I do not own the Doctor Who series or any official characters featured within this project.Doctor Who is owned by BBC, Sydney Newman, C. E. Webber, and Donald Wilson. Please support all officially released content.
This was the day that I died…
Well, not actually. Regeneration energy does tend to bring out the old melodrama. Perhaps I should start from the beginning then, eh? Right:
I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord. I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the Constellation of…No, wait, hold on…
Sorry, I always end up falling back on that bit. After thirty-four hundred years, you'd think I'd have learned better material. Let's see, anything new? Well, I'm currently seventeenth in my regenerative cycle…I think, I can never remember the exact number…Such things come with old age I suppose. Having travelled about the universe and gallivanted up and down the timestream in my ship, the TARDIS, you tend to lose track of these things.
Ah, the TARDIS: Time And Relative Dimensions In Space; my beloved ship, my home, my oldest friend, and my constant companion. Anywhere in Time or Space that I felt like: BANG! ZIP! We're off! You sexy thing, you…granted, she is trapped in the form of a big, blue Police Box from 1960's Earth…really ought to fix that Chameleon Circuit, been meaning to for years.
Right, sorry, back on topic!
Oh! Speaking of companions, I'm known for travelling around with humans. Ah, I got a brilliant lot with me this time. Students of the Coal Hill University, they are.
Let's see, there's: Phineas Jennings, better known as Finn. Bit of a muscley blockhead, but a brilliant sense of adventure; good for a laugh, that one. Then there's Devyn Babbage, lovely girl, doesn't scare easily. If only she weren't so interested in such mundane things, like: Clothes, or Vegan Wraps...or Clocks (honestly, I still don't understand her fascination with things going 'Tik Tok').
Then there's Vivi…Viviana Dinklage, ah, now there's a mind the human race can be proud of! Inquisitive, a sharp thinker...FANTASTIC ear for music! Human like her comes along once in a few...er, maybe dozen generations. I could see bright things in her future. And then, there's Roger: Roger Neville, blimey what a name…rather a dull young man, if we're being perfectly honest. Gangly, clumsy, with a bit of a confidence problem really. But he was a fantastically receptive person, with a great thirst for learning. Dull, but one I could work with.
A great group of kids. We're like the Scooby gang, they and I…
"Wait, hang on," I caught myself thinking, feeling the incredulity rising "does that make me the dog? That's a bit unfortunate…"
With a quick shake I managed to set my mind back on track. I had just dropped the gang off at school, allowing them time to prepare for their end of term examinations. After that, they would have two months free to join me onboard the TARDIS. A great group of kids like them deserved as great an adventure that I could provide.
"Where should we take them, eh girl?" I spoke aloud to the TARDIS, "Anywhere in time or space, where's the best you can come up with? Perhaps we could poke our noses in on the Daleks? Or maybe we could pop back and visit my old friend Jules, maybe join him on an adventure to the center of the earth. No, I have it! We'll take them to Space Vegas! Ooh, they'd love that, it's the ultimate planet for excite-"
I cried out as a surge of excruciating agony scorched through my body, causing me to double over. Collapsing onto my knee, I could feel the blood drain from my face at the sight of the shining golden light that radiated from my hand like heat.
Ah, right…dying. Forgot that bit.
As the pain began to subside, a strange sound swiftly rose to my ears. It was the low, haunting note of song. Immediately, an annoyed groan burst from me. Oh, those bloody Ood! They'd haunted my footsteps for centuries; couldn't they leave a man to regenerate in peace?!
"NO!" I roared, having suddenly caught myself "No, No, No! There are no Time Lords regenerating here, today! I am not having it!"
It's a funny thing, Regeneration. It doesn't really care what I want. I can hold it off for a while but, in the end, it always catches up with me. On the surface, it sounds like the simplest thing in the world. Come to the end of your natural life span, great burst of light and, and then, bob's your uncle, you do it all over again. Oh, if only it were actually that simple.
I'd lived a long time and experienced many things throughout those lifetimes; but Regenerating was in a league entirely of its own. If you've never done it before, imagine the most painful thing that you can think of, then multiply it by a supernova, and then throw it into a blackhole.
No…just me then? Right…
Well, it wouldn't be happening, had things gone according to plan. The gang and I had been on our way to observe a meteor storm on the far side of Io, when the TARDIS had received a distress signal. Tracing it back to its source, I ended up leading the gang on a journey to the Planet Cuthorix. After meeting with the locals, we learned that they were getting ready to defend themselves against these fearsome beasts that they called: Gruns. As we followed them into the forests, my Sonic picked up the signal again and soon I found that it was coming from the very creatures we were looking for.
I could remember feeling the terrifying rush of excitement upon seeing one for the first time. You see, the Gruns are these scary looking black salamanders, eight feet long and covered in green moss. In all my years, I'd never met a fiercer looking bunch; except maybe the Daleks…or the Cybermen…or the Zygons…or the Silurians…or the Sontarans…or maybe even the Slith—no, not the point! I was, however, quite pleasantly surprised to find they were a lovely bunch of herbivores, harmful only if provoked.
However, that then raised the question in my mind: why would the Cuthorians be afraid of such creatures?
"Terrible chaps" I recalled to no one in particular. Turned out, they weren't afraid of the Gruns, they were harvesting them for the moss that grew on their bodies. Apparently, the moss was part of the Gruns natural defense mechanism, exuding a cloud of microscopic spores that would cause temporary paralysis, allowing them a chance to escape. When cured into the proper mixture, the spores became the basis of a parasitic neurotoxin that would slowly eat away at the internal organs, making the bodies of infected specimens a time bomb before dropping dead altogether. The Cuthorians would then sell this mixture to big game hunters that would come across the galaxy to hunt other creatures on the planet!
The mere memory of the event caused my eyebrows to contract furiously. With the Daleks and Cybermen you at least knew where you stood. But humans, biggest bunch of jackanapes and wild cards I'd ever encountered. Still, I had to give them credit: when they disappointed, they went above and beyond. For what: Greed? Fear? Control? Argh, different planet, same problems!
Anyway, I warned the Cuthorians that I would not stand idly by while they destroyed the ecosystem of this world. Oh, as you can imagine, that didn't go over well, and the ones making the most profit were the ones who put up the most resistance. Thankfully, not all of the natives were so colossally stupid that they were willing to let the few speak for them; even more surprisingly, we found unexpected allies from the Th'red. Nice group of blokes; were not happy when they found out where their product came from…felt it spoiled the sport.
Mind you, that's the problem battling an enemy that uses a deadly poison as a weapon. Eventually, they end up using it! If things were to get ugly, I would have rather minimized the casualties as much as possible. It was in that spirit that I had decided to send most of the Cuthorians back to their homes; as well as sending the gang, kicking and screaming, back to the TARDIS. Which left only me, the Th'red, and a handful of willing Cuthorians.
As you'd expect, the gang didn't take well to the idea of being left out while I put my life in danger. They came looking for me and, while Vivi managed to come up with an ingenious solution to the situation (bluffing our way into and out of a Mexican standoff, clever clogs), Roger had managed to get himself infected with the neurotoxin!
Working fast, I managed to extract the poison from him…but at a cost. The Cuthorian who infected him handed me a funny little device that looked like a double-sided syringe and offered me a choice: my life or Rogers. Without thought I stuck the device onto my gangly comrade's neck, and felt the biting pain in my palm as the contaminant flowed into me.
"Oh" I huffed, feeling the wellspring of anger bubble up from deep within "Hang it all! Why couldn't those infernal humans just do as I told them?!"
Almost as soon as I had thought it, I immediately felt disgusted with myself. Irrational anger was neither helpful nor fair, no matter the circumstances. It was true that the Cuthorians were responsible for the actions that had led to this point; and it was also true that Roger was responsible for disobeying the order I had given him. However, it was also my fault for reaching this unfortunate point in this lifespan. I had a duty of care for Roger, and I had failed him spectacularly. It seemed only right that I take the responsibility of freeing him from the parasites that threatened to destroy him from the inside.
I hadn't said anything, in an attempt to not scare anyone or make Roger feel guilty. But I could feel the little buggers eating away at my brain; even the TARDIS was unable to combat something so miniscule. The only reason I was even still standing and functioning, ironically, was the gentle misting of regenerative energy acting as a localized anesthetic. So, even though I could hold it back, the damage had been done. Anytime now, a new Doctor would come to take my place…
"Everything I am dies. Some new man goes sauntering away and I am dead."
The words echoed through my mind, like some phantom of years passed. But as I concentrated on the source of the words, frowning, all I could recall was a man…as thin as a matchstick with a head of sticky-uppy hair. I hadn't thought of him in years. Thinking back on it, I could remember an all too familiar sense of dread course through me. Yes, that's right! I've been here before; I've done all this before! Many times, actually…
I let out a disparaging sound as I continued to take bombastic strides around the control panel. "There's still so much I haven't done yet! Haven't seen or explored or experienced. Still so much I could do…still so much I can do! I'm not ready to-ARGH!"
It was pain beyond anything I had experienced before and I cried out as I was thrown onto the floor with such force that it knocked the wind from my lungs. I didn't remember shutting my eyes, taking short, hissing breaths to alleviate the onset, but even with them squeezed shut the sharp golden light seeped through into the darkness. But as suddenly as it had come, it was gone, leaving only the sound of my heavy, ragged breaths to fill the inside of the TARDIS.
For a moment, terror coursed through me, rooting me to the spot. What if it had happened? If this was it and I had regenerated, crouched on the floor and pleading for my life? No, hang on…nope, there they are, still crawling all over the cerebral cortex!
"God bless the parasites! Boy, that's something I never thought I'd say…oy, you lot, mind the goods!"
Pushing myself upward, slowly my eyes fluttered open. However, I staggered slightly, clutching the main console, the room spinning. Suddenly, a rather disheartening thought crossed my mind: so many things I should have done…and should not have.
"I don't want to do this alone …" I found the words tumbling from my mouth faster than I could stop them, however, my voice was pitiful and faint "…I'm so afraid."
Thinking on it, in that moment, I realized something. I don't believe I had ever admitted that to myself before. I was scared to regenerate? To lose everything that I was and anything that I may become. But more importantly, I could only imagine the faces of my friends; the hurt and betrayal they would feel when I showed back up with a new face and personality. A pang of guilt bubbled through my stomach at the thought. I had hoped to spare them the trauma of seeing me go through this; but, ironically, their absence left me with a crippling sense of loneliness that only made it all the worse for me.
"Oh," I hissed in a low, guttural groan, catching sight of my reflection in one of the console monitors "Not the broody face, anything but the broody face!"
That's the trouble with regenerating into a younger body: so many hormones surging through my brain from time to time. As such, an unfortunate habit of this particular body, I would often find myself making this face. According to both Devyn and Vivi, it was quite an attractive look on me; in fact, I'd been told many times that I was a rather dashing young man. What with my tousled, bronze-colored hair, making me look like I'd just crawled out of bed and my superiorly square jaw. Blimey, not since my bowtie days had I chin like this!
And I was tall! Lord knows, I'd had a growth spurt in my last regeneration and often found it was cumbersome to work with this behemoth of a body! Actually, there was quite a bit about this new style that I owed to my friends. Finn and Roger had been a big help in finding sizes for clothes, while Vivi and Devyn had been most helpful in picking out a style that was both functional and comfortable. It was a very modern look for me, if I do say so myself. Trainers and a T-shirt, with a layer of a hooded jacket and a coat with many pockets. However, none (save for me) were too keen on the colored corduroy trousers that I had become so attached to. But what could I say? They were bloody comfy.
But standing there staring deep into the time rotor, the sense of futility in my struggling slowly began to set in. There was no clever strategy, no witty retort that I could throw out. My time was up. The end was coming for me and there was nothing I could do. A sudden thought occurred…it would probably be my last chance to say it as me:
"Now hold on, Doctor" I hurled that last word into the ether almost mockingly "some things you should know. This universe is massive, and beautiful! You will be awed by it, utterly captivated by its sheer radiance! But the people within it…they will let you down. Oh lord, they will disappoint you in ways that you couldn't possibly imagine; it will vex you, make you want to tear out your hair! But you mustn't be discouraged. They will try…they will fail…but they never give up, they will just keep plodding along no matter what. This must be encouraged! They are fleeting but that is what will make them precious. It doesn't matter if they watch your back, you watch theirs! Because that's all that's ever mattered."
My eyes darted all around the TARDIS, as if attempting to permanently imprint the image of my beloved ship in my memory. However, one of the monitors on the console flashed and I turned quickly. Staring down at it, I could feel a lightening of my tone as I stared down at a picture of myself with the gang. Their four, smiling, faces looked up at me, though my own face attempted a cool grin. I remember this, this was the day that they had convinced me to spend a day in their present…we had taken this photograph high above the city, aboard the London Eye. The TARDIS had heard me…you clever girl.
"And to you, my dear friends" I said, keeping my eyes glued to the image "Finn… Devyn… Vivi… Roger…my best friends in the world, I salute you all. I don't deserve this favor that I ask, but I beseech you: take care of the Doctor.
"They will be counting on you lot to keep them grounded. And you will learn from them as you have learned from me. Oh, the Doctor will drive you all mental! But don't you ever let that deter you! You won't know what to do with them, but you'll be all they have. Because that's what you were to me. They will learn, as I have, from you…and I hope that, someday, you can forgive me.
"My friends…my companions…my dear Doctor…farewell."
My final words echoed throughout the empty control room just as the Ood's singing reached its crescendo. A blazingly warm sensation burst up from my stomach, dousing me in an intense heat; as though I were a virus to be burned out by fever. Turning my gaze down towards my hand, I could see the flow of energy staining the whole of the appendage, a deep, sparkling gold. The change was upon me!
However, I caught myself smiling, feeling both calm and startlingly ready. Before nerves and confidence betrayed me, I could feel myself gulp down a deep, soothing breath, feeling the tension melt from my shoulders. I let my eyelids droop, keeping my mind focused on the image of my friends, and waited for the inevitable to come.
I knew that it had begun the moment that the deep, golden, flame-like energy began to rush across my body, engorging me in a sensation that could only be described as purest agony. My flesh was being burnt away, my very bones were on fire as the great flood of energy surged across my cellular structure, incinerating the remainder of the neurotoxin, and rebuilding me from the ground up. It was all I could do not to scream, concentrating on the change at hand…
WHOA! A new gallbladder grew in place of the old…that would take some getting used to. A strange, creeping sensation swept over my scalp and I could feel the hair growing past my neck. Some parts of me were shrinking, while others were filling out. Another shout escaped from me as the pain seemed to focus on my legs. Either my new body was going to be much shorter…or I was losing a lottery!
At long last, the glowing energy began to envelope the cells in my brain! It's an odd feeling, this part. Where my body felt as if it were being torn asunder by flame, all that my mind felt was an odd, trickling; as if someone were pouring a pitcher of water over my head.
But it was here that my story would come to a close. As the regenerative energy surged across my occipital and into my parietal lobe, I could feel myself beginning to slip away. In that moment, a terrible shriek began to assail my ears. However, three things slowly became clear to me in that very instant: the first was that I hadn't realized that my jaw had fallen open. The second was that the sound was coming from my own mouth; thirdly, and most frighteningly, it wasn't my voice that was screaming!
Slowly sight and sound began to dull, as darkness began to take me. Trying not to panic in my last moments, I focused on the smiling image of my four best friends…however, the last thing to run through my conscious mind was the awful, disconcerting sensation of falling.
~o0o~
I collapsed onto my knees, taking deep, hissing breaths at the raw, burning feeling still making my skin tingle. After several moments, the prickling began to pass, but it was several more minutes before I felt brave enough to push back onto my feet.
All had gone deathly quiet, even the TARDIS appeared to have fallen silent in anticipation. Turning towards one of the main monitors, I stared in awe; looking back at me was a face that I had never seen before, but knew in that instant that it could belong to no one else.
It was a woman's face, both mature and mellow, if slightly surprised. She was wearing a strange ensemble of coats and jackets that were far too big for her and…was she wearing corduroy pants? Leaning in closer to inspect her face, I could see that she was:
"Ginger!" my husky voice boomed in elation, straightening back up, and holding the flaming locks of auburn hair (which fell well past my shoulders) before my eyes, which blazed in the light of the TARDIS console. My thoughts immediately turned towards a red-haired Scotswoman that had once traveled with me and a surge of pride welled up in my stomach. Taking a step forward, my feet sliding uncomfortably in shoes that were several sizes too large, something odd quickly caught my attention. Turning my gaze down towards my hand, I began to examine them closely. As I turned them over and eyed the cuticles of my finely manicured fingernails, it suddenly occurred to me what had caught my attention.
"Hmm," I mused aloud. "I appear to have changed blood type. Pity. I was ever so fond of the old one. Amy, Rory, what do you-"
My voice fell silent almost as soon as I had brought up their names. No, I wasn't traveling with Amy and Rory, I hadn't for years. Then who was traveling with me? The Brigadier? Rose? Sarah Jane? Nardole? No, none of them…
I stood there with my arms crossed, frowning, for the longest time as I bullied my brain for all it was worth to remember.
"It's right in front of me, I just know it!" I said, looking to the main console of the TARDIS as I spoke. However, one of the monitors flashed again, catching my attention. I felt an interested "ooh" escape from me as I gazed down, swiping passed an image of five humans, as I gazed at the alert system.
"Intriguing" I said, immediately setting to work programming the various dials and switches across the console. An echo, barely more than a whisper, from 50 years in the solar system's future, just beyond the perimeter of Neptune had been picked up on the TARDIS' sensors.
"Oh, nothing to worry about" I thought merrily "It's only one of the Voyager probes about to get hit by the residual radiation wave from the Solar Storm of 2072. What a fun experience that must have been, to ride-wait, hold the phone!"
With rigorous intent, I began to slide backwards on the screen, searching for that original image. Then, I found it! Staring down at the photograph, I slapped a hand to my head in annoyance:
"I thought as much!" my voice a mixture of relief and embarrassment "There's not five humans in this picture. That one is a Time Lord!"
Gazing down at the unfamiliar figure, I began to closely examine him. Heaven's, what a chin on this young man! And look at his clothes, why I do believe he's wearing…corduroy pants?
My thoughts fell to a halt as recognition began to sweep over me. Turning my gaze downward onto the overlarge clothes that clung to my tiny frame, I turned back towards the image. A perfect match!
"That…that's me! Then, they must be-wait a moment…clothes, clocks…DEVYN!"
The name burst forth from me with a wave of excitement as memory came rushing back. Looking amongst the other faces, I could feel my smile grow wider and toothier as recognition began to replace confusion.
"Oh, Daring Devyn, that's my girl! And Vivi, oh my Valiant Viviana, look at you! And there are my boys, Roger and Finn! Or, wait, was it the other way around?" As my eyes darted between the two young men, my dismissive hand flourished beside me. I'd figure it out later.
Setting my mind back on track, I clapped my hands together. So: pop forward fifty years, check on things, maybe ride the solar wave, and then come back one week from today…in the meantime, think of a proper way to explain this to the gang. Instantly I froze, a gentle smile forming across my face. I had no idea where the word had come from…but it just felt right. The gang…I liked that.
"Right…" I quipped with a smile, pulling back on the large lever, "…here we go again."
VWORP! VWORP! VWORP!
Perhaps it was just post-regenerative energy still coursing through me, but an almost manic sense of pleasure welled up inside as I watched as the TARDIS roared to life, the time rotor churning merrily. The ship gave a massive lurch! I was flung forward onto the main console, and I couldn't help the great cry of delight that escaped from me in a laugh:
"WAHOO!"
This was the day that I died…however, it was also the day of my rebirth.
The day of my regeneration.
So, in recent years, I have fallen head over heels in love with Doctor Who. And the concept of Regeneration has always fascinated me. Sure, this may not be the most original idea for a story. But I have wanted to write this for a while and, with Doctor Who coming back in a few weeks, it just seemed the perfect time to do it. Regardless, you guys know the drill: I hope you guys liked it; I hope you all have a Happy Holiday season (whatever it is that you celebrate) and I'll see you in 2021.
