Chapter 4: Kiss Me

*Alison's POV*

When I was younger I was always told I cared too much by the people who truly knew me. I'd cry when I dropped my favorite stuffed animal because I didn't want it to get hurt. I would completely break down if I thought my mother was sad. When I came out in high school and lost half of my friends I thought I'd never mend the crack that tore into my heart.

I did, though. I finished stitching myself up and threw away the needle and thread because I thought that maybe the "caring too much" would end. Then my sister died. The crack that tore into the surface of my heart ripped all of the way through and I was left in pieces. I definitely thought I'd never care again in a world so cruel. I spent a lot of time matching the world and being unnecessarily cruel to people after that. I even convinced myself that I had become heartless for a while before I realized I was doing it because I was hurting.

Eventually, I realized all the pain had hardened me and I finally got the help I needed to cope with the loss I had faced. I vowed to live a different life than I ever had before. First, I was going to help people as much as I could. Secondly, I promised to let myself feel whatever I felt without judgment in an effort not to bottle things up. Lastly, I would treat life like the precious gift it was and not take a single moment for granted.

Even with my new outlook on life, nothing went back to the way it was before. I didn't care for myself as much- I'd been to hell and back and I didn't need to. Instead, I cared for others more deeply than ever before. I didn't want anyone to feel anywhere close to an ounce of the pain that I felt, or had caused, ever again.

That is why I had to use my hands to support my body weight as I leaned against the long sink in the scrub room. After 6 hours in what was supposed to be a routine surgery, I nearly lost the little boy who was being carted to the ICU. My entire body had gone numb as a cold feeling hit me from head to toe. Dr. Montgomery came through the automatic doors from the OR and I could feel her pity without her having to voice it. Anytime we almost lost a patient there was a one in ten chance of this happening.

"Are you okay?" Her soft voice broke the silence. I took a deep breath before turning my head towards her and nodding weakly. "He's alive, Ali. And he's going to stay that way." She reassured me.

"I know...I know. It's just…" My sentence trailed off as my mind went to all of the worst-case scenarios. "I almost took away someone's brother. Someone's son… All of that pain would've been on me." Aria shook her head no and didn't let me carry on any further.

"Even if, Ali… All you try and do is give people the best chance they have. You gave that boy life. It wasn't you who tried to take it away- you fought whatever forces were against him and kicked their asses out of the door." She said seriously. "You saved that little boy's life. You saved someone's brother." Her hand found my shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.

I knew she was right. I'm not sure what caused him to tank during that surgery, but I do know it wasn't anything Aria or I did. We aren't in the business of 'almosts' and I needed to be focused on the facts. Fact number one: I'm not leaving the hospital tonight in case something happens to that little boy. I loudly groaned as I began scrubbing out and washing my hands. Aria's eyes widened as she scrubbed her hands as well.

"Was it something I said?" She joked. The sound of the soap brushes against our skin was so loud that she had to amplify her voice. I honestly wasn't sure how we even had skin left below our elbows.

"I can't leave now." I whined. "I'm going to have to cancel on Emily." If I wasn't sad before I was absolutely miserable now. I heard Aria scoff and I looked over at her with my brows furrowed in confusion. "What?" I asked. Her eyebrows shot up as if I was missing something.

"I think you may have already done that." Her eyes shot up in the direction of the clock that was hanging on the OR wall. It was well past seven. In fact- it was almost ten o'clock.

"Shit! Did it take us that long to recover him?" Aria nodded and began rinsing off her arms. "God, Emily is going to hate me. She's probably going to think I forgot about her." At that Aria rolled her eyes.

"She's a doctor, Ali. She'll understand. Don't be so hard on yourself." She grabbed a towel to dry her hands off and handed me one as well. She shot me a smile "Plus, I saw the way she looked at you. I guarantee you she is still waiting for you in the lobby." I perked up at her prediction.

"In that case, I will see you tomorrow." I began to quickly leave the room when I heard Aria call towards me.

"Hey!" She almost yelled. When I turned around to acknowledge her she continued, "I can stay here tonight and check on him. Go and have fun." She offered sweetly. I waved her off.

"Aria, it's 10 o'clock at night. No where is even open except for the bar across the street and I'd rather not try and get to know her while surrounded by a bunch of interns getting hammered. If Emily is still waiting I'll just have to apologize and reschedule. Go!" I encouraged her. "Have fun while you're young." I teased and she rolled her eyes.

"You are like two years older than me. I just got a late start." She said mildly annoyed, but mostly in jest. "Fine. If you aren't going to I suppose I will go get hammered with the interns. I haven't met them all yet...do you think there are any cute ones?" She began to wonder out loud.

"Aria." I broke her out of her thoughts. "Go before I change my mind. One of us needs to get laid tonight." I rolled my eyes at the mention of my ruined plans. I can't say our night would've ended with the two of us sharing a bed together, but I can't say it wouldn't have. I had no intention of rushing into things...but I'm not sure if I'd be able to resist the tall raven-haired beauty when, or if, things head in that direction.

I guess now I won't have to. My thoughts sulked. At least not tonight. Aria shot me one last smile before walking around me to exit the scrub room. "Go get em' tiger!" I called out after her and I heard her loudly laugh as she walked out of sight.

As soon as she was gone I felt nervousness take over my body. I was aware of every hair on my arms as they seemed to stand on end. I heard a loud beating in my ears and tried to will my heart rate to slow down. I wasn't even sure if Emily was still waiting. Either way, I needed to find out sooner rather than later. I didn't want the woman waiting any longer than she already had lest she begin to wonder if I was worth the wait.

My feet began to carry me towards the lobby while my brain was rehearsing an apology. The hospital halls were quiet as most guests had left already. This made the soft tap of my rubber-soled shoes against the smooth tile echo throughout every hall I walked in. I was beginning to grow tired of the noise when I reached the large open space where I hoped Emily was waiting.

I noticed that there were only one or two people in the whole lobby and I felt disappointment start to spread throughout my body. That was until my eyes fell upon the breathtakingly gorgeous woman. I couldn't help but smile at the way she was seated.

She was tucked away in a corner with her head resting in her hand while her arm propped it up. Her phone was loosely in her other hand and I worried it may slip out. The darker haired woman had fallen asleep while playing on the device and my mind wondered if she was more of a candy crush gal or if she stuck to social media. A few strands of hair had fallen onto her face and I found myself moving closer towards her.

When I finally reached her I sat in the open seat to her left. Taking advantage of the moment, I let my eyes scan over her features again as I had earlier at lunch. She was so beautiful, but she didn't act as if she knew it. I made a mental note to tell her every chance I got. Her features were so relaxed and I got lost in the slow rise and fall of her chest. She was in the middle of a hospital lobby but she slept as if she was safe in her own bed. I realized she must have been exhausted.

Finding the strength to wake her was difficult, but I didn't want to risk her waking up to find me staring at her like a creep. I had intended to just clear my throat softly until she came back to reality, but no air came from my chest to produce the noise and I felt my hand traveling on its own accord towards the sleeping girl's face. My fingertips met her skin and I almost had to close my eyes at the rush I felt up my arm. Her skin was so soft and the contact of her warm cheek against my fingers sent tingles past my knuckles and wrist. The physical excitement that had arisen made itself apparent in my neck as I felt the harsh beat of my pulse show itself. I felt myself licking my lips before holding the bottom one between my teeth.

I was sitting down, but the softest touch made me feel weak in the knees. The thoughts that bounced around my head were jumbled beyond reason. One rang louder than the others though: how do you make me feel so much without even doing anything? Trying to make sense of the phenomenon was futile- I was sure of that. However, I couldn't help but hope that I was about to begin a journey of fate and destiny. Would it still have the same outcome if I let her sleep just a few moments longer?

I let my fingers fall over her cheek before pushing the strands of stray hair back behind her ear. I saw her body begin to stir and let the pad of my thumb graze her skin once more before withdrawing my hand.

"Emily?" I called as softly as possible. This seemed to finish the job and I watched her eyes open slowly to meet mine. A sleepy smile graced her face and she mumbled a soft 'Ali' to which I chuckled. If she thought she was dreaming I was very flattered by her greeting. She blinked a few more times before her brows furrowed in confusion as her head turned right and left quickly. A blush crept up to her cheeks when she realized she had fallen asleep in the lobby.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep. Did I sleep through our date?" She shyly asked and I felt a giggle escape my lips.

"No, Emily. I'm sorry, my patient started tanking during surgery and it took me longer than expected to bring him back." My tone was one of apology, but in case the message wasn't clear I continued. "It's already late and I have to stay here to make sure he's okay. I think I'm going to have to reschedule." Disappointment was evident in my voice, but she honestly didn't seem very bothered. I wasn't able to feel hurt for very long before she chimed in.

"No." She said confidently. I was more than confused and was starting to worry I had offended her. I felt her warm hand envelop my cold one and she gave it a squeeze. I think she was reading my thoughts because she went on, "I mean we can just have our date here. If you have to stay I'll stay too." She smiled while her thumb ran across the back of my hand. I could hardly believe I had just met her this morning.

"Emily…" I began, "You don't have to do that…" I wouldn't object to the time with her, but she was clearly tired and needed some rest.

"Don't be silly, Ali." I blushed at her use of the nickname. "Come on...it's our wedding night, remember? You wouldn't want me to leave you all alone." She said very seriously before bursting into a fit of giggles. Remembering our joke from earlier, I joined in.

"I showed up late to our wedding and I'm not even prepared. I don't have anything old, new, borrowed, or blue." I pouted a bit dramatically before she let go of my hand and picked up her purse. "Woah, you do know I'm joking right?" I laughed, but secretly I was a little afraid she was about to leave. I had to stifle a sigh of relief when she unzipped her purse rather than standing up and leaving with it. It appeared as though she completely ignored what I said as she rifled through the contents of her bag.

"Aha!" She said victoriously and held up a small crumpled piece of paper. Her body turned back towards me and her hands outstretched towards my chest. I looked around worried someone was about to see Emily groping me and wondered what led us to second base already... A giggle escaped my lips once I realized she was going for the small pocket in my scrubs. She placed the small piece of paper inside. "Something old." she asserted.

I took the small piece of paper out and saw that it was a receipt for a slushy from a gas station. I giggled and tucked it back safely into my pocket. Her hands were buried into her purse before pulling out a blue hair tie and handing it to me. My hair was already folded up into my scrub cap so I took it off revealing my braided locks. I took out the black hair tie holding the braid together and shook out my hair before pulling it into a loose ponytail and securing it with the blue band.

"Something blue." I acknowledged smiling widely. She shook her head yes and smiled back, eyeing me up and down flirtily, before digging through her purse again.

This time she pulled out a tube of lipstick and started reapplying the same shade she was currently wearing. I was a little confused but my thoughts were halted as the raven-haired beauty started moving closer to me. I noticed her face coming within mere inches of mine and my breath caught in my chest. I could feel my pulse raging against my neck again, but I could've sworn my heart was frozen in that moment. Her warm, brown eyes flicked down to my lips and I had to force myself to swallow so that when I opened my mouth I wouldn't flood the hospital.

She moved in close enough that our breaths were intertwined. Our lungs were sharing the same source of oxygen and I felt like I was one with her without even touching her. I wanted to see everything that was happening, but seeing the taller woman so close to me was pushing me over the edge of sanity. Every sense I had was on hyper-alert and as she began to close the gap between us even further my eyes closed.

She was so close that I could feel her soft breath on my lips and if I just moved a few centimeters closer I could feel her lips against my own. Before I got the chance to, however, I felt her lips move away from mine and to my right. Her lips gently met my cheek in a soft caress. While it wasn't originally what I wanted, I was starting to think it was better. The breath that now escaped through her nose tickled my ear and it took everything I had in me not to moan.

When she pulled back she looked a bit smug and I realized that was most likely payback for earlier in the elevator. I didn't notice she had a small compact in her hands until she pulled back completely and held up the small mirror for me to gaze into.

"Something new." She pointed out and my fingers lightly brushed the spot she marked with her lipstick. A soft shade of pink lips were now displayed on my right cheek. I couldn't help but giggle and roll my eyes slightly as my fingers trace the space she just kissed. I longed to feel her lips back on my skin and judging by the harsh rise and fall of my chest I think she could tell.

Would it count as something borrowed if I made her take my panties home to wash them? I thought. After all, she is the one who just ruined them. While slutty me had a point, I couldn't deny that my heart was also hers for the taking. Every interaction I had with the woman made me long to be closer to her. I was beginning to believe our meeting was less of an accident and more 'grand design'.

"Something borrowed?" I inquired, knowing my panties or heart were not good suggestions at the present time. She smiled at me and reached under her long dark locks to the back of her neck. It was at this moment I finally noticed what she was wearing. A simple white shirt hugged the curve of her breasts loosely. The majority of the rest of her upper body was hidden by the black cardigan she was wearing except for the tops of her shoulders where there were cutouts to reveal her warm-toned skin. Her shirt also gave a slight peak at the woman's cleavage. It left much to the imagination, but my imagination was not one to sleep on the job. It took the sliver of skin and ran wild imagining what was lower.

My eyes fell to something shining against her skin when I noticed she was removing the small metal piece. I watched her smile when she finally unclasped it and she began to come closer to me again. I felt myself licking my lips as I eyed hers. They moved closer and closer and I knew if I just moved quickly enough I could capture them… I felt her fingertips graze the back of my neck and she smirked as I shuddered. Once she had clasped the necklace around my neck she moved back again. The slight frustration was replaced by curiosity when I remembered her putting her jewelry on me.

I followed the white gold chain to the charm that hung on it and smiled with furrowed brows. "A?" I questioned, referencing the letter hanging off of the necklace.

"It's the first letter of the alphabet." She began. "It's silly, but it reminds me that there is always something that comes next. Every moment is its own beginning. Every moment is its own 'A'." She put 'A' in air quotes. I could tell she felt a bit shy as she explained. "Some days I need the fresh start you know? I have to believe that there is more to come." She blushed a bit and was playing with her fingers in her lap. I used my right hand to halt their movements.

"That's beautiful, Emily." I said genuinely and she smiled. "You should probably not trust me with this." I quickly said, knowing the necklace meant a lot to her. My fingers twirled over the small metal 'A' and while I was not a grinch I could feel my heart growing three sizes.

"Something borrowed." She said as she met my eyes again, letting me know she would not be taking it back. "Plus, I have you now. Your name starts with an A. That's a reminder enough." She smiled softly at me.

"I guess you'll have to keep me." I winked to break some of the intimate tension we had created.

"I guess I will." She responded. It was in no way a promise, but it somehow felt like maybe it could be.

*Emily's POV*

I had hardly taken my eyes off of the blonde all night. Her blue eyes were sparkling and added some contrast to the dimly lit hospital. I assumed I could stare into them for a lifetime and I was hoping she'd let me find out. Her cheeks were glowing due to a permanent smile that I was doing my best to maintain.

I blushed every time she turned in a way that I could see my lip print gracing her cheek. A few strands had fallen out of her loose ponytail and now framed her face like she was a work of art. In truth, she was. Her beauty was astounding. My eyes did occasionally fall to where my necklace bounced lightly against her scrub top. I felt a sense of pride well up in me that the woman was wearing something of mine.

My thoughts ran with what she may look like in one of my old t-shirts. I heard a gasp fill the air and my wandering mind was brought back to the present. I realized the blonde had emitted the noise at finally coming across a vending machine in the desolate hospital. Neither of us had eaten since lunch and we were about five seconds away from my stomach singing the song of its people.

We shared a few items from the machine and seemingly talked about everything and nothing at the same time. We sat in a secluded corner of the hospital where there was a low table with four chairs surrounding it. The four chairs granted an opportunity for us to sit apart, but we did not seize it. Instead, we occupied the seats right next to one another and throughout our conversation we drifted close enough that I could feel warmth radiating off of her body.

"This is so easy." I mused out loud, not even really realizing I had verbalized my thoughts. Alison entertained my musings and smiled.

"What do you mean?" Her eyes were still sparkling and I had a feeling she knew and just wanted to hear my answer. "I don't know about you, but it is never hard for me to eat snacks…" I giggled at her fake obviousness and grabbed the small bag of chips she was holding to have a few for myself.

"You know…" I began, looking down into the bag of chips to avoid eye contact so she couldn't read all of my feelings before I even had a chance to process them. "This." I gestured between her and me with the bag of chips. "Just talking to you." She leaned back into her chair a bit and I found myself missing the soft warmth that she had been providing.

"I do know." She said with a small smile on her face before she giggled. "Is it crazy though? We just met this morning and I feel like I could tell you anything." I smiled at the woman being so bold in making her comfort around me known.

"I don't think so." I answered her question. "If there's one thing I've learned it's that life is just too short to live by timelines that were set by someone who isn't you. I feel like I've known you forever." I blushed at my honesty. "Who am I to try and justify against a connection like that?" Alison's cheeks were turning bright pink and she giggled a bit before leaning back closer to me, this time touching her arm to my own and leaning her head on my shoulder.

We sat in comfortable silence before Alison whipped out her phone and put some music on. We rocked back and forth a little to the acoustic music and I put my arm around her. The closeness felt like a prize for something I didn't even know I was competing for. Not in a way that I was objectifying the woman...I just wasn't used to feeling so vulnerable at someone's touch. I began to feel incredibly guilty about what was supposed to be a little white lie. Everyone always comes and goes and, even though I hoped for the opposite, I imagined Alison would just do the same after a night in bed together.

The revolving door of people that entered and immediately left my life was most likely my fault. Ever since my diagnosis, I didn't want to get too close to anyone and end up leaving them non-voluntarily. I remember how long it took my mom to even be able to get off of the couch after my dad died and I couldn't imagine doing that to someone. So I made myself emotionally unavailable and told myself it was for the best.

This though...what it felt like to be here in the simplest of moments with Alison...I'm not sure I could be unavailable even if I wanted to. I felt a deep need in the depths of my chest to allow this woman in. There was an invisible tug that I felt towards her. I needed to tell her the truth about not actually being a doctor. I began to open my mouth to say something when she shot up and turned to me with a huge grin on her face.

"Dance with me." She said, not at all actually asking. My mouth was left hanging open because I almost dropped a truth bomb and she had no idea. "Come on…" She pressed. "It is our wedding night after all. I believe you owe me a first dance." She looked so cute with her persistence written across her face. I chuckled deeply, forgetting my previous train of thought, when she leaned a little closer to me before continuing, "You're right..." She said a little more seriously, "We're only strangers if we act like it...let's just skip that part." She smiled, "Dance with me." The blonde said once more. I stood up, grinning like a fool, and outstretched my arm towards her.

Her soft hand fell gently into my own and I again felt vulnerable in our shared closeness. I pulled her close to me, letting her head fall onto my right shoulder, in an effort to avoid eye contact and hide how much this moment was making me feel. I wondered if she could feel my heartbeat hammering against my rib cage. The motion was so strong that I was sure it was rattling every bone in my body. I had not even gotten my arm all the way around her before Kina Grannis' version of 'Kiss Me' by Sixpence None The Richer started playing.

The soft strum of the guitar lulled my heart down to a slower speed. I wasn't sure how I could possibly feel so much all at once, but I was sure of one thing: I felt at peace. In this perfect moment in this imperfect world, I felt untouchable. There was no cancer. There was no pain. Only her and only me. Her body melted into mine and I felt like I'd been given the most important job in the world: to protect her. She probably would never need it, but I would offer it nonetheless.

Her cheek moved against my shoulder and I could tell she was smiling. Her left arm was wrapped around my lower back and I brought her other hand that was perched in mine towards my chest. The light smell of the shorter woman's shampoo invaded my senses and I felt intoxicated. We rocked back and forth gently as the singer's voice softly traveled through the air:

Kiss me, out of the bearded barley

Nightly, beside the green, green grass

Swing, swing, swing the spinning step

You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress

Oh, kiss me, beneath the milky twilight

Lead me out on the moonlit floor

Lift your open hand

Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance

Silver moon's sparkling

So kiss me...

I closed my eyes and imagined we were under the stars and living in the song that filled the air around us. I could almost see it in my mind: the moon reflecting in Alison's big blue eyes as I held her close...her soft lips brushing mine as we danced. I could see her pulling back with a smile that stretched so wide her eyes would be squinting...laughing at a joke only we knew. I found myself getting jealous of my imagination because it had already been closer to her than I had. I wondered what it would be like to feel the blonde's lips on my own. My heart rate was picking up again at the thought, but I couldn't wonder for long.

Alison pulled back from my embrace, but still held onto me. I missed the weight of her head on my chest and felt the absence of it immediately. Her blue orbs met my own and I could tell there was something she wanted to say. I could feel her chest rising and falling a bit more quickly than it was just a few seconds ago. Her eyes fell down to my lips and I saw her trap her bottom lip between her teeth. There was a playful glint in her eye and I was hoping I'd get to soothe her bottom lip since she was still chewing softly on it.

The song continued on but I felt we were suspended in time. The air I was breathing halted in my lungs. I felt afraid to move as a heavy tension filled the air. My arms began to tingle as I held the woman close to me and I swallowed heavily. One more beat of silence filled the air before her soft voice reached my ears...

"Kiss me, Emily." she said tenderly and I forgot how to breathe. I felt her left hand travel to the back of my neck. Her fingers softly traveled up the back of my head and mingled with my long dark locks. I couldn't tell if she was pulling me closer or if I was moving in...but our foreheads softly touched and I felt our breaths intertwine. My left hand was still holding her right one and they were snuggled firmly between our chests. Her eyes were hidden from me when they fluttered closed. I followed suit, closing my eyes to get some reprieve from all of my senses being put into overdrive. "Kiss me…" she said barely above a whisper. I wasn't going to keep her waiting…

I tilted my head a bit to the right and leaned in to close the gap between us. I softly grazed my lips with hers and, if I wasn't sure before, I was positive now that time had stopped. I could feel my feet planted on the ground but my body felt as if it was floating. After a few seconds, my heart was beating so fast that I could hardly take the aggressive thumping so I began to pull back. Her hand that was resting in my hair made itself known again when Alison pulled me back to her lips and enclosed my top lip between hers. It was only a slow kiss for a moment before I felt desire hit both of us at the same time.

She removed her hand from where it was nuzzled between our chests and her other from my hair. Then I felt her hands grab both sides of my face. My hands shot to her hips to help her hold her weight as she began to kiss my lips hungrily. My tongue lightly grazed her lips begging for entrance. Her breath hitched at the request and I took the opportunity to enter. Our breath was trading with one another and I began to feel lightheaded. I let my tongue softly dance with hers before lightly holding her bottom lip between my teeth and pulling back, gently scraping along the way. At this Alison softly moaned.

The sound made both of us giggle softly and we pulled back just enough so that we could breathe some fresh air. Her cheeks were completely flushed and I'm sure mine looked the same. My eyes fell to the small charm dangling under her neck. I brought one hand up from her hip to place the object between my fingers. I referenced our earlier conversation more to myself than to her.

"There's always something that comes next." I smiled, insinuating that I had found what I was referring to. Her blue eyes looked up to meet mine.

"And what's that?" She smiled, almost knowingly. I let the small charm go and put my arms around her waist as hers draped around my neck. My eyes fell to her lips before they met hers again. We shared a silent conversation before I voiced my thoughts out loud.

"You." I smiled softly before leaning back in to capture her lips in between my own. She giggled against my kiss and smiled so widely that I was practically just kissing her teeth before she began to return the lip lock.

God help me, Alison. Was all I could manage to think. God help me.

Author's Note: Their first kiss! If you didn't while you were reading- I highly suggest reading their first kiss again while listening to Kina Grannis' version of Kiss me. Maybe it's just me, but it puts me right in my feels. Did anyone catch where the last line is from? (Hint: it's a little throwback to the first chapter.)

Please let me know what you think! Any feedback is welcome- I get a new wave of inspiration every time I hear from you all!