A/N: I recognize that the council (Filoni and co) have made a decision (that Ahsoka couldn't reach Anakin) but seeing as that is a stupid decision (in my opinion) I have elected to ignore it in this fic (Ahsoka can in fact reach through to Anakin, a little bit). While Ahsoka and Anakin's relationship was more brother/sister, she was also like a daughter to him and him a father to her in some light. Plus I think it was stated somewhere by Filoni that Ahsoka was the child Anakin got to raise, sooo here we are.
Summary: The explosion of the Sith Temple places Darth Vader and Ahsoka in a situation neither of them imagined possible. Now in an unfamiliar place that is eerily similar to Mortis, Darth Vader and Ahsoka must face the echoes of their past and work together to find their way back home.
Chapter Five: Through the Grapevine 2/2
Darth Vader was uncertain of what he should do at this moment. The light display could have alerted any predators to their location which was an unpleasant thought, however the most unpleasant thoughts he had were focused on the Togruta in his arms. On the one hand, he was furious. Furious that she had been able to reconnect to the force before he could. And on the other hand, he was angry due to the feeling of relief that she was alive. That feeling of relief should not have been there, he should not have cared whether Anakin Skywalker's apprentice lived or died.
He tried to justify the emotions that he needed her to get out of here, but the little that remained of Anakin Skywalker was insistent that the care was simply because of who she was to him. Vader shoved the emotions aside with as much force as he could muster. The Togruta did not matter to him. She mattered to Skywalker and Skywalker was dead, therefore she was of no consequence to him. All he needed from her was for her to guide him out of here so that he could return to the Empire. Agitated, he set Ahsoka down on the ground not as gently as he could have and stalked away.
He would need to be focused to ensure that if predators did arrive, he would be ready for them. With her unconscious and him not knowing when she would wake up, his chances had decreased in preparedness. As much as he hated to admit it, he likely would not have defeated the bat creature if he had been alone. The odds of him defeating a hostile creature on his own without the force and without his lightsaber were incredibly slim. It should have bothered him that he was so dependent on the force to fight, but it was a part of him that could not be taken away.
Vader sighed heavily. He needed to get the force back if he planned to get out of this mess in one piece. The Daughter said that in order to connect with the force again, they needed to accept what they denied. There were not many things Vader denied, so it should have made his mental search easier, only to come up empty.
Denial was not an emotion he spent a lot of time dwelling on, he had no reason to be bothered with the emotion. It wasted time and delayed the inevitable. A distant howl entered his ears, causing him to snap his head up in the direction it had come from. He waited a few moments, he heard once more only this time louder which it was closer. Vader quickly made his way back to the little set up to see Ahsoka was still unconscious on the ground, only she was not alone. Kneeling beside her was the Son.
Vader hissed at, "Get away from her."
The Son lifted his head to look at him, his expression almost bored, "Darth Vader. We meet again."
Vader glared at the son, "We've never met."
"No we did," the Son said rising to his feet, "You just don't remember. I showed you what Anakin Skywalker would become, that Darth Vader would be born and here you are. Your time on Malachor has brought you here."
Vader walked over to him, "I will not play whatever game you and your family has orchestrated."
"A good thing none of us are playing a game," remarked the Son, his expression turned grave, "You and your former apprentice must complete these trials on your own. I can only interfere once and am choosing to do so now."
"What is that supposed to mean," Vader questioned, his expression guarded.
The Son did not respond straight away, after a few tense moments he answered, "You must accept what you deny. I cannot tell you what that it is, but I will hint that it involves what this girl means to you."
The Son looked down at the unconscious Togruta then, his head tilted to the side as he remembers the day he met her and had her infected with the Dark Side. It was impressive that she couldn't be swayed and had to be infected. He sensed the light of his sister inside of her. Neither of them were quite alive as they used to be, their presence still existed, but not their life in the same way. Sensing his sister in the young girl was intriguing though not surprising. The Son looked over to Vader with a smug expression.
"If you intend to infect her again," Vader said in a dangerously low voice.
"Not this time," the Son smirked at him, "And careful Vader, one might think you care about her."
Vader's gaze narrowed at the Force wielder. He didn't care about the Togruta, he only needed her alive so that he could get out of here, other than that she didn't matter to him. The Son seemed to sense his thoughts, his expression appeared amused before he vanished from sight. This left the Sith Lord feeling more agitated than he had when he walked off before. Ahsoka Tano meant something to Anakin Skywalker, but he was dead which meant she no longer mattered. Thoughts of ending the Togruta now flittered into his mind, ending any and all final connections to Anakin Skywalker was a… mission to Darth Vader. Destroy any and all connections of his former self. Ahsoka was one of those connections.
He had nearly been rid of her on Malachor, could he get rid of her now? The no that echoed in his mind gave him an answer, but he didn't understand where it had come from. An aggravated sigh left Vader as he took a seat before the dying fire, across from where Ahsoka lay asleep. As he watched her, he took note of her appearance once again. The force had returned her to how she looked a year into her apprenticeship with him- with Skywalker. It was at this age Skywalker had started to push her in her light saber training, when she started to use two.
"You're small and not very strong," Anakin told her, his tone was matter-of-fact.
Ahsoka glared at him, "Gee thanks Master."
Anakin smirked, "I wasn't finished Snips. What you lack for in brute strength and size, you make up for in cleverness and speed. Your skills make it so that a large opponent wouldn't get the better of you, your lightsaber technique is good despite you using that Force forsaken reverse grip. It doesn't work well with blaster fire as you've seen. Which is why I think you should consider having a second one."
"Really," Ahsoka asked, her blue eyes lit up in excitement, "You're going to train me in Jar'Kai?!"
Anakin grinned at her excitement, "Glad I have your attention. Grab the training sabers, you start learning now."
Vader forced out a breath as he pushed the memory aside. However as he tried to return to himself, he found he was no longer in front of the fire, no longer in a forest and Ahsoka was nowhere in sight. The Sith Lord jumped to his feet and took in his surroundings. It took him a few moments to see he was in Skywalker's old apartment at the Jedi Temple, the one he shared with Ahsoka.
Anger filled him at the sight of this place, this must be some kind of vision or memory, but why did it appear to him in this way? What was the purpose? He should have asked Ahsoka what she had faced that caused her to get her connection to the force back, it likely would have made him more prepared for whatever this apparition was.
"Not much would have prepared you for this," came the voice of Ahsoka.
Vader turned around to see she looked as she did on Malachor, though she was not dressed in the same clothing. The style was similar, but the colors were more earth like tones instead of the grey ones. However there was another difference he noticed of the woman before him, he found it again in her eyes. Instead of the darker shade of blue they took on when he faced her before, when he last saw her before, these eyes were the light blue tone. The ones that were filled with light, not weighed down by the pain of the past.
"Where are we, what is this," Vader asked with a scowl on his face.
Ahsoka tilted her head to the side, "Why did you never hunt me down?"
Vader was caught off guard by her question, "What?"
Ahsoka walked over to the window, not looking at him as she replied, "At the end of the Clone Wars. You didn't hunt me down, why not?"
"I sent my Inquisitors after all the remaining Jedi," Vader answered, he ignored the tightening of his throat, "It was believed you had been killed in the crash."
The memory clouded Vader's mind. Where he stood before the abandoned and snow covered cruiser, the one she had been on when Order 66 had been put into affect. How he had found the lightsaber he gave her in the snow, had ignited one final time before seeing that damn convor reminding him of the first time she had died. He couldn't say that he felt anything for her then, though Skywalker certainly had felt for her in that moment of time despite Vader forcing him to stay away.
Ahsoka glanced over her shoulder, "Did you believe I had died because of the order? Did you even feel bad that you were the cause?"
Before Vader could form a response, the woman vanished from his sight in the same manner the Son had minutes before. Behind him, he felt her presence.
"Did it hurt you to know that you sent me to my death," Ahsoka asked, her voice sounded younger, "If you hadn't found my lightsaber, would you have hunted me down until you could kill me yourself?"
Vader turned around to see Ahsoka, but she looked the way she had during the Siege of Mandalore, the sight actually sent a pang into his chest. This Ahsoka continued to gaze at him with an expression the Sith Lord couldn't decipher, but if he had to guess it was one of curiosity and disappointment. Whether or not this was the real Ahsoka was beyond Vader, however he had sneaking suspicion it wasn't really her. All of this was in his head, this place was playing tricks on his mind and making him see things, but for what purpose, he didn't understand. His mind thought back to what she had mentioned earlier. If they were going to get the force back, he needed to accept something he had denied. But what did he deny about her?
"You sensed me that day on the rebel ship," Ahsoka stated, her tone too calm, "You weren't surprised to sense me alive. So why didn't you hunt me down before?"
"There was no evidence to suggest you survived the crash," Vader answered her, he kept his tone flat.
Ahsoka didn't believe him, he could tell by the shine of her eyes that she wasn't convinced by his words. With her arms behind her back, she walked closer to him until the distance between them was barely the size of a few inches.
"There are only two reasons you didn't hunt me down," Ahsoka said tilting her head back slightly, "The first being you didn't care enough to, but we both know that isn't your style. Which means you didn't hunt me down because part of you, deep down, did care. Didn't want to kill me."
Vader felt his anger spike, he hissed at her, "You don't know what you're talking about. I didn't and don't care about you."
Ahsoka wasn't phased, she pressed on, "Then why didn't you hunt me down?"
Vader moved forward, ready to shove her aside, but she vanished before he could touch her making him cry out in frustration. He'd have enough of this. With every piece of strength he had, he forced himself to be released from whatever this was, but it was no use. He still remained in the old apartment of Anakin Skywalker, the one he had tried to bleach from his memory only for him to know every piece of this place.
Thoughts of the days and nights he spent in this apartment, how he would stand in the kitchen and Ahsoka would sit either at the counter or on the little couch. Sometimes they were chatting about the next mission, about her classes, or trading amusing stories from their pasts. There were a number of sweet memories that this place held, but that only made the bitter feeling worsen in his aching chest.
Darth Vader did not care for anyone or anything, Ahsoka Tano was not an exception to this rule.
He turned around once again when he felt her presence return. This time he saw five versions of the apprentice, standing next to each other with their shimmering blue eyes. On the left was the younger version of herself, likely the age she had been found by Master Plo Koon. The next one was when she was fourteen, then fifteen and sixteen years of age with her burgundy attire, then age seventeen dressed in blue and on the far right she stood as an adult.
"What trickery is this," Vader hissed at them, his eyes burning.
The smallest one spoke, "You deny us."
That word, deny. There was something here he was supposed to accept, but what could he have possibly denied about the Togruta who he hadn't thought about in years? What could possibly have been there? As Vader studied each of them, he felt that flicker of Anakin Skywalker and for once, he focused on the flicker hoping it would lead him to an answer.
The flicker of Anakin Skywalker felt proud of the sight of these apparitions, then there was great pain and sorrow that Vader couldn't shut away. Anakin, Vader, had never gotten the chance to see his child grow, to teach them. Ahsoka Tano was the closest thing he had ever had to a daughter, the closest he would ever have to a child. But Vader had known this before.
"You're almost there Skyguy," said the padawans, each version smirking.
Vader didn't give them a response, the sooner he figured this out, the sooner he could leave. If Ahsoka had meant that much to Anakin Skywalker, something he already knew, then why was it something he had to accept? The little one said that he was denying each of them, but to what extent? There was nothing left for him to deny about her.
"Think about it," said the Ahsoka from Mandalore, "You never hunted me down despite not believing I was dead. Why didn't you hunt me down?"
"There was no evidence that you survived, it would have been a waste of resources," Vader answered, he hated how strained his voice sounded.
The oldest Ahsoka spoke, "The truth. Tell the truth."
Anger fueled Vader, he lunged to attack her, lightsaber in hand. He hadn't been sure when he had gotten the lightsaber back, but for the time being wouldn't question it as he went on the offensive. The apartment around them collapsed, the scenery bled into Malachor as the oldest Ahsoka brought up her white sabers in defense. He vaguely noticed the other versions of her disappear in a puff of purple smoke.
All the anger he had at this situation, all the pain that seemed to come alive because of her pushed him forward. She was fast, but she couldn't deflect his harsh attacks forever. Despite her holding her ground, her attacks quick and purposeful, they weren't as strong as his own. While he may not have been as fast, he held more power than she could match and it was growing clear as he knocked one of blades out of her hand. Ahsoka back flipped away, landing in her favorited side lunge position, lightsaber still held in that reverse grip he could never get her to change. Vader charged at her, his strikes aggressive and growing in speed, her defenses not being able to keep up.
"Why didn't you hunt me down," she asked him, she sounded too calm.
One he struck her blade much harder than before, a quick flash of light and her white blade turned blue. Then the woman before him was replaced by the seventeen year old he- Anakin sent to Mandalore. Using his surprise, she force pushed him away and called back her lost saber. Two blue blades shined brightly against the darker red colors.
"Tell me why," Ahsoka said to him.
Vader didn't answer, he attacked her again this time with more ferocity that she now could barely keep back. It seemed that the skills she had at this age were present, making it easier for him to gain the upper hand. He delivered another harsher blow to her blades that were in an X to protect herself. A flash of blue light this time and the blades were no longer blue. They were green and a pale green yellow. Back when she was a Padawan, back when she was learning the style. The Ahsoka who looked back at him now was the one who left him- Anakin Skywalker at the Jedi Temple. Light blue stared up at him through the lights of his red blade and her green ones.
"Why won't you tell me, why do you deny it," Ahsoka asked him, she bared her teeth, "Just say it!"
Vader shoved her back, she slid along the ground, but used her blades to slow herself. Enough was enough. This had gone on for too long, he wanted it to be over. Defeating her had to get him out of here, he would not think of why he hadn't hung her down, he would not give her the answer she desired. Ahsoka had just gotten back into fighting stance when he attacked her once more, another harsh blow that he felt should have forced her down. The flash of light protected her. Now their blades were locked, but this time the pale green and yellow one was gone. Only the green remained. When he looked past the blade he saw her as the fourteen year old Padawan who came to Christophis.
"Tell me the truth," this Ahsoka said, out of breath, "Tell the truth."
"There's nothing for me to say," Vader snapped at her.
He brought his blade back and down again, swinging wildly and not as controlled as he should have been. It didn't matter, all he felt was pain and he needed his anger to return. It only took four more swings to knock Ahsoka to the ground, her lightsaber gone. Vader lifted his saber to swing down her, to deliver the final blow, but froze. This Ahsoka held up one hand in a last show of defense, her eyes closed as she waited for him to strike her down. When the blow didn't come, she opened her eyes to stare up at him. Her eyes shimmered for a moment before tears slipped down her cheeks.
"You promised," Ahsoka said to him, "You would never let anyone hurt me."
Vader gripped his saber tighter, he should end her now, get this apparition out of here. He made a move to, but again was frozen as he stared down at her. Defenseless, looking up at him as if he had broken her down. The words of Anakin Skywalker echoed in his ears, screamed in his mind. He would always protect her, he would always love her. The only child he had ever gotten the chance to raise and care for.
As he towered over her, he could see each version of herself that he had known, that he had seen. The child he trained, the teenager he raised, the adult she had become. Killing her hadn't been what he wanted, he'd never wanted to hurt her. He still loved her. After all this time, after all the darkness and hate he carried, he still cared. The saber fell from his hands in horror, both that he still cared and what he had almost down before.
No, he wouldn't accept that, it wasn't true, he didn't care, he didn't love. Gravity forced him to his knees, the purple smoke stilled, the world around him vanished until he was alone in the darkness. Head hung low, he stared at the ground. A very small hand touched his cheek. When he snapped his head up to look at who was touching him, he saw Ahsoka again. Only this time, she was hardly four years old.
"Please," she whispered to him, then wrapped her little arms around his neck, "Tell the truth. Accept what you deny."
Vader gasped, sitting upright in shock as a pain in his chest sparked to life. A bit frantic he looked around to see that he was back in the forest, the fire nonexistent and Ahsoka still asleep before him. Vader shook his head, trying to shrug off the feelings that the vision or dream had left him with, it only added to the unbearable swirl of emotions that had taken root in his mind and what remained of his heart. The sight of all the Ahsoka's side by side had shown him how much she had grown, how much had changed over the years. Fighting the versions of herself had showed the difference was well, though that made him feel more than uneasy.
Vader made his way to the water, he removed his gloves and was surprised to see that both of his hands were flesh though he did not dwell on this. He let the cool water fill his cupped hands before bringing to his face, hoping to wash the vision away, hoping to wash the emotions away, but it was no use. The anger he had felt, the pain, the sorrow, the fear, it cling to him. He knew what he was denying, but how was he supposed to accept it? Vader denied that he cared for Ahsoka, not Skywalker, but Vader.
When he found her lightsaber that day, he wasn't certain that she had perished in the crash, but had chosen to believe she had. By choosing to believe she had died in the crash, it meant she would not fall at his blade or at the blade of one of his inquisitors. It meant her death was not on his hands. There had been whispers of some Jedi who survived, ones who hadn't been confirmed dead by clones. She had been one of them until he said she was dead, based on the crash site. He hadn't killed her, the clones or the crash landing had ended her life.
"I'd never let anyone hurt you Ahsoka, never," he told her desperately when he was knight.
As a Sith Lord he told her, "Then you will die."
He had been ready to give the final blow to her in the temple, just before it had taken them away. He was in position, she was defeated, all he had to do was swing and it would be over. Yet the memory of it showed him what he didn't want to see. How she stared at him in defeat, with those eyes that screamed acceptance to her fate. That she would die at his hands and he had hesitated. He couldn't kill her. He didn't want to kill her. She was the closest thing he had to a child of his own. Part of him still loved her then, he still loved her now. It was why he hadn't been able to hunt her down and kill her in the past. He hadn't been able to kill her now. He just couldn't. Because he did still care.
The sound of rushing water grew louder, forcing him out of his thoughts. A wave crashed into him, wrapping itself around his body and pulled him away from the treeside. He tried to struggle against the water's hold, but it was no use. Panic filled him for a few moments, but it would do no good to lose his mind so he forced himself to calm down. Water curled around his entire body, even his head and he felt that panic rise in him again. Instinct wouldn't let him take in a breath, but after holding it for so long he gasped and found that the water did not enter his mouth or nose, it still covered him completely, but he was still breathing air.
The soft and cool touch of the waves embraced him, like an old friend providing a calming hug. It was so foreign yet painfully familiar to him. Vader took a steadying breath, letting the feeling literally wash over him and when he did, the Force came alive in his chest and pulsed through his body. He could feel the life energy and the dead energy in this place, the pulse of this world's heartbeat. Gentle light flowed around him and the waves that covered him, it was like dancing moonlight. A sense of calm settled into him, a calm he had not felt in so many years.
The water set him on his feet back at the treeline, all the water left him making his clothes dry. He watched with a forlorn expression as the water settled at his feet and he noticed in the reflection his appearance had changed. Anakin Skywalker still gazed back at him with yellow eyes, but he could see that he now wore the dark colored robes he wore in the second part of the Clone Wars, his hair longer.
Vader lifted his head to look up at the moon, the same defeated expression on his face as both a weight was lifted from his shoulders, but a weight added to his chest. The Sith Lord felt a burning sensation in his eyes and a slight pressure in the bridge of his nose. So much had changed. Yet as he glanced behind him at the still asleep Togruta girl, he found there were some things that didn't.