The Road to Sanctuary

I awoke to the familiar feeling of a slow and steady carriage ride. I could feel the wooden texture where my hands were pressed up against the side wall and hear the creaking of the wooden cart and wheels but I could see nothing, a blindfold over my eyes. My hands were handcuffed behind me but I realized that at least I was in my own armor still. I forced myself to sit up, trying to calm the fear that was causing my pulse quicken.

"I said I didn't need a ride," I called flippantly.

"Consider it payback for the ride with the giant," the carriage driver called to me.

"Are you with the Dark Brotherhood?" I demanded, trying to get a better idea of my environment without arising suspicion by keeping him talking.

I felt no sun on my skin and it was still cool so I assumed it was still night. My muscles weren't stiff so I doubted I had been out long. The last time they had kidnapped me (it was odd to think this was the third time I'd been taken and left unharmed by the group of murderers) I had been stiff for some time until I had stretched some of the soreness out. I listened carefully, remembering the hand over my mouth before I passed out. I needed to know if that person was still with us, in the carriage. But I could hear and sense nothing. Still I couldn't shake the feeling that he or she had to be nearby, even if I couldn't get an idea of where they were.

"Do I seem like I enjoy carting around tidbits for pocket change?" the man asked. "It's too bad about that Contract. The coin for completing it was impressive for a bunch of bandits, even if the job itself was tricky."

I thought of Vilkas with a blade to his throat and felt my muscles tighten. I took a deep breath, trying to loosen them. I needed to look inconspicuous if I was going to check my armor for any mistakes my captors had made. I doubted that they would have left anything lying about the cart with which I could break the lock on the handcuffs, so I had to hope that the new armor had kept some of its secrets from them.

"I told Nadine I would join, why all the secrecy?" I asked. "I came out here willingly didn't I?"

"Your aunty isn't our leader tidbit," he said. "So until the final decision is made about you joining us, we're going to keep our secrets."

I thought about that a minute. I had assumed that when I had agreed to join the Dark Brotherhood that that was it. I had never considered the fact that there would be any test, any dissent on the matter. Why else would they work so hard to get me? I had never considered that the entire mess had been concocted by Nadine.

I had struck out with Mercer when we had first met though Kodlak had seen something in me. What exactly was it that I would need to be or do to prove my worth to this leader? And what would happen if I failed? Would they kill me on the spot? If so what was the blindfold for? If I was approved I would be one of them, if I wasn't approved then I would be dead. No need for secrecy.

"Why bother?" I asked finally. "If I don't pass you're going to what? Let me walk away?"

It was then that my fingers found what they were looking for: a secret pocket that had not been found by my captors. Carefully I reached in and retrieved the pick, slowly and quietly maneuvering it to the lock on the cuffs. Instantly I felt my heart sink when I realized that the manacles weren't standard. One wrong move and my pick would break or I would be discovered. I started to gently feel out the mechanism but the more I learned the harder I realized that this was going to be: far harder than anything I had attempted previously, and I was blindfolded.

"We start down the list. Your name is last," the man said, surprising me with an answer that sounded truthful.

Still it was an unusual tactic. They had me at a total advantage here. I was weaponless, in their home base, surrounded by their members. Letting me go would be bad enough if I didn't know their plans. I was Dragonborn, skilled, and I had resources I could pull from multiple groups. It would be insane to let me walk out of there when I could easily warn my fellow Companions of what was to come and gain the advantage. Unless they had some other plan.

"So you've got a second plan? There's no way you'd let me reach the Companions with my knowledge," I said.

"I'm not here to give away the entire scheme, tidbit," he said. "Just hope that Astrid sees something in you that I do not."

My fingers stopped working on the lock as I let that sink in. I had planned on getting free so that I could demand to know where I was going, so that I wasn't completely at their mercy and could prepare myself for joining this new guild of mine. But now I was reconsidering. Whatever their other plan was would have to already be set up or almost set up, ready to go at a moment's notice. If I surprised them, if I could escape and foil their plans, they may not have enough time to react.

But if I was wrong and fled, and they could complete their plan without me, the Companions would all be dead. Even if I stopped whatever their strategy was, we would be at war. I would be risking everything on the chance that I might not be accepted.

I continued to pick the lock.

"Who was with you earlier?" I asked. "Where are they now?"

"You ask a lot of questions tidbit," he said.

"My name is Everlee."

"Don't take it personal tidbit. You all seem alike to me."

I wasn't sure what "all" he was referring to but I stored that comment for later. We rode the next hour in silence and I tried to not get frustrated at the lack of progress I was making on the lock. I thought about giving up on it. If I was accepted to the Dark Brotherhood and could prevent the deaths of my shield-brothers and sisters, did it matter if I had been dragged there blind? And there was the possibility that freeing myself and ruining their plans would prevent that possibility entirely.

But in the end, it gave me something to focus my mind on that wasn't the possibility that the lives of my new family hung on my head tonight. When I was focused on attempting to get the mechanism to bend to my control, I wasn't thinking about becoming a contracted killer, about lying to Brynjolf about my involvement with the Dark Brotherhood, about a blade being held to Vilkas's throat while I was helpless to do anything for him.

Unexpectedly, the lock clicked. It was almost completely silent, and the shock and joy that came with it got my blood pumping. Adrenalin filled my veins and I acted without thinking: flinging the device from me with one hand and ripping the blindfold off with the other.

But the minute I could see, there was an Argonian leaning over me. In one hand there was a dagger at my throat, not close enough to be threatening, just a warning. The other hand's fingers were wrapped firmly around my right shoulder, keeping it pressed against the side of the cart. The carriage abruptly came to a stop, Arnbjorn cursing. The two of us sat completely still as I looked into his bright green eyes. Our breathing was silent, our muscles poised and ready to strike should the other make a move. It was then that I realized he knew what I had been up to, had been waiting, likely inches from me, to stop me from action. But if he had known what I had been doing, why let me continue to use the pick at all?

"Damn it, I thought you said you'd taken care of this tidbit," Arnbjorn said, returning with the cuffs I had thrown from the cart and sitting them in the wagon. "Just strip her armor this time and use the ropes to tie her up. No shoddy work this time."

The argonian blinked quickly, the first movement either of us had made. He leaned back, slowly, his left hand dropping from my shoulder though the dagger remained inches from my throat. His eyes stayed on mine, warning me that he was prepared to use the blade if I changed my mind and decided to move now that his position was more relaxed.

"No," the man said, his voice smoother than the typical Argonian's. It had a calming quality to it that seemed to disarm him even as he held the blade to my throat wearing the armor that indicated he was a professional assassin.

"No?" Arnbjorn asked, irritated and incredulous. "We have orders."

"This isn't necessary," he said. "She will be accepted by Astrid and has skills that will be beneficial to us." Then he directed at me, "You are coming willingly?"

I nodded, "Yes."

It may not have been much of a choice, but I had not been forced to meet the assassins that night. I had come of my own free will, as much as the convoluted situation allowed me to retain.

"That isn't the job. If she isn't accepted and she knows where we are it will ruin everything Astrid has worked toward," Arnbjorn said.

The argonian's eyes still hadn't left mine. "Do you mind wearing the blindfold?"

It didn't take long for me to consider the options: resist the blindfold and escape which could wind up with many lives lost (possibly my own first), refuse to wear the blindfold and be tied up again wearing nothing but my small clothes, or wear the blindfold.

I nodded.

"Don't move," the Argonian said, gracefully picking up the blindfold from my side before slowly putting down his dagger. In a quick motion, he tied the blindfold around my eyes once more. "This ruins no plans."

"Keep your blade trained on her," Arnbjorn growled as I heard him climb back up onto the driver's seat.

When we started moving again I heard the green-tinted Argonian sit down across from me, no longer keeping his movements as silent as they once were.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"That can be a complicated question," he replied, his voice holding the same even-toned calmness it had throughout the confrontation.

"I meant what's your name?"

"I am Veezara, a Shadowscale, the last Shadowscale," he said.

"A Shadowscale?"

"I was born under the sign of the Serpent, as are you I am told," Veezara said. "But where I come from it is more than lore. We are Shadowscales, given to the Dark Brotherhood at birth to be trained in the ways of the assassin. I worked in the service of the King of Blackmarsh until my order was no more. I work for Astrid now and am happy to do so. Life is simple and good."

"Astrid, is he the leader of the Dark Brotherhood in Skyrim?" I asked.

"Yes, she is," he said. "She has led us for many years."

"And Astrid, she doesn't approve of Nadine recruiting me?"

"She does. It was on her order that Grelod's death was investigated, ordering that whoever had committed the crime be recruited or eliminated."

"Then why didn't anyone come after me sooner when I escaped?" I asked. "It's been over six months since then."

"Arnbjorn was to take you that first night in the city to join us, that is why he was with you. We did not want the child alerting anyone of your absence, especially not your Thieves Guild ties. However, you stayed with the Companions, which made the task considerably more difficult," Veezara explained. "The job was put on hold for some time while the notion of recruiting you was discussed."

"We didn't want the Companions noses in our business," Arnbjorn called.

"So you waited and then the Contract for the Companions fell in your hands and you found an easy way to recruit me where I wouldn't tell them about you or my involvement with you," I said.

"Yes," Veezara said quietly. "But we had been watching you. You have shown the typical signs of being born under the Serpent."

"Being born under some stars or who my parents are doesn't determine who I am, what I am," I said.

"Doesn't it?" Veezara said gently.

"No."

And I did believe that. I knew that your parents could influence you, that sometimes fate found a way to mold you into someone you might not have been. But I had never known my parents, I had been raised by a mage, my mother, as I knew her, was a law-abiding woman. Even with her, I had chosen my own path: that of the warrior instead of the mage. My choices, my will, made a difference in my life. Farkas had reminded me of that.

Still there was the fact that I was undeniably good at stealth and killing. Then a thought struck me: if my mom had been the leader of the assassins, who had my father been? Did I want to know? The whole reason I came to Skyrim, to discover more about my father, could be at my finger tips now, even if I was afraid of the truth that awaited me.

We traveled the rest of the way in silence and I got the feeling that was how Arnbjorn preferred it. When we stopped Arnbjorn called from the front, "I'm going to get the beast stabled. You two wait here until I get back."

After a moment when I heard the sounds of a horse retreating, Veezara said, "I get the impression that he doesn't trust me with you anymore."

I laughed, exhausted. "You're apparently far too lenient in your treatment toward voluntary prisoners."

"Is that what you are? A voluntary prisoner?"

I wanted to snap at him, why does it matter? You got what you wanted, I'm here, whether I want to be or not. But instead I said, "In the loosest sense of the word, yes."

"The calling in your blood will settle your fears in time," he said.

How would you know? You've known nothing in your life but killing. I kept my face smooth, however, feeling I had already given far too much away to the smooth-talking Argonian who would slit my throat if I moved without being told.

"Alright, time to move out tidbit," I heard the Nord-man say again after some time had passed. He climbed onto the cart and I cried out as I felt myself rise, slung over his shoulder.

"Is this necessary?" I asked.

"Unless you prefer to be dragged by your hair, yes it is," Arnbjorn said. "We've got a short walk but I don't need you stumbling over your feet blind. Wasted enough time already."

The next five minutes we traveled in silence. I could hear the leaves underneath Arnbjorn's feet as he wasn't attempting to move quietly at all. I couldn't place where Veezara was, if he was still with us, as he seemed to move silently unless making some conscious attempt not to. The only information this gave me was that we had likely traveled south, into the forests somewhere. The land to the north had long ago been made into farmland and there were few trees there and thus it was unlikely we had stayed in the heartland of Skyrim. North was mostly frozen wastes though I heard Solitutde and the western part of the country was an exception but I doubted we had traveled long enough to go there.

Finally we stopped and then there was the sound like rock rubbing hard against rock. Then a foreboding voice that sounded like the last breaths of a dying man asked, "What is the music of life?"

I felt goosebumps form on my arms and barely suppressed a shiver. If Arnbjorn noticed, he said nothing.

"Silence, my brother," Veezara said, his calming voice somehow making the entire interaction more bizarre.

The voice wheezed out, "Welcome home."

And I shivered as Arnbjorn slung me down and turned me around, giving me a slight push to walk across the threshold of my new guild. I walked carefully into this mysterious place, Veezara's slim fingers on my shoulder guiding me inside, before pulling me firmly to a stop.

"Wait. Do not take another step," he said.

His hand did not leave mine until I heard the door slide shut once more. Without another word, the Argonian took off my blindfold to reveal a set of steps below me. Arnbjorn had already begun his descent.

"Follow me, I will take you to Astrid," Veezara said.

I followed him down several sets of stairs into a large, open chamber where a group of people stood, all wearing the armor of the Dark Brotherhood. Arnbjorn was with them and at once they all turned to look at us as we entered. They stood in a little enclosure, leaning casually against walls, their eyes following me like the thieves' had when I had threatened Mercer, like they would all kill me in a heartbeat if I made the wrong move.

Veezara stopped walking, standing near a dark elf woman who had been standing apart from the rest of the group. I continued to stride toward the group.

"Which one of you is Astrid?" I asked them.

"I am," said a voice from behind me.

I turned to see a beautiful woman walk into the room with a natural confidence I had lacked when approaching the assassins now behind me. Her blonde hair was held back but even in the dim lighting it shone. It took me a moment to realize that behind her, a large smile on her face, stood Nadine.

"And you must be Everlee, Amalia's daughter," she said.

Like Veezara, her voice had a smooth, naturally calming tone to it. Her voice sounded almost as though she were purring when she spoke. She came to stand a few feet in front of me, looking me over but not making it a point that she was. Nadine came to stand at her side.

"You do look like her," she said. "But are you ready to follow in her footsteps?"

She sounded as though she were talking to herself, so I remained silent as she continued to look over me.

"Hmm," she murmured to herself. "Nadine didn't say you were the silent type. It works for you. Follow me."

I followed Astrid out and back up the stairs where she led us to a room that branched out from one of the halls connected to it.

"Now that we're alone, tell me, do you want to join the Dark Brotherood?" Astrid asked.

I stayed silent for a moment, wondering if that was a trick question. I didn't want to join the Dark Brotherhood and my resistance both with Nadine and on our trip here must have made that apparent to anyone who knew the whole story. But if I didn't join then I would risk watching my friends murdered until I was all that was left. My desire to not join her Guild hadn't really been a factor in my decision and she must know that.

"Be honest with me, we are to be sisters after all," she said.

I tried not to cringe at thought. I couldn't imagine ever coming to think of the assassins as family like I had come to think of the Companions. They were my family, my mother at home in Cyrodiil was my family, but the people who prided themselves on ending life and had kidnapped me multiple times? I would never come to see them as family.

"I think you know the truth," I said finally. "I don't have much choice in the matter."

"Of course you do. We all have choice," Astrid said. "Even not choosing is a choice."

"Then yes I do want to join in that I don't want people I care about to die," I said.

"And neither do I," Astrid said. "These men and women are my family, Everlee. We look out for each other and we are content. Your mother and I were close too, young though I was. She is the one who sought me out and brought me here. I would have done anything for her, as I would the rest of my family. I think that we have that in common."

I said nothing, letting my cool facade drop and folding my arms over my chest.

"Nadine wants you to join us and I did request the same of the person who murdered Grelod. But instead you became a Companion and then a thief and you join only out of a sense of duty to them. If word got back to your Companions about us, about our location, our identities, my family would be in danger. I need to know that you are loyal to me," she said.

Again I stayed silent for some time, unsure of what to say. She wanted me to convince her that I would not betray her, to begin to form some sort of trust between us. But she could not trust me because I wasn't here of my own will, and I could not trust her for the same reason. The only way to prove that I would stick to our original deal, that I would join them and keep their secrets, was with time. How could I convince her now that I was not a threat when I could see how much of a threat I would be in her eyes.

And she wanted me to see through her eyes, to somehow identify with her. She wanted me to believe that this group was a family, that they cared deeply for each other, that they, like the Companions would die for each other. But I couldn't see how a group of assassins who cold heartedly killed and often enjoyed killing could form any sort of real bond with another person.

But I enjoy fighting, enjoy winning a battle. Vilkas can turn into an unthinking beast and slaughter an entire stronghold of vampires. Brynjolf steals and lies to make profit and still I trust him and he sees his fellow thieves as family. Maybe there is a way for the assassins to separate what they do from who they are with each other.

She had said that we were alike and not just because I shared some skills that I did not want. Maybe she didn't care about her fellows as more than a means to an end, and maybe she did. Would it be easier for me to buy that she truly cared about her "family?" Would it make joining easier?

"Whether I want to be or not," I said finally, "we both know I am a threat to you and your friends. You say we are alike, that we would do anything to protect our family, and if you believe that then you know I would never jeopardize their lives if I could avoid it. Nobody would benefit from a war between the Dark Brotherhood and the Companions. As long as that doesn't happen, I can promise you my service and my loyalty. Only time will tell the rest."

Astrid took a moment to consider this before finally standing straight and saying, "Then welcome, sister."