WARNING - MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE

"Is Kyle seriously okay?" Ricky quietly asks, not wanting to wake Emilia up now she had just gone down.

"No. But he's refusing to talk to me after thinking me and Heath are planning against him." Brax sighs, resting his head against the wall as Ricky gets into the bed next to him, pulling the duvet up to her waist.

"What do you mean by that?" She asks.

"He thinks we're trying to get him put on a psych ward without his permission, but I've told him that's not true. We just want him to see someone, to have professional help getting through this."

"So you know what the meeting with the police was about?"

"No, he wouldn't tell me. Actually, he didn't say a word, he just went straight to his room and wouldn't let me open the door. I think he blocked it with something." Brax says.

"Brax, you need to go and check on him." Ricky says, turning to face him.

"It's late, and it might take a while. We promised to have equal parenting with Emilia, and you were up all night with her last night."

"And I will be tonight, and every night to come until we ween her off breastfeeding once she's old enough. Some parenting skills are left to us mothers because no offence or anything, but I don't think Emilia will like what your man boobs have to offer." Ricky quietly laughs, getting a fake glare from her husband. "Now please go and check on Kyle, and do not leave him until you are sure he's okay." She firmly says, lightly shoving him towards the end of the bed.

Kyle's POV

Opening the draw up, I look at the bottle of pills lying next to the scissors, that were wrapped in a tissue with specs of dried blood on. I then gaze at the bottle of vodka lying on the bed, tears blurring my vision as they stream down my face, dripping onto the duvet below. I didn't even care anymore. Crying had become a part of my day, and I couldn't help it. It would just start and sometimes I didn't know why. Actually, I did know. I've got nothing left to live for, not without Lillie here anymore.

About to grab the pills from the draw, I hear the door handle start to turn, so quickly fling the draw shut just in time as Brax walks in. He shut the door before walking straight over to me, sitting on the bed and pulling me tight. I don't know what happened, but I just cried even more, unable to help it. He picked the alcohol up and moved it to the bed side table out of the way before wrapping his arms around me more.

"Everything's going to be okay." He gently says.

"It isn't." Is all I can get out, more tears falling down my face.

"This won't be forever. I know you're upset, and you don't feel like this is going to change soon… " Brax says, sighing to himself. "I know you don't want anymore false hope about getting Lillie back, so I won't give it. But I promise you'll get better because you've got me to help you, okay?" He says, and all I can do is nod.

I know he's only trying to help, but it's not helping. Not when I don't want it, I want this to end. There's only one way I can do that, and I can't do it. Brax doesn't deserve that after everything he's done for me, but can I really stay and pretend things are okay when they're not?

"They called off the search." I sob, fiercely trying to stop crying.

"Is that what the meeting was about?" He asks, and I nod again, words failing me. "I'm so sorry." He mutters, and I can hear the pain in his voice, too raw to be fake. I know he partly blames himself for needing me to cover a meeting for him, but it wasn't his fault she was taken, I just don't know how to tell him and for him to believe me.

"What do I do now?" I ask after a minute of trying to control my breathing.

"We don't have to think about that right now, okay? I'm here for you, just please don't push me away because I want to help you."

He hasn't loosened his hold on me once, and in all honesty, I don't want him to. Everything seems to fade away and feel safer when he hugs me, like I'm able to hide from the world and forget about everything. Brax always knows what to do, or what to say when everyone else is just winging things. It's like his special power that he doesn't like anyone but family to know about, so they don't know he's actually a big softy when it comes to his family.

"I just want this all to go away." I sniffle. "For things to go back to normal, and for Lillie to be here."

"I know you do." Brax says. "I know the police have called off the search, but maybe there's something we can do-"

"No, I can't do it anymore." I mutter. "I can't pretend like I believe Lillie is going to come back when she isn't. If the police thought it was possible, they wouldn't have called the search off."

"Is that really what you think?"

"I've got nothing else. The police said it was useless trying to track down someone who's made sure not to leave a trace. I'm never getting Lillie back, I've got to live with that now knowing someone else could be calling her their own. She'll be calling them mum or dad…" I trail off, hating myself even more for thinking about it.

"Don't think like that. It's only going to make yourself feel worse, and she could never love anyone as much as you. I've never seen a baby smile like Lillie did, and you did that."

"She had the cutest smile." And I couldn't help but smile as well, remembering it and her little dimples, her giggles. I suddenly feel extremely tired as I lean into Brax a bit more without realising, everything fading into itself as I eventually fall asleep.

Brax's POV

Noticing Kyle felt a bit heavier, I glance down at saw that he had fallen asleep, most likely tiring himself out from today. I wish I knew how I could make things better for him. I'm just glad Ricky told me to come and check on him, getting drunk isn't the answer and he could have done some serious damage if he drank the whole bottle of vodka in one sitting.

I keep my arms wrapped around him until I'm sure he's fully asleep before gently laying him back onto the bed, pulling the duvet up over his shoulders. He had placed Lillie's favourite teddy next to a photo of her that Ricky had taken. She had taken nearly all of the photos of Kyle and Lillie together, managing to perfect each one, even when most of them weren't planned. But this one was Kyle's favourite, and we all knew it.

When it was taken, me, Kyle, Ricky and Darcy were in the garden waiting for Heath and Bianca to come back from Harley's check up appointment at the hospital. Ricky always seemed to have her camera on her at the right moments, and this was one of them. It was Lillie's first proper smile, and it was right up at Kyle as he was handing her the teddy, that featured in nearly all of the photos in her grasp. Every time he handed it to her, she smiled, even giggled a couple times as she got bigger. He wasn't going to get that again.

Maybe one day soon I'll be able to convince him to go and see a therapist, even if it's one session. But I can't see him like this everyday without doing something about it. If something happened, I would never forgive myself.