54. On Your Own

"What do you think, Illuminata?"

"Think of what?"

"Staying or leaving." Arganan sighed, looking up at her. He wasn't sure who else to consult, other than Frey, about this matter. After working a bit at the florist's shop, after working through some more paperwork with Arthur, the former Count took the time to have a cup of Relax Tea with Illuminata and Amber to discuss the matter. It was only fair, at least in Arganan's opinion, that Illuminata and Amber should be allowed to give their opinions on whether he should move back to Lazulis or stay in Selphia. After all, Illuminata was the one who gave him a job, and Amber had known him for quite a while now.

"Well, I'd like for you to stay." Illuminata mused, sipping her cup of Relax Tea. "But I also understand if you want to go back."

"What?" Amber's eyes widened, looking between the elf and the former Count. "Lumie, are you sure?"

"Think about it for a moment, Amber." Illuminata looked towards her, frowning lightly. "He and his niece just started reconciling and everything. Wouldn't it be easier for them to communicate if they lived together?"

"There are things called letters." Arganan pointed out. "And Calista and I send them frequently enough to each other."

"True. And staying here in Selphia would be helpful, especially if you're basically an ambassadorial figure between Selphia and Lazulis." A hum left Illuminata at that. "I can see the positives and negatives of going or staying. Honestly, I don't know what would be best. Only you would, Arganan."

"That's a surprise, hearing that from you." The older man frowned lightly at that. "You're usually quick to make decisions."

"Yeah, but this is a really big decision that I can't make for you." She looked him in the eye, raising a brow. "You're on your own for this one!"

"Maybe you're right." A sigh left him at that. "I guess…I need to think about it."

"Hey." Illuminata offered him a reassuring smile. "Just…whatever you choose, I support you, okay?"

He offered her and Amber a smile in return. "Thanks."

Despite the reassurance, he wasn't sure what to think of it.

The question nagged him throughout the day, accompanied by worries about whether Frey would be okay, trying to get Ventuswill back to life. She'd taken her fiancé Vishnal with her, and even Forte, and so Arganan knew he was on his own.

Calista, Zael and Therius would be leaving for Lazulis in a few days. He only had so much time to decide.

He sat by himself by Selphia Lake, thinking of the possible outcomes.

Suppose he went back, he thought. What would he do in Lazulis? Sure, he'd be up to date on Lazulis and the rest of the Empire at large, but what about Selphia? Then again, he had family waiting back there. His niece Calista, for instance. His nephew-in-law Zael. Sir Therius. He expected that Calista and Zael would probably have a child or two down the road, and maybe Arganan could help them raise those children if they wanted his help. He could do right by those potential future children, to make up for the wrongs he did with Calista in the past.

Suppose he stayed in Selphia. He'd be surrounded by people that knew him well; people that had been by his side during day one of his exile and helped him become a better person. Besides, staying would also give him the benefit of getting to know the rest of the kingdom of Norad a bit easier, rather than relying on what he heard back in Lazulis through letters, rumors and diplomatic visits. Then again, that would also mean that he was far from Calista, Zael and the others he knew back in Lazulis and the surrounding Empire, and that meant being far from the family he knew.

What was he supposed to choose?

What would Frey tell me? He asked himself. He sighed, pushing a few bangs out of his face as he looked at his reflection in the water. It was getting darker outside, and he knew he should be getting back to the Clinic, where Dolce, Pico, Nancy and Jones were. He got up carefully, using his cane to assist himself, before starting to walk.

As he did, he thought of them. He'd been here for over a year, right? And to Dolce and Pico, he was one of the first people they met after no longer being Guardians. Same with Amber. They'd welcomed him with open arms, despite the person he was in the past. (And yes, he hadn't exactly disclosed all details of his past to them, though he had told them Frey long ago already, but he had a feeling that they would understand, once he felt comfortable enough to tell them.)

Pico had said that she'd miss him, right?

Would Frey miss him, too? Amber? Illuminata?

Would they truly miss him like he might miss them, if he left?

His grip on his cane tightened as he thought of everyone in the town. He'd done a lot in this place, for the past year. Helped with the Guardian situation, in whatever way he could. Helped Frey get adjusted to Selphia. Learned more about having the Outsider's power and using it to help protect Selphia.

After all he'd gone through, could he truly part ways with this place?

And it wasn't just all he'd done here, either. There were memories he made here with others. Friendships that he built. Lessons he learned.

It was because he came here, he realized, that he was better. So much better than he used to be.

He didn't want to throw that away. He knew that he was older. And even if he did have the Outsider's power and could actually fight properly, age could always catch up with him. There was a lot of making up to do between him and Calista, but he also knew that there was only so much time he had in this world left. Only so much time to make things right, and also cherish whatever amount of days he had left.

He knew, by the time he reached the Clinic to join Nancy, Jones, Pico and Dolce for dinner, what he would do.

He knew what decision to make, now. He just had to tell his niece tomorrow.