A/N: Part 2 as I said ages ago!
As a reminder, I picture this OC to look like the actress Mariluz Bermúdez with green eyes and short ginger hair.
"Hey, Twinkle Star!"
Seren rolled her eyes and did her best to focus on her training session. Of course she should've known better than to think Tony would leave her alone so easily.
"Twinkle Star!" He walked further into the room.
Seren stopped altogether and turned to face him. "Seriously, when are you going to stop calling me that horrendous nickname?"
Tony smirked as he learned forwards to flick a strand of her hair. "When you dye this orange hair back to your actual color."
Seren swatted his hand away from her. "Shut up."
"I think you'd look good as a blonde..." Tony pretended to consider the image of her with said hair style.
"Seriously, be quiet." She made to turn away but stopped to clarify something. "And I was originally a brunette, by the way. Get your facts straight."
"Brunette? Really?" Tony made a face. Seren nodded at him. "You can pull it off."
"Is there a reason for this lovely, and early, conversation? I thought you and Pepper had a whole day planned or something..."
"Yeah, we do but..." Tony scratched the side of his head, for once looking truly reluctant about something. "Pep's got this idea..."
Seren raised an eyebrow at him. "What is it?"
"She wants to set you up on a date," Tony managed to say it all in one go. He hated being word-less. That was terrible.
Seren's eyes widened 'till they couldn't anymore. "What!? Why would she want do to that!?"
"These whole blind date things are not my thing but..." Tony bobbed his head. "This time I feel like Pepper might be onto something."
Seren shook her head. "And you were doing so well, Tony!"
"What? So it's a crime to be worried about one of my friends?"
"Tony!"
"Seren, you're one of the few people who stayed behind," he said, still earnestly which was brought Seren down from a soon-to-be anger. "Everyone else sort of...switched on me."
"Tony..." She shook her head. "They didn't fight you because—"
"It doesn't matter, they did it," he shrugged. "But you didn't. You didn't fight anyone. Three years later and you're still here." He smiled at her for a moment but even then it was sad. "But I'm not an idiot. You're not happy and it sucks because you can't wait on Rogers forever."
"I-I am not waiting for anybody!" Seren exclaimed, her face momentarily flustered at the idea of him (or anyone else for that matter) thinking that.
Tony didn't seem the least bit surprised with her reaction. "Yeah, you are. I knew about you and him even before you two did. That's why I know these last 3 years have been hard for you. Seren, you can't wait for someone who's never going to show up."
"I really don't feel like talking about this," Seren said quietly.
Tony understood but it didn't mean he would let things continue the way the were now. "Let Pepper do this, let me do this." Seren leaned on her hip and cocked her head, completely unimpressed with him right now. "Don't worry, I'll vet the guy. Deep background check and everything."
"I'm not...interested in dating anyone, alright?" Seren decided it was best to get out of there. She already had similar conversations with others before and it never ended on a good note.
"Seren, c'mon," Tony went after her, much to her dismay. She had to stop at the doorway and when she turned around, she found him right in front of her. "You think I'd set you up with a loser?"
"No, that's not—"
"I have connections—"
"I'm sure that you do but..." Seren sighed. Even just thinking about having a date with someone unsettled her in oddly ways.
"I'll even have Pepper supervise if that makes it better!" Apparently with that, Tony thought it was all good to go. He clapped Seren's shoulders with a grin on his face. "No loser, trust me!"
"Wait..." Seren called when he hurriedly left her. A date? "I can't do that," she whispered to herself. Why shouldn't you? She looked to the side. Her little voice did strike up a good question. Why shouldn't she? As much as she hated to admit, she was very single. To anyone else, there shouldn't be a problem with a blind date.
But as if it were fate's way to remind her why she held out, her peculiar watch device on her wrist blinked a soft red.
Seren looked around for anyone and when she was sure that she was safe, she opened the message.
When I'm with you, my hope grows,
You feed the love in my soul,
And without thinking, time has stolen my breath.
Yeah, this is why. Seren could only picture Steve sitting down, taking a moment out of his day, to write that stanza out for her. For three years, this was how they communicated with each other. There was something between them but neither had the courage to say it clearly, especially when their conversations were limited to messages. The best they could do was recite their favorite poems to each other. For three years, it'd been enough.
Right now, Seren couldn't say with certainty that it was still enough. She headed for her room, making sure to lock it once she was inside, then headed for the bed-stand. She opened the drawer and pulled out her poem book. For the past 3 years, it'd been their way of communication. It baffled Seren that Steve actually remembered each poem. She could easily take a glance at the book every now and then but him? She was sure that being a fugitive of the law left little time to go buying poem books. He remembered them and he wrote them to her constantly, continuing their cautious dance of admitting their love for each other without having to actually do it, without having to acknowledge it. Because what if she said it with all its colors and he didn't say it back?
Seren took in a small breath. Her fingers gripped the poem book. Despite hating to admit it, Tony may have struck a truth. She couldn't continue living like this. Sending messages wasn't always going to be enough. Yes, she loved Steve but he wasn't there with her. More than that, he may not even feel the same and this whole time their "dance" had been nothing at all.
Bearing all that in mind, Seren decided to be brave just for a moment. One moment would lead her to either end this messaging or do more.
What will be of me if I don't have you?
Send.
She would purposely withhold the next stanza for a few minutes. It wasn't like her to send him just one line. He would definitely know something was different.
And true to that, Steve picked up on the change of tone. It was a bit startling, frankly, considering how long this had been going on. But when Natasha poked her nose into his business, as was her usual, she let him on the secret.
And then he was frightened even more, to which Natasha would kindly laugh and point out how that was more frightening than being on the run?
Steve would answer a full 'yes' because this wasn't about something as malleable as that. This was important. It was Seren. He was ashamed to admit that in the beginning he thought these poem messages wouldn't last long. He loved Seren but he wasn't sure what she felt, and with his unique situation she couldn't possibly tie herself to him. She had every right to move forwards with her life.
Three years later, it seemed like Seren was on the verge of doing it and he felt sick. He didn't want her to move forwards. However selfish it sounded, he didn't want to lose her.
"Go see her," Natasha would then advise him.
"You know I can't do that," he would of course respond with.
"Yes, you can. Wanda's doing the same thing with Vision and we both know that she's not 'keeping space'. Why shouldn't you do the same with Seren?"
That was a good question, alright. Why shouldn't he be able to see her even for just a moment? But, doing that would mean putting her at risk.
"Leave that up to her to decide," Natasha told him.
Fair. That was fair. He would never want to take Seren's choices away. He looked down at his communication's device that always remained on is wrist. (He never knew when he would get a message from Seren).
Taking a similar moment of bravery, Steve decided to message her not a stanza but something completely out of their norm. When Seren read the message, she couldn't believe her eyes. She had to reread it several times before deciding that she wasn't seeing things.
They were coordinates. And a date. Coordinates and a date. Despite all the nerves she felt, and there were a lot, her lips ultimately pulled into a wide smile. Her act of bravery hadn't been a mistake. She would be seeing Steve soon, very soon. Next week. Could she wait that long? Could she keep it a secret that long? Because in the next few days, everyone around her could see a huge difference in her mood. It brought several questions aboard but nothing pulled her down.
Two days before the lucky day would have Tony coming to tell her that he'd found a viable candidate for her blind date. Not even that would affect her.
They were in the kitchen discussing the matter, or rather one trying to persuade the other. The fact that Seren seemed more amused than anything else was baffling Tony thought he could use it as an advantage.
"He works in the Human Resources department, talks to Pepper everyday—he's all about the people. Definitely your kind of guy," Tony motioned her entire being, resulting in her laughter.
"You think that's my type?" Seren planted her arms on the kitchen isle and gave him an amused smile.
"Your past choices say that!" Even though Tony hadn't meant anything wrong with his response, it cleared the smile off her face.
Seren pulled herself away from the isle. "Look, I appreciate the attempt but I'm really not into the idea."
"Seren, c'mon. This Saturday night. Double date to ease the awkwardness."
"I'm actually going to see my parents this weekend," Seren moved around him, hiding her slightly wide eyes. "I don't know if I'll make it back in time."
Tony turned with her. "It doesn't matter. We can reschedule if that happens. I just want you to meet him."
"Tony—"
"Please," he insisted. "It won't hurt but it can sure help you move on."
Seren looked away. She didn't like idea of lying to him but in this situation, she had to. "I don't know if I'll make it back..."
"We can reschedule if that happens, no problem. You'll like him, Seren. I was very serious when I did this." He smiled at her, urging her to let loose for a bit. She tended to be so serious sometimes. Eventually, she smiled at him too.
"Okay, fine. But I'm leaving tomorrow."
"Sounds good to me!"
Seren playfully rolled her eyes but as she headed for the hallway, the guilt got to her. She stopped under the threshold and looked back. "Hey," she called to Tony, "Thanks. I do appreciate your intentions." Tony gave her an earnest nod in return. "I just...I don't know if I can do that."
Once more, Tony nodded and watched her leave. She was too odd even for her half alien, C.I.A. self. "Seren?" he called to her before she would disappear.
She stopped and looked back at him. "Yeah?"
Tony stared long and hard at her, something that made her shift. He noticed it but he wouldn't point it out. She seemed afraid and that was the last thing he wanted. He was too smart not to guess close enough to the truth. He suspected something like this would come one day. And instead of being confident, be smug even, she was afraid.
"Tony, did you need something?" she asked.
Tony cleared his throat and shook his head. "No, um..." He took in a breath and sent her a smile. "Just...thank you." Seren blinked with natural confusion. "Thanks Twinkle Star, for everything."
Seren couldn't help but smile at him. She didn't understand where this was coming from but she would take it nonetheless.
~0~
It was evening when Seren found the place the coordinates led to. She made herself some time to get there in case there were conflicts but thankfully, everything had been calm so far. She was pleasantly surprised with a modest bakery that stood in front of her. It was a bit rundown and there were only a few people inside but it was perfect for what the situation. They couldn't risk meeting in a more public place even if they were one state over. Now she just had to wait.
She gripped her bag's strap over her shoulder, practically digging her nails into it. She felt a little self-conscious standing outside, especially in the evening with few to no people on the streets. Maybe she was drawing more attention just by standing there. Should I go in? Or would it be even more attention-worthy to sit by yourself without ordering? Seren suspected she would have a headache if she didn't figure this out soon.
Her communications device on her wrist flashed a soft red. Seren quickly opened it up to see the new message.
If you are not with me I feel empty hearted and I cannot breathe,
In your arms, by your side, is when I feel I can breathe,
There is nothing left to say nor change.
Seren's heart thumped with feelings. Her lips fell into a smile the more she reread the stanza. For all she knew it, it could be a way for Steve to apologize for not being able to make it.
"Can I take you inside, ma'am?"
Seren jumped in her spot but she would be damned if she felt scared, never with that voice. She lowered her arms to her sides and turned around. She was smiling so widely it could've cracked her face. "I don't know...are there cinnamon rolls in there?" Her attempt to be casual was an utter fail but she was confident that Steve would never tell her.
"We could find out together...?" He returned with the same tone. Seren laughed softly. Steve held his breath soon as he heard it. He forgot what she sounded like and even now, he couldn't relish it enough. He stepped towards her, wanting to be as close as possible to but since he wasn't sure what she wanted, he had to stop a few inches from her.
Seren lost her own breath at the sight of him. "Hi," she said, unable to help the shine of tears in her eyes. It was surreal being able to see him again.
"Hi," he looked down at her. She looked exactly how he remembered and pictured her each day. Her usual sparkly green eyes were enhanced with her make up. Her lips were plump and with a dash of pink lipstick, matching her cheeks. He could see a burgundy silk dress peeking under her khaki-color coat. She was beautiful. Time could pass her by and she would always be beautiful. He missed her so much.
"You look different," Seren raised her hands as if to touch him but she stopped midway. He might not want her touching him. "Does the beard help you hide or...?" She tried to be as casual about it as possible (yet again) but she really liked his new appearance. He wore a black, long sleeved, buttoned-up shirt with dark pants to match.
It was Steve's turn to laugh. "Ah, sort of. Well, yes, actually. It does."
Seren leaned forwards in her amusement. She used to always lean on him when they were having a moment, whether it was a joking matter or not. She caught herself, though, and tried pulling herself away when Steve caught her wrists. It startled her but in such a good way that it didn't even matter. "I've missed you," she said quietly, far more frail than she ever wanted to be. She felt the squeeze of his hands around her wrists. "A lot. Did you?"
"Yeah," he nodded. He slid his hands from her wrists to his hands. "You wouldn't believe the amount." He brought her left hand to his lips for a kiss on her palm, something he always used to do. He held her hand closely to his face afterwards.
Seren could easily believe him. He never lied to her. She pulled her hand out of his grip, doing the same with her other one, and cupped his face. She half-smiled at the way he leaned into her touch. She was warm, exactly how he remembered her. "Wherever you've been, I'm glad that you came back to me...even if it's just for one night."
Steve nodded. "I never thought I'd be seeing you like this," he confessed. "I'm sorry for this—"
"Shh, no," Seren cut him off before he went with a senseless apology. "I'm just glad you let me come see you. I know the risk you're taking coming to see me. I see it, and I..." She trailed off to swallow hard. Still afraid!? She was. Even when she has him standing in front of her, she was still afraid of saying it and getting a rejection in return.
"You want to go inside?" Steve asked her, eyes briefly flickering over her head to make sure nobody was looking at them oddly. He specifically chose the neighborhood for it's near solitude. "I don't know about cinnamon rolls but I'm sure they'll have something for us."
Seren nodded. "Mhm." She took her hands from her face, about to slip them into her coat's pockets when Steve took one to hold. She was happy to let him lead the way in. He held her hand tightly like she would slip away if he loosened his grip even for a second.
Unsurprisingly, there wasn't a lot to order from at the late hour.
"I'm sorry," Steve said when they started for an empty table. "I hoped there would be at least one one cinnamon roll for you—"
"It's fine," Seren said quickly, waving him off with her free hand. "I didn't exactly come here for a pastry." She stopped by their table and turned to him with a big smile on her face.
"Yeah? Exactly what did you come for, then?" Steve asked her, almost losing the urge to smirk. It was the question he kept asking himself in the last few days. Seren was risking her own freedom coming to meet him. Why? She didn't have to; she was choosing to.
Seren ducked her gaze as soon as she felt her face warm up. "I missed you," she said quietly and turned away to reach her seat. She wasn't lying but it was still only half of the truth. Nothing wrong with baby steps, she told herself. "I said that already." She unbuttoned her coat and pulled it off, revealing a silk-satin burgundy wrap dress with long puff sleeves underneath. "And if I recall correctly, you said the same thing too...right?" She left her coat draped on her chair then looked at Steve for his response. If he was going to put her on the spot, she was going to return the favor.
He gave a half-nod. "Yeah," he agreed. His eyes trailed her over while she stood waiting for more of his response. He was speechless, as it turned out. Yeah, he really missed her. "You look beautiful."
Seren blushed. She thought she would be overdressed yet at the same time she wanted to look nice. It wasn't an ordinary night. "Thank you."
They sat down together after a short awkward moment passed by.
"Is everyone good?" Seren had to ask. "Are they...safe?"
Steve nodded. "As much as they can be. We move around a lot. It's for the best."
"But you came back here," Seren said, momentarily looking down at the table. "I know everything you're risking right now. Are the others mad?"
"Not at all," Steve surprised her. He smiled when her gaze snapped up. "Seren, they love you. If they could have, they would've been here too." But they had all collectively agreed that he should see Seren. He wouldn't mention that to Seren. "And just so we're clear, I want to be here."
Seren's lips curved into a timid smile. "I'm happy," she whispered. "Because the last time we saw each other...it wasn't good." Even thinking about it now struck her with the same raw pain as she'd felt that day.
"I know," said Steve. "You have to know that I'm so sorry for all that. You were the last person I wanted to harm. I left you alone because I didn't want to drag you into my mess. I wanted you to keep living your life just like you always had. So, what have you done since then?"
Seren shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, nothing spectacular..."
"Seren," Steve's face fell flat.
She groaned. "Okay fine, I've done my fair share of missions for the C.I.A. and with Tony. Oh—" she snapped her fingers, "—I've visited Scott and Clint. They are doing fine in their house arrest deal. And really, I say 'visited' in a very loose term because, you know, house arrest and whatnot but I was able to talk to them and..." She trailed off with another shrug, though this time with a grin. "They're doing fine and I swore to them that I had no way of telling you this but I guess now I just told you..."
Steve laughed with her way. He couldn't get enough of her. In fact, this was the first real laugh he had in 3 years. Seren Soul was his light and she had no idea. "It's good to know that they're going to be okay."
"They are," Seren nodded. "And, you know, Tony's doing good too. Rhodey...he's good too. And..." she lowered her voice, "Bucky is too. I have constant communication with T'Challa. You don't have to worry about him, even though I suspect that's what you do half your time."
"It's just hard not to," Steve admitted. He spent the better part of his life trying to save Bucky and now that he kind of had, he couldn't even see him. "But that's why you're here. You look after everyone, just like you always do."
Seren smiled. "I try my best."
"It's why you don't deserve to be in this situation with me right now." Steve knew as soon as he said the truth it would cause a rift between them.
"Hey, don't," she shook her head. "I sent you the line. I wanted to see you again. It's selfish, really, because I did it for a reason." She took in a breath before continuing. "Tony's setting me up on a date tomorrow night. A double date. I don't know who he is but Tony says he's a good man." A short pause followed in hopes that Steve would say something but when Seren met his gaze he wasn't even looking at her.
He shifted in his seat. Of course he knew it was more than right for her to go on with her life. She was beautiful, intelligent, loyal and had a hell of a power. Any man would fall for her. He would know. "Seren, I..." He was at a loss for words again. What could he say? 'No, don't go on a date. I love you.' He was pretty sure that was selfish.
It's selfish to love her? Okay, maybe that wasn't exactly selfish. Loving her wasn't selfish. It was...the best thing that happened to him. So then tell her!
"Tony always liked you," he said after what seemed like ages for Seren. "He would pick someone good for you."
Disappointment flashed across Seren's eyes. "That's it?" she whispered. "That's all you have to say?"
"Seren, I don't know what you want me to say..."
If you are not with me I feel like I'm in a void, dying from the cold,
If I'm not by your side I loose my senses
Seren finished reciting the stanzas with a huff. "Your turn."
He knew the next line, yes he did, but it felt wrong saying it in this situation. The messages he would send her were from their special poem book. It was what he felt. He would never say it to prove a point.
"You're always on my mind, Steve," Seren sighed. She stretched a hand across the table to grab his hand. "You have to know that by now. I-I tried to say it the last time we saw each other but since I couldn't say it, I sent you that stanza. It was our poem book. We read every poem in that book, we talked about each line, each stanza. We understood its meanings. You had to realize what I was trying to say in that first message. Please." She squeezed his hand, urging him to speak.
"I had an idea," he admitted. He wasn't completely stupid when it came to women, at least not anymore. "But I never talked about it because...because of where we are. Seren, I love our messages. You have no idea what it means to me each time I see a new message from you. The fact you still give me the time of day after all this, after three years...you've no idea. But this is our reality, and it's not good one. The best thing you can do is go on that date and live your life."
Seren pulled her hand off his, partially out of anger. She couldn't believe her ears. "Maybe this was a mistake," she whispered. This had been her fear from the start. Rejection. The worst part is that she hadn't even said it. She'd only gotten a part of it out and it already blew up in her face.
"Seren, I'm really sorry." Steve felt like a broken record. How many times had he apologized to her already? He kept messing things up and this time it seemed to be hurting her even more.
"I think I should go," she muttered, her arm already stretching back for her coat. She was stupid to think this would actually go somewhere.
"No, Seren—"
She had put on her coat, albeit a little crookedly, and stood up from her chair. "I was an idiot for even considering that this whole thing would-would turn out like this!"
"Turn like what?" Steve was quick to get up as well. Things had gone bad very fast!
"Like this!" Seren frantically gestured between them. She reached for her purse hanging on her chair. "Because I wanted you to say something different! Something..."
"Something not bad," Steve said quietly. He understood her perfectly now. "Seren, I wish things could be different but...they're not."
She nodded slowly, her eyes still teary. She looked away for a second as she tried gathering her words. "Sending those messages, getting them, they always filled me with this warmth right here," she placed her hand over her heart. "Knowing that you knew the lines to our poems, that you were writing them for me...it was everything. It was enough." She willed herself to meet his gaze even though she knew she had to look like a mess. "But now it's not. It's not enough to have words anymore—I want you. I love you."
How long had he waited to hear that? Steve could lose count if he got to thinking about it. She was vulnerable with the truth and with his silence. What could he say to her? Before any of this mess started, he would've been over the moon to hear her say that. He could've given her a lot more than he ever could right now. "Seren, you know that it...we couldn't..."
"I know," she said. "I know that it's logically impossible. Logically, I shouldn't have said anything but to be fair, neither of us should have started those messages three years ago. We both knew what it was: a dance. A dance around the words that we wouldn't say to each other." She moved around the table until she stood directly in front of him, head raised to look him in his eyes. This was as brave as she would ever be. "I don't want to dance anymore. I can't do it. I wasn't lying about what I said through those poems. 'There's so much to invent and nothing to fake. I fell in love with you.'" The best part of that poem and she had to go saying it for this moment. Seren couldn't find a better moment than this. "
"This isn't fair," is what came out of Steve's mouth seconds after thinking of it in his head. There she was, looking beautiful as ever, saying she loved him, and waiting for him to say it back. And it wouldn't make a damn difference in the end. Because when the night was over, he would have to go in a very different path than her. He would leave the state and who knew when he would be remotely close to her again?
Someone cleared their throat but it was neither of them. A waitress had come up to them with their order in her hands. "Your orders...?" She could sense the tension in the air.
Seren tore her gaze from Steve to look at the young woman. "We're sorry, could you make that to-go? We're sort of done here." The waitress nodded her head and left in a hurry. Seren wouldn't blame her. She'd love to run out of there too.
"Seren, I'm sorry," Steve finally said. She looked. back at him with the saddest of eyes, something he was responsible for.
"Don't worry. It's my fault too," she shrugged. "I had the chance to say it multiple times and I didn't." If she had said it the first time she realized it, the first night they'd been together, maybe things would've turned out differently.
Steve wouldn't lie to himself and say that it wouldn't have made things different between them. It hurt like hell having to pretend like their night together had been something accidental and casual. Nothing serious. "Can I...can I take you back to where you're staying, please?"
Seren would offer him a small smile. "Yeah," she nodded. The night had been cut short but she still wanted to take one last walk with him. "You don't have anywhere else to be?"
"No," he said quickly.
After taking the pastries they'd ordered, something neither of them could even remember what it was anymore, they left the place. Seren had done her due diligence by staying at a hotel decently away from the shop. It was even under a different name.
"Celeste Guedes?" Steve found himself asking after he'd heard the name.
Seren flushed. "Uh, that was actually going to be my name. Don't worry, my parents never shared that with anyone except for me."
"Hayley," Steve tried the name out and looked at her questionably. "I don't know about it..."
Seren playfully rolled her eyes and led the way into the elevator. "Yeah, that's what they said too. Also, it just 'didn't have the same rhythm'—" she raised her hands to do quotation marks, "—as 'Seren' did."
"I agree," Steve said wholeheartedly. "Plus, your name has a perfect translation..."
"I know," she said in a manner indicating she'd heard it one too many times. She pressed the floor number and watched the elevator doors slide shut.
"...star soul..." Steve said with a smirk that grew when he heard her sigh.
"Don't make me hurt you. You know that I can."
Steve nodded. One of the things that made her unique amongst everyone he met in the new world is that she could indeed "make a dent on him" as she once put it. Just thinking about it made him want to laugh.
They descended from the elevator with a less terse tension between them. Seren brought him inside her room and soon felt the awkwardness she had prayed to God wouldn't find them. She left the pastry bag on the table, along with her bag. She pulled her coat off and chucked it to the table's chair.
"Look, Seren," Steve started once he felt their time coming to an end, "I know things didn't end well but I'm thankful that you came to see me. You've no idea how much that means to me."
Seren nodded. "You don't know what it meant to me for you to risk coming in the first place. I...probably shouldn't have acted the way I did back there..." Steve moved to tell her not to even apologize but she was quicker than him. "I'm sorry. I put you on the spot. It doesn't have to end nicely but you know what? I don't regret telling you."
"But I hurt you..." Steve said, looking at her with the amount of guilt that only he could carry.
Seren shook her head at him. She walked up to him, her hands about to lay on his shoulders when she hesitated. "I hurt you, Steve. The morning after...I know I did. I should have said the truth but I was afraid. It's no excuse..."
"Stop," Steve managed to cut in. He was sure if he let her go on she would apologize for hours. He cupped her face, eyes begging her to listen and just stop talking. "You want to agree on something? We both messed up. Yeah, you should've said something that night but you know what? I could've fought harder too. I could've done something instead of letting you walk away. We could've had something but we both made mistakes. It's not just on you."
"I don't want to walk away from you again," Seren said. She could feel the sting of tears in her eyes. "I don't want to make the same mistake again."
Steve could smile at that. He gingerly splayed his fingers over her cheeks. "It would be my mistake to let you ruin your life just to follow me, not to mention selfish."
"I am very okay with that," Seren said much too easily to be serious, at least that's what Steve thought. It was hard to be sure when her tears were rolling down her face.
He cleared a few of them with his fingers. "It's not okay."
"Then what do you want me to do?" she asked on the verge of frantic. "You want me to go on that date that I don't want? Meet some man that I know I won't like? He's going to try and hold my hand, hug me, kiss me! Is that what you want because I don't want that!" And she was sure that he didn't either, if there was anything to think about when she felt his hands stiffen for a second. She struck the nerve.
"No, I don't but what's the alternative? You waiting for me forever?" Because Steve knew that she was very capable of doing that. He lowered one of his hands from her face to her side. He had an idea of where this was heading and, just like earlier, he wanted to take advantage of every last moment he could have with her. He nuzzled his nose against her cheek, taking in light breaths. She smelled so sweet, "Call me crazy but I'm not very fond of that either."
"So you're going to let me go?" Seren whispered. Whether she wanted to or not, her body would shift each time Steve's hand happened to move along her side. His fingers felt soft even over her dress' material. She brought an arm over his shoulder, hoping to keep him close. "Metaphorically? And physically?"
Steve stiffened again. He pulled back slightly to meet her eyes. "You're not being very fair." Seren raised her head, leaving very little space between them. "You know exactly what I feel."
"I do?"
"Yes!"
"I don't think so—"
"Seren—"
"What would that be, then?"
Steve paused to look at her. Her expression had stayed calm as ever which was only that more annoying right now. He was losing it and she knew it. He was going to end up giving in...but would that really be a punishment? Not now but later. That was the thing. Right now was different. He could pretend for one moment that reality wasn't terrible. It wasn't unfair.
"Oh lovey, I don't like this any more than you do," Seren said with a sad smile. "Be kind to yourself. What do you feel?"
"You really want to know?" Steve couldn't believe he had to even ask that. He'd shown it already; moments that had surely gone over her head in the past. But there was actually a part of him willing to admit to a bit of disappointment that his feelings hadn't been made clear during their unplanned night together years ago. There was only one way to make things absolutely clear. "You're what I love the most, what I've dreamt to love." A smile started spreading across Seren's face as soon as she recognized the lines. "You're my light every morning."
Seren couldn't possibly smile any bigger. "What would become of me if I can't have you?"
The winning question.
It had a foul answer that even Steve didn't want to think about. He'd been doing it already and he wasn't sure how much more he could take. "Seren?"
"Hm?"
"I love you." Saying it out loud for the first time lifted a heavy weight from his shoulders. It was no longer his secret and he was oh-so-fine with it.
Seren might have felt the fuzziest of feelings hearing those words. She smiled softly at him and raised her hand to his cheek. "I know..."
"Did you always know?"
"...no." Seren pulled her hand from his face.
"Did you ever wonder?" Steve met her gaze to study every detail of her expressions. He had to know if she did.
She looked away from him, whether out of guilt or to simply think about it he wasn't sure. "Not in the beginning," she admitted. "Everyone knows you were always sweet to everyone. I just thought since you met me first, I was a little special."
"You were," he agreed. "But it wasn't solely because I met you first. You didn't ever consider it could've been more?" She shrugged slowly. Steve didn't miss the faint blush on her face. "Seren?" he called to her with a light smile.
"I don't know, maybe!" she shrugged again. "The fact is, I should've but I didn't and I'm so sorry."
"Hey, I didn't ask to make you apologize," Steve couldn't help the amusement in his tone. "I've just always wanted to know..."
"Did I disappoint you?" she asked with a decent amount of fear in her eyes.
"No, never sweetheart," Steve cradled her face. "You could never." Seren actually pouted which only made him want to laugh. How could he not love her?
Yet another winning question. How could he not love her? How could he stop? Unlike the earlier question, these had answers.
"Seren?" He traced light circles over her cheeks.
She loved his touch. "Yeah?"
"I'm not sure what...what we're supposed to do now..." There were a couple ideas running through his head but he wasn't sure how well they would go.
Fortunately, similar ideas were occupying Seren's mind too. She was aware the space between them had gotten smaller but it wasn't enough (what an irony). "Tell me I'm yours," she said, deliberately avoiding his eyes for a second. She didn't think she could handle that rejection.
"You're mine," Steve said without a second thought. She was absolutely his, if there was anything to get from this entire discussion.
Seren smiled at him. "And you are mine." Her arms slid around his neck and, to prove that she could very well match his strength, she pulled him down.
Their lips met in an abrupt crash but it didn't last long. Whether they cared to admit it or not, the familiarity of each other was still there and it was strong. So strong it was that it was frightening how quickly they craved for each other. Steve's hands fell to her sides, bunching up her dress in fistfuls. He touched her skin every now and then but he was well aware that it wasn't enough. He wanted more—he always did. She drove him crazy and the time apart only amplified his feelings for her.
He didn't have time to wonder if she felt the same intensity as he did. Her arms around his neck had unwinded to come down on his chest. Her fingers toyed with the buttons of his shirt for a few seconds before deciding that the time for hesitation was more than over. She pulled them apart, surprisingly without ripping them. They shared a muffled laugh between them that only lasted seconds in favor of the moment.
Seren helped him pull the shirt off him afterwards. "You're staying tonight, right?" she asked him.
Steve couldn't think of any other place he'd rather be. His arms slid around her back, his fingers already searching for the opening of her dress. "If you'll let me," he decided to play with her. He smiled when she rolled her eyes.
"Don't you dare—"
Steve turned her around unexpectedly and rested her back against his chest. "Don't you dare what?" He asked beside her ear.
She shuddered with his kisses on her shoulder "I...have no idea," she admitted. It sounded like she lost air. Not even his short laugh was able to ruin her. She reached an arm back around his neck, her fingers gripping his skin each time he kissed down her neck.
Eventually, he had to pull the zipper of her dress down if he wanted to keep trailing her shoulders. She shifted a bit as the dress started falling below her shoulders.
Steve paused when he saw the familiar birthmark at the end of her shoulder. When Seren followed his gaze, she had a moment of panic. A nice perfectly-shaped star mark that grew up with her was always a reminder that she wasn't normal. She wasn't just a human.
"Hey," she started, voice frail, "If it's too much..."
"Too much?" he repeated, eyebrows knitting together in a momentary confusion.
"You know...out of this world..." she raised a finger to the ceiling in her referent to space.
Steve would've laughed if he didn't know her struggles with that other side of her. They'd gone into full discussions about the matter in the past, after all. "You are out of this world, sweetheart." He pressed a soft kiss on her birthmark. "I was always afraid I wasn't going to be enough for someone like you."
Seren turned around at that, her expression startled. "You? You are..." She lost her air again but, just like the last time, it was such a good feeling. "You're everything to me. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you." She shifted in her spot until her dress was able to sink down to the ground.
Steve was baffled by the sight of her, just like the first time they were together. Some things never changed. "I love you," he blurted. Seren laughed when he realized how he'd said it. "I—that's not how I meant..."
Seren couldn't take him sometimes. Even when he had everything in front of him, he still couldn't quite grasp it. "Someone else would've kissed me by now."
Steve had no doubt about that in his mind. She was breathtaking and just waiting. "Yeah." His hands caught her body in the abrupt manner he'd dove to kiss her. There would be no talking, certainly nothing to make him fumble. He wanted her, he loved her, and he was going to send that message tonight.
~0~
It was far too early for anyone to be up. The sun was only just peeking in the sky. It should've been a relatively calm Saturday morning—it was for everyone else. For others, it was bittersweet.
"When do you have to go?" Seren's whisper didn't even sound like a whisper in the dead silence.
"...yesterday." Steve felt the shake of her body when she laughed. He smiled to himself.
She draped her arm further over his body and readjusted her head on his chest. "You're funny," she remarked. "So funny that I might not let you get out of this bed."
Steve didn't want to leave the bed. She was tucked so nicely beside him, so warm and lovely. Who could ever want to leave her side?
However, they both knew that reality was close to catching up to them again. Sooner or later, their bubble was going to pop and they would once again find themselves in the same old problem.
Seren sensed that Steve was a little closer to that reality than she was at the moment. "I'm sorry," she felt the urge to say.
He ran a hand up and down her back. "You're not the only one in this, sweetheart. I followed and I'm pretty sure I led at some point."
She smiled for a brief second. "Yes, you did. For a while. And it was fine leading too."
"Oh, now you're being funny," he said. She shrugged and snuggled up to him. He welcomed the opportunity to hold her close. He wanted to soak up ever moment with her. He was sure that he wouldn't be forgetting the night anytime soon. The way she'd called his name throughout the night was forever imprinted in his mind, along with her soft lips and touches.
"I can be funny," Seren said with a giggle.
Steve shifted on his side after that bit. He met her green eyes sparkling with mischief, a trait she rarely showed. "I do have to go soon, though." She nodded silently, her face falling in a disheartening expression.
There was reality about to knock on their door.
"You know I don't want to go," he reminded.
"But you're going to," she responded with a slight snap to her tone. It was an unfair thing to say, she knew, but it was breaking her heart.
"Seren," he said her name sweetly when she tried getting out of his hug. When she wouldn't stop, he decided to flip the tables. Literally. He turned her on her back and hovered over her. "You're locked in for the next two minutes," he warned her.
She frowned. "You do realize that one star blast from me and you—" she jabbed a finger to his chest, "—are super soldier dust."
Steve chuckled. "I am very aware of that, ma'am. Grant me 2 minutes out of the kindness of your heart?" He gave her a soft kiss on the lips. "Please?"
Seren begrudgingly fell with that kiss. "I love you and I know it's selfish to be mad but you know what? I don't care. I want to be with you. Don't you remember? 'If you're not with me, air leaves me and I am empty hearted.'"
Steve nodded to the next line. He felt the same way. "'Being in your arms, only by your side is when I feel like I can breathe.'"
Seren's hands cupped his face. "'There's nothing to change, nothing else to say.'"
"There really isn't," Steve agreed. Everything they wanted to say, they already had last night. He kissed her again, if only to remind her that what they had was real. Nobody could take that away. Seren would welcome every reminder with open arms, or in this case arms wrapped around his neck.
Because later on reality would come in the form of a text message.
Lounging in Steve's black shirt, Seren found her bag and pulled her phone out to see the text on her screen. "It's from Tony," she said. "Uuh...he's asking me if I'm coming back tonight in time for the date he's setting me up on." She turned around to meet Steve's gaze.
He'd already gotten out of bed and was half clothed—there was no way Seren was giving him his shirt back right now. (Yet another way to keep them in their bubble for a bit longer). "I think that anything I say will only make you upset with me."
Seren sighed heavily. He was probably right. She looked at her phone again. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard several minutes before she decided to put the phone down. "I can't." She left it on the table and walked over to the window. She pulled the curtains open and illuminated the room with the morning sunshine. "I'd much rather do this."
A few seconds later, Steve had walked up behind her. As much distance as he should've placed between them, he just couldn't stay away. He hugged her tight from behind and planted a kiss on her cheek. She smiled like she wasn't just contemplating going on a date with someone else. "Whatever happens, you know that you're my world."
Seren snuggled to him, hoping his arms would squeeze her just a bit to be even more warm. "Mm, you can't say things like that and expect me to go on a date with someone else."
"It's because of that, that I'm saying it," countered Steve. "I need you to know before we...go our separate ways."
"It doesn't have to be," Seren said. "Let me come with you." She expected the minute-long silence that followed after that. It was the first time she'd said it so bluntly and even then Seren didn't regret it. It was like she'd said yesterday, she was tired of the cautious dance. "It's not enough anymore, Steve. I will lose my mind eventually."
"Seren, realize what you're asking here," Steve practically begged her. "If you come with me, you're going to lose everything. You have a job, you have friends, your family. You wouldn't be able to see your own parents."
"I know," Seren promised him. "I'm not stupid, I know exactly what it means to come with you. I love my family but they know that I'm not happy. Even Tony knows it—it's why he's trying to set me up on that date. Everybody knows that I'm not happy. Would it be so bad if I finally did what would make me happy?"
"No," Steve said quietly. "I guess not..."
"If you're not with me I'm left in the middle of nowhere. If I'm not with you, I lose my senses." Seren smirked when he groaned.
"That's not fair!"
"That's an understatement, isn't it?"
Steve sighed heavily and nodded. "Yeah."
"C'mon, would it be that bad if I came along with you?"
"You know that's not the issue..."
"We'd wake up together..."
"To make a run at the crack of dawn." Seren felt him tighten his grip around her. "I wouldn't want to put you in that situation. Watching the morning sun like this is hardly something we'd have time to do."
"There'd be some moments," she said, knowing that he wouldn't agree to it even though it was a hard fact. "But I'm not here for the morning suns, you know. All I want is to be with you...but not by force." She wiggled her body until he was forced to let her go and she was able to turn around to face him. "I won't come with you if you don't want me to, but I won't be waiting anymore. I can't do that anymore. And this isn't blackmail either. I get what you want to do for us, and I love that you care so much for me, but I can't do the messaging anymore. I can't...communicate with you after this."
"I know," Steve nodded, head hanging for a moment. He wasn't sure he'd be able to keep communicating with her either knowing that it wasn't going anywhere.
"So," Seren reached up to cup his face, "I ask you again, can I come with you?"
"It would just...it would be selfish of me to say 'yes' knowing what that meant for you." Steve pulled one of her hands from his face. He kissed her palm and looked deep into her eyes. "Your career, your family...am I really worth losing all that?" It was a scary thing to realize and that was saying something considering everything he'd been through in the past.
Seren nodded without a trace of doubt. "I have never met anyone who made me decide things so easily like this. Yes, you are worth everything. I don't have to think twice about things when it comes to you. It's scary but at the same exhilarating. I don't know if it's the same for you but...this is what it is to me."
"No, I understand," Steve said, easing her nerves. "I'd do anything for you. I kept an eye on you in the beginning, you know, when we went on the run. I know they called you in countless times for interrogation. If it had ever threatened your job, your own freedom...I would've come back." He squeezed her hand in his. "No doubt, no hesitation."
Seren's heart swelled until she laughed out of sheer happiness. It was infectious. She had Steve doing the same in a minute. "Let's run together, lovey. I can keep up."
"I think you're the only woman who can," Steve said with a light chuckle to follow. "Literally. But I have to ask one more time, is this really what you want? There's no going back..."
Seren nodded her head. "Yes. I know my family will understand. And Tony...I think deep down he knows this was coming." She locked her arms around his neck.
"Seren, I just want you to be happy and I guess that's...with me." It was even weird for Steve to say that and realize it was true. It was hard because he never thought he'd have someone like Seren. Actually, he never thought he would have Seren. His eyes glanced over her to the window. The full morning sun had shined through. He knew he'd been saying the truth when he told Seren that their mornings wouldn't involve watching the sun rising but if they could have just one every so often, it would be enough. He understood her. His gaze shifted back to Seren. "We have to leave in an hour."
Seren's face lit up. "Oh my goodness!"
"If you're sure about this, it's an hour max."
"If I'm 'sure' about this—you're damn right I'm sure about it! I'm sure about you!" She laughed and pulled him down for a kiss.
With his own laugh, Steve picked her up and she easily wrapped her legs around him. "I'm not sure that's a smart move, sweetheart."
"Shush, I have degrees, you know. You really want to pick a fight with me?" The look on her face spelled exactly the danger he'd be in if he answered incorrectly.
"No ma'am," he shook his head.
"I thought so," she leaned down close to his face. "So, one hour right?"
"Yeah, Natasha sent me a message earlier. She sends her apologies for, uh, 'cutting us short'."
"Well, one hour means we can still do things," she nuzzled her nose with his. "If you want..."
"What kind of things did you have in mind? Because like I said, one hour and..."
"And what?" Seren frowned when she pulled away.
"Well, it's just that if we start doing things and it involves more kisses, it'll be very hard to put an end to it. If I kiss you once, I know that I'll want more and more..." Steve pressed a couple kisses around her face, "...and more..."
Seren giggled. "Take the risk, won't you?"
"Come down here, then," he said, shrugging his arms to motion that he hands were currently occupied holding her body. He smirked quite proudly about the fact too.
Seren rolled her eyes and made a mental note to get him back for that one. There would be plenty of opportunities now! She let her fingers tap along his bare shoulders until he seemed impatient enough. They kissed until Seren's laugh would cut in when Steve made way for their bed.
"You're going to have to give me my shirt back," he warned and then suddenly he was the recipient of a proud smirk.
"Fight me for it," she challenged him.
His face fell flat...as did she when he let her fall on the bed. "I've got a better idea," he announced. She giggled as he climbed over her and peppered her face with kisses. Soon enough, his lips would land on hers. One hour wouldn't be enough for them but they would have plenty of time in the time to come.
A/N:
Full disclaimer that this poem is also not a poem but another Spanish song I love to bits and pieces. I got the translation online and tweaked some words to fit the story!
P.S As always, I have a tumblr account dedicated to my fanfic works! It's a place where anyone can comment about a story or even just talk to me! I often drop aesthetic work belonging to my stories too! Feel free to check it out, my URL is "saiilorstars".