'Pluck'

"Ow!"

'Pluck'

"Ow!'

'Pluck'

"Ow!"

"Sonic. Are you going to keep doing that every time I remove a thorn?" Amy asked, plucking another thorn off his thorn encrusted skin with her tweezers.

"Ow! Yes," Sonic answered lamely.

"Guys, my head is still killing me. Can you keep it down over there?" Knuckles groaned, a bag of ice cubes held close to the bump on his head.

"Sorry, Knuckles. My patient is being a big baby about getting his thorns removed," said Amy, plucking another thorn of Sonic.

"Ouch! But they hurt!" Sonic cried.

"Considering we're both hedgehogs the irony is not lost on me," Amy deadpanned.

The remaining trio of friends had retreated back to Amy's house after their humiliating defeat at the hands of Sticks of all people to lick to their wounds. Tails had been taken during the brawl and now they had to come up with a plan to get him back before Sticks makes him her mate for life.

"So, ow! What's the, ow! Plan? Ow!" Sonic asked.

"Well, we're in no condition to take on Sticks again, that's for sure," replied Amy as she began wrapping bandages all over Sonic's body. "The 'it' has turned her into a primal powerhouse. We were outmatched before, now we're outmanned. You two are in no condition to take on a hormone crazed badger. We're going to need to handle this one with a bit of finesse."

"Hey, I can handle finesse," argued Knuckles, talking to the empty space beside Amy.

"Knuckles, you can barely walk in a straight line after that blow to the head," said Amy, putting away her medical supplies. "And Sonic's gonna need to take it easy for a while, his whole body might as well be one big raw nerve after being turned into a pincushion."

"I can't take it easy, Ames," groaned Sonic as he stood up. "We need to stop Sticks before she verbs Tails's adjective noun." He tried to take a step forward but tripped over his own feet. He rolled over and struck the wall where he collapsed with a thud, a low pained yelp escaping his lips. "...Okay, we might need some help with this one."

"But who else can we ask for help?" asked Knuckles.

"Well, we do know someone that can help," hinted Amy.

"...No. Amy, no. No way. Absolutely not. Nuh uh. Nope," Sonic protested, frowning.

"Mwuhahahahaha!" Dr. Eggman laughed evilly, his smile wicked and full of utter malice.

"What's got ya in such a good mood boss?" Cubot asked.

"Oh, Cubot. You wonderfully ignorant machine you. I finally outbidded that loathsome Ch4rmyB33 over a vintage tchotchke set on Ebuy," Eggman relished in his victory over an internet opponent. "You've sniped me out of a vintage collectible for the last time bumbling bee! Wallow in your defeat and know that you lost to someone vastly superior to you! This win goes to me, Dr. Eggman!"

"Oh, bother," Orbot groaned, his face in his palm.

Somewhere in the world a purple chameleon and big green crocodile were cheering up their bumblebee friend.

"Come on, Sonic. You act like this is the first time we've teamed up with Eggman or had him help out Tails," said Amy.

"Yeah. But now he's gonna rub it in all our faces that we needed his help to deal with our problem. I can hear it now, all that gloating coupled with his smug sense of self satisfaction," Sonic grumbled.

"And that's a small price to pay for ensuring Sticks returns to normal and Tails keeping his innocence."

"Grr... I hate it when you're right," Sonic conceded.

"Hmm, I love it when I'm right," Amy smiled smugly.

"Stop that," Sonic grimaced.

"Stop what?" Amy asked innocently.

"Stop doing that thing with your face whenever you're right."

"I think I'm entitled to it, Sonic."

"Grr..."

Tails had to admit, jungle vines were surprisingly comfortable when used as binding to keep him from fleeing in distress. Nonetheless he lamented the current position he was in.

Once again he found himself in Sticks's clawed clutches, hogtied and hauled over her shoulder face to face like a rolled up rug brought in for a cleaning. Granted she was being uncharacteristically gentle about it, the gesture did little to assuage his frazzled nerves.

"Well, that sure was fun," uttered Sticks, strolling with a spring in her step.

"Attacking our friends and tying me up is your idea of fun?" Tails questioned incredulously.

"In a way," She continued unabated. "Besides, our friends are tough. They can handle a little boo boo. Plus it was your idea for starting step two of the mating ritual anyway."

He gulped. "W-what's step two?"

"The one where you flee and I attack those defending you, otherwise known as the trial of fidelity. The badger must chase her mate down and defeat those barring their way, proving to all the lengths she'd go to in order to be with them. Come on, weren't you paying attention to all the details I was giving you?"

If Tails could move his hands he'd smack himself in the face.

"Anywho, I'm glad you're so passionate about completing the mating ritual with me. Most couples would've chickened out after the first step." Sticks smiled.

"Gee, I can't imagine why," Tails grinned weakly.

"But you're a real trooper, Tails. That's what I like about you. I honestly can't picture myself being with anyone else." She blushed, something that caught Tails completely off guard.

"Y-you don't really m-mean that," stuttered Tails, his twin tails having gone twirly with embarrassment. "S-Sticks, listen to me. You're not well. It's the 'it' that's doing this. You don't really have feelings for me like you think you do. You're acting entirely on instinct and I just happened to be the unlucky fool caught in the middle of it all. If it were Dave or Fastidious Beaver that had crashed through your roof instead of me you'd act the same way."

"That's not true," Sticks whispered, coming to a stop. Her expression was unusually pensive for someone so impulsive, irrational and paranoid. "I've... I-I mean... You see..." She shook her head, and continued walking. "It's not what you think it is. Let's just leave it at that."

"I don't understand," said Tails, curious at Sticks sudden bout of hesitation.

"The only thing that you've got to understand is that step three is already underway," She proclaimed gleefully.

"Oh, joy..." Tails grimaced.

The trip back to Sticks's burrow was largely uneventful. When they returned Sticks had to undo all the barricades she had put up to keep herself locked in since it was now a moot point.

Upon entry Tails was safely deposited back onto her bed where she undid his bindings and allowed him to wander freely around her home. She knew that he knew that she knew that if he tried to make another run for it she'd just drag him back again and all it would serve to do is fan the flames of her affections even further.

The smartest move that Tails could make at the moment was to sit tight and hope that his friends could bail him out before he is ultimately joined in a blessed union with Sticks.

The horrid thought began to shape in his mind and he shuddered at the vision of his potential future with her.

We now return to 'A Sticks's Tails'

"Honey, I'm home!" Tails exclaimed cheerfully, coming into his workshop burrow hybrid home dressed in a full suit and carrying a briefcase.

*Audience Applause*

He undid his tie and entered the living room where his children were watching television. Two little rascals, a diminutive fox boy with two tails and excitable badger girl, leapt into their father's arms without hesitation, nuzzling him affectionately as he could only laugh joyfully in response.

"Taylor, Twigs! Take it easy, I just got home," said Tails.

"Welcome back father," Taylor, the fox prodigy, greeted politely.

"Great to have ya back pops!" Twigs, the badger with no concept of an indoor voice, exclaimed.

*Audience Awws*

"Now, where's your mother?" asked Tails.

"I'm in here, Tails!" Sticks called from inside the kitchen. She came out wearing a slipshot looking apron carrying what looked like roadkill on a plate. "Dinner is served." She plopped the plate onto the dining room table, much to the visible look of disgust on her family's face.

*Canned Laughter*

"Looks like we're having mom's roadkill special, again," quipped Taylor, turning a dark shade of green.

"Oh boy, my favorite!" shouted Twigs.

*Canned Laughter*

"H-honey, I thought we'd agree no more roadkill specials," said Tails. "The market exists for a reason."

"Yeah, but with the economy the way it is I figured it'd be better to source our own food locally," replied Sticks as she began carving up the meal. "Besides, I didn't have to pay a dime for this beauty. You can tell it's fresh because of the tire mark."

"Honestly if they charged you for roadside refuse then it'd be considered highway robbery," quipped Tails, earning a round of chuckles from his family.

*Canned Laughter*

"Come on, dig in before it gets cold," said Sticks.

*Knock* *Knock*

"Who's at the door?" Taylor asked as the door swung open, revealing a big red echidna dressed in urban casualwear carrying a bowling bag.

"Knock, knock. It's Knuckles!" Knuckles announced his catch phrase with a toothy grin.

*Audience Cheer*

"Heya, Knuckles. What are you doing here," said Tails.

"Oh, Tails. You already know the answer to that. It's bowling night," replied Knuckles. "Me and Sonic are waiting on you so we can finally beat Team Dark and bring home the coveted Ten Pins bowling trophy."

"Tails, did you schedule to have a bowling tournament on family dinner night?" Sticks questioned, impatiently tapping her feet.

*Audience Oohs*

"Er... No?" Tails lied with a shaky grin.

*Canned Laughter*

Well, now. Looks like Tails is caught between a seven-ten split.

Will he bowl a spare, or is Sticks gonna have him throwing gutter balls?

Find out after this commercial break.

Tails felt a chill run down his spine.

He wasn't ready for the life of a domestic husband. There were still so many things to build, villains to thwart and adventures to have. He couldn't settle down with Sticks, have kids and live a fulfilling life rich with personal experience and wonder. Well, not yet at least. But that's neither here nor there.

Taking a seat, Tails activated his communicator watch and dialed in the team once Sticks was out of earshot.

"Sonic? Come in, Sonic. Are you there? It's me, Tails."

"...Tails?" Sonic voice came through. "Tails, is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me. Sticks neglected to take my communicator."

"Or maybe she just doesn't care," it was Amy who spoke this time.

"Whatever the case, please tell me you guys have a plan," Tails asked, a hint of desperation in his voice.

"Well, we do..." Sonic started, "But it kinda involves a team up with Dr. Eggman."

"Eggman, really?"

"Would you prefer it if we'd gone to Shadow for help?" asked Amy.

"...Eggman is fine," conceded Tails.

"Only the best for you buddy," quipped Sonic. "Anywho, how are things on your end? Is this a race against the clock? Did Sticks already, you know, verb your adjective noun?"

"Thankfully not. Sticks is real adamant about doing the mating ritual properly. If we can stall her maybe we can wait out the 'it' and she'll return to normal."

"That's actually what we had in mind," said Amy. "The situation is delicate, so we're handling it with care."

"Well, whatever you have in mind, you might wanna speed it up. If Sticks ends up being completely endearing and sympathetic during the ritual I might come down with Stockholm syndrome and support her in her endeavors," Tails whispered.

"We're double timing it buddy. Sonic out," Sonic concluded as the communication line when quiet.

Just as the communicator blinked off Sticks entered the room carrying a bag full of supplies. She was humming a tune to herself and she approached Tails, spilling out the contents of the bag onto the table beside her bed.

"Tails, lay down face down on the bed and we can begin step three of the mating ritual," said Sticks.

"Do I have a choice?" Tails asked.

"Only if you want to make it a challenge for me," Sticks winked.

"Bed it is!" Tails spoke a little too quickly. He flopped onto the bed and braced for whatever it was that Sticks was going to do.

With his eyes squeezed shut, he flinched as he felt Sticks run her hand along his two tails. She was being rough, running them along the length of his tails vigorously, massaging them with a homemade salve. It was painful at first, but after a while she achieved a comfortable rhythm that caused the salve to warm up and sooth his aching extremities. Before long Tails felt his stress melt away as he achieved a temporary state of bliss.

"Oooh, that feels good..." Tails gushed. He hadn't felt this relaxed in weeks.

"You like that?" Sticks cooed.

"Very much so." Tails smiled contently.

"I didn't forget about your injuries. Gotta make sure my mate is taken care of for step three, otherwise known as the cherishing of the mate."

"This step ain't so bad."

"Thanks. The voices in my head made the instructions very clear."

"And it just became weird again," Tails deadpanned.

"Then let's make it unweird!" Sticks exclaimed as she hopped over to massage his back. She mounted Tails, causing him to gasp at the sudden weight pressing against him. She then used her strong hands to work out of the knots in the shoulders, vigorously kneading and massaging his sore muscles like an expert masseuse. If he was blissful before, he was experiencing downright nirvana now.

"When I'm through with you you'll be flexible enough to try out all the fun positions I've got in mind," commented Sticks, kneading an elbow around Tails's lower back.

"Oooh... The gang better hurry," Tails muttered into the mattress. "Because at this rate I might as well marry her..."