Hey all! Back with another one-shot. This one is pretty angsty and deals with the topic of sexual assault. Nothing overtly graphic but if this is a subject that gets to you, it's probably best to skip this story. Just a heads up!
The second he turned the pictures over, Hailey felt her body turn to ice. Her heart clenched in her chest and the air in her lungs burned to escape. She hadn't seen it coming, hadn't even considered the remote possibility that Jay would do research of his own and find them. But of course he had, because that's the kind of partner Jay was. She knew he was only doing it in an attempt to help, to try and see the whole picture and get her through this in one piece. But in that moment, Hailey felt herself shutting down. Her walls had been down, Jay's call about an emergency leaving her mind anywhere else but here, anywhere but that moment and those memories. So when she looked down and saw her own beaten face looking back...it was too much.
"What the hell happened?"
His voice broke through her fog and she brought herself back to the present, just enough to realize she didn't want to be here. She couldn't do this, not now. Not with Jay. So she turned and bolted from the room, hoping he would just let her go. But of course, this was Jay so she wasn't so lucky. When he followed after her, pressing for her to open up and tell him what had happened, she snapped. Her first and only line of defense was anger so that's exactly what she gave him.
"You called Rafferty behind my back?"
Her voice was brimming with emotion that she managed to channel into anger. She faced him now and the look on his face made her once frozen heart begin to race. Hailey knew he wasn't going to let this go and that he was going to keep pushing until he had an answer.
"You know you didn't really give me a choice. I get that you hate Booth and you wanna nail his ass but...this is too dangerous."
Jay tried to reason with her but it was to no avail. Hailey was set on getting the revenge she so desperately needed and nothing was going to stand in her way. But then there was Jay, right in front of her with a look in his eyes that held the potential to break her, to shatter her walls and all the barriers she had built. She felt herself waiver for a moment but was able to summon up more anger to lash back at him, hoping if she pushed back enough he would ease up.
"It's part of the job."
Her voice dripped with anger again and she watched as his face softened a bit, not the response she was hoping for and certainly one that wasn't going to help her keep her walls in place.
"Tell me everything. I wanna help, okay? I promise."
Jay's voice had lowered and all she could hear was his genuine concern. Hailey felt her heart threatening to pound out of her chest as she considered what he was asking. Of course, Jay didn't know the full extent of his loaded question but something about the way he was looking at her made Hailey want to tell him everything. She took a deep breath, swallowing hard before she began to speak.
"New Year's Eve, there was a party. I got him alone, he was drunk, I thought I could get a name, he had other things in mind."
Her voice trails off as the memories of that night threaten to barge to the forefront, memories she had locked away long ago now pounding against her walls once again. A silence falls between them and she knows what's coming next, she knows what he's going to ask and she hates herself for opening up this box. She can't look at his face but she sees his hands clenched into fists by his sides before the words fall from his lips.
"Did he?"
Jay doesn't need to specify, they both know what he's referencing. The instant the question hits her ears, parts of her start to break inside. She considers, for just a moment, telling him the truth. The whole truth. But the way he's already looking at her she knows that she won't survive telling him. The look on his face, the softness to his voice, the swirl of anger behind his eyes...it overwhelms her. She can't tell him the truth, can't stand even the thought of how he might look at her afterwards. Hailey isn't one to let the opinions of others get to her, but if Jay knew what had really happened, what Booth did to her, it would change the way he thought of her and that wasn't something she could handle. So, after what feels like an eternity of silence, she lies.
"No. I got away. Garrett got me to the hospital."
It wasn't a total lie, Garrett had been the one to find her afterwards and he had taken her to the hospital. She had pleaded with the staff to leave the full details out of her chart and she had lied after the fact in her debriefing. No one knew except her and Garrett and it was a secret he had taken to the grave. Hailey's throat clenched, her head spun and her stomach swirled. Jay believed her, thankfully and didn't push for further details.
Hailey left him, barely making it to her car before her walls began to crumble once again. She pulled out of the lot in a hurry, making sure no one could see her fall apart but didn't make it very far before she had to pull into a spot on the side of the road. Her breath was coming out in gasps, her hands clung to the steering wheel and it was currently the only thing keeping her upright. Tears burned in her eyes before spilling down her face as she was assaulted by the flashbacks from that night. Hailey didn't do this, she didn't let her emotions get the better of her, she didn't fall apart. But her conversation with Jay had broken her down enough that she couldn't keep it together. She tried to focus on steadying her breathing, using her now numb hands to wipe away the tears from her face. Hailey sat there for a moment to compose herself enough to drive home. She promised herself that would be the last time she let her walls come down like that and steeled herself to do everything in her power to take Booth down.
In the days that followed, Hailey found herself pushing boundaries and crossing lines she would normally never consider. Her desperation to end Booth getting the better of her and blurring her focus on right and wrong. Jay stood by her, the whole time, covering for her when she acted without thinking, without him she wouldn't be here now. They had finally set up the deal with Booth and the end was so close Hailey could taste it. Jay puts the car in park and they watch as Booth pulls up beside them. She does her best to plaster a smile on her face as she watches him approach. Jay hands over the money, playing right along and Booth calls for the product to be brought in. Hailey feels her palms slick with sweat and she knows they're only minutes away from taking him down. The truck pulls up beside them and Hailey's heart begins to pound, this is it, the end she's been craving. But before they can do anything else, Booth grabs her and pushes her up against the car. The instant his hands are on her, Hailey is back in the moment all those years ago, feeling him holding her down and unable to do anything about it. She does her best to maintain her composure as Booth runs his hands up her sides. His hands move around to her front, sliding them over her chest. She can see Jay move closer from the corner of her eye but she can't look at him for fear he'll see the panic in her eyes. Booth runs a hand down between her legs, brushing against her roughly and she can't help but gasp as more memories flood into her mind. Jay steps closer and all she wants is to run to him but she can't, she's frozen in place by Booth and the memories of what he had done.
"Come on man, you don't gotta do it like that."
Jay tries to defuse the situation but it only spurs Booth on more, his jealous side taking over as he runs his hands between her legs again. Harder this time, a silent reminder of what he had done. Jay breaks when she gasps again and the situation escalates quickly. Guns are drawn and shots are fired. Booth takes off and Hailey follows him, adrenaline coursing through her as she rounds the corner into the stairwell. She's so determined to find him she doesn't notice him behind the door until it's too late and he's once again tossing her around, slamming her into walls. He's yelling at her but her head is to blurry from the impact to really listen. Hailey's instincts take over and she manages to knock him down, grabbing the gun and pinning him to the ground. He looks up at her, his face covered in blood and she thinks to herself how the tables have turned. All those years ago it was her pinned underneath him, blood dripping from her face as he had his way with her. Anger bubbles to the surface as she delivers blow after blow. She asks about Garrett but he just laughs, only angering her on more. The look in his eye, one of taunting amusement, breaks her and she levels the gun in his face.
She didn't hear him come in but suddenly Jay's hand is gripping her shoulder as he whispers into her ear. She can't look away from Booth and now panic is threatening to take over as he looks up at Jay. She considers the fact that Booth might say something that would clue Jay in to her lie and she knows in that moment she would end him. Finally she gets up and leaves Jay to make the arrest, stepping out of sight from the both of them and trying her best to keep it together. Leaning against the wall she forces a few deep breaths in, clenching her hands to steady them from the shaking. She feels tears threatening to spill but quickly blinks them away.
Hailey makes it through the formalities of wrapping up the case before she grabs her things from the locker room and takes off before anyone can stop her. Jay hadn't said anything to her after the fact but his eyes had been glued to her ever since. Something was different in the way he was looking at her but Hailey tried to ignore it. She made it home and immediately went to shower, letting the hot water burn away the day. She washed herself multiple times, never quite feeling clean after Booth's hands had been all over her. Hailey pulls on some comfy clothes and pads back downstairs, feeling numb after the day's events. A knock sounds at her door and she considers not answering it but whoever it is knocks again. With a sigh, she makes her way to the door and opens it to find Jay standing there with a sheepish grin on his face. He mentions something about Platt and drinks at Molly's but she just brushes him off, saying she'd rather be alone. He doesn't listen and instead pushes past her into the kitchen. With another sigh she follows after him, pulling out the tequila from her cabinet and pouring them each a glass. The words fall easily between them, as they usually do, but she still can't shake the way he's looking at her. When they settle onto her couch she realizes she's in trouble, between the exhaustion from the day and his gentle words she knows her walls are coming down once again. He asks about Garrett and she doesn't lie, admitting that she loved him. He nods in understanding, his eyes searching her face as if he's looking for more but doesn't want to push. Jay knows there's something else she isn't telling him but he isn't sure how to broach the subject. He knows it isn't really his business but a part of him has to know.
"I'm sorry Booth got his hands on you."
She knows he means when he groped her against the car, but the second he says it she's back at that New Years Eve party. She swallows hard, blinking back the tears threatening to fall. Jay watches her and she sees something click within them. His hand grips the glass tighter before he sets it on the coffee table in front of them. When he meets her eyes she knows he's figured it out but she can't face it. Hailey shuts her eyes, focusing on her breathing and trying to keep herself together. A silence falls between them, the only thing she hears is her beating chest. When she opens her eyes again she sees him glued to her face and she knows what's coming.
"Did he?"
He asks again, so quietly she can barely hear him. Her throat clenches and she knows she can't speak. She clamps her jaw, looking away from him before she gives a nod. It's subtle but he catches it and she hears his sharp intake of breath.
"Hailey…"
He breathes out her name and her body starts to tremble with the weight of the conversation. Her walls are dropping left and right and she's scrambling to keep them together. She won't look at him, she can't. Her nostrils flare with her rapid breathing and her heart feels like it might beat right out of her chest. Her eyes flood with emotion and no matter how hard she tries to keep them at bay, the tears flow down her cheeks. Jay places a hand on her shoulder and she flinches slightly but he doesn't move it.
"Hey…"
He whispers, so soft and gentle it's overwhelming. He gives her shoulder a quick squeeze, rubbing his thumb in a circle pattern against her.
"Hailey."
He says her name again and more walls drop. She's crumbling and there's nothing she can do to stop it. Tears are pouring down her face now, soaking her clenched fists in her lap. Jay moves his hand, sliding his arm over her shoulders as he scoots closer. She blows out a small breath, trying to hold back the next wave of emotion but it's no use. She's falling apart under his touch.
"Just go..please…"
She chokes out, but as soon as her mouth opens a sob escapes her lips. Her hand clasps over her mouth, holding back more, as Jay pulls her against him. With his strong arms around her she gives in and ducks her head against his chest, letting the waves take over her.
"I'm not going anywhere Hailey."
The numbness lifts and suddenly she's feeling everything. Every single bit of the trauma Booth had put her through, everything she had felt when he was pinning her down all those years ago while she let out screams of protest, his hands on her again tonight, the knowledge of him killing Garrett. Everything Hailey had locked away was back at the forefront, rushing out of her in sobs. She wasn't sure how long they stayed like that but eventually the waves slowed. Hailey sat up slowly, pushing off of Jay and shifting to look at him with a somber gaze.
"Sorry…"
She mutters, feeling embarrassed by her show of emotion and fearing that Jay was going to be disgusted by her in more ways than one. But when she met his eyes she saw anything but disgust. She sees care and concern. Acceptance. He doesn't look at her any differently after what she admitted and Hailey takes in a deep breath, feeling it fill her lungs deeper than she has in a long time. She watches as he picks up his glass, taking a sip of his drink before setting it back down with a tiny smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. She mimics him, returning his small smile and letting out another breath.
"You're good Hailey. We're good."