Chapter four:
"Well here it is." Ray informs the other as they arrive in which they come to a stop outside of the classroom.
"Well have fun." Ryan responds glancing to inside mostly looking in its direction.
"You too." Ray responds giving him a smile that is returned as Ryan turns to him when he speaks.
They part ways for now as Ray goes into his class settling at his desk and Ryan heads off to head to his own class.
"Got your familiar finally huh?"
Ray turns to the witch sitting next to him. "Yeah. I have found my familiar Kerry." He confirms.
"What's his familiar form?" Kerry asks curious.
"Don't know yet." Ray responds honestly almost giving a slight shrug. "We only just started and he's still learning."
"Ah." Kerry nods but goes quiet as the teacher Matt walks in the room.
"Alright class." Matt calls to make sure the class is paying attention. "The day after tomorrow we will be doing an outdoor study. Remember to be ready to go outside then." He begins the class. "Now then. Today and tomorrow we will be focusing on making a potion that will give you a little longer to hold your breath. This can come in handy if you have to go underwater or hold your breath against toxic fumes if you are able to use it." He brings out a book from his desk. "Page twenty in your potion books."
The class get out their books and turn to page twenty as they begin to learn how to make the potion. Class seemed to pass so fast for Ray he was surprised when it was over.
"That will conclude today. Tomorrow we will be looking over what we could possibly find outside to use in potions." Matt finishes the class and the class is released.
Ray hurries away glad that it is the end of the day. He heads to his room to drop off his stuff though he takes a moment to plop down onto his bed with a sigh. "What a long day." He closes his eyes. "I feel a little exhausted." He says with a yawn. "Maybe a nap will do." He rolls over onto his side making sure that he is comfortably on his bed before drifting off.
…
"Ryan. Can I talk to you for a moment?" Jeremy who is Matt's familiar asks just before the other can walk out the door.
Ryan stops then turns to look to Jeremy. "What is it?"
"You know you won't progress if you keep this up." Jeremy tells him. "You should know this. Which is why I'm asking you to transform."
There is a moment of silence as Ryan's eyes have fallen into shadows cast from his hat and bangs.
"You know my answer. I can't control it." Ryan responds.
"Haven't you ever thought that maybe it's because you won't try?" Jeremy asks him.
"I do try. But all I can do to keep it from taking over is to keep it at bay." Ryan responds simply and turns his back to the other.
"You fear yourself because others feared you. That's all you've ever known in your familiar form and you have come to fear it and what it could do to someone especially someone that you care for. Thus you fear yourself because it is a part of who you are." Jeremy states. "What will you do when you find a witch to be your partner?" He asks in trying to make a point. "Will you just continue like this? Pushing it all away because you fear yourself? That isn't going to help either of you."
Ryan remains silent for a few moments.
"If you don't learn to control it one day it will burst out. Then it will be even more out of control. If you don't start doing something about it then you will hurt someone for sure. That someone has a chance of being the partner you have at the time." Jeremy shifts to face Ryan better. "You will learn a lot if you can transform. It'll help you learn to control it. To control your other side. It is a part of you. You can't just keep running from it. When will you accept it?"
"I have accepted it. It's a part of me." Ryan says as his hands clench tightly into fists. "I understand it wants control and I can't let it have that."
"You're not truly accepting it. You acknowledged it. You're fighting against it because all you've done is acknowledge it. Nothing more." Jeremy tells him. "The more you fight the worse it'll get. Surely you've felt it by now. So do the right thing Ryan."
Ryan clenches his teeth and just walks out of the classroom.
Jeremy stays there. "I hope you'll see the truth." He says a little quietly to himself.
Ryan heads to his room shutting the door behind himself. He tosses his hat onto his nightstand then plops down to sit on his bed. He rests his elbows on his knees and his head falls so his chin almost touches his chest. He remains silent just letting himself think... Remember... He can remember that time almost as if it was yesterday…
"Come on Ryan!" My friends call as they are running ahead of me.
We all are kids so we are playing in a field right by where we live so the adults can easily see us.
It's what they told us to do.
"Coming!" I call back to them laughing.
Today looks like a great day for lots of fun.
I slow to a stop when something in my chest feels strange. I bring a hand up to clutch the chest area of my shirt. "What's going on?" I question only to shudder as some kind of electric heat jolts through my body. "Ah!" My hands shoot up and clutch my hair as I lower my head feeling it intensify. I don't know what's going on as this has never happened before.
The next thing I know I'm opening my eyes to find myself looking at blurry images that is so bad I can't make out anything along with some yellow tint to it.
I don't know what's going on.
It's all so strange and sudden.
What is this!?
I shut my eyes tightly hoping that it's all over. I think I hear some sounds... Is it over...? I hesitantly open my eyes and I can see again. I blink a few times in surprise and confusion then I look up to see my friends cowering in fear.
"Y-you're a familiar!?" One of my friends demand with a fear laced tone.
"Wait. I didn't-" I begin but they don't let me finish.
"You should have told us! You could have warned us!" My friend tries to look strong even though he is still afraid as seen by his shaking hands.
It appears me being human again has made them a little braver.
"Instead you told us nothing!" He tells me snapping at me. "For what purpose?! To scare us like that!?"
"Wait. Please I-"
"We don't want your excuses! That was a jerky move!" The others make sounds of agreement then they turn and run away from me.
I can't help but stand there for a few moments not sure what I am to do with myself. I finally shake my head closing my eyes tightly only when I do so. I need answers. I turn and rush back home only to look around until I find my mother in the kitchen. I approach her. "Mom?"
"What is it?" Mother asks gently as she seems to finish something.
"I need to ask you about something. About the magic world." I tell her and she pauses.
"Did you finally get your wand?" Mother asks still working on whatever she is doing. She had been trying to get me to be able to use a magical gem but so far it isn't really working so she had hoped one day I would get it.
"Mother... Why didn't you tell me I was a familiar?" I ask and she goes silent for a few moments.
She finally turns to me looking a little worried. "Oh dear."
Back in the present…
It was always fear.
Even when my parents familiars tried to help me.
Eventually I gave up. What was the point if everyone was afraid of me? What would be the point if I'd never find my witch because everyone was too scared of me? That I'd never feel the completion I would feel with the witch meant for me that I so badly desired?
I used to not care if I scared others but even I have to draw a limit. I really wanted to find my witch and to not ruin it all by having them be terrified of me. I also don't want to accidentally hurt someone especially someone that I truly care for. I just had to keep it under control... That's all that I had to do... Then maybe whatever scares them won't hurt anyone... Maybe everything will be alright…"It has to be this way. For the sake of..." Everyone...? ... There's a more important part now... Ray... I can't let anything happen to him... Not after I've been searching for him for so long. Not after I've found someone to finally complete me. To fill this aching hole in my heart that longs for someone."
…
Ryan stays in his room for a while longer before finally getting up deciding to have a shower. He hopes that it'll help him cool down a little and forget about his troubles for a bit.