x

Something Better Someday

I'm like a kid who just won't let it go,
Twisting and turning the colors in rows.
I'm so intent to find out what it is;
This is my Rubik's cube.
I know I will figure it out.
- Athlete

"Chloe, listen to me. Your hand stays on the cart or you're going to hold my hand, do you understand?"

"I know that." Chloe hooked her fingers through the holes on the side of the red shopping cart. "You don't always have to tell me."

"Well, you know, I feel like I do," Julia replied, "And I want to make sure you remember."

"I remember. Why doesn't Aubrey have to hold onto the cart?"

Aubrey frowned at her.

"Because Aubrey hasn't wandered off from me," Julia explained, "If Aubrey chooses to leave my side then she will be holding onto the cart as well."

Aubrey was not going to wander. She was going to run away, but that would be after she had time to plan. This would be a stupid place to try to run away from; she didn't even have her important stuff with her.

"You had many chances to do I have asked you to do," Julia continued, "And now you're going to hold onto the cart for the rest of your life."

"For the rest of my whole life?" Chloe's eyes went wide.

"You heard me. You'll be thirty-eight, and as long as you're in Target with me, you'll be holding onto this cart."

Chloe leaned her head back and rolled her eyes. "You'll be in a old people home by then."

"I'll be like 60, Chloe, not even that."

"Exactly. You won't even have no teeth."

"You have a lot of room to be talking about no teeth right now."

Chloe laughed and grinned wide, sticking her tongue out through the empty space.

Aubrey was starting to get antsy as they stood just inside the doorway of Target and talked. She had never felt so much like moving all around before. She was usually much better at standing still. No one was looking at her, so she shifted her weight from one foot to the other and rubbed her hand up and down her arm in order to feel better.

Rock must have been getting impatient too, because he let out a whining bark and began to roll on the floor.

"I know. I hear you," Julia assured him and tugged on his leash so they could begin to walk.

"He always has to do his shopping first," Chloe told Aubrey.

"He's a dog," Aubrey stated, remaining directly by Julia's side so she didn't haven't be publicly humiliated and made to hold onto the shopping cart.

"He still has things to shop for," Chloe said, "They have a whole aisle for dogs here. Haven't you been to Target before?"

Aubrey shook her head.

"Where do you buy things?" Chloe asked, "Where do you buy your clothes?"

"My parents buy my clothes," Aubrey answered.

"You don't go pick them out?"

This family made her feel weird – in a bad way. Like she did everything different than the rest of the world, when she knew that just wasn't true. Nobody at school had to go with their parents to pick out their clothes; they all wore the same kind of uniform. And why would Aubrey pick out her non-school clothes either? She was not the one earning the money to buy them. "Stop asking me so many questions."

"Questions are how you have a conversation with someone and get to know them," Chloe said, "That shows people that you care about them. Don't you ask people questions?"

"I don't care about anybody," Aubrey stated.

"Not even us?"

That sort of question trapped Aubrey in a corner. Did she care about them? She definitely didn't want to.

"Chloe, why don't you talk to me?" Julia suggested.

"Because I already know you," Chloe said, "I already know everything there is to know about you, but I don't know anything about Aubrey."

They stopped at the pet aisle, and Julia unhooked Rock's leash. "Go," she commanded, "Rummage."

Aubrey watched him trot down the aisle and begin poking his nose in things. What if he ran away? What if he attacked someone?

"Why don't you tell Aubrey a little bit about yourself," Julia said, "Maybe then she would feel more comfortable telling you things about herself."

"I like music," Chloe said, "I like NSYNC, and Backstreet Boys, and Brittany Spears. My favorite color right now, today, is yellow. I don't like mustard though, even though that's yellow. Or broccoli. Or seafood. Or tetherball. I play soccer."

"One thing at a time, Chlo."

"But there's a lot of things to know about me," Chloe replied.

Julia laughed, but Aubrey didn't really understand what was that funny. She was distracted, watching Rock look through a bin of toys until he pulled out a rubber ball with a rope sticking out of each end.

"He found what he wants!" Chloe announced, "He's going to have lots of fun with that; isn't he, Mommy?"

"I think you're both going to have fun with that one," Julia said and rehooked his leash, "Alright. Aubrey's turn. Let's do clothes first and get that out of the way."

"But what if we just go this way first," Chloe said and let go of the cart, "That's where the toys are."

Julia wrapped the leash around the handle of the cart. "Chloe, take my hand," she said and reached out for her.

Chloe smacked herself in the face. "Fiddlesticks," she mumbled and grabbed Julia's hand.

"That's very sad," Julia said, leading them toward the kids' clothing section.

"You know, I don't feel very sad when I hold your hand," Chloe said, "I feel happy, actually."

"I feel happy holding your hand too, Chloe, but it makes me sad that I told you to do something and you didn't listen to me."

"Oh. I can try again."

"No." Julia shook her head. "You're going to hold my hand until we leave now."

Chloe made a face and dragged her feet along the floor.

That's all Chloe had to do? Just hold her hand? And she was acting like it was the end of the world? Aubrey pressed her thumb into her palm and twisted it around. Julia wasn't even dragging Chloe along, practically ripping her arm out of the socket. Just like everything else in this new world, it didn't make any sense. "I don't walk away in stores," she pointed out, matching their footsteps.

"I love that. Thank you," Julia said.

Chloe rolled her eyes again.

"I always stay exactly where I'm supposed to be." …that wouldn't be true when Aubrey ran away, but it was true right now.

"You're a very good listener," Julia replied.

"I can, well, I can follow instructions too," Chloe said.

"I know you can," Julia said, "And I love it when you do."

"I always follow instructions." Okay, that wasn't the complete truth, but it was mostly true. Aubrey almost always followed instructions.

Julia looked down at her and smiled. "That must be very hard work. There must be times when you don't want to, but you do it anyway?"

Aubrey nodded.

"That's impressive. I can't say I do that."

"Me neither," Chloe chimed in.

Aubrey looked down at the floor. "I always do a good job."

"I believe you," Julia told her.

No, she didn't.

xxxxx

"You're supposed to wear a uniform to school," Aubrey said when Julia asked her what kind of clothes she wanted for school days.

"Not at my school," Chloe said, "You can wear anything you want…within reason."

"What kind of school do you go to?" Aubrey demanded to know. It sounded like –

"It's just a public school." Chloe shrugged.

…a public school. "I'm not going there," Aubrey decided. No way. She heard all the horror stories about public schools. Public Schools taught only two things: sex and drugs. There was no possible way to get a good education in that type of place. She would never be a lawyer or the first female president coming from a public school – even if she would only be attending for a few days before she went home. They would put that kind of thing on her permanent record. She would be the laughing stock of the entire world if she ever tried to make something of herself after that!

"Unfortunately, you don't have a choice there," Julia said, "Private school is too expensive and no one will be home during the day to homeschool you. So let's pick out some clothes. Can I check what size you wear?"

Aubrey's lower lip jutted out in a pout as Julia looked at the tag on her dress.

"Would you prefer dresses or skirts or pants or a mix of all three…?" Julia inquired

"Girls wear dresses to school," Aubrey informed her, even though Aubrey would not be attending school.

"I don't," Chloe said, "Except on picture day and sometimes on other days."

"Well, maybe you're a boy," Aubrey snapped.

Chloe laughed. "I'm not a boy! Maybe you're a boy."

"Girls, we talked about speaking kindly once already today," Julia said, "Let's not make that a conversation we need to have again. You both can wear what you want to school."

"Except for your bathing suit," Chloe said, "And you can't go naked."

Who would go to school naked?!

"Do you wear a bra?" Chloe asked with a giggle.

"Chloe," Julia scolded her.

"Momma said I'm not allowed to ask her for one of those until I'm at least ten."

Aubrey's face felt warm and she stared at the ground. She had never even considered one day she was going to have to wear one of those yet. She was grown up, but not that kind of grown up.

"I can't wait to buy one," Chloe said.

"I want to wear dresses," Aubrey decided.

"Momma wears a bra," Chloe continued as they walked toward the dresses, "Did you know she has a tattoo on her booby? Daddy says-"

Julia released Chloe's hand in order to clamp her hand over Chloe's mouth. It didn't stop her from talking, but it did make whatever she was saying inaudible. "Dresses it is," she said, "Let's grab two or three pairs of pants too though, just in case you want to wear them to play outside in."

Aubrey nodded. Fine. Whatever. She just wanted to get this over with.

"How about we start here?" Julia suggested when they reached a rack of dresses and skirts on sale.

It seemed like some sort of joke as Aubrey picked out whatever dresses she wanted to wear – like they were going to get to the register and everyone was going to laugh at her then watch as she was forced to put them back. She tested her limits by pulling a Wonder Woman dress off the rack. Her father mocked Wonder Woman, but Aubrey secretly loved her. The dress was pretty. The top was red with Wonder Woman's logo and the bottom was blue tulle. Upon further inspection, it even had a cape.

"What about this?" Julia asked and released her hold on Chloe to hold up a similar looking shirt. "You can get this to go with some pants?"

"Can I get new clothes?" Chloe asked.

"You have an entire closet full of clothes."

"Nuh-uh. It's only half a closet full now," Chloe argued.

"If you get new clothes, where will Aubrey put hers?" Julia asked.

Chloe responded with a long, drawn out, "Uhhhhhh….."

"Exactly." Julia grabbed her hand again and pulled her along as Aubrey picked things out.

This store had so many items. Aubrey got a dress with butterflies on it, all different color leggings, a shirt that said 'Shut up. This is my song.' and another one that said 'I'm The Boss', plus who knew that there were Wonder Woman socks and underwear out there! She even got two pairs of shoes, a swimsuit, a jean jacket, and a wide brimmed hat with matching sunglasses that took up half of her face.

From there, she picked out her own toothbrush and toothpaste – which also were Wonder Woman themed! They had a hairbrush with music notes on it that came with matching hair clips. She was allowed to pick out her own soap, and shampoo, and bubble bath – all of which smelled like coconut. She got two bath towels and a beach towel, a backpack, school supplies, bedding, and so many things that the cart was full by the time they were finished shopping.

Chloe asked for things the entire time – until, finally, Julia agreed to let her buy a Polly Pocket. Even then, Aubrey was allowed to get one of those too. And they both got a Pound Puppy set that they were required to 'share'. It was like Christmas – only how the other kids at school described it as being.

It was a shame she was going to have to leave it all behind when she went home.

xxxxx

"Jules! Hey!" someone called her name when they were in line to check out.

They all three (four if Aubrey counted the dog) looked up and Julia grinned while Chloe let out a whining moan. "Oh no," she said to Aubrey.

"What?" Aubrey asked.

"She's going to talk forever," Chloe groaned, earning herself a light smack on the side of the head from her mother, "You always talk forever."

"We have a lot to do today," Julia said, "I'll just say hi to them for five minutes."

Chloe locked eyes with Aubrey and shook her head in slow motion. "Foreveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer," she whispered and got another head smack for it, "Just don't be mad when my brain cells are dead, Momma."

"Here." Julia dropped a handful of quarters dug out of her purse into Chloe's hands. "Go strengthen them back up by splitting those in half with Aubrey."

"Yes!"

"Chloe, stay by those machines," Julia warned her, "If you go anywhere else, you will never see another gumball machine for the rest of your life."

"I know." Chloe took a step toward the machines then stopped. "Aubrey, come on!"

Aubrey found herself countering the urge to reach out and grab the side of Julia's shirt by ringing her hands together. If she was going to go talk to that person for forever, Aubrey didn't really want to be away from her that long – and she especially didn't want to be alone with Chloe that long. She wanted to go back to the car with her doll. She had been too embarrassed to bring it into the store with her, but now she missed its familiar presence.

"Go get a gumball, Baby," Julia said and pulled out her husband's debit card to pay for Aubrey's things, "I'll be where you can see me. You can come back once you have what you want."

"She barely ever lets us have this many quarters, Aubrey," Chloe urged, "Come on."

Aubrey stepped forward and reluctantly followed Chloe to the machines so they didn't think she was a baby who needed to stay with an adult. She glanced back at Julia from the corner of her eye to make sure she was still there. It would be a lot harder to find her in Target than it was to find her father in the woods.

"One for you, one me. One for you, one for me." Chloe split the quarters in half, placing hers on top of one machine and Aubrey's on the one next to it until they each ended up with eight. "This is so many quarters. I'm going to get a tattoo."

Aubrey took her quarters and immediately pocketed four of them. She was going to need a place to hide the money she was accumulating. She could have asked for a piggybank, but that would be too obvious. It needed to be hidden away where no one would think to look.

There was a machine larger than the others to their right, and Chloe placed three of her quarters into the slot. It seemed to take some effort to push them inside then pull the lever back out, but once she did, a thin sheet of cardboard came out of the slot. She quickly opened it up and grinned. "I got a cat!" She turned it around and showed it to Aubrey.

It was indeed a small cartoon cat stuck to a sheet of paper, covered in plastic. How that was a 'tattoo', Aubrey had no idea. None of these machines interested Aubrey in the slightest though, so it couldn't hurt to find out. She placed three quarters into the same slot and ended up with a bunny holding a carrot. That was okay. If Aubrey had to like some sort of animal, it would probably be a rabbit.

"That's cute," Chloe said, looking at it, "What else are you going to get?"

There were a few machines that had toys for two quarters, but they all looked like cheap pieces of plastic, and Aubrey didn't want to use the quarters she had decided to save. The machines that required one quarter all sold candy. She did not want any cavities, and she was about to just pocket the remaining quarter before a machine with red balls that had flames coming out of them caught her attention. One piece of candy couldn't hurt if she brushed her teeth later.

"You don't want that," Chloe said as Aubrey put her quarter in the slot.

Now Aubrey definitely wanted it. She turned the handle then collected the small red ball wrapped in plastic. It smelled like cinnamon when she held it up to her nose. It smelled delicious. She continued to smell it until Chloe had spent all of her quarters and they went to join Julia by the exit doors as she talked to a man in a police uniform and woman who Aubrey assumed was his wife.

"Is this one of your friends, Chloe?" the man asked.

"No," Chloe answer, "Well, yes. But she's also my sister."

Aubrey was neither of those things.

"This is Aubrey," Julia said, "She's staying with us now."

"I didn't know you were getting another kid," the woman said.

"Me neither. It was a lovely surprise," Julia replied, "Aubrey, these are Chloe's god-parents."

"Aubrey got a fireball from the gumball machine," Chloe told them all.

Aubrey clutched it in her palm. And if they could pry it from her cold, dead hands if they wanted to take it away.

Julia scrunched her nose, but said nothing about it.

"Hey, Chloe, do the snake thing," the man requested.

As Chloe distracted them by pulling her tongue in and out of the space where her teeth should be, Aubrey stepped away to the trashcan to unwrap her candy. Not wasting any time, she popped it into her mouth. It tasted in her mouth how scalding hot water felt on her hands, and she stood there rolling it around on her tongue as the burning intensified until her eyes began to water.

"You need some water?" Julia called to her after a second.

No. Aubrey used her tongue to maneuver it to the side of her mouth where it temporarily felt like it was going to burn a hole right through her cheek. Then the burning stopped – and she was left just tasting the cinnamon. She decided right then that she had to have more. Sniffling so her nose wouldn't run, she dug her hand into her pocket and pulled out the four remaining quarters then counted them in her palm as she took herself back to the machine to buy four more of those flaming red balls. What would it feel like if she put two in her mouth? What about all four? She didn't know, but she wanted to find out.

"May I have more quarters?" Aubrey tried her luck once four more fireballs were secured firmly in the pocket of her dress.

"I don't have anymore quarters," Julia replied, "I'm sorry."

"Here," the man pulled two more quarters from his pocket and handed one to her and to Chloe.

"Yes!" Chloe exclaimed.

Aubrey walked properly (and definitely did not almost start bouncing along with Chloe) as she went back to the machines for the third time. "What's your name?" she asked when she returned.

"Naveen," the man answered, "And this is my wife Andrea."

"Thank you, Mr. Naveen."

"You are quite welcome."

Chloe was right that her mother was going to talk forever, but during that time, Aubrey tried two fireballs in her mouth at once. She was going to put them all in her mouth, but Julia stopped her and told her two was enough. Whatever. Later, she would put the other three in her mouth when she was alone. It was probably for the best that she only ate two at the moment, because two was enough to make her nose almost actually start running, and that was disgusting. She decided she would need a tissue for three.

"We'll catch up later," Julia said a little while after both candies had completely dissolved.

"You just talked for like ten hours!" Chloe exclaimed.

"You've been talking since I met you," Aubrey pointed out.

"It's not my fault I even talk in my sleep," Chloe said, causing all the adults to laugh, "I don't know I do it."

"It was nice to meet you, Aubrey," Andrea said even though they hadn't even spoken two words to each other.

"Let's do dinner soon," Julia suggested.

They all agreed and kissed each other on the cheeks goodbye. Fortunately, they did not try to kiss Aubrey. They kissed Chloe then Naveen reached out to shake Aubrey's hand, and Aubrey decided then that she liked him.

xxxxx

"Why do you have a tattoo on your breast?" Aubrey decided to bluntly ask once they were back in the car.

Chloe burst into a fit of giggles and nearly dropped her handful of candy.

"Because I hadn't taken having children into consideration when I got it," Julia answered.

That was not what Aubrey would consider an answer. "What is it of?"

"I have a swan on my back," Julia said.

"And she has itsy-bitsy heart with a semi-colon next to it behind her ear," Chloe chimed in, "It's so cute!"

Hm. "I'm unsatisfied with the answers you're giving me."

Julia burst out laughing.

"It's a little tiny blackbird with music notes," Chloe said.

"Why?" Aubrey asked. That was a very odd place to put a bird…

"Because I like that song," Julia answered, "And it's not on my boob, Chloe, it's on my heart."

"It's kind of on your booby," Chloe argued, "Part of it is."

"Okay," Julia agreed, "I have a bird tattooed on that part of my body. Does that satisfy you guys?"

"I think that's hilarious," Chloe replied.

Aubrey's curiosity was not quite sated. "Blackbird by The Beatles?"

"Yes. Do you like that song too?"

"Not enough to put it on my breast."

Chloe laughed so loudly again that this time she snorted, and it unsettled the dog so much he had to spin in a circle to find a new comfortable way to sit back down on her lap again.

Aubrey turned to look out the window, feeling rather smug, even though that wasn't her intent.

"I was thinking about taking you guys to McDonalds for lunch so you could play in the playland," Julia said flatly, "But now I think I've changed my mind."

Good. Because Aubrey didn't want to go there.