April Fools
Earth, 2020
The Arbiter sat down as he read the fanfiction on the computer screen. He wasn't exactly much of an avid reader of such literature, however, since The Mastur Ch33f had been hogging most of the TV and because Arbiter admittedly got bored playing Breath Of The Wild for so long, he decided maybe this would be somewhat entertaining.
Which it was, surprisingly enough. It was just him and this fanfiction, and it was so peaceful reading this odd fanfiction known as "The Emerald Knight." While the writing had much that could be improved upon, the plot was at the very least creative and decent enough that it had warranted The Arbiter's interest.
Perhaps he should make a guest review… he thought, until…
"LOL WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARBITUR?" cried the deep computerized voice of The Mastur Ch33f. "IF YOU'RE AT TEH COMPUTERS YOU'RE LITERALLY GAY LIKE SERIOUSLY ACTUALLY!" he screeched.
"Ah, right when it was peaceful for once. Right on time, Chief." commented The Arbiter who quietly sighed.
"LOL YOU'RE GAY!" said the green action figure as he reached the desk which Arbitur was sitting on.
"I'm sure I am," replied Arbiter who shrugged off the retort that he had heard thousands upon thousands of times.
"Anyways what are you doing? I don't see any leet sexy pronz on teh screens," questioned The Ch33f.
"Reading," was the reply.
The Mastur Ch33f looked at the screen and noticed only a couple of things…
FANFICTION. NET
"LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL YOU'RE READING FANFICTION WOW WHAT A FAGGOT LOLOLOLOLOL!" cried The Mastur Ch33f.
"Yes, and?" Arbiter asked.
"Fanfiction is like teh worst things on the planets, and you're reading something from HeyMrJackOff LOLOLOLOLOL!"
"What's wrong with MrJack? He seems like a competent author at the very least and I doubt you can do better than him," replied Arbiter.
"For starters he gets butthurt cause some mormon guy made fun of his pet cockroach and then he cancels all his fics cause he's the worst writer," replied The Ch33f. "Also he has teh worst fic of all the times!" he shouted.
"Really? What's it called, surely you'll let me judge it for myself if it's so bad," replied Arbiter.
"It's called Teh Emrald Nightmare and its literally the worst thing known to man, its just so terribly."
The Arbiter looked at the screen and clicked on Jack's profile, hoping to see what Chief was talking about until it hit him.
He meant "The Emerald Knight."
"If you mean 'The Emerald Knight' it's honestly not that bad of a fanfiction, besides it has you in it. Why is it bad?" Arbiter asked.
"Because I are Teh Mastur Ch33fs! I should be fucking all the cute RWBY anime girls and hazing millions and millions and millions of babehs with them," said Ch33f.
"So due to having an actual plot and writing instead of just putting The Master Chief in some stupid situation and giving a harem, it's bad?" asked Arbiter
"Yes!" replied Ch33f.
"Sorry to say, Chief, but I think I'll have to disagree with you on this one. While Jack could improve strongly on how sentences flow grammatically speaking as well as his fight scenes, this fanfiction's alright." Arbiter replied. "Besides, I doubt you can do any better,"
"Oh, but thats where you're wrong, Arbiter, for I have surpassed HeyMrJackOff and his stupid fanfictions!" declared The Mastur Ch33f.
"That's quite the declaration, but do you have any proof to back it up?" asked Arbiter.
The Mastur Ch33f soon began typing away at the keyboard, opening the files and soon a Notepad document appeared.
"73H 6R347357 RWPY 4ND H4L0 F4NF1C710N 3V4R11111"
Looking at it immediately hurt Arbiter's eyes but he quickly understood what it was called…
"The Greatest RWBY And Halo Fanfiction Ever,"
He soon opened the document and Arbiter was soon forced to read the heresy that Chief put down…
Teh Emrald Nightmare Thingie
TEH PLANET OF RUMNENT
Ruby Rose and the rest of RNJR were shocked at what they were seeing… it was him, The Emerald Knight and his space friend!
"LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! I ARE TEH MASTUR CH33F!" The Emerald Knight said with a computerized voice.
This surprised everyone, they expected the man to sound a bit more… human.
"And it is I, The Arbiter." said The Emerald Knight's space friend, who also had a computerized voice. "Forced into HeyMrJack's fanfictions because he's unoriginal and can't come up with a single good idea of his own."
"Well uh…" Ruby spoke up. She was glad to see the two here, but honestly, they seemed so… weird.
However, she was Ruby Rose, she was nice to everyone obviously!
"I'm glad to see you here then, I know with you two and Ozpin by our side, we'll be able to stop Salem for good!" she said cheerfully.
"LOL I'm gonna fuck her mom," said Ch33f who then looked into a completely other direction…
"What?" Ruby asked, shocked by the comment.
"Doesn't you hears me? I'm gonna fuck Salem's mom!" cried Ch33f. The Arbiter sighed and shook his head as he looked at RNJR as well as Qrow.
"Forgive him, he's not actually that intelligent. In fact, he's not really The Emerald Knight," said The Arbiter.
"Shut the fuck up, Arbiter or so help me man. I'll use my ninjutsu and smack you to the next millions and millions and millions of years," replied The Ch33f angrily as he soon started… dancing around everywhere?
"You guys aren't really the best of friends are you?" the voice of Jaune Arc asked.
"Not really," Arbiter replied.
"LOL Arbitur's my bitch cause he's a beta cuck male!" screamed Ch33f. "I are the alpha-maleman, the best at everythings including writing!" he said.
"Yes lets not forget about that wonderful movie you made or the Mass Effect fanfiction that you wrote whenever ME3 came out," remarked Arbiter.
"Anyways, listen here you little shits. We are gonna does the thing and kill Salem and then get the Xbox One 360 Thousands!" cried Ch33f.
"Uh… Xbox One 360 Thousands?" Jaune asked.
"Yes! The most console ever developed by Microsoft which is going to has Halo Seven's and Eight on it!"
RNJR looked at Arbiter, their brows raised with confusion. The Sangheili warrior raised his arm and whispered to Ruby,
"I had to convince him to help out by saying Salem had the Xbox One 360 Thousands, just go along with it," said Arbiter.
"Riiighhttt…" said Ruby who then looked over to the boy, the new Ozpin, Oscar Pine and saw him hunched up in a corner, going back and forth…
"Who the hell is Ozzpimp? Why does a fanfiction have rules?" the boy cried. "Do we have a purpose here?" he screamed.
"Good lord…" muttered Lie Ren and the rest of RNJR watched as Qrow Branwen went to comfort the boy over the horrors he had apparently seen while traveling alongside The Mastur Ch33f and Arbiter.
"LOL! WHAT A PUSSY!" cried The Mastur Ch33f.
"What do you mean he's a pussy? Do you not know what you did?" cried Nora Valkyrie who had heard everything about what The Ch33f did.
"I fucked a Grimm to death, so what?" asked The Mastur Ch33f. "Isn't that what you're supposed to does to a Grimm?" he questioned.
"Chief, I've told you time and time again. You're not supposed to do that to Grimm, we're supposed to kill them-" cried Arbiter who was then interrupted by Ch33f.
"Its not my fault that my fucking cock can obliterate every single Grimm known to man,"
"Wait, what happened?" Ruby asked.
"I fucked a Grimm to death," stated The Mastur Ch33f.
He said it so calmly, like it was an everyday normal thing.
"H-How did you even…"
"With my massive cock which are my cool persona,"
The Arbiter couldn't help but sigh again as he put his hand against his face.
"Semblance, Chief. It's your semblance," he said.
"Yeah yeah, its my stand, whatever." Ch33f said. "Anyways I used my cool super nopel peace prize phantasm and fucked teh Grimm to death and I did it during Teh War Of 1812," he explained.
Everyone looked at each other dumbfoundedly, they were unaware as to what The Mastur Ch33f was going on about!
"The Great War, Chief." Arbiter corrected.
"Yes, Teh Amrerican's Civil War. Those were a definitely dark times like seriously actually,"
"Is this guy for real?" Jaune asked The Arbiter.
"I promise you, he's for real. He's not that bright and pretty offensive, but please try to grin and bear it. I understand that him being here is a problem but we're sadly a package deal. If I could do anything to change his attitude and improve upon his intelligence, I could, but The Chief has a hard time listening to the thoughts of others,"
"LOL fuck your thots, I don't like any of you e-girls like seriously actually. Get out of my games, games are not for a women."
Everyone stared at The Mastur Ch33f who stood in place, triumphantly, as if he had spoken the words of God almighty himself.
"Women can do as much as men," spat Nora.
Before The Mastur Ch33f could respond, Qrow finally stepped in, no longer comforting Oscar.
"Hey hey, come on! Let's all be nice for a minute and talk about what we're gonna do about Salem…" he said with a smile on his face.
"Agreed!" cried Arbiter, the Sangheili was most certainly happy that someone else was able to step in.
"So… what is the plan?" asked Qrow.
"Honestly, we haven't heard much of the situation, but from what it sounds like there's a mole within Ozpin's group. Our first priority should be reinforcing Mistral as well as finding out who the mole is so we can properly deal with it and make sure The Relic is secure, then go from there-" Arbiter spoke but was soon interrupted by his companion.
"LOL That's fucking gay!" cried The Mastur Ch33f.
"Oh, because you have a better plan," said Arbiter.
"We should go to Grimmville where all teh grimms are born and then I'll kill Salem with my massive fucking dong," said Mastur Ch33f.
"Exactly how are we going to get there?"
"By boat,"
Everyone looked at the argument between Arbiter and The Mastur Ch33f in complete shock. How could they have won the war together?
"By a boat? Chief, there's no body of water near Salem's fortress last time I remember. Besides, how are we going to get a boat? How is it supposed to carry all of us?" asked The Arbiter.
KATHOOM!
The argument stopped as they heard the explosion from outside and everyone's eyes widened.
"She's here," Oscar muttered, finally recovered from seeing the horrors of Ch33f's Grimm-screwing
The team then exited the house they were in, and saw him…
THE MIGHTY EVIL ENFORCER
From space.
"MASTUR CH33F, YOU MUST DIE BECAUSE YOU MUST DIE AND YOU MUST ALSO DIE BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DIE!" cried The Enforcer in his cool edgy black armor that he also got from outer space.
"Wait, why does he have to die?" Ruby asked.
"LOL CAUSE DURING WORLD WAR Z I FUCKED HIS MOM!" Ch33f said. "LOLOLOLOLOLOL THEN I FUCKED HIS WIFE AND HIS DAUGHTERS!" he said.
"YES AND BECAUSE OF THAT YOU MUST DIE WHO MUST DIE BECAUSE YOU ARE BAD AND THAT IS WHY YOU MUST DIE!" The Enforcer cried.
"What?" Ruby asked.
The Arbiter shook his head.
"It's a long gruesome story, but in a nutshell-"
"I QUITE LITERALLY HAS A MILLION BABIES CAUSE YOUR A CUCK ARBITER LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!" Ch33f interrupted.
"What you did was awful, Chief." said Arbiter.
"LOL UR JUST MAD THAT I FUCKED YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU FAGGOT LOLOLOLOLOLOL!" cried Ch33f.
"I was wondering when Jack would allow you to use your trademark word," Arbiter said. "Shame on you, Chief." he said.
"How bout you shut teh fuck up and you're gonna watch me seriously actually go to twerk here," said Ch33f as he prepared his MASSIVE DONG for combat.
"THAT'S RIGHT CHIEFMANCHIEFFINGTON YOU MUST DIE BECAUSE YOU MUST DIE BECAUSE YOU ARE MY ENEMY AND FOR THAT YOU MUST DIE!" screamed The Enforcer who took out his massive battle axe.
"Fuck you!11" cried Ch33f.
The two then engaged in the most gruesome battle known to man, and a million Grimm just came all over the place, just appeared out of nowhere and came everywhere.
The Arbiter handled the defense of Mistral, his DMR and Magnum in hand and successfully shot down several Grimm with ease, while RNJR and Qrow quickly got the civilians to safety as well as did their own form of Grimm slaying.
Meanwhile, the fight between Ch33f and The Mighty Evil Enforcer continued on…
"HOW ARE YOU NOT DYING?" cried The Enforcer.
"CAUSE ARMOR LOCK ARE TEH BEST GUNS IN TEH GAME!111" replied Mastur Ch33f who had been using his suit's armor lock ability to defend himself against the swings of The Enforcer.
CLANG!
CLANG!
CLANG!
More strikes, more defending. The Enforcer was like a mighty tidal wave, while The Mastur Ch33f was a powerful mountain able to take on that wave.
CLANG!
CLANG!
CLANG!
More fighting occurred, the two were on equal footing until…
"SUPER POWER ACTIVATE! MASTUR DONG!" cried The Mastur Ch33f, who swung his 900 foot long erection and smacked The Mighty Enforcer with it.
"Owww! That hurt bad Mastur Ch33f, why? Why do you do this to me?"
"CAUSE UR GAY LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!" said The Mastur Ch33f.
Everyone then watched as The Mastur Ch33f proceeded to murder The Mighty Sp00ky Enforcer with his cock, it was a sight so disturbing that not even The Arbiter, who had grown resistant to whatever horrors The Ch33f could create cringe.
"What… what the hell?" asked Ruby, cursing for probably the first time in her life.
"The Great War was brutal, and it got even worse when Chief witnessed that brutality and had gotten used to it," The Arbiter said.
Everyone then witnessed The Mighty Enforcer's head explode from the force of The Mastur Ch33f who was teabagging his body.
"LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL ARBITUR DID YOU SEE? DID YOU SEE HIS HEAD EXPLODED?" Ch33f cried.
"Yes, Chief. I saw," replied Arbiter.
"Geez this are so dumb, Arbiter. HeyMrJack needs to learn how to does a writing," said Ch33f and soon…
A gigantic 4"3 disgusting abomination of a balding man appeared in front of Ch33f, he wore a black shirt that was covered with Dorito crumbs and Cheeto dust as well as Mountain Dew stains, it was also too small to fit his oversized body.
"Hi Mastur Ch33f, I'm HeyMrJackYouOffOnATuesdayMorning, and I wanna give you this cool certificate!" cried MrJack who then gave The Ch33f a slip of paper declaring that he was in fact, The Greatest Halo X RWBY fanfiction author ever.
"LOL! No need, fatass! I was already teh best anyways!" cried The Ch33f who then smacked Jack to death with his massive dong.
After that, The Mastur Ch33f instantly killed Salem, Cinder, and had sexual relations with both of their mothers and began playing The Xbox One 360 Thousands.
The Arbiter looked on in horror.
The Ch33f did it, he saved Remnant.
"I must now drink semen and commit suicide," he declared as he then picked up a glass containing copious amounts of semen and he began drinking it.
"GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB!" said Arbiter.
"Wow Ch33f, you're so cool! How can we ever repay you?" asked Ruby Rose.
The Ch33f then stared at the entire cast of RWBY and an idea came to mind.
"HAS ALL TEH SEXYTIMES WITH ME!" he screamed.
So, The Mastur Ch33f began screwing literally every single female character that's appeared in RWBY. That's right, he even fucked Summer Rose meaning that Ch33f is actually Ruby Rose's dad.
END
Earth
2020
"Chief?" The Arbiter asked.
"COOL RIGHT? IT'S LIKE THE MOST COOLEST OF ALL TEH COOL THINGS EVAR RIGHT?" shouted The Ch33f.
"This is absolute horseshit, but I can't be surprised since it came from you." said The Arbiter.
"LOL You're just jealous that I'm the best fanfiction writer evers!" replied Ch33f.
"Except you're not, you can't simply put out a horribly written chapter and expect yourself to be the best because what you wrote catered to your interests," said Arbiter. "Poor writing aside, you're aware that there are more fanfictions than just this one correct?" he then asked.
"LOL no there aren't!" replied The Ch33f.
"Really? You haven't looked at 'The Remnant Campaign?' or 'The Mantle Of Remnant?" asked The Arbiter. "Both of those have the same premise as 'The Emerald Knight', your character goes to Remnant but all three of those fanfictions are creative with how your character interacts with the world of Remnant and the characters within that world as well as how The Master Chief appears in Remnant," he said. "All three of those fanfictions, by the way, appear to have lots of positive reviews, favorites, and follows than whatever the hell you would post on the site." finished Arbiter.
"LOL THEY'RE GAY ANYWAY!" shouted The Ch33f.
"That's another thing," The Arbiter spoke up.
"What is?"
"Are you aware that RWBY has a strong following of those within the LGBT community? I'm surprised that I didn't see the term 'faggot' more than twice but I wouldn't be surprised that if you continued on with this shitshow you'd contain more of your 'illustrious' language." explained Arbiter.
The Mastur Ch33f jumped up upon hearing this information but didn't stop his roommate.
"Not only that, but the Halo community has been growing with fans that fall within the LGBT community. Imagine if someone read your work, do you know how offended they would be?" asked Arbiter.
"LOL! Who cares? Jack is offensive with his humor all the time and he's calling himself TEH GREATEST ROOPEE FANFICTIONS WRITER EVER OF ALL TEH TIMES! Why can't I?" shouted The Ch33f.
"For starters, he calls himself that as a joke. Satire. He doesn't believe that and second of all, because Jack is only offensive because that's his sense of humor. He doesn't want to offend, he just wants to make others laugh. You, on the other hand, have always been out to offend others," replied Arbiter.
"It's literally the same though!" cried Ch33f
"Except it's not! Besides, you had Jack in your fanfiction and when introduced you quickly killed and teabagged his body. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't take well to this, and if anything if you just insult random fanfiction authors, your story would probably get taken down by the site." replied Arbiter.
"Yeah and Jack should has his fanfictions taken down for ripping off literally every single author ever, especially that Roach guy!" said Ch33f.
Arbiter went silent for a moment.
"You have a point," said Arbiter. "Jack does have a tendency to be unoriginal and take the ideas from others, sometimes he even takes them a bit too far," he said.
The two action figures then turned, staring at what appeared to be nothing, however, deep down some awful RWBY fanfiction writer just knew that he was being watched…
Actually The End This Time
Alright you stupid fucks, The Greatest RWBY Fanfiction Writer Ever here, I'm just going to say this right now. I'm canceling this piece of shit and fuck you-
Just kidding, just kidding. April Fools and all of that.
Oh man, I hope you all enjoyed this. It's been a while since I've updated this fic but no, it's not canceled or abandoned. I've been busy with a big thing and I've put a LOT of my time into that as well as other things concerning my life.
I wanted to try and properly replicate an Arby N The Chief episode, though I feel as if I may have copied a bit too much from the series. Anyways, that's kinda it pretty much.
Hope everyone's been having a good time, pls take care of yourselves. Coronavirus is some serious shit lmao.