~or~

Why Akaryu Is Not A Jonin

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==Later That Afternoon==

Hiruzen looked up as Konan let herself in, "Ah Konan, how did it…" He stopped short and the blood drained from his face as he recognized the look on Konan's face. Her smile was wide and still, her eyes were nine tenths closed, and she looked unreally serene. It was coincidentally the exact same look that his wife had been wearing when she found out Asuma ran away, and the same look Tsunade had worn the one time Jiraiya had been foolish enough to get caught peeping on her, and the look that he knew signaled that he was about to have an extremely unpleasant evening if he did not tread with the utmost care.

Konan walked right up to his desk and leaned across it with that evil horrible lovely serene smile, "How did it go Lord Hokage?" Her fingernails began to scratch back and forth across the smooth top of his desk, "Well let's start off with the fact that my godson who you never told me I had is moving in with me this evening because you've been letting him live in a filthy hovel while every shopkeeper in Konoha cheated and robbed him at every opportunity. I'm trying to understand your logic there, but for the life of me," her fingernails were now carving trenches into the wood despite the unwavering plastered on smile, "I just can't seem to figure out…"

Then Konan's eyes snapped wide open and her face turned crimson as her voice suddenly rose to a shriek, "JUST WHAT THE EXACT FUCK YOU WERE THINKING!"

Let it be known that Hiruzen Sarutobi, The Professor and Third Hokage of Konoha, master of jutsu innumerable and S-ranked badass in all respects, was not an easy man to intimidate, let alone outright cow. He was all but a complete stranger to the very notion of his intelligence being questioned, and someone who most would think impervious to ass-chewings as he was one of the highest authorities in the land. The mere thought of someone confronting him and not only leaving without their butt whooped, but feeling vindicated and victorious while he sat in his chair shivering from the half hour long screaming, shouting, ass-chewing rant leveled at him, was nigh unthinkable.

Let it also be known that Konan Nogama was after that day one of the extremely few people who could honestly say she'd been there and done that. Of course, having virtually every mistake one's made over the preceding decade or so come back for a big ol' bite of ass simultaneously can have that effect even on people as mighty as Hiruzen Sarutobi.

Now as Konan stalked out of the office with papers signed by the Hokage granting her legal guardianship of her students even beyond what a normal Jonin Instructor got, she paused. Hiruzen's heart stilled in terror as she turned to look at him slowly, "Oh, and one more thing Lord Hokage…" She smiled and Hiruzen's heart went to racing, "Have a nice evening."

Once the door closed behind her, Hiruzen slumped in his seat with one hand over his heart to try and calm his pulse as he wondered aloud, "When the hell did she become as scary as Tsunade?"

==Later==

"Still kinda baffling," Akaryu mused from his beat up (but freshly cleaned) mattress as he looked across at Naruto who was on the couch in Konan's living room. It was a very large living room, and Konan had a very large and very nice house. Said living room now contained a picture of a two story townhouse that had been Akaryu's home/lab. He and Naruto had both been utterly awestruck when Konan effortlessly threw out a couple of seal tags and sealed the whole building into a picture frame of an open meadow. Akaryu had considered being upset, but was far too shocked and impressed. Konan had informed them that they were all moving in with her and that was that. Sealing Akaryu's entire house into a picture had happened when he had protested losing his constant access to his lab.

There was a second picture right next to it which contained Naruto's abandoned building. Konan had been reluctant, but she had agreed when Akaryu had suggested fixing it up within the seal and creating various other access points in and out so that it could act as a hub of transport for them. "If we can learn to create those entrances on the fly, then Naruto can leave a Shadow Clone behind to disable them and we'll be able to get away from anything like we were never there at all," Akaryu had hypothesized gleefully, "And even if they follow us into the building, we can use it as a trap! If the exits are keyed to our chakra then once an enemy goes in they'll be stuck and we can leave them in there to deal with at our leisure!" Konan had considered that and then promptly sealed away the building into another picture, this one of a barren mountain top.

Sasuke was in the hospital under intense observation. It turned out that Itachi's genjutsu had still been present, and had been affecting a very significant percentage of Sasuke's brain. According to the doctors his motor and sensory cortexes along with his amygdala (the emotional epicenter of his brain) were one and all thoroughly compromised by the invasive chakra. There was no doubt, Itachi would have complete control over Sasuke's every twitch if he so desired. Whether or not removing it would have adverse effects nobody could predict, although it seemed extremely likely, so they had decided to remove it in small increments via chakra surgery. Once they knew how removing a small portion affected him, they could determine whether or not it was safe to continue removing the rest of it and how best to proceed.

They hadn't yet made it to that training session due to Konan's decision to have all three of her students move in with her. Akaryu had cleaned his mattress and blankets with a jutsu before he pulled them out of the extradimensional space that now contained his lab/house and into the living room. Naruto had done the same and was now sitting on the couch as his bed had been too large to fit into the living room properly. Naruto was wearing green and white striped pajamas. Akaryu was wearing the same thing he'd been wearing all day.

"What's baffling?" Naruto asked with a frown, "and aren't you going to put on your pajamas?"

Akaryu blinked at him flatly, "The way Konan-sensei was able to just uproot all three of us and take us under her wing in such a thorough manner is rather baffling to me. Actually…" he tilted his head to the side and thought for a second, "No I can make sense of it easily. As for pajamas, I don't have any. What you see is what I have."

Naruto took a second to process that, "So, that's the only set of clothes you own?"

Akaryu shrugged, "Didn't need anymore. I get a fresh set every time I outgrow my old ones and turn the old ones into other stuff. Every other ryo I get, I either save or spend on food and equipment. Thanks to my progress in my seals and jutsu, I didn't even need to pay for electricity or water."

Naruto blinked, "Why not?"

"Among other things," Akaryu replied, "I made a heat manipulating seal. That's the biggest one responsible for my not needing electricity since most everything I would need electricity for is related to heat."

Naruto looked like he was drawing a blank so Akaryu sighed, "Right, forgot how much class you skipped. Okay Naruto, which part are you having trouble with?"

"Why wouldn't you need electricity because you can manipulate heat?"

Akaryu sighed, thank kami it's a simple one, "Because Naruto the only things I would use electricity for are cooking, keeping the fridge running if I had one, heating up the water for my bath, keeping lights on, and keeping the house warm or cool. Of those five things, four of them are directly related to heat. Cooking is making things hot until they're cooked, the fridge has to keep heat out so the things in it stay cold and don't spoil, and keeping the house and water warm or cold is just a matter of controlling the amount of heat in them. My heat manipulating seals can do all those things, and I have another one for light. If I use them by themselves they can make me comfortable, or alternatively be used as a flash grenade and flamethrower, or I can put them together and make a really good laser beam with a little adjusting."

"What's a laser beam?"

Akaryu looked at him like he was an idiot, "It's a big light that can set whatever I shoot it at on fire or just burn clean through it so that it cuts like a really big knife. There's one other setting I want to make for it that will just vaporize whatever it hits, but I don't have enough chakra on my own to do that. Even using just the regular laser beam setting tires me out in like ten seconds…" he grumbled, "I can do a hell of a lot with a laser beam in ten seconds, but still…"

"What's vaporize?"

"Make it disappear into thin air, blast it to dust on the breeze, shit says bye-bye and goes boom a hundred thousand times harder than what I did to Kakashi."

"You scare me."

"Thank you."

==The Next Morning==

Konan led them to a training field, "Ok, this looks like a good spot. So, Naruto-kun, you first. I want to see all the jutsu you know."

Naruto nodded, "Right! Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Ten Narutos popped into existence in an eruption of smoke. Konan observed them carefully and then walked around through them, examining them carefully. After a moment she declared, "Very good Naruto-kun. These are all excellent Shadow Clones. Dispel them and let's see your next jutsu."

The clones all popped and Naruto folded his hands together into a sign, "TRANSFORM!" Chakra blazed around him and a moment later he was a perfect look-a-like of the Hokage. Konan frowned and walked over, That was way more chakra than this technique usually requires… She reached over and touched the hat on the phony Hokage's head. Her eyes widened and then she picked it up and examined it in shock, "Naruto, did you…actually turn into Lord Hokage just now?"

"Yeah?" Naruto replied questioningly with the Hokage's voice, "Isn't that what I'm supposed to do with this technique?"

Konan blinked and then looked at him, "Turn back right now so I can hug you." Naruto poofed back to normal and Konan snatched him up in a hug, unintentionally pressing his face into her cleavage as she did so, "YOU BRILLIANT BRILLIANT BRILLIANT BOY YOUR PARENTS WOULD BE SO PROUD!"

A moment later Naruto recovered from his surprise and asked, "Um, why?"

"You did that completely wrong but so very incredibly right," Konan replied, "The Transformation technique is supposed to just be an illusion technique, a disguise to fool non-shinobi and nitwits! You ACTUALLY TRANSFORMED! How many forms do you have?" she asked excitedly.

"Um…just Grandpa Hokage and one other…um…I'm not really sure I should show you that one…" Naruto mumbled as he remembered what had happened the last time Ino had seen his Sexy Jutsu.

"Show me," Konan ordered firmly. Naruto knew the no-nonsense-do-as-I-say tone very well and decided to just take his lumps and get them out of the way. A moment later a buxom blonde female Naruto clad only in clouds of chakra smoke stood before Konan.

Konan blinked at him and then nodded, "I see why you were reluctant to show me that, but in a way that's actually perfect."

Naruko blinked at her in confusion, "It is?"

"It is." Akaryu grumbled as he pinched his nose.

"THIS ACTUALLY WORKS ON YOU?!" Naruko exclaimed.

"You know full well I like girls," Akaryu replied bluntly, "but I guess I can forgive you for not realizing I'm partial to blondes, especially blue-eyed, leggy, buxom ones. If you weren't so surprised by it working on me, I'd wonder if you'd made it especially for me," he added as he tried to quell his nosebleed, "Is that based on someone real or just a gender bent version of you?"

"Um, just a gender bent version of me…" Naruto admitted shyly.

"If your male form is that attractive to females then it's no wonder Hinata likes you," Akaryu declared, "And a bit surprising that you haven't got more girls chasing after you. Of course," he mused, "Hinata may have scared the rest of them off."

Konan smiled, "Well Naruto, that's not quite what I was talking about. I was actually referring to how hard it'll be to get Akaryu to do cross-gender assassin training if he has to do it alone. Since you can already turn into a girl though, you can do it too. Now we just have to get Sasuke to do it."

Akaryu raised a finger and opened his mouth to protest, then he closed it back. A moment later, "I'm still not happy about that idea."

Konan smiled, "Don't worry, it'll be fun. Now Naruto, let's see your basic clone and substitution."

Naruto went slightly pale as he puffed back to his normal form, "Um…I…actually can't do those…"

Konan's smile disappeared at that. She sighed and patted him on the head, "Don't worry Naruto-kun. I'll get you up to where you should be." Then she turned to Akaryu, "Okay, Akaryu. Wow me."

Akaryu smiled behind his mask, "My pleasure." Then he snapped forward and drove his hand into Naruto's still exposed stomach, "RELEASE." Konan and Naruto stared in horror and then red chakra erupted out of Naruto, blasting Konan and Akaryu back as Naruto was consumed in an inferno of wicked red chakra. The chakra roared into the sky, spreading out like a cloud that blocked out the sun…then it took form. Konan felt her heart hammer in terror, The Kyubi?!

Then reality flexed, popped and shattered, revealing Akaryu hadn't moved. Akaryu smiled thinly, "Demonic Illusion Hell Viewing. I don't need signs for it and I'm pretty good at situational adaptation of it."

Konan exhaled, "That's very good Akaryu-kun. I can tell you've practiced quite a lot, the shock value was enough to keep me from sensing it immediately. Let's see some more."

Akaryu's mask suddenly disappeared to reveal a surprisingly masculine face beneath and he raised an eyebrow at her, "The mask is actually a genjutsu. Real ones restrict my breathing too much." His mask illusion returned and then vines erupted from the ground, rapidly entangling Naruto and Konan both. Naruto immediately began to thrash about and Konan calmly dispelled the jutsu from herself before poking Naruto, who despite thinking he was thrashing about, was in fact standing perfectly still. "Tree Binding," Konan declared appreciatively, "You learned that one from Kurenai right?"

Akaryu nodded, "Yeah, after I learned my first six from a scroll Lord Third gave me he sent me to her for tutoring in it. I learned a lot of them, so it'll take a while to show them all to you."

Konan nodded, "So why don't you just list them instead of demonstrating them?"

Akaryu nodded, "I know the disorientation techniques False Floor and Location Shift, Transparent Escape, Forced Sleep, Pain Killer and Paralysis. Tree Binding and Hell Viewing you already saw, and my Veil technique, which is also what my mask is, is probably the most versatile of all. I use it a lot. I also have Shuriken Clone, which lets me disguise my shuriken or kunai among clones to make them harder to block. Then for ninjutsu…"

He substituted with Naruto, "Substitution," he transformed into Naruto, "Transformation," there were suddenly three of him, "And basic clone, all hand-sign free." He substituted with Naruto back to where he was as he dispersed his clones, "I also know a couple of Earth Style techniques." He disappeared into the ground and suddenly Naruto was buried up to his neck as Akaryu popped out of the ground next to him, "Tunnel and Headhunter techniques…" he stomped his foot and the ground spat Naruto out before forming a two meter high wall under him which he struggled to keep his balance on, "Mud Wall and…" he turned away and made a hand sign, "Earth Flow River." The ground before him turned to slick mud and suddenly moved like a fast running stream away from him until there was a good trench left in its wake and a considerable mud wallow at the end.

He looked at Konan, "I don't have enough chakra for Mud Clones or Mud Dragon without taking some serious soldier pills, but I know the hand signs for them, and I can use what I have with what I hear is chunin proficiency. Orochimaru-sensei said I had to master the six in the scroll he gave me before he'd teach me more, but Lord Third agreed to back that promise, so when I master those two I'll learn more. In addition…" Suddenly he was gone.

Konan and Naruto looked around and then Akaryu called down from above, "I've got some extremely useful fuinjutsu and a number of other jutsu that I don't really have the chakra for right now."

Then he drifted down to the ground, "I know Orochimaru-sensei's Hidden Shadow Snake Hands, Serpent's Maw, and Joint Dislocation, as well as Venom Spitting and Toxic Fangs, along with my own variation of the technique, Septic Fangs. It's similar to the original, but different enough to give any medic nin who are familiar with it fits. I also know some basic medical jutsu for repairing muscle tears and small wounds. Oh, one other thing," He flipped through a few hand signs and knelt to place his hand on the ground. He blinked and growled as a seal erupted across the ground from beneath his hand, "Summoning Jutsu."

A moment later a small white furred fox popped up, "You called?"

Akaryu picked her up in his arms and held the fox close, "This is my usual summon, her name is Tsuki. She's helped me with a lot of my genjutsu as the summon foxes are natural masters of it. Tsuki-chan, this is my Jonin-sensei Konan, and that's Naruto."

The fox twitched her ears and squirmed loose before landing on her feet and turning into a beautiful girl with ghostly white hair and a white and silver kimono. She bowed, "It is an honor to meet you Kyubi-sama. Oh, and you too," she added to Konan.

Akaryu popped a soldier pill and shook his head vigorously, hoping Konan and Naruto wouldn't notice. Konan noticed, "Akaryu-kun, are you at your limit?"

Akaryu grimaced behind his mask and couldn't meet her gaze as he admitted, "Yeah. I mostly stick to small jutsu and my seals because the big ones tire me out too quickly. About ten an hour is all I can do without popping a soldier pill, and I had to really work to get my stamina up that high."

Konan looked at him in surprise, "You can already do ten fully effective jutsu in an hour before you need rest or a soldier pill?" Akaryu frowned at her, "Yeah. Can't everybody?"

"Nooo…" she replied, "That's Jonin proficiency. Why do you think ninja tools like shuriken and kunai are still so prominent? The big jutsu like Clones usually take twice as much as a regular jutsu and Dragon size techniques typically take at least enough chakra to count as three ordinary jutsu if not more. It's little wonder that you can't do them yet. It's a lot of power to control all at once."

Akaryu blinked at her in legitimate surprise, then Tsuki propped an elbow on his shoulder, "I keep telling you Akaryu-kun, but you never listen. Believe it or not, you're pretty damn awesome." She kissed him on the cheek and then disappeared in a burst of smoke.

"Elemental techniques and the genjutsu Kurenai taught you are all C-Rank jutsu usually reserved for Chunin," Konan explained, "Being able to do even half the jutsu you just admitted to knowing is enough to merit a promotion to Chunin. Most Jonin don't have that kind of jutsu arsenal." Akaryu blushed at the praise and smiled a little, then Konan continued, "I guess it's to be expected given who you trained under, but what confuses me is that you're only just now graduating the Academy."

"Not having friends your own age sucks," Akaryu told her succinctly, "Also if I hadn't gone back to the Academy, I probably would've gotten that early promotion and been unceremoniously shuffled off into ANBU. I'm not a people person, but being in ANBU at this age would absolutely suck. If I'm ever in ANBU, I'd rather it be when I'm old, bitter and lonely with nothing to lose."

Konan nodded, "Fair enough. Now how is your physical fitness? That's usually a spot where some extra endurance can be picked up." Akaryu fished a scroll from his pouch and opened it, unsealing the massive log he'd been using for a punching bag the day before. Konan looked at it, quickly noting the spot where the bark had been beaten off of it. Then she noticed Akaryu sliding into a stance.

"With a simple snap punch I can push it back an inch," Akaryu declared. Konan's eyes widened as he continued, "I'm not as strong as I want to be yet, but my full body reverse punch…" He twisted and threw a massive full body punch, "RAH!" The log scooted back almost a meter. Konan and Naruto gaped. "My full body reverse punch is about the level I want my snap punch to be at," Akaryu declared.

"How much does that weigh?!"

Akaryu blinked at her, "Eh…ya know, I'm really not sure. Hang on." He knelt and pulled something out of his boot. He handed Konan the small bar of metal, "I'm not sure how heavy this is, but it's about a tenth the weight." Konan reached out to accept it and it fell straight through her fingers. It hit on a corner and sank almost an inch into the soil before falling flat.

Konan stared at it and then reached down and tried to lift it. She needed both hands but she managed to pick it up, "Akaryu-kun…" she ground out, "This thing must weigh a hundred pounds!" She handed it back to him, "Hold this while I make a weight measuring seal."

Akaryu accepted it as though it were light as a feather and Konan quickly manifested a sheet of paper and scribbled out a quick seal. Then she set it on the ground, "There, set it on that." Akaryu did so and the ink on the sheet rearranged itself to form the number 70. "Seventy pounds," Konan asked, "And you carry that in your boot?"

"Nooo…" Akaryu replied evenly, "I carry five of those in each boot and four more in the hem of my cloak so that I can use it as a flail if I have to."

"Did you learn physical conditioning from Might Gai?!"

"You know Gai-sensei?" Akaryu asked with a smile.

"WHY ARE YOU NOT A JONIN ALREADY?!"

Akaryu blinked at her, "Well I kinda thought Jonin needed to be a bit more badass than me."

Konan's mouth worked silently for a moment as she tried to process that. Then, "What are you thinking is Jonin level of badass?"

"Gai-sensei and Orochimaru-sensei."

Konan face palmed, "No Akaryu-kun, those two are both S-Ranked shinobi, meaning they're in the top one or two percent of ALL shinobi. Jonin make up everyone in the top ten percent. Chunin are two thirds of the top third, and genin are the other two thirds of everybody. Your skill level is firmly in Tokubetsu or even FULL Jonin range. Judging by your escapades with Anko in the Land of the Sea," she added, "I'd say they've probably even been there for quite a while haven't they?"

Akaryu stared at her blankly for a moment and then grinned as he shot her a thumbs up, "COOL!"