CHAPTER NINETY FOUR
Viktor watched his partner sulk for the entire rest of the day, try as the young skater might to take what was said to heart and not be bothered. Not even the praise offered by his sister, ballerina instructor, or uncle-in-law could pull him out of his dour mood. So the Russian stood by him quietly, watching as he picked at his food, then looked aimlessly at his phone, stared straight through fans who'd come up to acknowledge him, and be generally disconnected from everything.
What could I say to him to get him back to normal? He's only had one event so far this whole season and he's acting like someone kicked his dog.
He grimaced.
...My dog...?
That didn't help either.
...Our dog?
It was nearly midnight, and he turned his head a little from where he'd been looking at his own phone while sitting up in bed. Yuri was lying flat, staring at the ceiling like he was counting the popcorn-texture dots above him.
Viktor's phone buzzed in his hand quietly, getting his attention back.
[Is he still moping?]
The Russian sighed, bringing his knees up as he typed a reply to his uncle.
[He hasn't acted this defeated in a long time.]
[Wow.]
[Is he still awake?]
[Da. He's been staring at the ceiling for the last half hour. Hasn't said a word.]
[Have YOU said anything?]
[Not since we left the arena. I already said everything I could think of. It's like he's stuck in a feedback loop. I tell him something and he just...nods at me.]
[Yeah, he hasn't answered anyone's messages since dinner.]
[I don't think he ever turned his phone back on after the SP.]
"...Who are you talking to this late?" Yuri suddenly wondered, breaking the silence of the room.
Viktor looked over at him, but then handed the man his phone to he could see for himself.
Yuri took it with an odd look on his face, not having expected such a gesture, but when he read the last few snippets of the conversation, he clicked it off and handed it back, "Oh."
"Everyone's worried about you."
"...I don't want to think anymore."
"At the last Grand Prix, you were pushing yourself to the limits just to get over 100. Now you breeze past it like it's nothing and you're still dissatisfied." Viktor pointed out, picking up where Yuri had set the phone down on the blanket between them. He clicked open his camera app and snapped a photo of the deflated athlete, "...Hashtag #TopSkaterProblems?"
"You're not going to post that, are you?"
"No. I just wanted to say the tag out loud." Viktor teased, putting the phone down on the nightstand and then sitting back upright again, leaning over one knee held close to his chest, "But like I said before, this was the very first performance of the season for you. Not only are we fresh back to competition, but so are the judges. You just came off a World Championship with a score never before seen in skating...maybe they just wanted to humble you a little."
"And if they don't do the exact same thing to you in France?"
"They might. Won't know until we're there."
Yuri just groaned loudly and folded his arms over his face to cover his eyes, "I still can't believe that score I was given today. The judges might as well have just come out onto the ice and told me to stop skating in the middle of the thing." He twisted and pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, the blanket clinging to his back, only to shuffle in front of his husband and flop back down again, burying his face against the man's abdomen as the rest of him went between his legs.
Viktor pet the top of his head and looked at him quietly.
...Before I became his coach, anytime Yuri felt pressure, he'd just kowtow to whatever authority was there, like with Celestino and the music selection problem. Even with me...once it got to be too much, he'd just crumble and let things happen around him without taking any control over it.
He felt the younger man's body as it pressed against him with every breath, more so with a deep breath and the long exhale. He just kept stroking that soft raven hair in silence.
He was so excited about this Short Program. He was sure he'd be able to catch up with my Amnesia score with all the extra elements and jumps. I'm certain we didn't overlook anything with how the judging system works... There was never a rule that said skaters couldn't attempt more jumps than the minimum required. Extra jumps would only be marked at zero if they were the same jump done too many times, and Yuri didn't do any of the same jumps more than once, even in combination.
Yuri's arms slid along the sheets to wrap around his husband's waist and settled in the pillow-space behind his back. Another deep breath.
Having hoped for such a high score and then getting what he did...he feels utterly defeated right out of the gate. We have time to fix the Short Program before Cup of China, but what about his Free Skate? He hasn't even talked about it yet.
"I'll rework the program if you want me to." Viktor finally said, getting a tepid response in the form of a shrug. He scrunched his brow, "...Is that permission or dismissal?"
"I don't know what to do." The smaller figure said simply, "It was my idea to do the program this way. I was the one who insisted on more jumps. Having the whole thing thrown back in my face has kind of made me go numb."
"So let me fix it."
"...What would you do?"
"For now, strip it down to just what's required. A triple axel, three spins, one step sequence, a combo jump, a triple or quad jump with connecting steps, and nothing more."
"Half the program just evaporated then."
Maybe I should put my foot down...
Viktor lightly shook his head, "Yuri, flip over."
The reluctant skater sighed and pushed up to do as told, leaning his back and head against his husband's chest and looking back out into the room. Not liking what he saw, he raised his knees to block his line of sight, and folded his arms over his stomach to wait for the rest.
Viktor just wrapped his own arms around him, and pulled him a bit closer, enough so that he could nose the man's hair a little, "You said before that you were happy with the progress you'd made on the technical side of things, and that you wanted to focus on the elements you used to be known for. The spins, the steps, and presentation value of it all. It's admirable that you wanted to incorporate jumps into that idea, but the judges don't see it that way. They don't know you as well as your friends or family do, so they wouldn't be able to see the plot you're weaving with those jumps."
Yuri just listened, staring at the fibers of the blanket covering his legs.
"So take the SP down to its skeleton...dumb it down for a group of people who don't know the first thing about you."
"Why did you never say any of this while we were still practicing?"
Viktor would've spat his drink out if he had one, but instead he just ended up coughing and had to twist aside to catch his breath, "...I did! Frequently!"
.
"I think it's too much."
"Nah...every time I add another quad to my Free Skate, people get all excited. Why not do the same with the Short Program?"
"...Okay."
.
"...Don't you think this is a bit of a jumping party?"
"The jumps go with the music. If people listen to the lyrics, they'll get it."
"...All right..."
.
"Yuri, it's too many jumps. I know you're excited that you can finally do these, b-"
"Why stop with just two quads? You yourself did three with the Axel. Don't you want to see me score in the 120s, too?"
"...Of course, but..."
"I'll never be able to pull off the Axel, so I have to do something else..."
"Okay..."
.
Yuri grumbled to himself at the reminder.
"It's not an attack on your skill as a skater." Viktor explained, his hands gently working at where Yuri had his arms clenched across himself in a vice-grip, "You're just trying too hard. There no sense in putting all of your skills on display like it's some big buffet. Leave them wanting more. Give them a taste and then leave them hanging. Skaters who put everything out there all at once don't leave room for surprises later, and just wear themselves out faster, too. You still owe me four more World Championship gold medals...I can't have you getting tired now."
"...Viktor..."
"What?"
Yuri said nothing else as he felt the Russian's fingers edging under the rim of his shorts, his cheeks a bit pink despite his best effort to stay serious. His arms were still clenched across himself though and getting tighter.
"You're too tense."
"You always try to solve or put off problems by making out."
"Are you saying you don't want to?"
"...No."
"Then it worked?"
Yuri scrunched into himself like he was trying to make himself smaller, "...I'm slowly warming up to the idea."
"Submit, Yuri." The Russian purred into his ear, nibbling at it from behind.
"Mnnhhhh..."
"Submiiiittttt...~!"
.
.
.
The Free Skate wasn't scheduled until the last day of competition, giving everyone participating a day to figure out what adjustments to make and time to practice them. It wasn't easy to get access to the ice though with all the other events going on, so it was rather late by the time anyone was able to set blades to the rink before the next morning's official practice.
Yuri was too anxious to wait that long though. With so many changes to be made to the Free Skate, on top of the Short Program, he didn't want to risk any potential loss of points. Yurio's 102.45 SP score was already creeping on him. When he saw the Russian team had gathered at rink-side as well, despite the hour, it made him feel even worse.
"There they are." Minako pointed at them from where she and Mari had been sitting in the lowest set of audience seats, standing up to lean on the railing and wave, "Yuuuri! Viktooor!"
"Konbanwaaaa~!" Viktor waved back eagerly. Yuri was much more reserved, simply looking up at her as they got closer.
Yurio watched him approach and pass him without stopping, and he side-eyed Mikhail in confusion. He cleared his throat in an effort to get the older skater's attention, and it barely seemed to work, as he finally stopped and turned around. Viktor kept going as he spotted Yakov just a few paces further on.
"Oh...hey Yuri, hey Mikhail." The skater muttered, looking tired, "Good job on your Short Program yesterday."
"...You look like you haven't slept." Mikhail pointed out.
Yurio was stepping close, eyeballing the taller figure like he was waiting for the cue, but Yuri never got the hint and didn't raise his arm out like he always used to, "When was the last time you drank something? You look dehydrated."
He just rubbed his face at the sound of all the questions, "I'm having trouble focusing."
"No kidding. You're forgetting the basics."
"Basics...?"
Yurio was almost as incensed at the sound of that word as he had been when he'd arrived in Hasetsu the first time and realized Viktor had forgotten his promise. He reached out and grabbed the front of Yuri's jacket and pulled him down to eye-level, getting right in his face, looking almost as terrifying as he had been back during the Sochi bathroom incident, "If you're going to let one Short Program freak you out this badly, then you're done for. Hasn't Viktor taught you anything? Rebound and try again, idiot. Your past self is dead. Only those who can be reborn as many times as necessary are strong."
Lilia heard the words, and smiled a little at the recollection.
Yuri wasn't sure what to say in response. Just as Mikhail had surmised, he hadn't been able to sleep the night before, even after Viktor had done everything he could to help him relax. He'd gone through half a notepad after the fact trying to reconfigure his Short Program, since Viktor had fallen asleep when they were done.
"...My old self isn't dead." He finally managed to say, keeping his eyes down, "He's just become a fixture on a wall to remind me of what I've done and where I've been. That's what Viktor deals with every day."
Yurio glowered at him, then let him go, looking past the dark rim of his hood to see if the ice had cleared at all. There were still nearly a dozen people out there from across the disciplines, but he'd been patient enough, and kicked the wall with his blade-guard, "Get your skates on. I don't care if these other idiots are in the way."
"...Yuri...?" The Asian skater was perplexed.
Impatiently, the Russian Tiger just grabbed the taller man by his jacket again and started dragging him along to the rink doorway, even as he flailed and protested. It gathered the attention of the rest of the group, Viktor included, but no one moved an inch to stop them. By the time Yurio had let Yuri go, long enough to get his blades on anyway, a few people had seen them and politely exited the rink. It took until the pair were in the center of the ice before others left to give them room, and the two stared at one another stiffly.
Viktor leaned against the rink wall and watched carefully, while Mikhail, Yakov, and Lilia stood nearby as well.
Yurio still had his hands in his track-suit coat pockets, peering that one green eye out past his bangs, "So what if you didn't score over 120 on the first event of the season." He started, getting right to the point, "I didn't score as high as I wanted either."
"...I just thought..."
"You were getting arrogant." Yurio cut him off, "There's a fine line between being proud and being conceited. Who do you think you are, JJ?"
Yuri blanched at the comparison, ready to defend himself but knowing he wouldn't get a word in edgewise.
"You used to be this really quiet, humble kind of guy. But ever since you started winning, you've been getting a bit full of yourself. It wasn't so bad after Worlds, but the longer the summer went on, the worse I saw it get. Maybe it was easier for me because I was only there a few times, but it was as obvious as the nose on your face."
...Jeeze, he went straight to the max just now. Yuri grimaced, ...How offended should I be?
"Did Viktor even notice?"
"...He just thought I was just...getting more confident..."
"That's what I thought. He's too into you to notice your flaws, especially since he's half the reason you've developed them." Yurio pointed out, moving off to start skating slow circles around his elder, "Did you become a Nikiforov and forget how to be a Katsuki?" His black blades scratched the ice loudly as he got back up in Yuri's face, pointing so closely at him that Yuri almost felt the teen's finger on the tip of his nose, "You're still Katsudon! Change your name all you want, it shouldn't change who you are! This new persona doesn't suit you."
"You're one to talk. You've changed a lot since last year."
"Some would argue for the better. What about you?"
"...What...about me...?" Yuri's brows furrowed, "...I don't feel like I've changed."
"You used to get so freaked out by being on the leader-board that Viktor would have to take you out of the prep area just to calm you down. You used to be the kind of person who would apologize for surpassing those around you. What are you now? Some kind of skating aristocrat who comes onto the ice to look down your nose at the peasants who soiled the rink before you?"
"...I don't remember acting anything like that." Yuri was taken aback.
"Viktor told me you didn't even want him kissing your gold medal if you won one at Nationals, because you were so worried about how easy it would be to get one that you didn't even want to win it. That's pretty shitty of you."
The older Russian practically died on the rink wall when he heard the words.
"Who the Hell do you think you are to say that you can just walk into a competition and take gold like it's nothing? No wonder you got bad scores on your SP."
"...You used to be exactly the same way. Remember how you said you'd crush me at Hot Springs on Ice?"
"And then I didn't. I ate my words and went back to Russia with my tail between my legs."
Yuri glowered at him for lack of a come-back.
"Take your shit down a notch. Kill this gold-hungry creature you've become and be reborn as the kobuta-chan you used to be. I had to learn how to do the same thing. Helping me do that was one of the last things Katsudon did before turning into whatever this thing is in front of me. This guy who forgot to hug me a minute ago."
The realization stung, but Yuri knew it would be an empty gesture to try for the hug right then. Instead, he found Yurio skating past him again.
"Do your old Free Skate and remind yourself of where you came from. When you've shown me that you know who you are again, I might let you make it up to me."