"Nopal needs a bath. She's filthy."
"I also object to the smell getting on the sheets."
"At least you don't have to feed her, big man."
Artemis cocked an eyebrow. Holly, Butler, and Artemis were at the breakfast table bickering as usual. After the dishes had been cleared away, they were supposed to be discussing whether or not they should tell Nopal about Opal Koboi or indeed, the greater situation outside. At the moment, they were all acting under the assumption they had to at least treat Opal/Nopal humanely.
That said, if the pixie snoozing in one of Artemis's guest rooms was indeed Nopal, then the last thing they would want is for anything to somehow restore Opal. Knowing the genocidal fairy, there might even have been a contingency inside of Nopal completely unrelated to the soul shenanigans that had occurred on the manor grounds.
Serious matters aside, Artemis had to chip in on the bathing situation.
"What about Opal's restraints?"
"Arty, you're the genius here," Holly said, very slowly as if she were talking instead to somebody a few watts dim of a halo-lamp. "So, do you think I'm going to take Nopal in her straitjacket and hose her down in that?"
"...I trust that the answer is no."
"You trust correctly," Butler said, nodding sagely. He looked over at Holly. "That issue aside, I don't suppose you'd be willing to allow me to guard her instead? Like you mentioned, she has no magic to speak of, so I would be at no risk."
"I don't think so, Butler," Holly said teasingly. "As much as I would appreciate you helping out with the whole human-sized-shower situation, I don't think your bodyguard training extends to washing pixie hair."
"You'd be surprised," Butler said, taking a sip of coffee. "Blue Diamond training means I have to prepare for all eventualities. That includes my charge deciding to grow long hair."
Artemis reached up protectively to his head.
"Jokes aside, being alone in a bathroom with Opal Koboi is too reckless. I trust your ability to handle yourself, Holly, but I'd rather be alone in a room with an armed troll than an unarmed Opal."
"What would a troll even do with a gun? Eat it?"
"Well, after seeing what Mulch was able to do riding a troll, I could envision mounting plasma cannons on their shoulders," Artemis mused, only half-jokingly.
"Gods, mud-boy, if I see so much as a single tub of plasma-gel in your workshop I'm having you arrested."
Butler cleared his throat.
"While arresting my employer would be amusing, I am still waiting on a sensible and safe solution to bathing Opal."
"We could wash her down in one of the decontamination baths in my lab," Artemis volunteered.
Holly made a face.
"Rejected. Use your massive brains to think of something better."
"Allowing her in your lab, no matter the reason is an unacceptable risk," Butler agreed.
Artemis picked some non-existent from his jacket. Butler, who knew Artemis, figured that what he was about to say would be something that his charge would have preferred to never come up. His eyes narrowed.
"Well," the genius said, not quite managing to suppress the embarrassment creeping into his voice, "there is the option of using the twin's bathrooms."
Butler, who knew the twins, narrowed his eyes further.
"Artemis, what do you mean?"
"Well, Beckett twisted my arm, as it were-"
"Probably literally," Holly quipped.
"Yes, thank you. Anyhow, as I was saying, Beckett wanted a way to consistently escape bath time. Therefore Myles and I constructed an escape shaft in the bathroom with the challenge that it had to be undetectable to both you and Juliet."
Artemis was looking at Holly, pointedly not meeting Butler's accusatory gaze. The elf's smile was impish.
"What are you looking at, Arty? Butler looks like he has something he wants to say to you."
"Words will be had with the twins when they return," Butler said, not quite a growl. "And you as well, Artemis, after this."
Artemis sagged a little bit. And today was going so well.
"I don't suppose you're going to be thrilled to hear that the tunnel is sized for the twins."
Holly lost it. Butler did not. Quite the opposite, in fact.
—
Nopal had woken up that day on the right side of the bed. Or she would assume. There were so many variables as to whether or not you did indeed wake up on the right side of the bed. To top it off, you were unconscious the entire time. Right or left really didn't factor into it.
Unrelatedly, her muscles were sore all over. That made sense since she had done some vigorous exercise the other day. Supporting her neck and chewing for instance. Nopal had thought about sitting up, but whatever vestigial feeling she had in her abdominals told her it would probably be a bad idea. So she was content to wait for something to happen.
Hopefully the thing happening would be Holly or Arty. Holly had spent a lot of time with her—a whole day, she never did that—and Nopal was quite happy about that. Unfortunately, Arty was not there the whole time. He had simply asked her questions about a disassembled helmet and left. The technology in it was somewhat primitive, and the pixie had the feeling that she could make some major improvements in the energy expenditure as well as compact some of the features. Maybe she'd ask Arty if she could help with his projects next time.
The door opened. Joyful coincidence. Holly had arrived. Nopal did not have to wait very long for her to come in, which was fortunate, as if Holly had neglected her for a day or two she would have died. Nopal had the feeling that dying of starvation would be an unpleasant way to go.
And not just Holly, but also Arty! He had that tight expression on his face which meant he was about to do something underhanded, as always. Nopal thought that it made him look rather handsome. Either that, or it made him look closer to a naked mole rat. The Big Man—Butler as she heard him being called—was not there, which relieved Nopal somewhat. He was kind of scary.
"Hi Holly," she greeted, breaking into a wide smile. "Hi Arty."
Holly matched her smile. Arty winced.
"Ah," said Nopal, catching her mistake. Two times now he had winced when she had used that name. She had to be sure, as she was understandably reluctant to drop that form of address. "Arty does not like it when I say his name."
She winced.
"I'm sorry."
Holly shot a look at Arty, and he looked faintly embarrassed. It didn't last long though, as Arty was very good at smoothing his face back into that classic Arty-look.
"Er, no apologies are in order…"
He hesitated for a moment.
"Nopal. But we should bathe you. You have gone too long without one."
A reasonable explanation given, he walked over to Nopal's side and promptly tried to lift her off of the bed. Nopal was not very heavy by any metric, or at least she did not feel that she was, but the pixie still felt Arty's arms wobble slightly before he finally managed to princess-carry her. Holly rushed over to help support his failing arms. Nopal did not know exactly where she was being taken, but being held by Holly and Arty was something of a transcendent experience. They took her somewhere, but she didn't really pay attention.
She was not broken out of her blissful reverie until her feet once again touched the ground. She almost immediately fell over, of course. Standing was quite beyond her at the moment. Arty tried to catch her with some rather wobbly hands, while Holly actually caught her.
"Nopal, you alright?" Holly grunted, hefting the pixie against her shoulder.
Nopal was at present resting her chin on Holly's shoulder, soaking in her new surroundings. It was a room for two people, probably. On one side was a disarray of all manner of toys, detritus, and despite both Butlers' best efforts, live insects. It is likely that a hurricane could blow through that side and make it cleaner. Nopal kind of liked it.
The other side was very much the opposite. It was full of technical manuals and primly pressed suits. The latter was sized for a young child. Everything was placed in an organized manner and not a centimeter out of place. Nopal could also see the appeal of living there.
Nopal felt Holly pat her on the back, getting her attention.
"Alright, Nopal, you kind of smell awful, so I'll go start the water for you, alright?"
Nopal nodded in affirmative, taking the opportunity to ponder on what the correct smell was to have for herself. Maybe like Holly? Or maybe Arty. What did she currently smell like, anyway?
Artemis nodded, meeting Nopal's gaze as Holly handed her off.
"I believe you're wondering what you currently smell like, correct? I would venture that you smell similar to Beckett, but I'm not certain that means anything to you."
Nopal was leaning against Arty's jacket to support herself. Indeed, Beckett was an entirely unknown quantity to her.
"Nope, Ar-", she began before catching herself.
She felt Arty sigh. He must really dislike being called by that name and Nopal for the first time felt the violent urge to kick herself. Was that normal? But what could she call him? Maybe she would just call him "you." Not displeasing Arty was very important.
Nopal was a little tired. Standing was impossible, and keeping herself on her feet, even though she was leaning almost all of her weight onto Arty, was very difficult. The pixie felt Artemis extricate one of his hands steadying her and retrieve something from his pocket.
In a decidedly un-Arty movement, he tore the velcro off of a black bag with his teeth and fiddled with it using one hand. Eventually, he gave up and let go off both hands, keeping Nopal close to his body using only his elbows.
He was bony, kind of cold, and smelled of cologne. Well, only one thing to do now. Nopal nuzzled into Arty's chest like her life depended on it. This was an incredible experience. She felt Arty stiffen underneath her assault. He seemed to hesitate.
Out of the corner of the eye, Nopal saw that Arty was holding a syringe. He was also wearing a decidedly uncomfortable expression. Needles were often extremely painful, so Nopal wondered what exactly he was going to do with it. The thought seemed to have leaked out onto her face, as Arty met her eyes and looked away. Was that guilt?
"I'm... sorry, if you are indeed who you claim you are," he apologized. "The safety of my friends is simply too much to gamble on sentiment."
Nopal nodded, not quite understanding. However, she understood that friends were very important. For example, Holly and Arty. Though now that she thought about it, she hadn't done much for either of them. Wasn't a friendship a quid pro quo? Where was her quo for their quid?
The thought frightened her. What if they weren't going to stay her friends because she was being a dead weight? She had to do better.
"I don't suppose this makes it any better, but I would just like to ask before," Artemis said, bringing the syringe closer to Nopal's carotid artery. Easier access to the brain, made sense. "May I? This is a truth serum, and I am going to inject it into your carotid artery."
Nopal, with a mighty exertion, tried to stand a little straighter. Arty was asking her something. And even if she didn't exactly like needles, especially ones that went into her neck, she wanted to be a friend. With some difficulty, she bared her neck, smooshing her ear against the crook of Arty's elbow.
"I'm ready for a shot now," Nopal said, closing her eyes.
It was at this moment that Holly opened the door from the bathroom.