A/N – To clarify a few things, the story is placed right after s2ep14, Chuck verses the Best Friend with one giant change to canon: Graham did not die. Someday I'll have to write a story about Graham… Glances nervously at my WIPs So anyway, this will be a relatively short multichap of about 10k words unless I find more story to tell. Most of the story is written, so it will be posted in regular installments.
"Agent Walker"
"Director Graham" He paused, smiling at her precise formality.
"Not that kind of conversation, Sarah. I know you are wondering why we are having this conversation, so I'll get to the point. This mission comes from the head of the DNI at Beckman's request and I didn't get any sort of say one way or the other. I haven't been allowed to review the intelligence. They are keeping me in the dark and doing it on purpose; I'll give them credit, that isn't easy to do to someone with my connections."
Sarah raised an eyebrow, but showed no surprise. Politicking continued to be one of her reasons for staying in the field and away from a desk.
"I know I've asked you to execute very dangerous, very abhorrent missions and you have proved yourself capable of any mission a human can complete, but this feels worse, a different tier. The short of it is I can't watch your back, send you backup, or be sure this isn't a suicide mission. I wouldn't hold it against you if you backed out, although that might require giving up your career."
He paused for a moment, judging her response as she registered his concerns. "If you want to be sure you come back, don't take this mission. Walk away now. Other things, people in your life are worth it. You can have what you want."
Sarah paused, straightened her perfect posture, and met his gaze. "But people like us don't take the safe way out, do we. Who would they send instead? A strike team, or some agent with less experience, who would have an even lower chance of surviving?" She shook her head, her decision made. "No, I'll do it, and I'll come back."
She turned to leave, but paused, "You were right, some people make life worth living. But I don't think I can live up to hi – normalcy. This is where I am home, where I am meant to be."
Graham compressed his lips into a taught line, doubting the truth of her statement but personally knowing the futility of pushing the subject. "I figured you would say that. It's what I would have said at your age, and what any of the rest of our fellow agents would say. I can't support you directly, but if you keep your tracker on long enough, just maybe I can figure out where they sent you. Good luck Agent Walker. Catch you on your way back into the warmth."
He extended his hand and she shook it firmly. "Thank you sir, I'll look forward to it. And sir? Would you keep an eye on Chuck for me? As much as I trust Casey, I don't like that there isn't anyone else taking my place while I am gone."
Graham nodded in understanding, "Consider it done. I'll have a report for you when you get back." He added with an amused curl on the edge of his lips that faded as soon as she had turned her back to him.
Sarah just raised her eyebrows, turned, and left. Goodbyes were a formality this spy didn't like.
She stepped outside and was greeted by the harsh blast of sub-zero temperatures, feeling the chill sink into her bones and still her blood.
She wanted to step back into the warmth.
~\~|~/~
Chuck shuffled out of the freezer in the back of the Orange Orange and headed across the parking lot to Casey's Crown Vic. The chill from the freezer quickly fled in the face of the energy radiating off of the parking lot's asphalt, but it didn't chase away the slushy inside of him. He wasn't exactly sure why, but Casey was reminding him of a paranoid ewok, constantly checking in on him and catching his eye across the Buy More, as if he was waiting for some signal that Chuck hadn't been told to give. And now Casey wanted to drive him home instead of letting him take a herder. Had Chuck missed a briefing on a terrible new enemy gunning for his life?
Maybe Sarah could – oh, that must be it. He is doing the job of two people in the most Casey way possible. Extreme grunting and glaring come standard, but the car ride is a free bonus!
But now Chuck was facing a new problem. Casey wasn't driving him home, and Casey wasn't supposed to be driving him anywhere else.
Maybe Casey is the bad guy, and now that Sarah's gone he can just whisk me away to wherever they want to bury me.
He paused, sucking in a long, deep breath.
Trust Casey, Chuck, he has your back, she had said. I know he won't let you, let us down.
Chuck was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't notice the Major glace over at him for the fifth time, and visibly started as Casey began to speak.
"Heh, you're over there wondering if you should trust me, but what are you going to do if you can't? Jump out of the car?" Casey frowned, "I don't think you should trust me. Walker thinks you should, but I don't. I know something you don't."
He paused clearly considering if it was worth it to continue. Chuck broke the silence before he could decide.
"Well, are you going to tell me or do I just assume you mean the couple thousand ways you could kill me with a nose hair."
"Heh, nice. You get tortured either way. Not physically, Walker would kill me."
Casey's next pause lasted until he pulled in to a lonely ocean overlook, abandoned except for a lone seagull.
Casey considered the vastness of the ocean. Chuck wondered if the seagull was an outcast, a spy of its own species.
"Listen Bartowski, I've brought you here for a reason. I'm going to tell you why you shouldn't trust me, and then I'm going to threaten you."
Chuck's confusion must have shown on his visage, because Casey grinned before continuing.
"I was ordered to kill you, a standard hit on a burnt asset. The intersect computer was coming online and you weren't needed anymore. Or so they thought." Casey stopped to retrieve a cigar from his jacket, sucking in a long draft of smoke in silence. "I was ready to do my job. I didn't like the order, but I accepted it. I practiced, made you a mark. Just one of hundreds, maybe more."
"I waited until your sister and her boyfriend left, made it easy to get you alone. Walker wouldn't be by for a few minutes, so I slipped in and raised my gun." He paused, glancing over at Chuck, "When you use a gun every day, you know-" he held up his hand mimicking looking down the sights of his pistol, "you know when your shot is good. Just a little squeeze, and the brain is mist." Casey's face fell, and he gazed at his hand as if it were foreign to him. "I hesitated... lowered the gun. The sig wasn't talking to me, so I raised the gun again using the sights, but it was no good. Walker was going to show up for your date anytime, so I left."
Casey's words ran out, and Chuck was too stunned to speak rationally. He could vividly remember that first time he met Casey, and Casey's gun had talked as much as the man himself. Now his mind rendered images of Casey loading his sig, screwing on the suppressor, and waiting for him to be alone.
Chuck shuddered, the cold ocean air feeling more friendly than the car's atmosphere.
"Um, thanks? For not killing me, that is. Not that, well, I -" Chuck's mouth snapped shut. Part of him was angry that Casey had even considered it, but another part of him knew Casey wouldn't do it. Not like on the roof when they had first met. Then, Chuck was a traitor. Casey hates traitors. But right now, Chuck could only think of one thing to say.
"Does Sarah know?" Chuck questioned with steel that surprised him. If he was to die here, calm was most definitely heralding this certainty.
Casey just widened his grin, completely unsurprised by the question. "Yeah. I had a long briefing with johnny walker black that night, and that's how she found me. Tore strips off of me for getting drunk while guarding you. Not that I cared, not on a night like that. Figured if I told her I was supposed to kill you, she would kill me first. Death is rarely the worst option for a spy, sometimes it's the best, so I told her. Made it sound like I was getting all loosened up for the job."
The rock of muscle just shook his head gently. "Walker just crouched down in front of me, looked me in the eye, told me I wouldn't do it because it wasn't the honorable thing to do. Asked me when I had tried. I told her and she grinned, mumbling something about jello hearts. Made me promise not to tell you about it so you wouldn't worry, said you were stressed enough. I really couldn't argue with her, not when she held the cards."
Casey straightened in the driver's seat and shifted his gaze to the horizon. "Walker forgave me and later called me her partner. I haven't had one of those in a long time, but she's been a good one."
He paused a second time, sucked in a second lungful of smoke. "And she's been hurting. I had a girl once, prettiest woman I've ever seen. Job took that away, takes a lot away. Walker's been stuck in a forbidden relationship with you ever since she came. Puzzled me on the roof that day, but now I can see you two have come to some level of agreement. Good."
Casey frowned, "I lied, one more thing. Keep your ladyfeelings to yourself, but you take care of her Bartowski, watch over whatever part of her heart she lets you. You cherish every bit, that woman is as deep as the ocean you see in front of you. Don't be stupid and screw it up."
Casey paused, tired of speaking. He liked to be quiet and let his weapons make all of the noise. He liked cold air and warm gun barrels, not fuzzy feelings and soft hugs. Encouraged by a stormy cloud racing across the horizon, he spoke again.
"Beckman has no clue what is going on. She didn't order the mission, but she doesn't want Graham to know her strings are being pulled. Graham is trying to help Sarah, but there are only two people in the world who can help her right now – you and me. You were a nerd before we found you, get your head in the game. Find a way to fix this."
Chuck nodded, and the rest of the car ride home was uneventful. Chuck was too overwhelmed to speak, and Casey had used up his word allotment for the next few months.
Just as they two spies parted ways for the last few feet up to their doors, Chuck turned to Casey. "Thanks. You didn't have to tell me, but you put me first and told me anyway. I do trust you."
Casey grunted and turned to his door, leaving Chuck to do the same.
~\~|~/~
Sleeping in the back of an air force cargo plane was always a sure way to wake up with a stiff neck, but she would just have to deal with that later. Worst than that was the number of hours that had bled by – they were already about to start their approach – without her feeling any more rested. The air was cooling fast as they approached their destination. If she thought it had felt cold before, she was sure she had been mistaken. Now she could feel it even through her thick cold-weather equipment. She would be glad when she could don her mission suit, but for now, the cold would be her companion.
~\~|~/~
Chuck really needed to talk to Sarah. After Casey's eloquence, Chuck needed to talk out his feelings with someone. But this was spy stuff, and no one else could know. Feeling alone in his room, the air around him felt harsh, willing him to hide in his bed to ward away the icy prick of loneliness around him. Being alone was a terrible burden.
~\~|~/~
A/N – I would be remiss to post any more of the story without thanking FiliaRegem (graciously edits for me) and David Carner for their advice on the story and helping me get into the character's heads. Few of us writers write alone. FiliaRegem is also trying to convince me to extend the story, so if it does get longer you can thank her!