, giving Lily time to memorize what they feel like against hers. With anyone else, they might be almost tentative. With Jamie, though, they aren't unsure or reluctant. It's as if they're reminding themselves where they left off on the Gryffindor stairs.
The pleasant swirl in her mind that wipes away any of her worries makes her remember quickly. She wanted to kiss this girl. She wants to kiss this girl. She did kiss this girl.
It's hard to think about anything else when she's kissing her again.
Jamie moves her hand to the small of Lily's back smoothly, bringing them closer. Her fingers slide between shirt and sweater. They're teasingly close to her skin and warm through the fabric without actually touching.
In her haste to kiss Jamie, Lily knocks over a broom or mop handle. It falls behind her, but neither of them flinch.
When Jamie leans back against the door this time, Lily goes with her. She throws an arm over Jamie's shoulder and reaches up to twist her fingers into her hair like she always wants. She hooks her foot around Jamie's ankle and thinks that she might collapse if Jamie wasn't holding onto her.
Something tells her that Jamie won't let go.
As her fingers find the hem of Lily's jumper, Jamie's kisses get a little more demanding. If the tug on her curls isn't enough to let her know, Lily makes a soft noise into her mouth and nods to grant permission. Jamie's fingers move past her untucked shirt and alight a new set of nerves when they meet skin.
Without pause, Lily starts a row of kisses at the corner of Jamie's mouth that make a slow trail down her jaw. Jamie's head falls back against the door. Lily grins at her own power.
Jamie, though, has her own kind of power in this. Lily is highly aware that at any moment, the tables can turn. Slowly, Jamie's fingers move under her shirt and up Lily's back. She takes her time, tracing each knob of her spine as she goes.
Lily's sigh accompanies the suggestion of a shiver.
Her victorious grin is almost audible when Jamie lifts her head and captures Lily's lips with her own once again. Although Lily likes a measure of control in nearly every other situation, she can't complain when Jamie is kissing her like this. Jamie knows how to ensure that the kiss hums all the way down to her toes.
In all of this, fingers are still moving along her back. They stop when they reach the band of her bra. Jamie's kiss hesitates too as her fingers slip under the band and go no further.
As encouragement, Lily's hips move once against Jamie.
"Lily." Jamie pulls away, only slightly, but they're still close enough that their lips brush when she talks. Her voice is no more than a whisper. Jamie's fingers curl, her nails scratching Lily's back gently. "That's not fair."
"Yes," Lily replies. Their breathing mixes, and it's the only thing she can hear over her pounding pulse for a long moment. "I want you to…"
Words fail her, but Jamie catches the band between two fingers. Lily nods again, more emphatically, and resists the urge to press their hips together another time.
Their chests rise together slowly. When Jamie exhales, it's a little shaky. "Okay."
Jamie bumps their noses together briefly and then kisses her again, hard. Lily's head swims, but she doesn't want it to stop. The world is lips on hers and the sharp scent of peppermint and Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.
One hand closes over Lily's hip, doing its best to ground her. Lily wants her fingers there too, but she isn't willing to break their kiss to tell her so quite yet. Jamie's other hand moves to undo the clasp on her back, making Lily feel like she's floating.
She wants Jamie's fingers everywhere.
Her palm spreads across Lily's back. The kiss changes again so it's a series of shallow, open-mouthed kisses that start charting a course for her neck. Jamie's back may be against the door, but she holds Lily in her hands. It makes Lily dizzy, ecstatic, and a little desperate.
"Jamie," she says. She grinds their hips together to make up for the fact that she's practically whining. "Please."
Her fingers start to move. They wrap around her side, taking their time and making Lily's nerves fire rapidly. Her thumb moves in a slow circle when she gets closer. Lily considers that she might need to beg before Jamie touches her the way she wants. Jamie's lips crash against hers, and maybe this means she's as needy as Lily feels.
Among the pleasant and infuriating fog that is Jamie Potter, sounds of the world outside the cupboard come through the door. A few dozen pairs of feet and the shuffling that comes along with them. Teenagers calling to one another and someone laughing as they pass by the forgotten door.
As soon as Lily notices it, Jamie freezes like reality hits her at the same time. She doesn't move her hand, but they do break their kiss.
Lily doesn't know what to say. Her eyes dart over Jamie's face. She wants to remember the red of Jamie's lips and the way she knows they've been kissed. Jamie's gaze goes from her eyes to her mouth to her green and silver tie. It rests there for a beat and comes back to meet her gaze.
With a sigh, Jamie presses her forehead against Lily's. They're both breathing heavily and need a moment for the world around them to become real again.
"Class," Lily says finally. "We have to…"
"I know," Jamie answers, her voice a little rough.
Lily touches the wrist by her hip and circles it with her fingers. "I want…" she starts and closes her eyes. "To be continued. Again."
Jamie nods, her hand moving out from under Lily's shirt. For a moment, both of her hands are on Lily's hips. "All right, Evans."
Piece by piece, they detangle themselves.
Lily puts her foot back on the ground. Jamie pushes off the door so they're both standing. Lily fastens the hooks of her bra while Jamie straightens her own clothes and glasses. Lily bends to fetch her school bag and wand, the tip still alight.
Selfishly, she takes a long look at Jamie before muttering, "Nox."