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Something Better Someday

I'm like a kid who just won't let it go,
Twisting and turning the colors in rows.
I'm so intent to find out what it is;
This is my Rubik's cube.
I know I will figure it out.
- Athlete

"If you're tired, you should take a nap," Chloe said.

What was it with this family and naps? Aubrey sat down on the edge of the couch. She had at least managed to grab her doll on the way out of the bedroom.

Chloe jumped onto the couch next to her and collapsed sideways against the cushion. She gave the couch a strange look then pulled the empty tupperware container given to Aubrey in case she got sick out of its hiding place. "That's weird," she said and tossed it behind her.

Aubrey watched it hit the floor. She stood up to take it to the kitchen.

"Wait!" Chloe stopped her, "Where are you going?"

"I'm putting this away." Aubrey picked the container up and carried it to the kitchen.

Chloe stood up and followed her.

If that lady was taking a shower, Aubrey didn't want to turn on the sink and risk making the water too hot (her brothers thought that was funny to do to her), so she placed the container inside with plans to wash it later. Sure, she hadn't used it, but it had still been behind the couch cushions. Who knew what else was back there? She turned back around, frowning when she realized Chloe was just standing there behind her.

"I like that you're here," Chloe said.

"Well, I'm not staying."

"My mom said you are," Chloe replied, "You heard her."

"She's wrong," Aubrey said, "I don't want to stay here."

"Why not?"

"I already have a family," Aubrey informed her.

"But they must have been mean to you of you ended up here."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I know a lot," Chloe replied.

"My dad says people who talk the most know the least," Aubrey said, "It's called overcompensating. That's when you exaggerate a part of yourself to try to make up for something else that's wrong with you."

Chloe scoffed and folded her arms.

"What are you crazy kids up to?" Noah asked as he entered the kitchen, "Getting some ice pops?"

Chloe shook her head.

"You're not fighting already are you?"

Aubrey froze.

"No," Chloe answered, "We were talking about our dolls."

"Ah. About that recording studio your mother and I won't just up and buy you?"

Chloe shrugged. "I just really want it now."

What was happening?

"You know I have a doll too?" Noah asked.

"No, you don't," Chloe said, "You play with mine."

"I do," Noah insisted, "Come here and I'll tell you about it."

Chloe stepped forward.

Noah knelt down in front of her. "It's called the Tickle-Me-Chloe doll." He grabbed her as she screamed at the top of her lungs and pinned her between his knees, tickling every exposed area he could get to.

"Momma!" Chloe shrieked, "Momma-y!"

"I've got it!" Noah called to Julia.

"No!" Chloe screamed, "Help! Daddy, I'm going to cry! I'm going to pee!"

Ew. Aubrey made a face.

Noah laughed and let her go.

"I'm telling Mom," Chloe informed him as she wiped the tears from her face.

"I'm not scared of your mother; not completely," Noah replied, "What do you think she's going to do to me?"

Chloe threw the entire upper half of her body into a shrug. "Something really bad. I'm gonna tell her."

"You better not."

"I am," Chloe said and took a step back.

"I'll give you a dollar if you don't."

Chloe contemplated it for a moment then nodded. "Deal."

Noah fished around in his pocket. "Would you look at that? I have two."

Aubrey took the dollar and looked it over as it was handed to her. It wasn't much, but she might need it to help her get home. She made a mental note that this guy was not opposed to bribery. "Thank you, Sir."

"Momma!" Chloe took off for the stairs once the second the dollar was securely in her hand, "Daddy gave me a dollar not to tell you something he did!"

"What are you going to buy?" Noah asked, clearly unconcerned, "Try not to spend it all in one place."

"I'll try not to." Yeah right. How was she supposed to split a dollar between multiple places? "Excuse me." Aubrey pocketed the money and walked away. One thank you was enough, right? she wondered as she got to the stairs. Her head was beginning to ache from all this, and that pink stuff had only done so much for her stomach. She sat down on the edge of her suitcase and placed her head in her hand.

"She's still in the shower," Chloe said and sat down next to her.

Was there no privacy in this house?

Aubrey stood back up. "I have to pee," she announced and excused herself to the bathroom.

xxxxx

The edge of the bathtub was nowhere near as comfortable as her suitcase – which Aubrey was now paranoid Chloe was going to rummage through, but she would be danged if she was going to sit on the germy floor or go back out there. The bathroom was weird now that Aubrey actually had a chance to look at it. It was very clearly shared by two people. Daniel's things were all organized with the utmost precision, while the cap wasn't even on Chloe's toothpaste. Internally moaning, Aubrey got back up and fixed it. These people were a mess. She sat back down and looked at her doll.

It was easier to be this exhausted at home, because she never had to slow down to think about it. There was always something to do to take her mind off of it – even if it was just singing in her room. Everything here, every conversation, every 'distraction' was just making her more and more tired. She leaned her head against the wall and tried to talk herself into believing she could keep her eyes open. What time even was it? Unfortunately, the bathroom didn't have a clock and she wasn't wearing her watch.

Come get me. I want to go home.

I learned the lesson. I want to go home.

I'm sorry I talked to this lady.

I want to go home.

xxxxx

There was a soft knock on the door.

Go away, whoever you are.

It wasn't Chloe, that was for sure, because, apparently, Chloe didn't knock.

"Aubrey, are you okay?" Julia asked.

Aubrey swallowed thickly. "I'm fine."

"If you want to be alone, why don't you come sit in my room instead of in the bathroom? It's more comfortable in my room."

No place in this house could be considered even remotely comfortable.

"I can't let you sit in the bathroom," Julia said, "I'm offering you a place where you can be alone. I won't even bother you in there."

Aubrey ignored her.

"You can come out or I can come in," Julia said, "Your choice."

What was the point of the opportunity to choose if both choices sucked? Fine. She would come out on her own terms.

xxxxx

"Here's the remote," Julia said and tossed it onto the bottom of the bed, "You can watch anything you want as long as it's not rated for Mature Audiences; so no sex and no, I don't know, violent murder." She made a vague hand motion.

"Is there such a thing as non-violent murder?" Aubrey asked, still standing in the doorway.

"Smartass," Daniel chuckled, walking past behind her.

Aubrey spun around. "I'd rather be a smartass than a dumbass."

"You may not say that word." Julia folded her arms. "Either of you."

"What about asshole?" Daniel asked.

"If you say that word again, you're going to have another day added to how long you're grounded," Julia informed him, "I need you to go play."

"What about ass-crack?"

"And that's another day."

"That's not fucking fair!" Daniel yelled, "I didn't say the word!"

"Noah?" Julia called toward the stairs.

Daniel moaned. "Fucking forget it." He stormed away. "Bitch."

Aubrey turned and watched him go.

"I hate you!" Daniel hollered and slammed the door.

"Why does he talk to you like that?" Aubrey asked and turned back around. Better yet, why didn't she smack him for it?

"It's complicated," Julia answered, "So no sex and no violent murder."

"Is there such a thing as non-violent murder?" Aubrey inquired again.

"You know, like, The Lion King."

Aubrey blinked. "Mufasa was pushed off a cliff by his brother and got trampled to death by a stampede of wildebeest while his child watched. That's not violent murder?" That was quite possibly the most scarring thing Aubrey had seen to-date, and if that wasn't violent murder to this lady, what was?!

"No live action violent murder," Julia specified.

Oh. So no real people. Aubrey decided to play dumb anyway just to see what she would do – for scientific purposes. "There was a lot of action in that scene," she deadpanned, keeping a straight face.

Julia narrowed her eyes. "You know what I mean."

"I like her," Noah said, walking into the room, "She's going to manage to find your buttons to push. Everything okay up here?"

"You know who pushes my buttons?" Julia asked.

"Daniel?" Noah guessed.

"You. Stop it," Julia replied, whining out the last part.

"You see what she does?" Noah asked Aubrey, "She calls for me just to yell at me."

Julia shook her head as she moved to straighten up the bed. "I'm going to throw this pillow at you is what I'm going to do."

"I think she understands murder," Noah continued, "She just has a skewed perception of violence." The pillow hit him square in the face. "Always keeps her word though."

"Can you please go talk to our son about appropriate language while I make Aubrey comfortable?" Julia asked before looking at Aubrey and patting the bed, "Come in here. Hop up."

Aubrey inched past Noah on his way out. She placed both hands on the bed to climb up and found it to be…weird – just like everything else in this house. In an attempt to balance on her knees after Julia helped her up, she found herself falling onto her side like a toddler that didn't quite know how to keep themselves upright yet. She hadn't noticed something was up with the bed earlier; Chloe had made standing and jumping on it look so simple! She managed to sit herself up crisscross, but her body still rocked side to side.

"It's a water bed," Julia explained, "Feel free to crawl around on it all you want."

Aubrey gripped the duvet in an attempt to stay still.

"I'm going to go take care of some things. You can come downstairs and get me if you need me, okay?"

Aubrey nodded.

"Okay, um…" Julia looked around. "That's our bathroom. You can use that one or you can use the other one. And if you want to come out, you can feel free to roam around the house or go play or come sit with me. You're allowed to explore wherever as long as you clean up after yourself. But the garage tools and the kitchen appliances are off-limits unless Noah or I are there to supervise you. You can look, but don't touch. And if you decide you want to fall asleep in here, go right ahead."

There was so much freedom to just do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted to do it. Aubrey watched her leave then looked from the remote to the TV to the bed. She could do anything. She could probably even run inside. She looked up and stared at the door, her mind still processing. She could just do things. Whatever she wanted to do. She placed her hands flat on either side of her and shifted her weight side to side, feeling the bed move underneath her, her doll rocking along next to her. If Chloe could stand up in this thing, it couldn't be that hard, right? She quickly kicked off her shoes - which she was allowed to wear in the house.

Her first attempt to stand on her feet ended with her falling hard onto her butt. The second time was an embarrassing faceplant that she quickly tried to recover from. That was enough of trying to stand. She sat down and hugged her knees to her chest, rolling like that instead – like a boat, in the ocean, in massive storm! And she was the captain. In the coast guard! This was a water rescue! She grabbed her doll before she could drown and hugged her close as she rolled onto her other side. They had to get to the boat! She placed her head down on the bed and kicked her feet up over in a wobbly tumble, landing butt first on a blanket at the bottom of the bed. The softest of blankets.

She rolled onto her stomach so her entire body was curled up on the soft fabric. It smelled like that lady – like vanilla and something kind of like the time Aubrey went digging through some flowery bushes in the woods. And Aubrey loved her – it – nothing. She hated her – it – everything. She was just too tired to move anymore and playing on this stupid bed was stupid. She grabbed a lock of her hair and brushed it lightly back and forth across her lips for a few seconds then placed it in her mouth and gnawed at it with her front teeth as she stared at the blank TV screen. One of her bottom front teeth was beginning to feel loose, and she tried to avoid biting her hair with that one. It wasn't easy, and the feeling was uncomfortable.

Aubrey lifted her head half an inch off the blanket and stared at the closed door. Everybody was gone for now – all of them leaving her alone. None of them were coming in. And surely anyone other than Chloe would knock, right? And Chloe was so loud, Aubrey was sure to hear her. She slowly shifted herself from on top the blanket to underneath it and pulled it up over the lower half of her face. No. No, Aubrey. You said you weren't going to do it anymore. You're too old. You don't need to do it. You have to have control. You don't need it. You have to have control. The sloshing feeling in her stomach increased with the sloshing of the bed. There are germs. It's gross. It's disgusting. You're too old. Stop it. Stop it. Her self-talk only served to stress her out more. She looked at the door one more time and made sure the blanket was indeed hiding her mouth and nose, then slid her thumb between her lips to calm the butterflies in her stomach.

xxxxx

"Aubrey, do you want some dinner?"

Hours must have passed before Julia came knocking at the door – and Aubrey had spent most of them staring at the TV without ever turning it on, getting up only once to use the bathroom. At the sound of her name, she quickly wiped her mouth with the back of her hand then pushed away the blanket so she could sit up. "No thank you."

"Can I come in?"

Who asked to enter their own room? It wasn't like Aubrey could deny her entry. "Yes." She tried to fold the blanket back to how it originally was, which turned out to be a very difficult task on a water bed.

"Don't worry about folding the blanket," Julia said after opening the door. She folded her arms and gave Aubrey a sad sort of smile. "Would you like to go to bed, Sweetheart?"

Aubrey stared at her, slowly processing the question and deciding how to answer it. The digital clock on the nightstand said it was only 6:32, but Aubrey was pretty sure at this point she could sleep a whole eleven hours and twenty-eight minutes if she could manage to actually fall asleep. And it wasn't like she was getting anywhere with getting home tonight. She hadn't thought about how to leave while she was lying in bed. She hadn't thought about anything. Her brain had simply decided to shut down while awake, leaving her still so tired. She nodded and picked up her doll, even though she was reluctant to leave the bed she was already in to move to another one.

"Come on; come with me." Julia walked in to help her down off the bed and guide her to her suitcase with a hand between her shoulder blades. She knelt down to go through Aubrey's stuff, pulling out the Bellas sweatshirt and a pair of leggings. "You can wear these to bed tonight, and we'll get you some real pajamas tomorrow, okay?"

Aubrey stared into her suitcase. She couldn't go to bed like this!

"What's wrong?"

It was a matter to trivial to warrant tears, but a lump still began forming in the back of Aubrey's throat. "There's no toothbrush."

"You know what? That's okay. We have extras." Julia guided her into the hall bathroom, placed her things on the edge of the tub, and opened the cabinet beneath the sink. "Chloe can be a little clumsy, and sometimes her toothbrush finds the toilet somehow." She pulled out a toothbrush still in the package and opened it up then offered it to her. "Mint toothpaste or bubblegum?"

Aubrey took the toothbrush. It wasn't anything fancy, just green with soft bristles. "Mint."

Julia pulled out a tube of peppermint toothpaste from under the sink as well. "All yours. No one else will use it."

Aubrey took that too.

"Meet me by the bunk bed when you're ready for bed, okay?"

Aubrey turned to look at herself in the mirror once Julia was gone and the door was shut. She looked so pathetic – dark circles beneath her eyes, jaw clenched tight and lips pressed together to keep them from trembling. She didn't want to brush her teeth, even though she knew she had to and she wanted her teeth to be clean. Why couldn't they just clean themselves? She resisted the urge to throw the toothbrush and toothpaste at the ground and lifted her chin the brush her teeth with as much dignity as one could while trying not to cry.

xxxxx

Aubrey folded her dirty clothes nice and neat and placed them on top her suitcase then followed instructions and walked into the bedroom to meet that lady next to the bed – which was fully put together.

"I put some clean sheets on the mattress," Julia said, "We can get you some that you like tomorrow. Do you want a hug goodnight?"

Aubrey shook her head.

"Climb on up then. And remember if you wake up in the middle of the night, you're on the top bunk, okay?"

Aubrey tucked her doll under her arm and slowly pulled herself up one step at a time until she was on her bed and could collapse face first against the pillow.

"We can talk more about it in the morning, but the bed is your space, and no one is allowed in your space without your permission – except me or Noah under certain circumstances. That means Chloe is not allowed in your bed without you giving her permission, okay?"

Aubrey slowly turned to look at her.

"The same goes for Daniel's and Chloe's beds, but Chloe doesn't really care about space or permission, so she made her own rule that people just have to leave if she tells them to. Does that make sense?"

Aubrey nodded.

"I just barricade my door if I don't want anyone to come in." Julia gave her a half smile. "But you can always knock if you can't get in. And you can come wake me up if you need something, and, you know what? You can even wake up Chloe if you don't want to wake me. She is very helpful." She paused. "Can I come in your space for a second?"

Aubrey nodded again.

Julia hoisted herself up to stand on the edge of Chloe's bed and picked up a blanket from the bottom of the bed – the same soft blanket that Aubrey had been laying on in her room. She tucked it in around her then rested her hand on her head, gently twisting Aubrey's hair around her fingers. "I'll stay with you until you fall asleep, if you want."

Aubrey turned her face back into the pillow, the urge to cry coming back in full force. But instead of crying, she was asleep in five minutes flat.