CHAPTER 6
A couple of minutes later, Sam's phone rang once again and this time, it was Finn calling. As he drove, he picked it up.
"G-G-G-Goin' to Philly!" Sam sang as he answered the phone.
"Sam, don't come to Philly." Finn stated.
"But we're on an adventure!" Sam cried.
"We're on a tarmac in Philadelphia. Craaaaaazy adventure."
"Fine." Sam replied and he hung up the phone before taking an exit off the freeway and driving towards New York.
"No!" Puck exclaimed. "The night has just started! Look, airport bar. Flight attendants. They'll get your tray table in its full upright position. Say what?!" Puck joked, raising his hand for a high five. Finn just shook his head. Suddenly, Airport Security stormed onto the plane and over to Finn and Puck's seats.
"Passengers Hudson and Puckerman. Please come with us, gentlemen. Keep your hands where I see them." An officer said as he dragged Finn and Puck to their feet. Finn gritted his teeth in annoyance.
"Puck, I am going to kill you."
"Don't say you're gonna kill someone in front of airport security. Not cool, not cool." Puck laughed nervously.
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Ten minutes later, Finn and Puck were sat in an interrogation room and three airport security officers paced around the room.
"This is an outrage!" Puck shouted. "We are international businessmen on a very important international business trip! I demand you release us immediately!"
Finn's eyes widened at his friends' antics.
"You demand?! No, no, no, he does not demand. We have no demands!" Finn exclaimed.
"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to remain calm." The cop said. Finn nodded slowly.
"Okay. Yeah, I'm calm. I'm totally calm." Finn murmured.
"We've got footage of you placing two bags on JFK carousel 3, and abandoning them to purchase a last-minute flight. WITH CASH!"
Puck scowled at Finn.
"Those bags were your responsibility!" He snapped.
"They were your bags!" Finn shouted back.
"Sir, please!" The officer yelled, forcing Finn to be quiet. "We're assessing the bag situation now."
Meanwhile, in JFK, the airport had been evacuated and two members of the bomb squad cautiously tiptoed towards the bags.
"Look, this is all just a… it's a misunderstanding. Finn started but was cut off.
"Please." Puck said, raising a hand and making Finn shut up. He then turned to the security members.
"We are international businessmen!" He shouted. "My colleague accidentally left the bags there. Now, please let us go before we miss our international business meeting!"
"Can't remember the last time I saw an international businessman with an untucked shirt." The guard remarked, pointing at Finn. Puck glared at his friend. "In addition, we received this footage taken over the last few months."
They proceeded to show them footage of Puck walking into the airport several times and laying bags onto the conveyor belt and walking away. In the last one, a duffel bag was actually already on the belt and Finn watched as Puck crawled out of the duffel bag before walking to a woman. He looked at Puck in disbelief but Puck merely smirked.
"Believe it or not, the duffel bag thing worked." He said. Finn sighed and turned to the guards.
"The truth is, my friend does this thing where he goes to airports with fake luggage to pick up girls, and we followed some here to Philadelphia. That's it! That's all this is!" Finn explained. The guard questioning them shook his head.
"Nobody's that lame." He remarked.
"Yes, he's that lame. Puck, tell him you're that lame." Finn snapped. Puck looked at him and then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Finn almost smiled. He thought that Puck was finally going to admit to what happened. He thought wrong…
"We are international businessmen!" Puck cried. Finn slammed his hand on the table in frustration.
"OH, COME ON!" He shouted.
"SIR! Lower your voice, or I will restrain you." The guard warned Finn.
"Dude, seriously, relax." Puck remarked. Finn looked at him with a look so fierce that if looks could kill, Puck wouldn't only be dead but be vaporised. He then turned to the guards.
"We at least get to call our lawyer." He asked.
"EXACTLY!" Puck cried before turning to Finn. "Wait, we have a lawyer?"
Five minutes later…
"Listen to me…" Sam said to them moments later when they called him and explained the situation. "You're both American citizens. Don't let them pull any Patriot Act voodoo. You both retain the right to refuse to answer any questions without an attorney present, so don't say anything until I get there, all right? Okay. Good-bye."
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Meanwhile, in Manhattan, Santana was getting annoyed at all of the guys hitting on her.
"This is ridiculous. Why don't we go somewhere else?" Santana suggested. Quinn shook her head furiously as she unbuttoned the top few buttons on her cardigan and pursed her lips tightly together in an attempt to act sexually.
"No, this place is great." She replied. Santana raised an eyebrow.
"What are you doing?" Santana asked.
"What?"
"With your lips and everything?"
"My lips are always like this." Quinn replied as a little martini dribbled out of her mouth due to her weird pursed lips.
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Finn and Puck had just been restrained with zip ties on their hands and Finn banged his head on the table in frustration.
"You had to play the race card." Finn growled.
"Oh, relax, Finn. We didn't do anything wrong. And, B.T.W, we'd be out of here by now if you had tucked in your shirt."
"Go ahead JFK." The guard said to the speakerphone that they were all listening in. "What is the baggage status?"
"They're clean." The bomb squad people scoffed. "It's just a whole bunch of condoms. And a PowerBar."
The guard rolled his eyes but Puck grinned, unabashed.
"You're free to go." The guard said. Finn and Puck were released moments later and Finn called Sam.
"Don't come to Philly." Finn said as Sam picked up the phone.
"Man, I'm almost halfway there!" Sam groaned.
"Yeah, we just got released and we're heading back on the next flight. Uh, meet us at McLaren's. Maybe we can still make the last call."
"Can't we just, just…"
"No, we can't just, just. We're going home." Finn spat, tiredly. Suddenly, Puck ran over to him.
"We're going to Sasha's." Puck announced.
"Who the hell is Sasha?" Finn snapped. Puck pointed at an attractive Airport Security member on the other side of the room.
"Sasha." He stated. "She's having friends over for drinks at her house. It's gonna be legen… wait for it… and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant because the second half of that word is dary! Legendary!"
"Legendary. That sounds awesome." Sam remarked. Finn groaned and lifted the phone back to his ear.
"No, Sam, we're not going." Finn declared. Sam sighed.
"Fine." He replied. Suddenly, his phone started ringing. "Hold on. I have another call." He said. "Hello?"
"Sam, we're going to Sasha's!" Puck exclaimed. Finn turned around and saw the phone to Puck's ear and sighed.
"No, we're not." Finn snapped. Puck stormed over to him.
"Finn, Finn, Finn. Right here. Look at me. Yes, we are."
"Sorry, buddy! Two against one!" Sam exclaimed triumphantly and hung up the phone. Finn groaned and put his head in his hands. What had happened to his life?
So, Puck and Finn hit the town. Philadelphia, PA. Their first and only stop: Sasha's party. However, it wasn't much of a party. It was just five people sitting on her sofa, watching TV. Puck turned to the man squeezed next to him, a rather large man named Dana.
"So, uh… you're Sasha's friends, huh?" Puck asked.
"You know it." Dana replied. Suddenly, Sasha came rushing into the room.
"You guys, turn the volume down!" She whispered, furiously, pointing to the TV. "You're gonna wake my grandpa. Who wants hard lemonade?" She asked, holding up a six pack.
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"Ooh, look, a booth opened up!" Santana exclaimed, pointing across the bar.
"Really?" Quinn said, not really listening to Santana. She was too busy trying to look sexy and was completely out of it.
"Yeah, I thought we could finally go and talk… and you're not listening to me so I'm just going to walk away."
"Yeah, yeah, booth." Quinn mumbled. Santana sighed and walked over to the booth, alone, and Quinn stayed at the bar. A man eventually walked up to her.
"Hey." He said.
"Hey." She replied. "I'm engaged!" She blurted out. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I took my ring off. It's very, very sweet of you to come over and talk to me, but I just…"
"Yeah, I'm gay." The man interrupted. "I just came over to let you know that you sat on a grape."
Quinn looked at her jeans and groaned.
"Damn it!" She exclaimed as she saw the stain. Girls' night out was not going as Santana had hoped. She sat in the booth, alone, and Quinn's phone rang from inside her purse. Santana took it out and answered it.
"Quinn's phone." She said.
"Santana, uh, where's Quinn?" Sam asked.
"She's, uh…" Santana stammered, looking at Quinn talking to an attractive guy at the bar.
"Is she talking to some hot guy?" Sam laughed. "Oh, you can tell me. It's totally cool. It was my idea. Hell, I told her she could take the ring off."
"Really? Well, I thought it was kind of weird but if you're cool with it, yeah, uh, it's off and she's talking to some guy." Santana replied. "Do you want me to go over and…"
"No, don't interrupt. It's awesome. So, the ring's really off, huh? That's awesome. Really awesome. Awesome." He mumbled, nervously. "Well, just tell her I called."
With that, he hung up the phone and forced a smile onto his face although his insides were in turmoil.
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"You hear that, Finn? Dana works security at the Liberty Bell." Puck exclaimed.
"I do okay." Dana smirked.
"Wow, it must be really well cordoned off over there." Puck remarked. "Do you ever go behind the rope and touch it?"
"Only all the time." Dana laughed.
"You ever, like, stick your head inside it?" He asked.
"Yeah."
"You ever lick it?" He questioned. Dana raised an eyebrow and shook his head.
"No, I have never licked it."
"Hmm." Puck pondered. "I bet nobody in history has ever licked the Liberty Bell. If someone were to pull that off, I dare say it would be… what's the word?"
Finn knew where Puck was going and he stood up.
"Well, this is my cue to leave." Finn stated.
"Legendary! Finn, legendary!" Puck exclaimed.
"Puck, I am going to the airport. Sasha, thank you, and, uh… tell your grandpa I'm sorry I walked in on him in the bathroom."
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"I'll get some club soda for that stain." The gay man told Quinn. She smiled and nodded. Once he walked away, Santana walked over to him.
"Quinn, I thought tonight was about us hanging out. What are you doing?" Santana asked.
"Just fending off the advances of that totally hot guy." She smirked.
"Dude, I think that guy is gay." Santana replied.
"Oh, I know that guy is gay!" Quinn cried. "It's just, Sam and I have been together for 7 years. I haven't been single since high school."
"You want to be single? You want to fight off loser guys all night? Does that seem like fun to you?"
"I guess I just wanted to throw this net back into the ocean and see how many fish I could catch. So far, one. One gay dolphin."
"And Sam." Santana reminded her. "Quinn, all these girls here tonight are all hoping to catch what you've already got."
"You're right. I know. Hey, do you want to go get coffee and have an actual conversation?"
"If by coffee you mean cheesecake, then yes."
At that moment, the man walked back over with a glass of club soda in his hand.
"Hey. I got the club soda. Let's see that booty." He said. Quinn smiled.
"Thank you so much." He replied. Just then, Sam walked into the bar and saw the man patting Quinn's ass. His eyes widened and he ran over.
"You want to mess, pal?! That's my fiance's hot backside that you're dabbing!" He shouted.
"Sam, no!" Quinn exclaimed. Sam turned to her.
"Baby, please don't ever take that ring off again, no matter how awesome I say that it is."
"It's okay, man." The other guy started but Sam shoved him away.
"Back off, hombre!" He yelled. "I'm not that afraid to fight you. You want to test me, be my guest. Come on!"
"Sam, he's gay!" Quinn exclaimed. Sam's face filled with relief and he hugged the man tightly.
"Oh, thank God! I've never been in a fight before!"
"You don't say." The man laughed. So it turned out Sam really was the jealous type. Unfortunately, that guy's boyfriend, also the jealous type…
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Finn and Puck sat in a cab to the airport silently. None of them had said anything for several minutes before Puck finally broke the silence.
"Could have licked the Liberty Bell." He muttered, quietly.
"We're going to the airport." Finn growled.
"Bong… bong… bong…" Puck murmured.
"Why do I hang out with you?! Why?! All I wanted was to have a regular beer at my regular bar with my regular friends in my regular city."
"Finn, Finn, Finn. Look at me. Look at me. Look a… you're not even looking!"
"No, I'm not." Finn spat.
"Look, our forefathers died in the pursuit of happiness, okay? Not for the sit around and wait of happiness. Now, if you want, you can go to the same bar, drink the same beer, talk to the same people every day or you can lick the Liberty Bell! You can grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it!"
"That was beautiful, man." The cab driver stated.
"Thanks, Leonard." Puck replied. "Look, Finn, you're missing out on a valuable life lesson here."
"Look, I don't need you to teach me how to live, okay? I know how to live! If you want to go lick the Liberty Bell, just go lick it yourself!"
"No, it has to be the two of us!"
"Why? Why do you need me?!"
"Because you're my best friend, all right?!" Puck snapped. "You don't have to tell me I'm yours, but the way I see it, we're a team. Without you, I'm… I'm just the Dynamic Uno. But fine, if you want to go home, we can go home."
Finn sighed.
"Fine. We'll go lick the Liberty Bell." He muttered. Puck's face lit up. At that moment, the cab stopped.
"Good, cause we're here!" He exclaimed. Finn had no idea how Puck rerouted the cab without him knowing, but they got out, Dana let them in and by God, they licked the Liberty Bell.
"And you know what it tasted like?" Finn asked the girl he was chatting up later that night.
"What?" She asked.
"Freedom. Nah, actually, it tasted like pennies." He admitted.
"Oh my God! Did you guys really do that?"
They really did. And that's when Finn realised why he hung out with Puck. He never got where he thought he wanted to go, but he always got a great story.