I do not own the rights to the character's in Stephanie Meyers 'The Twilight Saga'.

TW/CW BELOW

This is purely backstory I wish to personally add to the book, to help fill loop holes for me, in addition to a character that can help me articulate my feelings during specific scenes.

Vailissia is close to 400 years old, the older sister of Carlisle Cullen born 20 something years before him and turned into a vampire the year before he was conceived.

I wrote a similar story many years ago, but I just reread it and I hate it now lol, such is the life of writers.

I want to add more substance to this character, starting with their origin story - I say their because I want Vailissia to be gender fluid, like me (they/them pronouns when unsure. Trust me, they will let you know what their pronouns are throughout the story). Their partner/mate will be introduced later.

This story will begin in Stephanie Meyer's Twilight Saga, before Bella even arrives in Forks (2 months prior).

Rated: M: themes of Sex, Violence, Murder, Strong Language, Mentions of Self Harm and Suicide, and Non-consensual sex (rape) in detail. Please only 18. (Not this chapter, but later)

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, please call 1-800-656-4673

If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please call 1-800-273-8255

If you are looking for a sign, this is it. You and your life are valuable.

Without further ado;

Chapter 1: Present Day - Wyoming (Yellow Stone National Park)

POV Vailissia:

Sulfur clouds, thick and pungent, in the air. Throughout the park, I hear geysers spew their heated water into the sky and the sound of the drops hitting the earth again sounds like a symphony of rain. Beautiful. It's twilight here and the sun is setting behind the caldera and painting the sky in swirls of pink, red, and orange. My favorite colors. In the distance, I hear a lone wolf howl. The sound is mournful, solemn.

I empathize.

It has been 200 years since my mate died. 100 years since I've been able to even feed myself, much less attempt to find some way to come alive again. My instinct keeps telling me it's for a good reason; some innate part of my being trying to keep me alive for... something. Or maybe it's just self preservation being a pain in the fucking ass. Such a puzzling instinct, that instinct to stay alive. You'd think it would have diminished over time, that watching empires rise and fall over the centuries might have made me indifferent to life, but alas. My lust for survival is too strong. Stronger than the pull of my mate from whatever afterlife hell we, the damned, are doomed to.

So here I am, crawling on my hands and knees with bloody fingertips, trying to will myself to take in pleasure, beauty, nature, even humanity, to fill the void where she once was. My beautiful mate. My Moira. Oh, if she were here, she'd be snarling at me and trying to tear my head off for even wasting a year much less 2 centuries mourning over her. Vicious and vivacious, that one. I guess that's why the world went from technicolor to dreary and grey when she was murdered in front of me. I would have taken a thousand tortures from her murderers again, if only she could stand here with me, watching the slow darkening of the sky and watching the heavens light up with the stars. She would have found it enchanting and I would have been enchanted simply being able to watch her smile.

So that is how it goes; I tour the world, take in sights I've seen a hundred times, each time so different because mortals fade so quickly, and try to get myself to see them. To enjoy them. Maybe even to see another color besides this dreary god damn grey I've been subjected to for the last 200 fucking years.

Yet again, I contemplate visiting Carlisle. The need grows stronger every passing decade. Every year, my loneliness leaks out of me and suffocates me. Every year, I'm reminded I do have family, just not family that knows I exist. I never wanted to interfere with his life. The last thing I want is my baby brother trying to fix me, so I've waited. And waited. And waited. I think today is the day though, because for the first time since I last saw my Moira, my mind looked at the world and thought of one word. Beautiful.

And I choked.

Newness and vampires never really coexisted well together. Yet here I was, changed by some super volcano in this new god damn country like it actually meant something. I could feel my ice shell cracking, emotions returning to me slowly, then all at once.

The beauty inspired awe, which inspired joy. Joy at feeling the awe, joy at the beauty, joy at myself for finally beginning to heal. Then joy turned to gut wrenching sorrow, guilt, agony. To sit here and take joy in when I should still be mourning. I prayed for so long for the grey to be gone, I never imagined that I would cling to it like a lover, afraid of being alone. Like all lovers do though, it left. In its wake was my broken heart, finally processing through my last couple centuries of misery and coming to terms with my own agony.

The humans around me would never know, my body is as still as stone, face impassive, cold. What felt like eons of emotional trauma and torture to me was actually only a few minutes. The sun hadn't even fully set yet.

Through my ocean of grief, I emerged. New, raw, vulnerable, and finally ready to look up at the clouds and pray. Pray to the gods, pray to my father... Pray to Moira... Pray, that my baby brother will accept me and forgive me, for abandoning him to this fate, alone, for centuries. It was time to meet Carlisle. It was time to earn his forgiveness or face his wrath. Maybe he would put me out of my misery and kill me himself.

Though, I guess misery wouldn't be the right word anymore... now that I've found beauty again, I was hesitant to let it go. Regardless, Carlisle deserves my truths, the truths about his past, our father's past, and my past. My little brother, with his thirst for knowledge and his endless compassion, surely he would permit me to speak my truths.

Surely he would spare me, right?

Thanks guys for reading through chapter one, I know it was a little monotone and tedious probably, but I need this character build up in order to properly portray Vail. I need them vulnerable, raw, emotional, REAL.

Please let me know what y'all think!

-Kae