wow, we made it to 40. Happy new years btw! Hope this year fills you with lots of love and nice things! Hope you enjoy this chapter x
FORTY - It's Not Okay
14 Days Until The Wedding
"Doesn't it just leave the most bitter taste in your mouth?"
Zen's neck snapped like a twig when hearing his brothers voice enter the already tense atmosphere. His azure eyes, seering and ready to tear up angrily, peeled away from the extremely public display of affection between his personal attendant and one of his court herbalist to acknowledge his taunting older brother.
There Izana stood, proudly with his typical smug smile and vexing blue eyes. Zen could feel himself somewhat pale at his presence, but had been far too annoyed and simply gushing with jealousy to be bothered with the small fear he had from his brother. Especially when it looks as though Izana is practically hungering to make the situation more prominent to piss Zen off.
"Why are you glaring at me as if I've stolen your favorite sweet?" Izana hums, revealing a toothy grin as he slowly strolled passed Zen and towards the fence to look down at the lovers. Zen glanced to his left, seeing his brother stand tall before gliding his hand up to reveal a strong-red Yura Shigure flower. "If anything, glare at your rapscallion down there. He's obviously making you a spoiled apple."
"You don't know about anything, Lord Brother," Zen spat under his breath, a suffice volume for his brother to hear and smirk at. Proceeding his words, Zen quickly turned around to ogle the couple once more, feeling his hands clench up into balls, nails digging into his palms. Izana was flourishing in entertainment, residing his elbows on the fence as he began to pluck at the red flower.
"Well." Izana begins, "I do know that you should be with your fiance, as she is to be your wife soon and the new Princess of our Kingdom." Zen scoffs. "I also know that you should be doing your royal duties as a Prince, seeing as you made Elizabeth one of them for the people of our state."
"And I will attend to those duties shortly," Zen spewed through gritting teeth. Izana simply chuckled at his younger brother, knowing he's already irritated as is. Izana finishes plucking the petals of the red beauty until it's nothing more than a stem. He flicks it carelessly on Zen's shoulder, having him merely roll his eyes.
"I'm holding you to it, little brother." Izana swiftly turns and begins walking back into the kingdom through the corridor. Zen couldn't see it, but he could feel his brothers smirk engrave his lips as he left Zen to the torturing fight in his mind.
It was a strong punch of reality to the face for the young Prince. His gritting teeth pressured his gums too harshly as he watched Obi help Shirayuki out of the water and pull on her boots. It stung like a burn, searing through his eyes as Zen forced himself to watch Obi held out his forearm to the herbalist as she takes it wholeheartedly. Then, without any care to be aware of their surroundings, Obi guides Shirayuki back into the castle, with traces of soft laughter stuck in their tracks.
It killed him like disease. Suddenly, all of Zen's focus was lagging, and he couldn't particularly think about what he was supposed to be doing. He could only think of how Obi has also savored the taste of Shirayuki's lips, and held her smooth, delicate hands. He could only think how many times he's done this while Zen was in his quarters, forcing himself to work and somehow have enough energy to entertain his fiance. He thinks of how Obi has probably guided Shirayuki to her room and remained there for the night.
God, has he- has he touched her the way lovers do?
It was a spoiled taste that entered Zen's tongue to think that Obi has seen Shirayuki beyond a court herbalist and his Mistress. He couldn't even imagine it- they weren't even engaged! Or has this secrecy gone far enough that there's something there that they've kept hidden?
With a dry throat, Zen forced himself away from the very scene and went back to his intended path up to his office. Every step he took felt more like a stomp, as he felt himself get much heavier. It hurt his head, and his heart, and his chest. Everything swelled inside him and he knew for a fact that there's not a damn thing that could be done. His thoughts were of poison, and his immunity had not been built up enough for it.
He's probably guided his lips down her neck, towards her collarbones-
Zen's boots clink louder and louder as he marches down the corridors and up the stairs towards his office.
His cool tongue tickled her skin, enough for her flesh to grow mountains of anticipation-
"Your Highness." Zen wanted nothing more than to mute those words he hears constantly.
Those rough, calloused hands rubbing down her silky back, prominent goosebumps surfacing her lovely skin-
Zen could feel veins rise upon his sturdy neck and temples, his focus suddenly too high upon the idea of his personal assistant and the love of his life together. It's just-
Her voice strained, calling out his name in pure euphoria-
-unthinkable! So why couldn't he shut those thoughts out? The white-haired Prince subconsciously found himself walking quicker, as if he had somewhere to be. But it wasn't that- it was something else. Something much more urgent that he needed to get out his chest.
"O-oh, Your Highness!" The guards by his office door stuttered, somewhat in shock to actually see their Prince finally where he's to be. Zen gives them a mere nod before aggressively pushing the double doors. And to his dismay, his nightmare came true and there were his two aids and his fiance.
"Zen!" Elizabeth's voice chimed, having a vibration of throb bother Zen's head. She abandoned her seat on Zen's table, which somewhat bothered the Prince as she rushed to stand before him. She had been draped with a pastel blue dress, one with several ruffles and were ornate with gold flowers and leaves in intricate swirls worth of designs. Her pale arms were covered with an egg-white sweater, one definitely cashmere and appropriate for a Princess. White heels with pearls on them added to her height by very little as her brown locks of hair were forced into waves. "My love, where have you been?"
"Resting." Zen murmured. Kiki and Mitsuhide had glanced at one another as they remained monitoring by the door. They decided to wait for the Princess to have her time with him, as she had been waiting impatiently for her darling to arrive. She even remained silent to them, almost as if they weren't in the room. It made Mitsuhide try to keep his smile while Kiki's blood boiled.
"I've been waiting for you," Elizabeth began, "as we haven't been spending much time together due to your work and your sudden moment of ill. So I was wondering if we could-"
"No, thank you, Princess." A cold rejection left the whole room stunned. Her big, blue eyes suddenly dimmed, with Mitsuhide and Kiki looking away at the entire tension between the two. Zen's eyes didn't dare flicker from seriousness as he lifted his hand and patted Elizabeth's head. "I'd like to continue my work for the rest of the night, as I've delayed it due to my poor condition. So please, if you will." Zen's eyes shifted to point towards the door, having Elizabeth's heart shake in bother due to the rejection. But of course, persuaded by his kind touch, Elizabeth merely nodded and looked up at him eagerly.
"Well, goodnight then, Your Highness." Elizabeth had puckered her lips some, awaiting a kiss, but Zen didn't oblige as he removed his hand and walked towards his desk. Each step had given Elizabeth a little more heartbreaking rejection as she slowly guided herself towards the double doors and out of the office. Once they had shut, Mitsuhide had been the first to bombard the Prince with questions.
"Zen, are you alright? Where have you been? You weren't resting in your room, I went to check and-."
"Please," Zen lifted his hand, "stop." Mitsuhide flinched from Zen's refuse. The brown-eyed man never really dealt with this version of Zen in a long while. He was only a kid when Zen constantly evaded him and ran from his sights. "This day has not been my favorite, and I'd really like it if you didn't down me with questions."
"O-of course…" Mitsuhide was quick to evade as Zen took his seat at his desk. But surely, this sort of behavior never stopped Kiki from treading on his thin ice.
The blonde walked up to her Prince slowly, her face stern and determined as she made it to his desk. She bent down some for her hands to lean upon the wooden structure. Her deep blue eyes study the Prince's face, his azure eyes dim and refusing to meet her gaze. But she could see a disturbance in those eyes, a disturbance so strong that its essentially pain. A pain that he's never actually experienced before. Kiki's eyes widened, but quickly lowered with ease.
"You know about them, don't you?" Her obvious words left her tongue with ease. They came into Zen's ears with pure discomfort. His head rose, dropping the inked quill from his hand as he stared up at his female aid. Kiki could see his pupils dilate with curiosity and quite a bit of anger, something she hasn't seen since Shirayuki's kidnapping.
"Are you telling me that you knew?" Zen began quietly, having Kiki quickly regret her words. She retreated from his desk, standing straight and forcing her hands to join behind her back. Zen rose from his seat, his boots clinking at the heel. "You've known about those two? So this has been going on for quite some time then?"
"W-well, not the confirmation," Kiki began quietly, "but it wasn't really hard not to see how strong their bond has become…"
Zen felt numb. Everything was suddenly losing its color, and the warmth from his blood quickly left his body. He didn't really know how to react. He simply looked at Kiki distantly, feeling as far away from their beating hearts as possible. The truth and everything about it had finally reached Zen's mind.
He's engaged and will soon be married to his fiance, Princess Elizabeth Knight.
Shirayuki, his true love, was now with Obi, his personal assistant.
Everyone around them knew about those two, and it's now something normal in their lives.
Zen lost.
Slowly, Zen led himself around his desk. His hands remained on it for support as he slowly felt his heavy feet move. Mitsuhide grabbed Kiki by the shoulders and retrieved her back, respectively giving the Prince space for whatever he's about to do.
They watched as Zen's legs finally gave out. His knees wiggled his power out, having them drop to the ground with his toes pressed down to the floor as well. Even his upper body found themselves giving up as he dropped down to the floor with his hands flat down to keep him up. He stared at the glossy floor blankly, his azure eyes cloudy and lost. His two aides were quick to join him on the floor.
"Zen?" Kiki began softly, her voice the gentlest Zen and Mitsuhide has ever heard it become.
"Zen, are you alright?" Mitsuhide, expressing his immense concern as usual.
The kingdom in his heart was crashing, and Zen was simply watching it. The vision of his future, once so bright and full of joy, was choking without color and becoming blurry. Everything that he had built it up to become was taking a turn for the worst, and it was all his fault. The once perfectly moving machine that was Zen was losing its powers. Gears were put to a halt, and everything in him that once kept him up during these painful times were unable to keep his composure.
"It… hurts so much!" Zen yelled through his gritting teeth. The two aids watched in shock as Zen's fingers bent a little, his fingertips harshly pressed down to the ground. Their Prince's voice was strained and completely lost to the released feelings from his heart. "Everything… it all hurts!"
Finally, without anything holding him back, Zen finally felt tears well up in his eyes.
His defeat dropped his head into his hands, the tears finally retreating his eyes and down his hot cheeks. Harsh sniffles and soft whimpers were leaving the young Prince's lips as he wept into his hands. Kiki and Mitsuhide watched him with pure pain in their hearts, new to this side of Zen that he's never shown them. They crawled closer to him, but still enough that they weren't touching him. They just remained there, watching Zen as he let his heart out through his whimpers and sniffles.
"It's okay, Zen," Kiki quietly urged. "Everything is okay, p-please…"
Weakly, Zen lifted his head up and presented himself embarrassingly to Kiki and Mitsuhide. His face shines with his salty tears, his cheeks a harsh peach color with his bottom lip, coral and trembling. His azure eyes were drowning in a woe like it was unheard of, his chest heaving heavily.
"It's not okay!" Zen insisted painfully, a pained frown engraving his lips. He sat up a little, still on his knees as he brought his hand strongly to his chest. His fingers wrapped around his linen attire over his heart, squeezing it tightly. "It doesn't feel okay here, Kiki. It doesn't- not one bit."
The blonde and turquoise-haired aid watched, horrified, as Zen's tears were falling down his cheeks like waterfalls.