Flirting with Defeat

"You want me to test her?" Vilkas confirmed, a smile forming on his face after Kodlak explained that before I could be admitted I must show my skill for all the Companions to see.

"Yes," Kodlak said. "Tomorrow afternoon we shall see if you will join us. Until then, Everlee."

I nodded to Kodlak. Vilkas smirked at me on my way out the door as Jared followed closely at my side. I tilted my head down and cocked it to the side returning his smile with one of anticipation. A look of confusion flashed across his face, not expecting that reaction from me before I passed him, shutting the chamber doors behind us.

"So, are you going to join?" Farkas asked, appearing from a hallway.

"I will be tested," I replied.

"Who?" he asked, grinning, as if he always knew that (not matter what my original intent) I was going to join the Companions soon after I entered Jorvaskr.

"Vilkas," I replied.

Farkas looked a little surprised by this but recovered quickly. "You must have made an impression. Kodlak rarely tests people against Circle members."

"Circle?" I questioned.

"Members higher up are in the Circle," Farkas said.

"Are you in the Circle?" Jared asked.

"Yep," he replied, smiling at the boy.

"Hmm…maybe if I get to join someday I could be in the Circle," Jared said.

"Perhaps," Farkas grinned. "But you'd have to work very hard."

"I will, Ever is going to train me," he replied.

"Are you?" Farkas asked me then looked at Jared. "Maybe if I find the time I could help, teach you with some of the two handed weapons and heavy armor when you get strong enough."

"Really?" Jared asked, surprised. Then he turned to me, "Could he?"

"It's up to you Jared," I said and then smiled at Farkas. "If you get the time."

"We'll see," he said returning the smile. "After all you'll be with us nearly all the time for the next year if you do."

I took in a deep breath. Kodlak had mentioned that before making sure of my commitment to join. I had come to Skyrim searching for clues to my birthfather after I had received a mysterious note and the only thing I had learned was that my mother might not be my mother and could actually be a –

But no. I wasn't going to think about that.

Regardless of not being sure how far I wanted to delve into my personal history, it still worried me having to make a commitment that long. Between the civil war and the dragons, Skyrim wasn't the safest place to be. I had considered the idea of traveling back into Morrowind for some months to send and receive a letter from my mother in Cyrodiil about what I had discovered but I doubted getting back out and back in would be as simple as it had been the first time (if one could count nearly being executed as simple). And even though it had only been two days, I had the longing to go back to Riften. It had felt like…home. For the first time I had felt like I belonged somewhere even with all the madness that had occurred in my short stay. I wanted to go back there. I did not want to settle in to Whiterun.

Still, I had given my word that if I passed the test I would join them and the thought of telling Kodlak and Vilkas that I ddin't want to go through with it wasn't an appealing one. I could just see Vilkas's smarmy smile as he took it as a sign that I was afraid to face him. I wasn't.

And there was still Jared to think of. I didn't want to get his hopes so high only to have to bring him back to Honorhall now. A large portion of me doubted he'd even come back. He'd already said if he were Lynn and had gotten away he would have kept running, that he'd only gone back because I had promised to help him. Sometimes I wished that I could stop involving myself in all of the messes I got into.

The next day I still wasn't sure how I felt about joining the Companions. Sure, Farkas seemed nice enough as well as Aela, and I had to admit I missed the thrill of battle that didn't involve stealth or secrecy. I had grown up with bows and swords, learning how to wield them quickly and efficiently. Just because I found I had a new couple of innate talents didn't change who I was. Those new talents were…something that seemed natural, I hadn't chosen to work on them and hadn't even known I'd had a knack until I'd been forced to use them. The Companions, the way they fought and what they fought for, that was something I had chosen for myself. The difference seemed important.

"So you showed up did you? And in heavy armor I see. Can you handle that Breton?" Vilkas said as I approached him in the appointed area out back.

I smiled, feeling the excitement of the duel (and the idea of getting to aim a few good swings at the mouthy Nord). "Wouldn't miss it."

I looked around seeing several new faces in addition to Aela, Farkas, and Kodlak standing far back by the tables on a raised platform before the Mead Hall. An older man came forth and said, "Today you will be tested and the Circle will watch and decide whether you are worthy to become a potential member of the Companions. I am Skjor. Fight well, Everlee."

I nodded my head low to him and when I looked back I saw him grinning at Vilkas before he turned and took his place once again. I suddenly wondered just how serious my test was supposed to be, whether anyone expected me to succeed. I looked at those I knew. Aela looked a little confused though why I couldn't say. Kodlak didn't show emotion I could detect but a faint interest in watching the ensuing fight but nothing else. Farkas smiled at me encouragingly and I was glad to know at least one person seemed to think I had shot.

I turned back around to face Vilkas, holding my helmet in my hands.

"Today I will test your skill as a warrior. If you pass the test you will be allowed to undergo a trial period as the Circle observes you and all that you do for the Companions to see if you have the heart it takes to be one of us. If, at the end of this trial, you are seen honorable and worthy, then the Circle will welcome you as a full member, a Shield-Sister. Are you ready?" he asked, speaking the obviously memorized phrases.

"Yes," I said certainly despite my own doubts.

"Let me remind you then, before we begin. This a test of melee skill. When I have seen enough of your skill to attest whether you have the required ability I will end the fight. There will be no magic involved. We are testing your arm, your endurance, and your skill with a blade," Vilkas continued. "Do you understand and accept these conditions?"

"Yes," I repeated. As if my weak magic would do me much good.

"Then, let's begin," Vilkas said.

We put on our helmets and drew our swords. The two handed sword was impressive and almost as long as I was. Pulling out my two short swords I should have felt inadequate in comparison but all I felt was a sense of rightness. Vilkas watched me for a moment as we eyed each other, trying to guess at weaknesses.

In those few moments I considered the option of letting Vilkas win in the end, purposefully downplaying my abilities without being obvious about it. It was the lesser embarrassing act (than not having faced him at all) and I wouldn't be forced to commit to this place where I'd have to deal with him for large quantities of time. I thought of throwing it now so that I could be free to go off on my own, be independent again. Before I had made a decision one way or another, the battle began.

Vilkas was the first to act, swinging his sword hard from left to right, slashing close to my shoulders. It was an obvious first move, to test me. Quickly I jumped back out of its reach and then went to the left where the swing had begun to try to land a blow to his armor there. He was surprisingly quick with the rebound, aiming low to knock me off my legs (or if I was slow enough, cut my legs off). I jumped and dodged further left as he slashed up again. Standing much too far left for him to hit me without readjusting his position, I aimed both my swords at that side of his chest and then thrust my fists up to his chin, causing him to stumble back a few steps.

I quickly went in for another strike but had to duck as his sword came even faster than before. I was able to get in a few hits, nothing too heavy as I bobbed and weaved past his sword which seemed to get faster and faster as we battled.

At some point we were moving so quick all of it was instinct. Vilkas got in some hits that likely would have done serious damage if I hadn't been able to stop their momentum before they crashed into me. One good swing from his sword at the pace and with that fury would have killed me but instead of scaring me (or knocking me dead), this excited me. It had been a long time since I'd battled anyone close to his skill level and it felt good to have an opponent that really gave me the opportunity to use all of my abilities.

We danced and weaved and he did not call it, did not say we should stop. All thoughts of purposefully losing the battle were thrown out the window. I didn't want to end it that way. In fact, I found myself unwilling to want an end at all. I didn't want him to deem me worthy, to concede the right for me to get a trial with the Companions. I wanted to fight until one or both of us couldn't lift our swords anymore.

I found myself smiling as I breathed heavily, our battle-dance taking up the entire backyard of Jorvaskr. On stones and on tables and on steps we fought, only aware of the immediate surroundings that influenced the fight. I had some dim awareness of people moving from the melee and the noise of many voices but everything but the warrior in front of me, my own swords, and the next moves were irrelevant. Disregarded.

I found myself laughing, the sound light and ringing. The thrill of it all was exhilarating and I became aware of a deep resonating sound that felt like it echoed in my own chest. I realized that it came from the Nord as we exchanged blows.

Even with the aid of the Nine Divines I doubted our swords could move faster, our moves be more timed. Inches separated us from death or mutilation at the hands of the other. Seconds made the difference between drawing breath and blood.

At some point a couple of voices were so loud they did rise above the melee.

"Shouldn't we step in to stop them, Kodlak?"

A laugh, not the deep, resonating one but heartier. "Do you wish to try to place yourself between them Skjor?"

And truly there was no room between us two dancers that was not quickly closed by our blades.

It was I that started the end. I dared make the dangerous move of attempting to hook my foot around his ankle. Somehow it had worked but before he fell onto his back, he reached out with his right hand, the entire bulky sword's weight now in one hand, and grabbed my left forearm, causing me to tumble down as well. Though he gripped my arm tight, I made the most of the fall, tucking my legs in and slamming my knees into his thighs. I raised my right arm, angling the sword at his neck, tip pressed lightly to his skin but I felt his steel at the back of my own neck at the very same time and knew that neither had won.

I was breathing heavy, we both were. After a few endless moments of silence, chests heaving from exertion, I found myself laughing again, breathlessly, feeling less bogged down than I had since I'd come to Skyrim. Vilkas laughed too, even quieter, his chest vibrating my knees. He let go of my arm as I lowered my sword. He then lowered his to the ground and we took off our helmets as our laughter faded into more exhausted breaths.

"Well, it seems we will soon have a new Shield-Sister," Kodlak said, drawing my attention from Vilkas's dark yellow-brown eyes. He was the first to approach us followed closely by Skjor.

It was then that I took in that we were near a forge, one I did not recognize but knew anyway by reputation. Skyforge. And apparently our frantic battling had received more attention than just that of the Companions. Some villagers (guard, commoner, and sell-sword alike) were being ushered out of the area by an annoyed white-bearded man and Aela.

I managed to get up and off of Vilkas and he sat up. Once I had sheathed my swords, I offered him a hand which he raised an eyebrow to but took anyway. When he was on his feet he bent down and picked up his enormous sword, casually putting it back into the strap holding it behind him.

"I haven't seen a dual like that in a long time," Skjor said, eyeing me in a way that I didn't like but couldn't say why.

I felt Vilkas come closer to me and stick a hand on my shoulder, "I think, perhaps, her skill is worthy of us."

"Perhaps?" I said, laughing and turning my head up to look at him.

He removed his hand and moved to my side, smiling. "Perhaps."

"No one's given you a fight like that in years Vilkas. Perhaps is weak of you," Aela said, coming up behind the two older Circle members as the last of the audience left.

Then I saw Farkas climbing the stairs with the white-bearded man I assumed must be the infamous Eourlund Grey-Mane. Farkas waved at me he approached but Eourlund didn't so much as spare a second glance as he went about reviving the fires of his forge.

"I think perhaps is the biggest compliment Vilkas will likely give me, Aela. I take no offense," I said lightly.

"Still," Aela said, narrowing her eyes at Vilkas.

"I have never seen you fight like that brother and I have seen you fight many times," Farkas said then added, "or smile quite so much in battle. It was…"

"Unnerving," someone said quietly, a dark-skinned Nord woman had apparently already been on the other side of the forge and went to talk to the blacksmith without another word.

"You are very skilled. Having you among us will be most beneficial I believe," Skjor said, still with the same look.

"Welcome," Kodlak said with such sincerity I truly felt at peace there.

Standing among those great swordsman and archers, I couldn't recall why I would have ever shied away from them. I was a warrior and belonged here, in my element, my chosen element, with them. Suddenly, becoming a Shield-Sister felt like the only family quest I had ever wanted to be on.