When she tosses and turns for what feels like the hundredth time, Lily gives up. She flops onto her back. Unsurprisingly, that doesn't bring sleep any closer. The other Slytherin girls make no noise, which is almost worse than them being awake with her.
She can't sleep while her mind is whirling.
Sitting up, Lily grabs the spare quill on her bedside table and scratches out a note. Meet me at the Astronomy Tower. She folds it into a slightly lopsided shape and uses a whispered spell to send the small paper airplane on its way.
Without waiting for a response, she pushes her blankets aside and stands. Lily finds a pair of slippers by feeling around in the dark with her feet and arranges a pillow under the covers so it will look like a sleeping body with a quick glance. She tucks her wand in her pocket and sneaks out before she can think better of it or change her mind.
She doesn't know if she should really expect the Gryffindor recipient to respond.
There's a chance the note won't make it to her.
Likely, she is asleep.
She could be too deep of a sleeper to be woken by a hastily charmed note. Possibly, even if she does wake up, she won't want to wander the castle at night and risk curfew to meet with Lily.
Still, Lily sticks close to the walls while she makes her way through the castle without the assistance of an invisibility cloak. It is late enough, luckily, that she didn't encounter anyone. She steps into the fresh air of the Astronomy Tower and barely finishes taking a deep breath when she is immediately grabbed from behind.
Before her instincts can kick in and protect her, Lily feels the pleasant warmth of a nose bumping against her skin and a pair of lips on the back of her neck. The arms at her waist wrap around her to pull her back against Jamie's body.
Lily sighs happily.
"Is there an emergency?"
"Not really," Lily admits. "I couldn't sleep. Kept thinking about you."
"If that's all," Jamie mumbles, moving her chin to rest on Lily's shoulder. "You could have said that. I still would have come."
"You're here now."
Jamie chuckles by her ear. "Yeah, Evans. I'm here."
Lily twists in her arms to face her. With one hand on her shoulder, Lily traces the fingers of her other hand along Jamie's cheek and watches how Jamie's eyes follow her. She can't help herself. Being close to Jamie Potter makes her feel light and warm and happy.
She leans forward to kiss Jamie briefly.
Jamie's hands go to either side of her waist. "Did you want to talk about something?"
"No," Lily says. "There's nothing to talk about. I wanted to see you, and…"
Jamie blinks.
"Thank you for coming," Lily adds. "I feel better already."
Jamie hesitates but then nods. "'Course," she answers. It looks like she might say more, but she closes her mouth again. A beat passes. "Can I kiss you now?"
"Yes," Lily says easily. "Please."
Jamie closes the space between them. Her hold is tight, but it's more secure than desperate. It keeps Lily from floating into the stars. Their tongues touch, tentative at first, but quickly find familiarity. The kiss isn't hurried or needy.
It's exactly what she wants.
Each time they meet, it's like picking up where they left off from the last time. Jamie takes a step forward to guide them toward the wall. Lily's back goes against it with Jamie's hands tangled in her hair. They're hungry and willing to let the other person know through sighs and soft moans and sharp intakes of breath.
Lily moves her hips, less shy than the other times she's thought about doing this.
Each time is easier because Jamie is still here. If she hasn't walked away, this can't all be in Lily's head. They've talked and teased, and Jamie still woke up to answer her note. Jamie, who wears a different tie and stands against the worst parts of Lily's house, has seen more parts of her and hasn't decided to leave.
She's seen Lily be carefully planned and unusually impulsive. She's sent her Christmas cookies and hidden notes.
She's stood in front of her best friend and didn't look ashamed.
Lily deepens their kiss and presses herself against Jamie, hoping part of the raging fire in her chest translates.
The whole way back to the common room, Lily doesn't need her dressing gown to stay warm. It's enough to think of Jamie's arms and mouth and the way she knew exactly where to -
Lily smiles to herself while she whispers the password.
The common room is predictably empty. She's careful not to make any excessive noise, but the bigger challenge is up the stairs. Lily's soft soled slippers barely make a sound as she moves past the couches and recently cleared tables. The house elves must have already made their rounds to pick up whatever students left during the day.
On the staircase, she knows to skip the stair that always creaks. She takes each one slowly and holds her breath as she passes the doors that come before hers.
No sounds behind the doors give any indication that anyone else is awake. She makes it to her door and nudges it open. Slowly, Lily turns the handle to close the door behind her. When it shuts with a hardly there thud, someone would have to be listening intentionally and closely to hear it.
She only lets herself linger by the door for a few seconds. Even, measured breathing meets her and suggests that everyone else is asleep. Lily walks across the room at a slow pace, taking extra care to be quiet when she passes an occupied bed.
Springs shift.
Lily's eyes go wide as she hugs her dressing gown around her middle. She yawns, a little too widely to be real, in case someone does lift her head.
She's just up for a glass of water. She'll tell them that if they ask. There's nothing to see.
To cover her tracks, Lily walks to the bathroom and runs the tap. She sets an empty glass on the edge of the sink as evidence. When she doesn't hear anything else from the dormitory, she decides that it's safe.
She's worrying over nothing.
She crosses the room more quickly this time. Her dressing gown and slippers find their usual place by her bed, though her fingers shake slightly on the knot.
She made it back here without a detention.
She made it back here without detection.
Everything is fine.
The memory of the curve of Jamie's smile is still fresh in her mind. It's calming enough to conquer any of the swirling thoughts that kept her awake earlier that night.
Slipping under the covers, Lily hugs her pillow like it is the girl she left on the Astronomy Tower.
"I know where you've been going."
The words are little more than a whisper. They aren't meant to be heard by the masses. They're a specific message pointed at a specific girl. They don't need to echo to startle her like a gunshot in one of those old muggle films. They're quiet, and that makes them all the more dangerous. Information can cause the most damage when someone knows how to use it.
They hit their target.
Lily's head jerks up from her hunched position. Her ponytail snaps behind her as she finds Cornelia with her eyes. The other girl is already nearly across the room, barely having even paused by Lily's side.
It's not an explicit threat, but Lily hears that in her words.
They're still getting used to the idea that these are their last few months in the castle, but Lily has found a few chances to distance herself from her housemates. In general, people are too absorbed in their own minds to keep track of where she's going at all times.
The stolen moments are always too short, but Lily knows that her smile sticks around longer. A minute teasing Jamie or a well-placed retort can leave her grinning into her pillow all night.
Although she's done her best to be careful, she should have known someone could be suspicious. She should have known Cornelia wouldn't rest without an answer. She should have prepared more. When she saw Lily leaving the common room to go somewhere else, somewhere no one else was invited, she wouldn't handle sitting without an answer.
What did she see to give it away?
Part of her wants to know what Cornelia thinks this is. What does she know?
Lily has been avoiding putting any kind of label on what she - what they - have been doing. Jamie likes her, and she likes Jamie, so they're two girls who happen to like each other.
What does it mean?
Lily squeezes her quill between her fingers. She scratches out a misspelled word and tries to think about the next sentence in her essay.
"Did you hear about Potter?"
It's Cornelia again.
On her first night in the castle, all those years ago, Cornelia Burke must have snuck downstairs to determine where all the sound travels in their common room. She knows how to find information others miss. Slytherins are calculated. Cornelia is no exception.
She knows enough about everyone to be dangerous. She's not afraid of letting people know what she knows. She lures them in enough to pay attention, knowing they won't suspect that she could be anything more than an over-involved gossip.
Lily knows better than to underestimate her.
With this piece of news, Cornelia is talking loudly in the common room. She knows other people - knows Lily, especially, if her threat is any indication - will be listening to every word she says. Even if Lily knows that is her plan, even if she knows that Cornelia is trying to catch her, she can't help but fall for it.
What should she have heard about Potter?
These days, anything having to do with Jamie Potter makes her listen more intently. It's like kissing her at the party and every time since has activated a signal in her brain. When she's close or someone mentions her, Lily can't help but pay attention.
With a deep breath, Lily puts in the effort to keep staring at her Potions essay. Her mind, however, isn't on bezoars or antidotes.
"I heard…" Cornelia's voice lowers, making Lily's quill still. She tries to keep her eyes on the parchment, but she can't even pretend to write anything. She should know better than falling into Cornelia's traps, but the girl knows what she's doing. "There was an accident at Gryffindor quidditch practice."
"What happened?" someone asks in a hushed voice that carries across the room.
"I didn't hear the details," Cornelia answers primly. As if she didn't question everyone she could find before sharing the news. Lily has never seen Cornelia sit on any amount of information without trying to figure out how to learn more. "I did hear that she's in the hospital wing."
Lily's focus narrows.
Practically, she knows she will never be the first person informed. There's little reason for anyone to know that she has a vested interest in Jamie Potter's well-being. Sirius knows some of it, surely, but his priority won't be telling her when something happens. Lily and Jamie haven't told anyone they are friends, let alone anything else.
They haven't even talked with each other about what they are.
Lily needs to see her.
For a few agonizing minutes, Lily stares at the parchment and the tip of her quill. She has to wait. She can't react right away. They're already suspicious of her. Lily doesn't need to give them any more reasons.
Finally, she snaps her book closed. Her essay isn't going to get done anyway. Lily pushes her parchment into a pile and shoves it in her bag, along with her textbook and a capped bottle of ink. Cornelia's probably staring at her from the other side of the room, but she can't bring herself to look that way.
She has a girl to see.
Lily hesitates by the door, daring herself to cross the threshold into the room.
"Miss Evans?" Madam Pomfrey pauses, looking toward the doorway. "Can I help you?"
"Yeah," she replies quickly, nodding. "I mean, yes. I was wondering if I could, um…"
Although she probably has plenty to do, Madam Pomfrey stands in place. She's holding a basket filled with colorful vials. Lily remembers a few extra credit assignments for Slughorn where she carefully labelled some vials that were supposed to find their way to the hospital wing. She wonders if any of her handiwork is being used to fix whatever happened to Jamie.
Madam Pomfrey's patient gesture gives Lily a few valuable seconds to put together a sentence. "I wanted to visit someone. Jamie Potter came by today?"
"Ah, yes." Madam Pomfrey turns to look down one of the rows of beds and back to Lily. "She should be able to handle another visitor. Come in, Miss Evans."
Lily hurries into the high-ceiling room before her courage can fail her. "Thanks, Madam Pomfrey," she mumbles as she scans the beds for Jamie. It's not a busy time for the wing, so it's easy to spot her tangle of dark hair against the white pillow.
Crossing passed the empty beds, Lily pauses at the end of the occupied one. Jamie is sitting up, but it doesn't look like it's entirely on her own. She's still wearing her scarlet and gold Quidditch jumper, including streaks of mud, probably from her fall. Her arm is wrapped and held close to her stomach. Luckily, it's not bent at an uncomfortable angle anymore, though Lily suspects Jamie came to the wing with at least a broken wrist.
"What did you do to yourself, Potter?"
Lily sinks into a chair next to the bed. She's grateful that Sirius, Remus, and Peter already visited, judging by the trampled flowers on Jamie's bedside table, but she's also grateful that she doesn't have to face them quite yet. Visiting Jamie in the hospital wing alone feels like a step by itself.
Jamie blinks her eyes open slowly. Her glasses are crooked and nearly ready to fall from the tip of her nose. "Evans?" Slowly, she lifts her uninjured hand to push her glasses back. "It's not too bad," Jamie says, her head falling to one side on her propped pillows.
"Says the girl currently sitting in the hospital wing." Lily moves her chair an inch or two closer to the side of the bed.
"Tried something new."
"How did that go?"
Jamie laughs weakly. She winces and quickly tries to cover it with a sloppy smile. She goes to ruffle her hair but misses almost knocks her glasses off in the process. "Everything feels funny."
That would explain it. Jamie is going to be fine, but Madam Pomfrey is keeping here while she's under the influence of some potion. Jamie must have taken something for the pain.
"You should be more careful. Slytherin will definitely win if you take yourself off the team."
"You worry too much, Evans." Jamie waves her hand by her shoulder. It looks like she's trying to bat something away from her. She lets her hand fall back on top of the blanket. "It'll take more than a fall in practice to stop me."
"So you'll be back before the Slytherin versus Gryffindor game?"
Jamie scoffs. "'Course. Not going to make it easy for them."
"Well, good." Lily reaches out to smooth the part of the blanket in front of her. "The Quidditch Cup won't mean as much if we win because you're not playing."
"That all?"
It would be easy to say something flippant. She could fall into old patterns and act like her heart didn't go into her throat when she heard the news. She could pretend that she only stopped by because of curiosity and not because the thought of Jamie sitting in the wing physically hurt her.
But Lily doesn't want to pretend.
Not around Jamie.
"You know that's not all," she answers quietly. Lily's hands move to adjust the thin blanket around Jamie. Her chair is now as close as it can be, since her knees are touching the side of Jamie's bed. She pushes one of the spare pillows under Jamie's elbow to support her injured arm and gently lifts it into place.
Jamie captures Lily's fingers with her good hand before Lily can pull them away. Lily forces some of the tension to leave her shoulders, glancing up to meet Jamie's eyes and not moving back. The moment is like the one at the top of a ferris wheel. She isn't quite sure of the exact second that she's going down instead of up, but she feels the relief of the wind in her hair on the journey down.
"You like me." Jamie's grin is a little too big.
The hospital wing is empty except for them, so Lily doesn't check over her shoulder. "I thought that much was obvious. Or did the bludger wipe your memory when it got your arm?"
"You kissed me." Jamies says this like it's full evidence that all of her memories are intact. "Several times."
This time, Lily does glance over her shoulder. Madam Pomfrey is back in her office. Lily turns back and moves to the edge of the chair. She takes a deep breath and tucks her hand into Jamie's on top of the blanket. "Yes, I did."
"So you like me."
"You could say that."
"Well, are you?"
"What?"
"Are you saying that you like me?"
"Jamie, I…" Lily looks down at their joined hands. "You know that I -"
"Evans." Jamie sits up, though Lily notices that her head rests against the bed's headboard. "You said you wanted to kiss me. And you did. You wrote me notes, and we... Since the beginning of term, we keep meeting. I want to do that, but that's…" Her fingers twitch, and Lily wonders if it's from her habit of wanting to run her fingers through her hair. Jamie must decide that in this moment, holding Lily's hand is more important. "That's great, but I also want to know. We don't have to admit some deep, permanent feelings or even say what we are. I just want..."
Lily raises her eyes to Jamie's face, but now Jamie is looking down. She shoves every nervous part of her down so she doesn't peek over her shoulder. If anyone walks in, they'll only see one student comforting another when she's hurt.
She can't think about what other people might see. She has to think about what Jamie sees.
"I like you, Jamie. I like you… probably a lot more than I should."
Jamie's chin jerks up. Hazel meets green, and Jamie's eyes widen behind her spectacles. She squeezes Lily's hand, but Lily has to keep talking now that she's started.
"I don't know what Pomfrey gave you for your wrist and the pain and whatever you did, but you better remember this, Potter. I like you. So much." She lets out a scoff that almost sounds like a laugh. "When I found out you were here, I had to come. I couldn't stand thinking about you sitting here all alone. I had to know what happened to you."
Jamie struggles to speak at first. Finally, she adds, "Sirius and Remus and Peter were already -"
"That's not what I meant, and you know it." Lily almost snaps her last words, so she runs her thumb over the back of Jamie's hand. She's frustrated at herself more than she's frustrated with Jamie's apparent lack of awareness. "I don't like you the way Sirius, Remus, and Peter like you."
Finally, her words get through to her.
Jamie smiles. It isn't the silly, potions-induced smile from a few minutes ago. It's one that Lily has never seen. She wishes she had a camera to keep it forever.
Jamie Potter is beautiful when she smiles.
Even when her jumper is covered in mud. Even when her wrist is wrapped. Even when Lily knows she will have to interrogate her later to find out what foolish thing she tried on the Quidditch Pitch.
Jamie is absolutely, completely, and heartbreakingly beautiful.
"Now that we have that settled."
Lily shifts so she's no longer sitting in her chair. She moves onto the bed with Jamie, their hips touching and starting a slow burn that travels up her skin. Rather than letting it scare her, Lily tries to let it embolden her. Jamie moves to the side without having to be told. Lily pulls her wand out of her waistband and flicks her wrist to close the curtains around Jamie's cot. She drops her wand on the bedside table and leans against the other girl.
Like their bodies were made to fit together, Jamie rests her head on Lily's shoulder. She sinks into the mattress to find the perfect angle, their fingers still tangled on her lap. Lily crosses her ankle over Jamie's, even though it's covered by the thin hospital wing blanket. She remembers Madam Pomfrey's understanding look and thinks, at least for this moment, that they're perfectly safe in their own little bubble.
The pleasant tingle from Jamie's touch hovers as a pleasant simmer on every one of Lily's nerves. It makes her feel wanted and powerful and alive.
"So tell me, Potter," Lily says quietly, turning her head slightly to talk into Jamie's wild hair. Jamie shivers. That's a bolt of confidence that floods Lily's senses. She has the power to make Jamie Potter shiver. "What silly thing did you try to do on your broomstick?"