After spending the evening in the hospital with my concussed teenage daughter, I totally understand how confused John is every time I give him a concussion.

Chapter 3: In the infirmary.

John was sitting by the fire place looking out the window, it had been a month since his mother had died and he was hoping that his father would agree to go and buy a Christmas tree today. They had always gone together as a family, but this year his mother was missing and his father was so consumed by his work that he barely noticed that he and Dave existed.

It was getting late and he could see the snow falling outside the window. Wondering where his father was, he got to his feet and went looking for his brother Dave. It didn't surprise him to find Dave sitting in his father's office, since he knew that Dave wanted to take over the business from his father one day. That was the last thing he wanted to do, he was going to fly when he grew up, whether his father approved of it or not, and even now he knew that his father wasn't going to like it. His father wanted him to use his talent for Math to benefit the family business. When his mother was alive she'd always supported his dreams, but now she was gone, he sensed that there was going to many arguments between him and his father in the future.

He was brought out of his contemplations when Dave spoke to him and he could sense the impatience in his voice, "what do you want?"

"Have you heard from dad?" He asked hopefully.

"Yes, he's on his way home and he should be here in a few minutes." Dave stated in a matter of fact tone, which seemed to be his constant tone since their mother had died.

"Has he said anything about getting a tree?"

"Nope," Dave replied.

The conversation was interrupted when the front door slammed, their father was home and hopefully he would be in a better mood than he had been that morning. Running out to greet him, John stopped before hugging him. His father had always told him that real men didn't express their emotions, so he stood and looked up at him.

Patrick Sheppard was a very tall man with dark hair and dark eyes and to John he seemed like a giant, probably because at fourteen he was short for his age.

"Dad can we get a Christmas tree tomorrow, it's Saturday, so surely you don't have to go into the office?"

"John how many times have I told you we won't be getting a tree ever again, that was what we did with your mother and I always did it for her. And that was because she always was the sentimental type."

"I want a Christmas tree dad, please let us have one?" He begged with tears brimming in his eyes.

He watched as his father stormed up the stairs and he was so angry that he followed him. Managing to catch up to him, he tapped his father on the arm and he got the shock of his life when his father turned around and slapped him in the face.

"What the hell are you doing Dad!?" He cried, right before his father turned away from him, but he didn't miss the tears in his father's eyes as he walked off and slammed his bedroom door…

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Carson walked into John's room and he was happy to see that Teyla had left for the evening. Given her condition, he had told her to get plenty of rest. Unfortunately, that wasn't going to be easy with John back in the infirmary again.

A moan from the bed caught his attention, "Colonel Sheppard are you with us?"

"I want a Christmas tree dad. Please let us have one?" John moaned and Carson could see tears brimming in his eyes.

He suspected that John was confused, as his fever was still rising, not to mention the bump on his head, perhaps it was time to wake him again and take his temperature.

He placed the Thermometer in John's ear and Carson got the shock of his life when John almost jumped out of the bed, "what the hell are you doing dad!?"

Once he had made sure that the Colonel wasn't about to jump out of bed again, he looked at the temperature and was relieved to see that it was still only 103 degrees.

Now it was time to try and wake him up, since he'd been asleep for four hours now, so he gently shook him, "Colonel Sheppard it's time for you to wake up?"

After three tries Carson was relieved when John finally opened his eyes, "Can you tell me where you are and what your name is Lad?"

"…Lantis…"

"And do you know who you are?"

"Col…. John…Shepp…. ard."

"And do you know who I am?"

"Cr…sn."

"Okay lad, just keep your eyes open a bit longer and then you can go back to sleep."

He shone his penlight in John's eyes and was disappointed to see that his reaction was still slow and sluggish, so he patted his friends' hand and told him to go back to sleep.

Taking the bowl of water that was on the bedside table he started to wipe John's brow again and he was relieved that for the moment his patient was still and quiet.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

John had no idea how long he'd sat outside his father's bedroom door, but all he could do was sob uncontrollably. He had no idea why his father had slapped him, because he had never raised a hand to him before, but after his mother had died Patrick Sheppard had changed. The thing that really upset John though, was that he was really missing her too, but his father was so consumed by his own pain that couldn't see it.

His father had told him once, that she was the love of his life and he didn't know how he would ever survive if anything ever happened to her, well John was now finding out and he didn't like what was happening to his father, or to his family. At least he had Ellie the family's housekeeper, his father had hired her to look after their huge family home, so that his mother could pursue her own interests and spend time with her sons, but now she seemed to be the only person in the big house that took any notice of him.

Despite the fact that there were many people in the house, the house felt strangely empty without the warmth of his mother. Her hazel eyes, along with her graceful smile and mannerisms would light up whatever room she walked into, now the big old house was cold and dark and all he had to cling to were memories of his mother.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard his father's bedroom door opening; his father came out of his room, sat down next to him and put his around him. Despite his own tears, he could see Patrick Sheppard's tear stained face. At that moment he knew that his father really did love him.

"I'm sorry Johnny," his father apologised and by his father using the name Johnny, he felt like a young boy again.

The tears started flowing freely again, "I'm sorry too dad, I'm sorry that Mom had to die."

"It's not your fault Johnny, it just happened and now we have to deal with it."

"I wish she was still alive Dad, so that we can celebrate Christmas like we used to again."

"I know son, but it's just to painful for me this year, I promise that I will get a tree next year, but how about we stay home on Christmas day this year, and the three of us will have a meal together."

"I'd like that Dad."

They sat there and clung to each other for the next hour and eventually Dave came and joined them and for a brief moment they were a family again.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Carson sat and watched as John became restless again. Taking his temperature again, he was relieved to find that it was down to 102.4.

Continuing to wipe John down, he was surprised when the Colonel started to mumble again and he was shocked to see the tears start flowing again,"I'm sorry too dad, I'm sorry that Mom had to die."

He'd wondered what painful memory John was re-living, he now knew that it was something to do with his mother's death. John had mentioned to him once, his mother had died when he was fourteen, but that was all he knew, he had no idea how she'd died. He had always suspected that his mother had understood him in a way that his father never had.

Carson watched as the tears continued to fall and although he respected John's privacy there was no way that he could leave him at that moment.

His patient continued to mumble and Carson felt horrible having to listen to a memory, which was obviously difficult for him, "I wish she was still alive Dad, so that we could celebrate Christmas like we used to again."

John seemed to go still for a moment and Carson started to wipe his forehead again, then a half smile crossed his lips, as he muttered, "I'd like that Dad."

Looking at his watch he realised that it was probably time to wake his patient again. It had been eight hours since John had collapsed in Rodney's lab and he hadn't heard from Rodney in all that time. Luckily his fever didn't seem to be rising at the moment, but he longed to give John some fever reducing medicine to try and help. He knew he couldn't do that though, until he knew exactly what the insect bite was doing to him.

He gently shook John, trying to wake him up "Colonel Sheppard it's time for you to wake up?"

He was relieved when John opened his eyes, "Can you tell me where you are and what your name is Lad?"

"…Lantis…"

"And do you know who you are?"

"Col…. John…Shepp…. ard."

"And do you know who I am?"

"Cr…sn."

"Okay lad, just keep your eyes open a bit longer and then you can go back to sleep."

He shone his penlight in John's eyes and was disappointed to see that his reaction was still slow and sluggish, so he patted his friends' hand and told him to go back to sleep.

Rodney came rushing into the room at that moment and he was hopeful that it was good news, "What have you found out Dr McKay."

"Well apparently the Marmite fly can have adverse effects for some people and symptoms include a fever, a headache and dizziness and most people tend to recover completely within twenty-four to forty-eight hours."

Carson furrowed his brow, he really hoped that John would fit into the most people category. "You said that most people recover."

"Well according to the ancient data base of all the people who had a reaction to the bite, two people died and both of them died within the first twenty-four hours after being bitten."

"Well thank you for that information Rodney, but is it safe to give him anything for the pain or fever."

"It's probably not a good idea, from what I have read the fever should begin to reduce on its own over the first sixteen to twenty hours."

"Thank you, Rodney, now if you'll kindly leave me alone to look after my patient."

"How is he Carson?"

"His fever is still high, but slowly coming down and he is delirious from it, or the concussion, I'm not really sure."

"Ummm…. I have to get back to my lab now, I'll drop by later."

After watching the scientist leave, he grabbed the bowl of water again and tried to keep his friend cool, by continuing to wipe his forehead.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

John sat at the dinning room table with his father and brother and as much as he was enjoying Christmas lunch, he was still painfully aware that is mother was missing. The days leading up to Christmas had been painful for all of them, but they had tried to get along as a family and make the most of the time of year. Since the day his father had flatly refused to get them a Christmas tree, he hadn't asked him again, choosing to leave it alone for this year.

He had to admit that his father had gone all out with the Christmas gifts, there were plenty of clothes, including two suits, which he wouldn't wear in a million years. There was also some business Journals, but one thing that was strangely absent was anything to do with flying, there were no model planes, no books about planes, not even a poster of a plane. If his mother had been alive she would have bought him something to do with planes.

Taking a deep breath, he confronted his father, "thanks for everything Dad, but I would prefer a model plane or two."

"His father narrowed his eyes, and he didn't miss the flash of anger in them, "now that your mother is no longer here, it is my responsibility to raise you as I see fit and although your mother supported your dreams of flying, I will not! You will join the business or I will not pay for your education do you understand?!"

"Fine I don't want your money anyway, I will join the air force and work for my education, so that I can do exactly what I want!"

He watched as the mans eyes darkened, "I do not want to ever hear you talk about the air force again, do you understand!?"

"I understand perfectly sir," he whispered as he got up from the table and left the house heading out into the night.

It was snowing heavily outside and he had no idea where he was going, or what he was going to do but he didn't care. Ever since his mother had died, he'd become invisible to everyone but their housekeeper Ellie. He walked for half an hour before he found a deserted barn on the edge of their property, he went in and sat down with his back against wall, and then he sobbed until he fell asleep.

When he awoke again later, he found that he was shivering from the cold and he knew for the moment that the only place for him to go was back to the house. It was at that moment that he'd decided that this was no longer his home, it was just the place for him to live until he joined the air force and while he was living in his father's house, he would be polite to him and Dave, but there was no way he was going to do what they asked of him. So it was with a heavy heart that he began the long walk back to the house that was no longer his home, and by this time there was one thing he knew for sure, if he ever found someone to love, he would love and cherish them with all of his heart.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Carson took John's temperature again and he was relieved to find that it had dropped to 101 degrees. It had now been nearly twenty hours since John had been brought into the infirmary and he had every hope that he would make a full recovery.

John had slept relatively peacefully since he'd woken him up four hours ago and he was hopeful that the painful memories that John had been experiencing would somehow be shoved to the corner of his mind again.

Looking down at him it didn't take to long to realise that he was getting restless again and when he started to mumble, he tried not to listen, but it was hard not to, because he was speaking in a raised voice, "thanks for everything Dad, but I would prefer a model plane or two."

The next comment out of John's mouth was louder and he could sense that he was angry at someone, "Fine I don't want your money anyway, I will join the air force and work for my education, so that I can do exactly what I want!"

Suddenly John sat up in the bed and tried to climb out of it, "I understand perfectly sir."

Luckily at that moment a nurse walked into the room and she managed to help him get John back into the bed. John settled down a few minutes later and he took great relief from it.

Sitting back in the chair again, he was surprised to see that a pair of glassy hazel eyes were staring at him.

"John are you with us?" Carson asked wondering whether John was really awake or not.

"Carson…"he whispered, "where is Teyla, Is she alright?"

"Teyla has gone to have some lunch, she has been sitting with you on and off for the last twenty hours, and she is fine."

"That's good Doc, because I love her and I'd hate anything to happen to her."

"I know you would son, but for now she's fine, so how about you go back to sleep for a while."

"kay…Doc."

Carson watched as his friend fell asleep again, then he took his temperature and he was pleased to see that it had dropped to under 100 degrees.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The next time John awoke the lights in the infirmary were low, so he suspected that it was late at night, or sometime in the early morning. He had a vague memory of why he was there, but how long he'd been there he had no idea.

A sound from beside his bed caught his attention, so he turned his head to the side and noticed that Carson was asleep in the chair beside of him.

"Carson, wake up?"

He watched and waited while Carson opened his eyes, "What happened to me Carson?"

"Do you remember anything lad?"

Closing his eyes, he tried to remember anything, "Ummm…., the last thing I remember was putting and angel on top of my Christmas tree."

"Well we won't go into how stupid that was right now, but you were bitten by a couple of Marmite flies and had an adverse reaction to them. You went to Rodney's lab and felt Dizzy and when you passed out you hit your head on the corner of Rodney's desk."

"And how did I break my arm and what's wrong with my knee Doc?"

"When you went to the planet Gaffer to pick up your Christmas tree, you fell out of a tree."

Closing his eyes, he tried hard to remember that particular mission and nothing came to him, "so how long have I been here this time Doc?"

"You've been here twenty-four hours."

"And have I been unconscious all of that time Doc?"

"I have been waking you up every four hours, until now, when you woke up on your own."

It was rather disconcerting to lose your memories of what had happened to you, "Gee I hope I didn't say anything to embarrassing."

Carson turned red and he knew that he was hiding something when he started looking at his feet.

"What did I say?"

"Ummm…."

"Spit it out Carson!"

"It would appear that you were reliving some painful memories from the Christmas after your mother died. You seemed to be mumbling a lot about events which may have occurred during that time."

He hadn't really thought about that Christmas until recently, so it was possible that he was somehow reliving it while he was concussed.

"You know what Carson, I haven't thought about that Christmas in a long time. It was the Christmas after Mom died and the beginning of the end of the relationship between me and my father. That was the moment I made up my mind that I was going to join the air force no matter what my father or brother thought."

"I'm sorry that your mother died John and I'm sorry that your father died a couple of years ago."

He felt tears brimming in his eyes, but he had no idea why, "My mother died a long time ago, so I don't know why it would be affecting me so badly now."

"One of the signs of concussion is a heightened emotional state, so hopefully it is only temporary. Short term memory loss is also a sign and hopefully any memories you've lost should return in time as well."

"So, what happened to my knee Doc and why does it hurt so much?"

"You fell out of a tree, twisted it and then you fell off a ladder and made it worse."

"Why was I up a ladder Doc?"

"Apparently you were placing an angel on top of your Christmas tree."

"That was pretty stupid of me wasn't it?"

"Aye it was lad. Now I want you to go back to sleep, because tomorrow is Christmas Eve and you don't want to be in here for Christmas, do you?"

"Not really doc?"

"Okay, one last thing before I leave you to sleep. Are you in any pain?"

"I have a slight headache but it's not to bad at the moment."

"Okay let me know if it gets any worse? I will be in my office if you need me."

"Goodnight Carson and thanks for taking such good care of me."

"Goodnight John."

Once Carson had left, he snuggled under the blankets again and it wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep.

TBC…