In the Light of the Moon

I looked at Vilkas who watched me steadily as if he could see the battle raging within. Was I going to turn back now and be the "milk drinker" he once accused me of or was I going to go up those stairs and face the Circle?

I took a deep breath, resolving myself. Maybe some part of me was something other than a warrior, maybe not all thieves were immoral, maybe vampires would come for me and the Companions weren't what they seemed, and maybe they wouldn't take me anymore now that I had been "marked." But, regardless of all the maybes, I owed it to myself to continue on the path, if they let me, if that was what I wanted.

I nodded at Vilkas to continue up the stairs before me. He passed by me, flashing me a look with his golden eyes that made me shiver but I couldn't put a finger on the meaning.

"Follow me, Shield-Sister," he said as he began the climb.

Slowly and steadily I followed.

The waxing moon hung high in the sky as I made my way to Skyforge, the rest of the Circle already gathered. I managed to stand straight as I looked into Kodlak's gentle face. It was odd to see a man so clearly dangerous look so...calm, so reasonable. So many other of Skyrim's native population came off harsh and impulsive. Not Kodlak. That's why I was focused on him, and not the glare the man to his right was giving me, the man who had been giving me a very creepy vibe for months: Skjor.

"The Circle is here to determine whether you, Everlee, are worthy of a place among the Companions," Kodlak began. "Farkas was your Shield Brother on this mission." Kodlak looked to Farkas now. "Do you believe she acted bravely and with honor? Does she have the strength and determination necessary to join us?"

I finally took my eyes from Kodlak to look at my Shield Brother. His gave me a characteristic grin before becoming serious, solemn.

"I would stand at her back so that no one may overtake us," he swore.

I was trying very hard not to smile like an idiot and failing. As I looked back to Kodlak, Vilkas caught my eye and I saw that he was giving me a very critical look. Right. Serious. I wasn't going to impress anyone grinning like a lunatic.

"Are there any here that have objections to this warrior?" Kodlak asked.

I looked at Skjor who said nothing, his face wary. Then to Aela who nodded at me in greeting. Finally I looked to Vilkas who had the barest hint of a smile on his face.

"Very well, Everlee, it is with pride and honor that I welcome you into the ranks of the Companions and into the hall of Jorrvaskr as a full member of the Companions. Welcome," Kodlak said.

Kodlak came forward and rested a hand on my shoulder and looked deep into my eyes. "May your days be filled with glory. When you're ready, make your way down for the feast in honor of the Companions and our newest member."

With that he walked on. Skjor approached next, looking me up and down, standing in my personal space once again. "Perhaps…perhaps…" he said quietly and left.

I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to shake the rattled nerves the old man always gave me. Aela approached next, "Another fine Shield-Sister! Knew it the moment I saw you that you were destined for great things. I can even see you in the Circle one day. But that is for another time! I will go tell my cousin the good news."

I looked to the last two Circle members, the twins arguing in hushed voices a few feet in front of me. I stood, waiting and wondering whether I should take my leave and join in with the feasting downstairs or whether I was supposed to wait to hear from them.

"Well, I'm heading down," I finally announced.

They stopped and Vilkas cleared his throat and stood straight up while Farkas grinned and moved forward. Without saying anything he wrapped me in a hug, surprising me and taking the wind out of me. Just when I thought a werewolf-hug would strangle me for good, he stepped back.

"It's official, you're my sister – shield sister! I knew it would all work out Ever, see?"

"Yeah, though with my luck you can't really blame me for doubting…"

"Have a little faith. Shall we go?" Farkas asked, nodding toward the staircase.

Vilkas cleared his throat again, and Farkas turned so we could both see him. "I would have a word with our newest member," he said, sounding very formal.

Farkas tilted his head and the two stared at each other for some time and I got the distinct impression I was missing something. Before I could think much about it Farkas shrugged and said to me, "See you inside, Ever! Hurry or Torvar and Aela will have drank all the Mead."

I smiled back at him before he bound down the stairs and I turned my attention back to his brother. The night was oddly silent now, everyone inside. Occasionally the wind would blow and I could catch the faintest sound of merriment in the Hall below.

I continued to meet Vilkas's gaze several minutes before I breeched the quiet night. "Well? You wanted to speak with me?"

Vilkas nodded and approached the wall overlooking Jorrvaskr, leaning down and pressing his palms to the stone wall. "You're one of us now."

"I figure that's what all the pomp and circumstance meant, yes," I said sarcastically, wondering why Vilkas couldn't be straight-to-the-point like he usually was.

"And you know what we are, what my brother and I have been since we were young, what the Circle is," Vilkas continued, ignoring my sarcasm.

"Yes."

He looked over his shoulder at me and I was struck by his expression, more open than I had ever seen it but still guarded, still reserved. I found myself unable to look away from his yellow eyes, which shone in the moonlight. Slowly he looked back over the wall, his shoulders relaxing slightly. I took a few steps closer and looked over as well.

"My brother is naïve, too idealistic. He thinks the Companions have no flaws, that we are our ideals, not just people. He has too much faith in people in general, he is far too trusting," Vilkas said. He looked at the side of my face and I at him, wondering where he was going but he looked away again. "I would not see him hurt."

"Is he in danger of getting hurt?"

"He is. It is clear to me the boy has feelings for you and he cannot see that it would never work between the two of you."

I pushed back from the wall and stared at the man still bent over it. Sure, Farkas was nice to me, but he was nice to everyone. That's just part of who Farkas was, Vilkas has said so much himself. To think his brother had feeling for me was absurd, and what was more so was that he had any right to interfere even if he did. Farkas was not a "boy" and it was not up to Vilkas to pass such judgments.

"You're being ridiculous," I accused and finally he turned around to face me.

Slowly he raised an eyebrow and took a step forward menacingly, his form passing over the moon and casting me in his shadow. "Am I?"

"Yes. If your brother had feelings, I'm sure he'd tell me. And even if he didn't, how is it you are the one to decide whether it would 'never work?' You think you're a good judge of people? Of me? What do you know about who I am? Not to mention you didn't even bother to ask whether I had feelings for him anyway!"

"Do you?"

"Do I?"

"Do you have feelings for him?" Vilkas asked slowly, drawing even closer so that the puff of breath from his lips in the cool night air brushed over my nose.

"Why does it matter to you?"

Vilkas grabbed my arms, reminding me I was still bruised, still weak, and he was an over-six-feet-tall werewolf.

"He's my brother," he said. I could feel him shaking.

"Let go."

"You're going to hurt him," Vilkas said, emotion laced in his voice like I had never heard before.
"He's a werewolf, cursed, a beast, damned to hunt for eternity. Would you give up Sovengarde to be like him or have him tear you apart on accident one moon because he couldn't distinguish you from the prey he hunts? Would you have him feel guilty? Feel unnatural in his own skin because each day he wakes after a change he is uncertain of your safety? There is no cure for what we are. Would you give up your soul to remain at his side?"

It was then I knew he wasn't shaking in anger. He was shaking in fear. I looked at his eyes, heavily shadowed as they bored into mine and wondered if I looked hard enough whether I could see the animal within, just under the service. But the longer I looked all I could see was a man, exposed for the first time since I'd known him.

"Him or you?" I asked.

Vilkas said nothing as he straightened and brushed past me on his way down the stairs. I wondered if that was my answer.

Drained and unable to comprehend the long day that lay behind me, I felt the weight of the injuries press in on me, the emotions, the exhaustion. Heavily I sat down, back against the wall, unthinking.

It was then I heard a voice laced with humor from the shadows, "What a heartbreaker."

I drew my blade, staggering to my feet as I looked for the source. "Over here," he said again, and stepped into the moonlight.

"Brynjolf?"

Author's Note: Yes, I am still alive and so is this fic! It's come a long way - I'm not quite dead yet. Reading over it I can see just how much improvement could have been made early on and am so thankful to you all for following me on this journey to bring it to where it is and hopefully it (the story and the writing) continue to improve and entertain. Thank you all for reading. I sort of had a bout of life-won't-let-me-write. Took too many classes, but they were the last! This author is now a graduate. So yeah…celebration chapter? Hope you keep reading and that I haven't lost anyone. So sorry for the long absence, won't happen again (at least not for five months!). Also Brynjolf just popped up, as much a surprise to me as to you. Also Vilkas's outburst was not really intended…at all. So hopefully it all works out? The characters will do what they do sometimes and they're probably pretty irritated I abandoned them for so long *shamefaced*. Don't worry though (or do), nothing is settled yet and there is much more to develop!