Okay. This one might now be the best I've ever written but I hope you enjoy it anyway. As mentioned in the piece, it was heavily inspired by Darlene Love's 'All Alone on Christmas.' And the title comes from The Raveonette's 'The Christmas Song' (which is not the usual traditional Nat King Cole song of the same title).
Fall 2020, the night before the auditorium dedication, Lima, OH
"Thank you for having dinner with me," Sam said, smiling across the table at Mercedes.
"Sam." She gave him that look, the one that made him feel like she could see right through him. "Why would I not have dinner with you, when we're actually in the same city at the same time?"
He shrugged. "I dunno. Might be too much nostalgia on a weekend that's gonna be crammed full of it?" He hesitated a moment and then added, "It might feel too much like a date?"
She gave him another look, the one that told him he might be pushing his luck – although he wasn't totally sure. "First of all, any time I come back to Lima – especially now that it's only a few times a year – the nostalgia is so thick I feel like I can't breathe through it. So this is no different, really." She paused, looking curious. "How do you do it, being here all the time?"
Sam shrugged again. "Maybe it's a little easier since I didn't grow up here? And my family's not here?" He paused, considering the question further. "But yeah. There are definitely some days that I feel like I got trapped in a time loop, just – endlessly wandering the halls of McKinley."
She smiled. Then asked, "Ever thought about going anywhere else?" Her tone was casual – but almost too casual and he studied her face carefully, trying to guess what she was thinking.
"Not really," he finally said. "But, you know, if an opportunity presented itself, it'd be dumb not to consider it, right?"
Mercedes nodded, not saying anything else, and he decided to re-direct the conversation.
"Secondly?" he prompted and she looked at him, confusion on her face.
"What?"
"Before," he reminded her, "You said first of all. That implies that there's a second point to be made."
"Oh!" Mercedes thought for a minute, trying catch that thread of their conversation. She looked down at her plate for a moment before seeming to gather herself and looking back at him. "I was just going to say that I'm not sure I would even know what a date looks like anymore, it's been so long since I've been on one."
"Oh?"
She shook her head. "I mean, this past year, I was on tour until May and then I went straight into the studio to get this Christmas album made. I was lucky they let me take these few days off – but I couldn't miss this. Not with almost everyone coming back."
Sam nodded. "It is a pretty amazing logistical feat."
"Anyway, I've still got a little to finish up when I get back and then I have like, no time, before I have to start the promo for it."
He nodded, thinking for a moment – and then deciding to push his luck. "Well, selfishly, I'm glad you have no time for dating." At her look of mock outrage, he continued, "it means you marrying me one day is still on the table."
He flashed her a grin, expecting her to laugh at this, this old inside joke of sorts, that they've shared for right at five years now, ever since they'd really worked past the hurt and confusion of the year after New York, after Rachel, after Tank, after they'd truly become friends again.
But Mercedes didn't laugh and Sam felt a sudden swirl of anxiety. Maybe he had pushed his luck too far.
"Mercedes?" he said tentatively, "This is the part where you're supposed to laugh and say 'you're so crazy, Sam Evans.'"
She smiled at that, at least. "Yeah – well – I'm gonna go a little off script tonight." Her voice had that soft, vulnerable sound in it, the one that always took him by surprise, it was so rare for her to let anyone see her insecurities, to even see that she was unsure about anything.
"Is it still on the table? Us getting married?"
Sam had never so keenly felt the meaning of one's heart skipping a beat.
"Like – for real? Some day?" she added, voice going even quieter. "Not just as a silly thing we say?"
"Oh my God – yes. Of course." She was fidgeting with her napkin and he reached across the table to take her hands in his.
"Mercedes, I would marry you this minute if you'd have me."
She smiled then, a real smile as she visibly relaxed.
"Does this line of questioning mean that you would?"
"Maybe?" she replied. At his quizzical look, she closed her eyes for a second, trying to gather her thoughts. "It's just – this past year, I've been realizing more and more – the best part of my day is if I get a chance to talk to you."
Sam couldn't help but smile at that. "Me too."
"And so then I keep thinking – maybe," Mercedes admitted. "But then I also think – we live six hundred miles apart and we have such different lives – " her voice trailed off and she looked for a moment as though she wasn't sure about saying the next part, but then she looked resolute and continued, "I've been your girlfriend three times in the last ten years. And each time it ended – even when I thought it was for the best – I was devastated. Crying for days. I can't do it a fourth time unless it ends with happy tears at our wedding."
"Mercedes," he breathed and then cut himself off. How could he possibly articulate what her words meant to him?
"You're not seeing anyone right now, are you?" she asked suddenly, before he could say anything else. "I know Blaine mentioned a girlfriend at Rachel's Tonys party back in June, but you never said anything – "
"Girlfriend," Sam scoffed. "Couple of dates, that's all. It wasn't right. None of them ever are." He met her eyes across the table. "They're not you."
She blushed, looked down at the table. "So we are on the same page, I think," she said softly.
"Mercedes, I have always been ready to meet you wherever you are. You tell me what page we're on – this thing with us – it's your call. It always has been."
She nodded. "Okay. So, like I mentioned, once I finish up the album, I'll have a little bit more of a regular schedule for a little bit. So – can we try, I guess, like a phone date? Like, at least a few times a week? Maybe more, if schedules allow? And then I'll be back here at Christmas?"
Sam nodded in agreement. "It's not exactly a proposal, but we gotta start somewhere."
She laughed. "Sam Evans – you're crazy."
He pointed at her across the table. "THERE'S what I've been waiting for!" He grinned at her. "So – what else have you been up to?"
"Oh! I haven't told you the most exciting thing! I'm going to perform at the Rockefeller Center tree lighting!"
December 2, 2020, Rockefeller Center, New York City
"Ladies and gentlemen," Savannah Guthrie said, "singing the Darlene Love classic 'All Alone on Christmas' – Ms. Mercedes Jones!"
She'd toured all over the world, sung with Beyonce, made a name for herself. But there was something ridiculously thrilling about performing at arguably the biggest tree lighting in the world, knowing that her parents, her brother, her friends – her Sam – were watching her on TV. The Christmas magic was palpable.
The energy was buzzing through her as she left 30 Rock, the doorman easily hailing her a cab and wishing her a Merry Christmas. Before she even fully realized what she was doing, she had pulled out her phone and was calling Sam.
Almost three months had passed since she'd opened up to him over dinner the night before the auditorium dedication, since she'd confessed that she was ready to consider a romantic future – a real future – with him. They'd made good on their promise to have regular phone dates – they talked at least once a day and texted constantly and she had a pretty strong feeling that when they saw each other for Christmas she was going to get the girlfriend label back officially.
There was still a part of her that was desperately nervous about it all, though. The part that deep down inside was still the fifteen-year-old girl who'd let herself think she was in love with her gay best friend because deep down, she didn't blame all the boys at McKinley for overlooking her. She knew she was awesome – the problem was that she didn't always believe that truth.
Maybe that's why she'd pushed Sam away so many times, why even now she was still holding him at arm's length. Yeah, it broke her heart to do it – but better on her terms, right? His voice brought her back to the present as the cab pulled up in front of her building and she quickly paid and got out.
"H'lo?" It had taken a few rings for him to answer and Mercedes was struck with sudden remorse as she realized it was nearly midnight and it was a school night.
"Oh, God, I'm so sorry, I just realized what time it was and – " she was babbling and she couldn't seem to stop.
"Mercedes." His voice saying her name brought her back to herself and she swore she could almost feel his smile through the phone. "It's okay. Is everything all right?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just – " she paused. "I wanted to tell you about tonight."
"I saw you on TV earlier," he said. "You looked amazing. Sounded even better."
"Thank you," she replied softly, feeling herself blush. Somehow, his compliments were still the only ones that did that to her. She could easily accept them from others, but Sam…
"You almost home?"
"Yeah," she said, watching the elevator numbers go up. "In the elevator," she added, as it reached her floor with a ding.
"I hear it," he said.
She laughed, fumbling for her keys as she walked down the hall to her apartment, only to freeze in place as the door opened before she even got close to it.
"Sam?" she hissed into the phone. "My apartment door just opened. Someone's in there."
"Don't Kurt and Blaine have a key? Maybe the baby can't sleep."
She was still standing still in the hallway. "Maybe."
The door opened wider then and a tall, blond-ish man steps into the door frame. "Or maybe I wanted to surprise you."
Mercedes blinked, still frozen to the spot in the hallway. It might be her new home now, she might be stuck there forever.
"I'm sorry," Sam said. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to save you from having to dig your keys out."
Somehow, this practical statement shook her out of her stupor.
"Oh my God, what are you doing here?"
"I wanted – "
He didn't get any further before she practically launched herself at him, throwing her arms around him, face buried against his chest. She hadn't realized just how much she'd wanted to see him, touch him, until he was here in the same place as her.
His arms went around her, one hand stroking her hair and he managed to maneuver them into the apartment, shutting the door behind them.
"Okay," she said with a shaky laugh, taking a half-step back from him. "This really is crazy."
Sam laughed. "Yeah. Probably. Or maybe the smartest thing I've ever done." She shook her head as she looked at him, looking so dang pleased with himself at pulling off the surprise. And then without even fully realizing what she was doing, she had closed the gap between them again, tipping her face up to his, pulling his head down to hers and kissing him for the first time in over five years.
It was every bit as amazing as she remembered – like coming home.
"I didn't mean to do that – I – I wasn't thinking," she said softly as they broke apart and Sam chuckled.
"I think that's always been your problem – you think too much," he said gently.
She nodded. "You're right."
He put an exaggerated shocked face on. "I'm what?"
She rolled her eyes and said, "Hush and explain why you decided to show up here tonight."
"You kept saying I needed to really pay attention to the song you chose for tonight, that it was important," he said, as they went to sit down on her couch. "And I know you. I figured whatever you were singing was going to be a clue towards what would be decided at Christmas and I decided that either way, I couldn't wait another three weeks to see you in person."
"Okay, so what clues did you get?"
He gave her a 'seriously?' look. "Baby, the song is called "All Alone on Christmas." And that no one ought to be that. And it's reminiscing about love in New York. And you literally sang the words 'all I want for Christmas is you' – that is OUR Christmas song."
She laughed. "We do not have a Christmas song."
"Yeah, well, that's just like, your opinion." His The Dude impression wasn't terrible, but she rolled her eyes again anyway.
"Sweet Jesus," she muttered.
"Whatever," Sam replied cheerfully. "You love me."
Mercedes looked at him, face serious. "I do, actually. I don't even know for how long – maybe all along. But yeah. I love you."
The smile that stretched across his face could blind the sun, she thought as he replied, "Well, that works out well, since I love you too."
They melted into a kiss. When they broke apart, Mercedes took a deep breath and said, "So, I guess this is official? The G word?"
"Yeah. Maybe," Sam said, a little mysteriously, and she frowned, so focused on his face that she missed him digging around in his pocket.
"Sam," she said anxiously, "you know what I said – "
"About being my girlfriend again, I know," he interrupted. "So – how about we skip right over girlfriend and go straight to fiancée?" As he said this, he handed her the little jewelry box he'd dug out of his pocket. He'd thought about getting down on one knee, but ultimately decided against it. They might as well start this thing off the way it was destined to end up – cuddled up on a couch together for the rest of their lives.
She stared at him for a moment before opening the box to find an absolutely perfect diamond. Then she stared at that for what felt like forever before finally looking back at him, tears in her eyes.
"Will you marry me, Mercedes?" he said softly. "No jokes. One hundred percent for real – you and me. The way it was always supposed to be."
"Sam –" she choked out, nodding as she said it. "Yes," she managed before putting the ring on and then resting her head on his shoulder and letting the tears fall.
"Oh my God," she whispered. "That woman really is an angel or something."
"What woman?" Sam asked, confused, and she sat up, staring at him.
"Oh my God! I never finished telling you why I was calling you! Sam," she said, pausing for dramatic effect, "I met Dolly Parton tonight."
Sheer awe played across Sam's face. "Shut up!" he said.
"I KNOW!" Her hands were flying as she was talking now, telling the story. "Sam, she is everything you'd expect her to be. This tiny little blond absolute angel spitfire of a woman. So delightful. She complimented my singing and said she could tell I was really feeling the words." She looked shy then, glancing down at the new ring on her left hand. "I told her I was, that I hoped it would be a turning point with someone special. And she said, 'honey, if he loves you as much you sounded in that song like you love him, I have a feeling things are gonna turn out just how you want them to.' Isn't that amazing?"
Sam nodded, pulling her in close to his side. "We have a lot of things to figure out. But we have Dolly's blessing, so I think we're gonna be fine."