AN: I don't own Star Wars, you know that. This takes place in the AU I share with my friend RensKnight where Ben never turns to the dark side and grows up to be a doctor. In that universe, he's married to my OC Ara, who's a non-Force-sensitive mechanic, and they have a daughter named Hanna. There are some references to my other fics "Heart of a Princess" and "The Pull to the Dark," but you don't need to have read them in order to understand this fic. And yes, this story is inspired by certain events in 2020 and dedicated to the frontline workers who have risked so much.
Oh, and Fete is a real holiday in the Star Wars universe, I didn't make it up.
"If Only In My Dreams"
By EsmeAmelia
Seven-year-old Hanna Solo crumpled her mouth in a frown as she stared out the window of her family's Coruscant apartment, watching the snowflakes blow this way and that. The thick snowclouds covered the sun, but the dim, gray light still told her that it was around sunset. Normally, this was about when her father would come home from work, but not today. It wasn't just because he was working late either.
It was because her dad was quarantined.
Quarantine – she had only just learned the word. Because of the dangerous virus spreading on Ryloth, the whole planet was quarantined. No one was allowed to land on the planet except for the people who were helping with the virus – doctors and nurses and scientists and suppliers – and no one was allowed to leave until the virus was under control.
She understood that, but why did her dad have to be one of the doctors who volunteered to go to Ryloth?
It could be months before he was able to come home.
He could get sick too.
He could die!
"Hanna, sweetie?" called her mother Ara. "Don't you want to help decorate the tree?"
Hanna slowly turned around. Grandma Leia, Grandpa Han, and Uncle Chewie were all visiting for Fete and they were currently helping her mother decorate the tree, so she supposed that she should try to be happy for them, but she couldn't make herself smile.
And Ara noticed. Even though she didn't have the Force, she always seemed to know how her daughter was feeling. "Hanna-nanna?" she asked. "What's wrong?"
Hanna gulped. "I miss Dad."
"I know, sweetheart," said Ara, walking up to Hanna and wrapping her muscular arms around her. "We all do."
"Why'd he have to go?" Hanna tried to blink back her tears without much success.
"You know why, sweetie. Because Ryloth needs a lot of doctors right now and your dad's Force skills make him valuable."
"But we need him too!" Hanna shouted, pushing herself out of her mother's embrace and pointing at her grandmother. "Like what if Grandma has another heart attack?"
Ara, Leia, Han, and Chewie all froze and Hanna felt waves of shock flowing off of them. Two years ago at Fete, Leia had a heart attack that had almost killed her, but Ben had saved her life. Hanna still remembered sitting in the hospital waiting room for hours, worrying that her grandmother would never wake up.
With a swallow, Leia made her way to her granddaughter and ran her fingers through her curly black hair that she'd inherited from both her parents. "Hanna, I'm not going to have another heart attack. I'm eating well and exercising and taking the medicine that helps my heart."
"You don't know that!" Hanna protested.
"All right, I don't know that for sure, but I don't think I'll have another heart attack."
"You didn't think you'd have the first one! And what if Dad gets sick too?"
Now Han was striding up to them, a grin on his face even though Hanna felt worry coming off of him too. "Your dad's not gonna get sick, sweetheart," he said, patting his granddaughter's shoulder. "Those doctors have got a lot of special clothes that protects them from the virus, so your dad's gonna be fine."
Why did grownups always lie about stuff they didn't know for sure? "You don't know that!" she repeated, unable to stop the hot tears from pouring out of her eyes. "When Mom watches the news, they talk about some doctors getting sick too! Dad could get sick even WITH the special clothes! He could DIE!"
With that, sobs overtook her. She felt Uncle Chewie gather her up in his big soft arms and heard him growling that it was all right, but she couldn't respond. Soon the human grownups joined in the embrace too, encasing her in hugs, forming a sanctuary with their bodies, but none of that eased her crying.
"You're right," Ara finally said with a sigh.
"I am?" Hanna blubbered between sniffles.
"Yes," said Ara, taking her daughter into her own arms and holding her close. "We don't know what could happen to Dad. I worry about him too, especially at night when he's not in bed next to me." She carried Hanna over to the couch and sat down, settling her daughter in her lap. "But your dad's helping a lot of people. Remember when you got the flu, how he gave you soup and medicine and took care of you until you felt better?"
Hanna nodded.
"And remember how he saved your grandma's life? Well that's what he's doing right now. He knew he could get sick, but he decided to take that risk so he could help save people's lives. He's a hero."
"A hero," Hanna repeated as she rubbed her eyes. "I like Dad being a hero."
Ara looked up and nodded at the others. "I'm sure your grandma and grandpa worry about your dad too."
"Course we do," said Han, sitting next to them and rubbing Hanna's head. "Your dad's my little boy, after all. Sometimes I can't sleep cause I'm worried that he'll get the virus."
"Me too," said Leia, sitting on their other side. "We all love him and we want him to come home, but I'm also proud of him."
"I'm proud of him too," said Hanna in a small voice, though she still sensed their fear, flowing off of them and mixing with her own fear. Dad was a hero, but that didn't change the fact that Dad could die. The day he left a month ago, when he picked her up and smothered her face in kisses before getting on the transport, could be the last time he'd ever kiss her.
"Can we call him?" she suddenly asked.
Ara's mouth twisted. "Well, I think he'd be working right now, but we can try."
Chewie fetched the comm and Hanna punched in the frequency she knew by heart by now, but to her dismay her father's hologram only played a recorded message.
"You've reached Doctor Ben Solo," he said in the deep voice that was always so comfortable to hear. "I'm not available right now, so please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible."
"Dad," Hanna said as soon as the beep came, "I miss you and I wish you were home for Fete. We're decorating the tree, but it's not the same without you. We're all worried about you, but I'm also proud that you're a hero!"
. . .
The evening passed and Ben didn't call. Bedtime came and Ben didn't call. Hanna begged to take the comm to her room so she could answer when her dad called and Ara let her, but she ended up lying awake, staring at it as if she'd miss her father's call if she looked away.
She didn't know how long she'd been staring, but she still wasn't sleepy even though she knew everyone else had to be asleep by now – or maybe they weren't. After all, Grandpa Han had said that he sometimes couldn't sleep because he was worried about Dad.
Why wasn't Dad calling? Was it because he was helping lots of sick people, or because he was sick? Hanna felt her heartbeat racing. He wasn't sick, right? She would sense it if he were sick, right? Wouldn't she? Dad often told her about how they could feel each other through the Force, so she'd know if she was sick, right? She wrapped the covers around her body as if that would protect her father from the virus.
"Come on, Dad," she whispered, trying to reach out with the Force and find her dad, but she only found her mother, her grandparents, and Chewie and realized that yes, they were all asleep. Great-Uncle Luke said that she'd get better at using the Force as she got older, but she wished she could get better now so she'd know how her dad was.
Finally the comm beeped.
Hanna almost knocked it off the nightstand in her haste to answer it. Yes, yes, finally, there was Dad's hologram, not a recording, but him, dressed in his pajamas and giving her that Dad smile, though he also had bags under his eyes.
"Hey there Hanna-nanna," he said. "Sorry it took me so long to call – it's been very busy."
"It's okay," said Hanna. "You're helping people!"
"Yeah," said Ben. "I wish I could come home for Fete, but . . ."
"Quarantine," Hanna interrupted. "I know."
Ben gave another weary smile. "You're such a smart girl."
"And you're a hero!" Hanna exclaimed.
Ben rubbed his eyes. "I'm just trying to help people."
"Do you wanna talk to Mom? Grandma and Grandpa and Chewie are here too – they probably wanna talk to you too!"
"Sure," said Ben before yawning. "Sorry, sweetheart, Dad's really tired."
"It's okay," said Hanna, carrying the comm as she got out of bed. "You can go to sleep after you talk to them."
Ben chuckled slightly as Hanna carried the comm out of her bedroom. "All right, I can wait a few minutes to sleep."
Once Hanna was in the hall, she ran up to her parents' bedroom and started banging on the door. "Mom! Mom! Dad's on the comm! Hurry up because he's tired and wants to go to sleep!"
The door slid open, revealing a pajama-clad Ara with disheveled hair and a smile on her face. "Ben?" she exclaimed when she saw the hologram. "How are you doing?"
"Missing you and Hanna," said Ben. "Longing for your kisses, you know."
Hanna gave her mother the comm and rushed to her grandparents' door across the hall. "Grandma! Grandpa!" she shouted as she banged on the door. "Wake up! Dad's on the comm and he's tired, so you've gotta talk to him now so he can go to sleep!"
Like Ara, Han and Leia were both pajama-clad with disheveled hair, but they too bore giant smiles when they saw their son's hologram. Hanna was about to bang on Chewie's door, but apparently her shouting had already woken the Wookiee, since he was already bursting out of his room.
The comm was passed around, with Happy-Fetes and I-miss-yous and we're-so-proud-of-yous exchanged before it came back to Hanna.
"Hey, sweetheart," said Ben. "Your mom told me about how much you miss me, and I had an idea."
"What?" asked Hanna.
"Remember how we told you about the bad man Snoke and how he tried to get to you when your mom was pregnant?"
Hanna nodded. She didn't understand everything about that story, but she knew that her family had stopped the bad man Snoke with the help of the Force.
"Well," Ben continued, "we were able to stop Snoke because we joined up our dreams. I was thinking that you and I could try joining our dreams."
Hanna's eyes widened. "How?"
"Well, we're both about to go to sleep. Why don't you try thinking about me as you go to sleep and reaching out with the Force? I'll be thinking about you and reaching out to you as I go to sleep, and maybe the Force will connect our dreams. What do you think?"
"Yes!" Hanna exclaimed. "Let's do it!"
Ben laughed. "Then hopefully I'll see you soon."
. . .
Hanna was sitting by the Fete tree, all lit up in the dark, its beautiful white lights giving a glow to the ceiling and the floor.
"Hey, Hanna-nanna."
Hanna looked up.
"Dad!" She went running up to her father with her arms open wide. Ben scooped his daughter up into his arms and planted his biggest kiss onto her cheek. "Dad, Dad, Dad, DAD!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed him as tightly as she could . . . but then she remembered something, a vague sensation dancing in the back of her mind.
A plan she and her dad had made when talking on the comm.
"Dad?" she asked.
"What, sweetheart?"
"I think we're dreaming."
Ben looked confused, twisting his mouth as if he wasn't sure what was happening. "Are we?"
"Yeah, I think we are." She gulped, running her hand up and down her father's scratchy cheek. "But . . . it's a good dream."
"Yeah," said Ben, playing with his daughter's curls. "It's a good dream."
They both stared at the tree for an unknown amount of time, absorbing each other's presence, comfortable for the moment even with the knowledge that they would have to wake up.
"Dad?" Hanna finally asked.
"Yeah?"
"Happy Fete."
Ben smiled at his daughter, kissing her again. "Happy Fete."
THE END