CHAPTER SEVENTY FIVE
Yuri was still in disbelief at the arrival of Phichit and Chris even after an hour had passed. It just seemed so surreal to see them all there. His family had quickly gone about the business of serving everyone, and the common room was humming with activity because of it. It had only been just under two weeks since the skaters had all seen each other last, so there wasn't a whole lot to get caught up on, but it still felt like a lifetime of conversation had taken place.
Though maybe that was just what the Sake made him think.
The room had become almost unbearably warm after a while. Yuri took a survey of the room just to see where everyone was at...Chris and Phichit were sitting on either side of Mikhail to share their same table, Minako was on the shorter end to Yuri's left, and Viktor at the short end opposite her on his right, leaving him alone on his own long side. Yurio was at a different table with Otabek, making the stoic Kazakhstani skater discover the joy of katsudon. The older teen had even been gifted with a tiger-faced t-shirt like Yurio's. Yuuko, Takeshi, and their three daughters were sitting at the same table as them. The remaining tables in the common room had other resort guests sitting at them or were empty.
But one thing nagged at the Asian skater more than anything. He held up his hand to interrupt whoever was speaking; he wasn't even sure who it was at that point, and gathered the attention of those at his table, "...How in the world did all of this happen?"
"How'd what happen?" Phichit wondered, sipping at a glass of plum wine that Viktor had recommended, "How'd we get here?"
"When Viktor and I got married, we had it in our heads that this wedding party honeymoon thing here in Hasetsu would be a really tiny family affair." Yuri explained, or tried to, "I'm really glad you guys are here but I just can't get my head around how you arranged the whole thing without us knowing."
"It's my fault." Minako admitted, "When Chris came to dinner with Mari, Mikhail, and I, I just kind of gushed about it. So, naturally, Chris wanted to come...so I gave him my number and told him I'd let Yuuko and the girls know."
"Then I ran into Phichit at the airport." Chris continued, "And since he was the one who first thought you guys were already married, I knew he'd want to come, too. So I gave him Minako's number and texted her to include him as well."
"So you guys have been planning to come since the end of Worlds." Yuri said out loud, explaining his understanding, but then he leaned in to whisper, gawking over at the other table, "...But what about him?" He gestured a side-eye at Otabek, "I don't think we've ever exchanged words with that guy, so why's he here? I know he was at the table with us at the GPF but it's not like he made conversation."
"Yuratchka asked if he could invite a friend." Mikhail admitted, "He wanted someone impartial to hang out with while this whole thing was happening. Otabek's probably the only person that'll talk to him about something that has nothing to do with you two. I know it's shocking, but that kid really doesn't live, eat, and breathe Nikiforov gossip."
"...I guess that makes sense."
"Wasn't Yurio going to do his new Short Program though?" Viktor wondered, "Have you seen it?"
"Yeah, it's the one called 'Soldier' that I'm guessing you guys didn't recognize on the program list."
"...Yuuko didn't even sound like she knew Yurio was coming though. How'd he get his stuff added to the program so fast?" Yuri wondered, "Or did she make it new after he got here?"
"I made the program list." Minako explained, "I made the edits myself after I went to the Ice Castle to see how things were coming along and ran into him. I thought he was going to do Agape, but they told me he'd given the outfit back. Is it true?"
Viktor nodded.
"Ah, that's a shame...it was a nice program."
"This new one sounds more his style." Yuri admitted, "He said he'd started working on it as far back as Euros, but he'd decided against using it in competition until next year."
"Mmmh...Euros..." Chris sighed, remembering the disaster that had unfolded for all of the European skaters to see, "That was almost more painful to watch than your Sochi unraveling, Yuri. The kid had done well winning gold at the GPF and Russian Nationals, but..."
"Yeah..." Yuri nodded, not sure how much of what had happened he should explain to them all without the teen's permission, "It wasn't his fault. Life happens. I'm sure he'll be back in form again when the Grand Prix Series starts up again."
"The way things are shaping up," Phichit chimed in, "It'll be more of a competition between you and Viktor, while the rest of us scramble for the last spot on the podium."
Viktor laughed at the notion, but Yuri shook his hands defensively, "Don't say that!"
"It's kind of true." Chris agreed, "Viktor's turned you into a monster, and until he retires for good, we all know the gold won't be up for grabs to pretty much anyone but you." He tilted his glass of red wine at the raven-haired skater, "Unless both of you break your legs beforehand or something."
"Don't tempt fate, Chris!" Viktor warned, swirling his own glass of plum wine.
"Could you have imagined anything like this when we were still in Detroit, Yuri?" Phichit wondered, remembering those days fondly, "You always said you'd be content if you could just skate the same ice as Viktor, but now you've actually sort of surpassed him."
Yuri was across the table in a heartbeat, both hands on the Thai skater's mouth, "Don't say that! I didn't!"
Phichit just nudged him off by poking him in the chest with a free hand, "You won gold at a competition he was competing in."
"BARELY. If Viktor's coat wasn't so heavy in the Short Program, I wouldn't have-"
"And you're going to win the next one, too." Viktor pointed out, "You have to. You won the World Championships, so now my expectations are really high." He held his hand up, gesturing that the level was over his head, "If you win anything less, it'll be because you were lazy, and I won't forgive you if you start slacking off."
"But-"
The Russian shook his head, "I told you at the Grand Prix Final that even I was worried about making a full comeback. What I just did at Worlds was probably the apex of my career, flawed as it was. I'll perform next season, but...I'm thinking of limiting the quads in my programs to just three..."
"What!?" Yuri was incredulous, "You...why!? You literally just did the world's first quad axel and set a new world record score for the Short Program, and now you're backing off!?"
"I fell doing my own signature move." Viktor pointed out, "Doing the quad axel wasn't the only reason why I was tired, and I can't let you keep making excuses for my poor performance. The coat, the axel, not practicing enough beforehand...those were all stupid, sure, but I'm 28, Yuri. I'll be 29 after the next Final. A skater with any sense would never have agreed to come back after taking off when I did. Winter's Wish was supposed to be my last, and I knew that even before coming here to coach you."
Yuri's eyes widened, and he couldn't help but glance at Chris across the table, remembering their exchange while watching the Russian's Free Skate.
'...This...was supposed to be his goodbye show. He was going to retire this year after all. Look at him...he's thanking the audience and judges...then turning away like he's leaving them behind...'
'No wonder he didn't want anyone to see.'
"...What are you saying? That you're only coming back because I asked you to?"
"...Basically, yes." Viktor confirmed.
The table had turned awkwardly quiet as the words settled in Yuri's mind. It was hard to take.
"...You say how you won't forgive me if I don't win gold from now on. But how am I supposed to forgive you? It's like you're saying you're not even going to try." He said quietly; his throat was starting to hurt.
Viktor wasn't sure how to answer, so he turned his head away, slightly ashamed of it.
"How am I supposed to make myself want to win gold if I know you're practically handing it to me?" The sad words went on. They could all hear Yuri's voice starting to crack under the distress, but none knew what to say, "I know you said you always want to surprise people, but this isn't what I expected at all! It was already bad enough that Chris thought you'd only claimed we were engaged for the shock value!"
The Swiss skater's cheeks flushed from the shame of being reminded. Everyone else gawked at him like they could hardly believe the accusation. He wasn't about to try explaining himself though, not at that moment.
"But this!? You're going to surprise everyone by underwhelming them!? Don't you dare tell me you're coming back unless you're going to give it everything you have! You...YOU'RE VIKTOR NIKIFOROV! Three quads!? Are you kidding!? What are you thinking!?" Yuri had gotten to his feet by then, making the entire room go quiet, not just their own table, "You turned 28, not 60, remember!? That's what you said to Yuri at the Banquet! You're better than this!""
Viktor remained silent. All he could think to do was stare at the last little bit of wine in the cup in front of him.
"...Aren't you going to say anything!?" He paused, then clenched up a little, "...Are you even listening?"
The Russian lowered his head, "I'm not good with people who are crying in front of me."
Yuri huffed at him incredulously, "...I'm not even in front of you." He moved off and left the common room in awkward silence, all eyes except Viktor's watching him go. The young skater just stomped off towards the resort's front doors; Makkachin was following after him, rising up from where he'd been sleeping between the two tables. Viktor could hear Hiroko asking something, but wasn't sure what, and a moment later, more footsteps, followed by the slamming of the front sliding doors.
Everyone that remained had their sights set on Viktor, entirely unsure what to say or do.
Both of Yuri's parents stuck their head into the room after that, "What in the world happened? Why is Yuri crying?"
"They had a fight." Mari explained, having heard everything front an adjoining hall, "Or rather, Yuri had a cow and Viktor let it happen."
"R...right now?" Hiroko was worried, "But the party is the day after tomorrow...! Viktor..."
The Russian was entirely uncomfortable with the situation and pushed to stand, leaving the room without a word and heading to the banquet hall upstairs to be alone.
Phichit was the only one who dared to stand after that, and went for the front door to grab his coat, scarf, beanie, and shoes. He turned back to the family, "Where would he go if he's upset like this?"
"Normally, to the Ice Castle, but he isn't allowed in right now..." Yuuko answered for them, "He may still try though."
"Where is it?"
"Turn left outside the gate, and go straight until you cross the bridge. It's on the right, just on the other side."
"Thanks." He answered, pulling the doors aside to step out into the encroaching cold. The front that had shut down Tokyo Airport had finally arrived in Kyushu, and it was starting to snow.
When the door closed again, Mikhail rose to stand, "Yuri may not go to the rink if he knows he can't get in. Where else might he go?"
"My ballet studio, but he knows I'm not there." Minako suggested.
"Any other ideas? We have to find him before the storm does."
Eyes shifted around the room, but no one really had any answers, which made them all feel even worse.
Mikhail sighed, "Then I guess I'll just hope he's the only one walking around out there and see if I can't follow his tracks." He stepped off after that and followed Phichit's lead, getting his things before heading outside. At least, as a Russian, he was slightly more accustomed to the bitter cold than the thin Thai skater that had already gone before him.
"Wait, I'll go with you." Minako said, standing up as well, "We'll cover more ground in my car."
"...You've had enough to drink to make that a terrible idea." Mikhail said dubiously, watching her come anyway.
"You haven't."
"...You're going to let me drive your car." He wondered flatly.
"Someone has to. Let's get a move on!"
"What about Viktor? Shouldn't someone try to talk to him, too?" Hiroko asked.
"He's not the sort that would want that." Chris said simply, "I've only seen that look on his face once before, and back then, he needed his head-space. He'll come back when he's ready."
.
.
.
Yuri had already made it half-way across the bridge when he remembered the doors would be locked to him, so he stopped and kicked the railing in frustration. He leaned over it, his coat brushing away the meager snow-fall that had already landed, light as dust as it was, and he held his head. He could hear Makkachin whining a little next to him, but he ignored the dog. All he could focus on was how much his throat hurt. His head was starting to follow suit, and the tears he was holding back were starting to fall from his eyes, even as he clenched them shut.
He dropped down to his knees after that, and slowly turned around to sit on the ground and lean over himself, sobbing into his coat sleeves.
The poodle watched over him quietly, even as a car stopped in front of him, "Hey, there's a snow storm coming...you should get to shelter." The stranger said, concerned the see the white dust starting to pile on the skater's hair and shoulders.
"Go away!" He barked at them, barely lifting his head, hoping the person or persons wouldn't recognize him.
"...All right..."
The car moved off again slowly, and the dog whined a little, panting softly. Once the sound of tires on the road was too far off to hear, Yuri finally lifted his head, peering over his arm to where he could see his right hand in front of him, looking at the golden band on it.
'Yuri Katsuki...I take you to be my husband from this time onward, to join with you and to share all that is to come...Whatever lies ahead, good or bad, we will face together.'
He clenched his fist against the cold and brought it close to himself, crossing his arms under his chest to lean against his knees.
No one ever said anything about being the cause of the bad...
"Yuri!" He heard someone calling from afar, "Yuri!"
Makkachin barked and ran back the way they came to meet the figure, running around him and then following until they were back with the depressed skater.
"Yuri...it's going to get much colder out here as the sun goes down. You need to come back to the resort with me."
"Phichit-kun..."
"I know that what Viktor said was hard to take, but...you're overreacting a little, don't you think?" The Thai man knelt next to him and put a hand on his snow-dusted shoulder, "It's not like he lied to you."
"How am I supposed to keep having faith in myself to keep going when my own coach has no faith in himself?" Yuri said between painful breaths.
"He's just being realistic." Phichit suggested calmly, "He's the oldest skater in the Senior Division. He's probably in worse physical shape than he's willing to admit, and is avoiding possible injury."
"I'd know if he was hurting though..." He insisted, but then he remembered, "...Nevermind. I wouldn't know if he's hurt if my life depended on it."
"You know more than you realize, even if you aren't aware of it." Phichit continued, sitting next to Yuri despite it making his clothing cold and wet, "Viktor has so much to live up to, and expectations for him are through the roof. He'll do anything he can to avoid letting people down by looking weak. He'd probably try to walk off a broken ankle if he got one...but I also imagine he doesn't want people to remember his last performance as the one where he had to be carried off the ice. He doesn't have the luxury of time anymore, or the ability to bounce back. If he overdoes it, that's the end for him."
"But at Worlds..."
"...and it's going to be another half year before the GP Series starts again. That's a long time." Phichit squeezed his friend's shoulder where he still had his hand, "Cut him some slack. He needs you to accept that he isn't a superhuman, even if he puts on a show like he wants everyone else to think so. He's flawed and damaged just like the rest of us. You're probably the only person he's ever been willing to show that to. Think about it...I'm right, aren't I?"
He's told me a lot of things...sure...but none of them ever made him seem flawed. Yuri thought to himself, It's just that things have happened to him. When has he ever made a mistake? When has he ever screwed up? All the time I've been with him, on and off the ice, I've never...
His mind finally wandered back to the end of their first interaction with Konstantin, and how Viktor had cried for almost an hour after it was over. It was different from when Viktor been mad after he'd said they should end their coach-student relationship at the GP Final.
Back then, all I wanted was to free him from the burden of being my coach so he could focus on being a competitor again...but even then, he refused it. He didn't want to stop, even though it would hurt him professionally to split his attention like that.
"He needs you to accept him as he is, and be there with him as he slowly steps away from competition." Phichit said quietly, "He said he's coming back for another year because you want him to, right? It's not like that means he doesn't want to. I'm sure if he could go back 10 years and start over, the only thing that would stop him is knowing he'd lose you in the process. But that's part of his battle right now, too. Coming to grips with knowing he's at the end of something he's done all his life...and he still has so much more life left in him. What's he going to do with the rest of it? What would he have to fall back on if he didn't have you around to give him time?"
"...I...I don't know..."
"...Be there beside him as he slows down...and for all that's good and sacred in this world, don't question him in this. If he only wants to do three quads, let him. He's done a lot in the 15 or something years he's been competing. The last thing he needs is for someone to jump on his back and tell him he isn't trying hard enough. You probably ripped his pride apart like a paper towel when you said all that stuff earlier."
Yuri didn't know what to say after that.
Phichit just gently grabbed for his right hand and put the ring right in front of Yuri's sights, "Viktor clearly loves you a lot, and your opinion matters to him more than probably anyone else's. But that's a double-edged sword. You have to be careful when you lay it on so thick about the skating stuff. Skaters' hearts are made of glass, right? He's no different from the rest of us. He's just had the benefit of keeping people at a distance until now, hiding behind his wall of gold medals. You're the first person he's ever really let in like this...and the fact that you've been on this journey together means you know things that some random non-skater spouse wouldn't. That knowledge makes you powerful...so don't use it against him...okay?"