Through the Darkness

Vilkas cursed under his breath. We had been picking at the rocks that confined us, but in the limited space it was almost impossible to fix our situation. Some were simply too large to be moved and it was difficult to tell which rocks would, when removed, cause the rest to come tumbling down on us, crushing us in the dark. I attempted to provide light with magic but I was weak and sustaining the spell for any length of time was proving beyond my magical ability. I had given up on helping move the rubble at his request, but the pain resonating from my old wounds and the effort to keep up the light had me panting.

Vilkas turned to me and I could see the frustration in his eyes. I wanted to tell him I was doing all I could, that if I had any significant amount of that magical skill he had long ago accused me of that I would have gotten us out if that last burst of energy to do so killed me. But I couldn't. We were trapped in here because of me, because I had failed the Companions by bringing down the Vampires' wrath upon us. I didn't have the energy to say it but that was the truth. He turned back to the earth surrounding us and continued his task.

Dark lights flashed in my eyes as the world spun and my magic sputtered out again. Desperately I tried to conjure it again but when I did my old wounds seemed to burst with pain, shooting through my chest to my skull where it exploded.

When I began to regain consciousness again I found myself propped up, my back leaning against Vilkas's chest.

"Come on," he was saying gently, almost whispering. At first I mistook it for prayer. "Wake up. Shield-sister, you can't die here. You have to wake up."

"I'm not quite dead yet," I managed, coughing, as I opened my eyes.

I attempted to sit up, but my body felt as if it weighed as much as the debris around us and my weakened muscles weren't up to the task of lifting. Vilkas felt me attempting to get up and his arms tightened, one arm around my waist, and the other over my collarbone. The embrace felt warm and I realized how cold I felt.

"Don't move," he said. "You're unwell."

"Is it that obvious?" I joked weakly.

"It's not just the life-drain," Vilkas said, not making it a question.

"No. The wounds you tended to were reopened when I was helping my friend," I said, answering anyway. "Some new woulds were re-healed but others didn't get tended to. I've used some poultices but they've never fully healed."

I could feel the muscles in Vilkas's arms tense again. "Why wouldn't you get them looked at properly before we left?"

"You're the one who said I must be healed enough to go vampire hunting," I protested.

"You didn't tell me you were injured again!" he practically yelled.

I shuddered from cold but set my jaw stubbornly to avoid it chattering as we sat in silence. I wanted to pull away from Vilkas but my body was shaking, freezing, the only warmth I felt seemed to come from Vilkas's chest.

"You're cold?" Vilkas finally asked.

"W-w-what g-gave that away?" I stuttered out.

"It isn't cold in here," he said, ignoring me. "You're also sweating."

I frowned, slowly forcing my arm to reach up and touch by brow, and sure enough, it came back wet. My arm fell heavily on my chest, my muscles tired. I sighed.

"I'll be fine," I said.

I doubted he believed me (I didn't) but he didn't say anything. In the quiet that followed I almost fell asleep but Vilkas shook me gently and I groaned, reopening my eyes.

"I'm still not dead," I joked. "Just tired."

"Don't say that."

More silence. A new flash of pain had me gasping for air.

"Everlee -"

"I'm fine," I said through gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry," he said.

I blinked as the wave of pain started to fade into the same dull feeling it had been before.

"Why are you sorry? This isn't your fault," I said.

"I saw that you seemed unwell and I did not see to it that you were seen by a healer," he said.

I laughed. "We both know you were mad at how 'difficult' I was being. I should have told you early on that I needed help."

"That is true. You were being careless. You should have told me."

"You knew but you didn't say anything," I reminded him. "You were being just as stubborn as me."

"That doesn't matter, you should learn to trust me," he said. "If I had known the extent..."

The regret in his voice saddened me, taking the sting out of the anger I had felt building up. I wasn't sure what it was about Vilkas that always caused me to get so defensive.

"I do trust you," I said. "You're my shield-brother, even if you aren't fond of me I know you wouldn't have let me suffer or risk either of us if you had known how injured I was."

"Then why didn't you speak up?" Vilkas asked, angry once again.

"I just...I don't like..." I began, frustrated and trying to explain it. "I don't like...disappointing you. And it seems I do that a lot. I still should have said something."

"What makes you think that I am disappointed in you?"

"The fact that you clearly think my competence is that of a five year old?" I suggested. "Ever since the first time we met you've made it pretty clear what you think of my skill."

"I told you that I would not have allowed you to join the Companions or come on this quest if I thought -"

"I was completely incompetent. Yes, you mentioned that, recently. But just because you don't think I'm hopeless doesn't mean you think I am capable," I said. "Look, just forget it. I am sure that it is just me being the sensitive milk-drinker you think I am."

Vilkas didn't say anything which felt like him agreeing with me. Figures. The pain increasingly got worse and I had to bite down hard to avoid making a sound when it would flare up. I didn't want to give him any more cause to to think I wasn't strong enough.

"I am still the reason we were captured. I failed you," he said.

I bit down hard, currently fighting a wave of sharp pain. When it had passed, I said, "That's not true."

Vilkas laughed darkly. "Isn't it?"

"No. If I hadn't been Marked, if I had been fast enough with Farkas, this never would have -"

"Yes it would. This clearly goes beyond being marked. This is revenge, and whether he had marked you or not, they would still have come for you, even had it been Farkas who had killed him. They probably intend to turn you, to take one of our people for the one we had taken from them. My brother can't be turned, you were the only one with him. You being Marked is irrelevant to this," Vilkas said.

"Skjor -"

"Skjor was wrong."

I sighed. Somehow hearing him say that seemed to ease a huge weight that had been bearing down on me. It didn't change the fact that the Companions had made new enemies, that Vilkas and I had been captured, that we were likely to die down here. But somehow, knowing it wasn't my fault made the whole ordeal easier to bear.

But it didn't make the guilt go away completely. The vampire clan had only wanted me, and Vilkas was now going to die as well.

"You didn't need to come with me," I said.

Vilkas stiffened, "What is that supposed to mean? I told you, I was the one who scouted out their positions, it made the most sense that I -"

"Not that," I said. "You knew how many there were. If you hadn't come with me, you wouldn't be here, in this situation. That's my fault."

"So you would have come alone? You cannot possibly think that you could have wiped them out by yourself," he said, and then he seemed to realize what that meant. "You would have turned yourself in? Are you mad? You said you did not want to become one of them, have you changed your mind?"

"No," I said. "And I wouldn't have just handed myself over."

"Facing them alone would have been suicide."

"Then at least I would have gone down alone!" I said. "If they had killed me in the attempt they still would have taken one of your members, and if they made me a vampire at least the rest of the Companions would have been safe. You didn't have to die for me. You're going to die and that's completely my fault. Do you understand that?"

Vilkas moved me in his arms so that I was laying across his lap now, cradled so he could see my face.
In the dark I couldn't tell what expression he had and I wondered how well his supernatural eyes could truly see me in this light. After a moment he simply pulled me close once more, my left ear now pressed against his chest.

"You are my shield-sister. You are my family. We are Companions and we stick together," he said, firmly.

Family.

"Vilkas -" I began.

"You will not be alone."

I closed my eyes, the pain beginning to crowd out my other senses. It was getting hard to feel my legs and I was scared but I didn't want him to know that. Instead I focused on the heat of his chest, the sound of his heart beating in my left ear.

You will not be alone.

Author's Note: Sorry about the really long update time. I had several chapters that were lost due to a combination of person and machine failure so I had to rewrite everything (and of course nothing was the same, even the plot changed). In addition to that, I have lost some other important files in regard to this fic so it may be a little longer to finish than it would have been had they not disappeared into the writing netherworld. Also sorry for the minor spelling and other errors. I have never said this but yes, I don't have a beta. I will occasionally go back and fix the smaller errors as I see them.