No, I don't own Chuck. Too bad.

Vindicate –

To free from allegation or blame.

To confirm, substantiate [that person]. To provide justification or defense of: justify.

To protect from attack or encroachment: defend.

To maintain a right to. To set free: deliver.

~\~|~/~

Sarah was ticked. More than ticked, really, but that would have to do for now. She was ticked, and channeling the energy through her shoulder and into her fist. Martial arts had been the subject of her aggression for the past forty-five minutes and her head still wasn't clear. She couldn't allow herself to appear any more connected to the asset, so she couldn't defend Chuck.

Asset.

She spat the word out, even in her head. Beckman was still calling him that, even after her latest round of orders that messed with his life, probably to keep him off balance and more pliable, because if anyone half as smart as her Chuck ever found his footing, he could definitely find out a multitude of ways to keep Beckman off balance. And he didn't even know Beckman's latest machination. No, Beckman had forced Sarah to be the one to 'inform the asset', as if she would type it in to a computer interface and the system would blindly update its databases.

After a particularly hard conversation between her fist and the punching bag sent shocks through her neck and lower back, she knew she should stop and take a breath, but she couldn't. Not now. If she was to do nothing, be nothing, the emotion had to be worked out somehow. She had to stop caring, stop -.

"Sarah?" She knew that voice, he had found her. He always found her. But now it was too soon for her emotions and not early enough to stop the physical pain. She spun quickly to face him, and saw his eyes register her wince.

"Yes Chuck?" He took a few more steps into the room, unable to hold her gaze and eternally drawn to her eyes.

"I – I don't know what is bothering you, or why you are beating yourself up, but please stop. Stop hurting yourself. If it is about your past, I can promise you I won't let it bother me. If it is about a new mission, I'm sure you and Casey can figure it out together."

She sighed, "Chuck, it is never just Casey and me figuring out the missions. It's all three of us. You are a vital part of this team, please remember that."

Seeing that he was about to speak again, she held up her hand and motioned to the bench beside the wall of Castle's gym. "Let's take a seat."

Chuck nodded in affirmation, but walked to the other end of the gym and grabbed her water bottle first.

I forgot about it. Too worried to remember to hydrate? Get a grip Walker!

He tossed the bottle to her and she caught it in exchange for a small smile. She drank, and they arranged themselves sideways on the bench so they could face each other.

She may not have had the time, but she took a moment to stare at the hem of her shirt before redirecting her attention back to him.

"Chuck, I've been given another assignment. Not permanent, it's more like another mission, but solo. It should be in-and-out, and then I'm back here."

Chuck's pursed eyebrows spoke of his confusion, so she waited for the question.

"Okay, so what's the issue? I know you, you'll be back here before I know you're gone, right?"

She took another sip from her water bottle, buying time before explaining with words, words that would hurt him.

"It isn't the time, or even the mission that worries me, it's who gave the order."

"Why would Graham giving orders concern you?"

"Because Graham didn't give the order, Beckman did. And Graham wasn't happy about it, but couldn't say no."

"Oh."

"Exactly, I don't know what is going on, but please, be careful. Graham has always had my back, and I hope he has yours. Just stick close to Casey if you can. I'll try to be back quickly, but if Beckman is trying to grab power, this would be the perfect time."

Now she was the one who couldn't look the other in the eye, but Chuck seemed to know just what to do anyway as he slipped his hand around her fingers and gently caressed her hand with his thumb.

"I'll be okay Sarah, just – just come back, okay? When do you leave?"

A quick conversation was not what she wanted for this discussion, so she squeezed his hand and asked him to give her a few minutes to change. He nodded his assent and left the room.

She closed her eyes a moment and swallowed. This would be harder than she thought.

~\~|~/~

Sarah led Chuck into her hotel apartment.

"Chuck, Graham is briefing me personally for this mission. He hasn't done that since I was assigned to come to Burbank and find you, find the intersect files."

She can see he wants to interject, that he has some question or reassurance, but she motions for him to wait, to let her get her worries out first. "I don't like where this is headed, and I need you to know I am on your side. Please keep trusting me. I brought you here because neither the CIA or the NSA have any listening devices in here, and I wanted to be honest with you. Or at least, more clearly honest than I could at Castle. Not that I was lying at Castle, it's just safer here."

Chuck nods, "I get it, I have a camera in my bedroom, so I'm always happy to go somewhere less recorded."

She smiled back at him, grateful for his understanding and ignoring her disgust of the surveillance style used on him. "I'm worried Beckman is using this to try to drive a wedge between us, to keep us from talking and, and maybe feeling closer to each other than a professional relationship. Maybe her goal is to remove me from the team entirely, prove that I'm not needed here."

Chuck stepped forward, a welcome violation of her personal space. "Sarah, that's ridiculous. No one would ever believe that. You have saved me more times than I could possible count. I need you here."

"They will believe what is convenient for them, for what they think they need." she stated with a wane smile. "Trust Graham though, he – he saved me, and I need to leave it there for now."

She looked up, locking her eyes with his and curling her fingers around his elbows to pull him close. "Please be careful. I don't want to loose you ever, but especially because Beckman throws a mission at you while I'm gone. You're my best friend, and the only one I really trust."

Sarah watches as Chuck pauses, waiting the full depth of a deep breath before speaking. "Sarah, you could never be replaced, even if she tried to remove you from the team. I know you don't overstate danger, so if you're worried I'm sure you know I'm a total wreck inside right now. And I'm really trying to not make a fool out of myself but this I know, and you need to know. You are family to me. Family trusts each other, family waits for each other, family doesn't give up on each other, and family loves each other. I will be here, trusting you to do the right thing, waiting for you to come back, and…"

His voice trailed off for a moment as he tried to say the words she knew so well, the constant companion of her thoughts.

"And family loves each other. I love you, Sarah Walker. I love you and I know you aren't allowed to love me, but I'm supposed to love you and I do. I need you to come back, or I will come and find you. You aren't alone."

The steel in his voice strengthens her, provides her with air to breath and space to move. A choice.

He can't seem to to find more words, and action is more her thing than his, so she takes action. She closes the gap between them, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him. He loves her, she… loves him? Does she know? Is this what love is? Has there ever been anyone else she wants to be stuck to like a pair of rare-earth magnets?

Too wrapped up in him, she can't spare time to answer her own questions, so she instead focuses on kissing him with the kisses of her mouth.

~\~|~/~

It was a strange feeling – being alone again – especially after her last few hours with Chuck at her apartment.

Apartment, ha! We were more together at her apartment than they were right now.

The two of them as one team was a soothing idea. Two heads, two hearts, two backs facing each other – thinking in twos instead of ones was foreign and familiar, fearful and fantastic, more than she had hoped for, ever. It was lovely. He loved her, she knew. She hoped he knew she loved him. Two lovers made one love, reciprocated and chosen. That must be why she was uncomfortable now, right? Alone, on her way to meet with Graham before a mission. Things being out of place make her uncomfortable, and right now she or Chuck – she wasn't sure which – was out of place. Either he ought to be here with her, or she should be there with him. Then they could be them, instead of him and her. Two lovers, one love. She needed to tell him, he needed to know.

~\~|~/~

Chuck finished the repair and closed his eyes, trying to concentrate after his extremely distracting morning. He loved her so much. She did love him, right? You don't kiss someone like that if you don't like them. Or maybe she was so amazing that that was just a standard Sarah Walker kiss, and a kiss for someone she really loved – like romantically – was totally different. If that was the case, he didn't think he would survive, but it sounded like a good way to go. A way he would like to go, if he considered all the ways in which he was likely to die each day.

Shaking is head at himself, he realized how morbid his thoughts had become, how used to the thought of his own death he had become. Maybe he should lighten up, play some video games or chat with Morgan. If he was willing to admit it to himself, he already knew that he was down because she was gone on a plane to somewhere not even she knew, and for a length of time no one knew. He felt like Captain Kirk, wandering around in his own ship and muttering about the meaning of the word 'she'. Love truly is a form of madness, he mused, but a form he was happy to catch. But did she love him back? Had they both caught the same madness?

~\~|~/~

A/N – I have read quite a few excellent fanfiction stories in which Sarah's doubts are one of the primary participants. This story is my way of exploring her doubts from the perspective of the healing effect of other's forgiveness and defense of oneself that brings. "Bad company corrupts good morals" – having the right people around you can make or break you. When you find someone who can truly vindicate you, your life will never be the same.

This story's shoutout is to WillieGarvin, an author who has been providing weekly goodies to the world near nonstop since 2018. Be sure to check out his fantastic story Chuck vs A New Day over on his profile.

P.S. - I can't be the only one bothered by the fact that ff . net only has a Sarah W. listed as a character and not a Sarah B. right? No one else? Okay...